the destination
known, but not easy to find
because it finds you

it is a lazy day
i've slept in
knowing i have little
to do:
drink coffee
smoke
read
and write
i enjoy days like these
no cares
no worries
although
i cannot help
but be anxious
is there something
i should be doing?
if not
why do i feel
that there is?
i guess my anxiety
let's me know
i am still driven
even on lazy days
like today

find a spot
rest and ponder
if done correctly
there will be
nothing
to ponder at all

to know all
forget everything
and say nothing

unsettled
and in between
on my forward
upward
being my only
direction
although i am
still stuck somewhere
in the mess
of it all
there is something
to be had
yet i haven’t
found it yet
i feel soon
it will come
but sometimes
i wonder how soon
soon will be
so i will smoke my cigarettes
and drink my whiskey
until soon presents itself
and my awkward peace
packs up and leaves

is like
the nights
you get so drunk
that you throw up
on your shoes
and **** in your bed
when you wake up
the next morning
you tell yourself
i swear to god
i will never drink again
but of course
that time between
sunset and sunrise
you find yourself
throwing up
and *******
all over again

is a sheep
in a black sweater
not real
not what they say
they are
not
what they do
when it comes down to it
to that specific situation
they fold
they crumble
they do what they do
what i hate
is how okay am with this
i do not mind their actions
do what you want
however
it makes me sad
i feel alone
with my thoughts
with my ideals
with my philosophies
with my mind
i try to help
but all i receive
is combat
i am okay with being alone
but i’d rather be accompanied
someone on the same page
someone on the same level
someone who’d
be frustrated with me
truly frustrated
i shouldn’t be trying to settle down
so young
i know
from stories told by others
that when the time comes
the time comes
so i will wait
i know eventually that time
will come
so until then i will remain
frustrated
with
everyone