This is never what I wanted
Never what I thought you'd become
I thought the weight of this world felt like a feather
On your strong shoulders
So I stood
And I grew
Trusting the warmth under your strong words
So long ago

But my paradigm was tweaked
Blinded by a bright glare
Of sunshine and hope
The real weight is baring down
Now
And I need those words to be strong
To be real
I need those arms to hold us

But instead you stand there
With a knife in your mouth
And your arms severed
You stand there
Unable to give
Unable to receive
They lay beside you
I offer to stitch up your wounds
So this red can stop flowing
But you refuse
To let me heal your wounds

I should turn to walk away
But I follow your trail
Stepping into the ignorant red
I try to keep up with your blood stained pace
I shout to you
But you are so far now

Under my trembling wings
I crouch in the hollow space I made for you
And weep

One spark to ignite the romance
Of lacey ribbons colored grey
Whispers twist and dance
As they float through the air
Free as a stream
Aromas of sweet distance
Left to linger in the wind
A masterpiece of chaos
Enchanting in every way

This promise we have made
Is just like each one before
But it feels unlike any other
I am at my end
And cannot tread these waters
As they seem to endlessly ebb and flow
Yet our words scoop me up and carry me on
Somehow
Our hearts have decided to remain here
Despite the pain that may or may not come
I am not hopeful, for fear has turned me to stone
Yet I am here
Somehow
Your words whisper to my soul
And we dance with each other again
This burning room is beautiful to us
We think we can extinguish these flames
Somehow
Or maybe we know that we cannot and decide to dance anyway

I see this chaos
I watch it swirl
And I try to stick my hand in its endlessness
I try to grab onto the truth
That I know is at the core

But it swirls
And it swirls
And it swirls

I persist
Thinking I can change its direction
I try to throw it off course for a moment
So the light may shine through

But it swirls
And it swirls
And it swirls

I feel its static energy
Clinging to the walls of humanity
Pulsing and beating endlessly
Knowing I cannot change the rhythm of eternity
I watch helplessly

As it swirls
And it swirls
And it swirls

I go under
Ripples glaze the surface
No oxygen
No sound
A warm embrace of solitude

I come up for a moment
And the embrace loosens
Parting to let me catch my breath
reminding me of its glistening bliss
Temporary.

Only I try again
To sink into It's abyss
Freeing the reality above
Only for a moment
Do I lose touch with my senses
Hold still
My mind releases like smoke from a wick

Nothing to do
Nowhere to go
Can I ask you
Who do you know

And can he can help me
Get out of this cold
Get back on my feet
Break free of this mold

Or will he avoid
My tired blue eyes
As I pace down these rows
In what he thinks is a disguise

I want to go home
But I do not know how
So I distract myself
Taking what I can get for now

Behind the curtain
Before the crowd
Beyond the music
Above my fear
Beside my partner
Among the lights
Around we go
Through my soul
Without a sound
Despite the world
Together we dance

He doesn't want me
He wants her
Needs her
Aches for her
But she doesn't want him
It tears him apart
Hurts him so much
I hate her
but she's my best friend
enemy
There's no difference
She's me
But cooler
Prettier
Smarter
Edgier
She is everything I am
And more
So much more
But I love him
And she doesn't