We maybe
Just maybe
Love the same imaginary
But what’s different is
I am moving on
While you’re not.

My deepest condolences to you
For losing me.
My thoughts and prayers
Are with your regret.

for the sake of everything
promises
are
just
words,
empty echoes
of something once believed.

they slip from the lips
like sand through fingers
and when they fall
there's nothing left.

they were never meant to last
just illusions
they mean nothing.

I am scared
Worried
Overthinking
Because it all matters.

Leave your sweater here
So I can breathe you in
A scent that whispers you're near
Even when you're gone.

Sometimes
I miss the voice I listened to for years
The coziness of a bed with you as my blanket
And the sweet and savory meals you made
Moments that tasted like home.

Sometimes
I think about you
How happy you seem now
And how much I regret the life you chose
So empty, so suffocating
I thought my presence might have meant something
That maybe, just maybe
You needed someone
Someone like me.

Sometimes
What I feel now
What I do now
Everything about you
No longer matters
A waste of my time
And all I want to do
Is to escape from all this confusion.

Sometimes
I realize
All these things are temporary
Wounds will heal
The ache will fade
And one day
I’ll feel love without your shadow.

I close my eyes
For minutes
Or perhaps hours
Lost in an ocean of questions
Too many

Is it okay to feel joy
Or even more
While others cannot?
Is it okay to share my happiness
When others struggle just to live?
Is it okay to ignore the sorrow around me
Just for a moment
To hold on to this fleeting smile
Because I don’t know how long it will last?

I know I deserve to be happy.
I know I deserve to hold it close
To make it linger
But don’t they deserve it too?
Don’t they?

And yet
I’m sorry
In this moment
I need to be selfish.
No.
I have to be selfish.
To feel alive.
To survive.

That’s okay, right?