I did something foolish tonight
Opened the archives of a love long gone
Just to make sure the pain had faded
Piece by piece
But it turns out
My body burns
A wildfire of memory and regret
It wasn’t his promises
His sweetness
Or his love that broke me
But myself
For every word I wrote there

How many times did I tell him
I hated the pain he left in me?
How many times did I convince myself
And try to convince him
That this time would be different?
That I could be enough
To anchor his wandering heart?

I fought so hard
To know what he wanted from me,
To stop him from breaking both of us,
To be the best girl he’d ever known.
So he’d never seek the 20%
I didn’t have
Because I gave him 100%.

But everything I’ve done feels useless
All of that effort
Paid with pain
And I destroyed myself.

You can take photos of people
Things
Moments

I wish you could capture feelings too
So I can look at my smiling self
And remember that I I've done it before
So I can do it again
In moments like these
Where I feel that this terrible feeling
Will never end

The face I remember.
The laugh I long to hear again.
The smile that once mirrored my own.
And the gentle voice that always filled my nights.
You look the same as the day we met months ago.

But now,
You never call my name.
Our skin has never touched.
Your gaze, once deep,
Has grown shallow.
You look so different from the day we met months ago.

I saw the change before we met,
A wall standing tall between us.
But my heart, stubborn and blind,
Denied the truth, clinging to hope
That nothing had shifted.

And today, it is my heart that pays the price

No one understands

It's not about moving on
I hate to letting someone go
It's not about finding someone better
I want someone to be better for me
It's not about losing the routine
I hate the emptiness that overtakes my heart

No one understands
Not even me

I don’t understand why loving means hurting myself
I don’t understand why someone choose to hurt others
I don’t understand why people can’t change

In the end
I realize I understand nothing