The dust settles in;
I lay one hand over,
Sweep the cobwebs
Wipe the carvings.
I leave you flowers
Settled on grass,
Along with phrases
that I never had
A chance to speak;
I lay onto you
Those words of
How I love you
...
I guess the
proper words:
'Happy fathers day'.

It's hard to see
When you're six feet
Under dirt
It's harder to see
When you're so close
To getting hurt.

It's hard to see
When your walls are
Made of steel
It's harder to see
When you're trying
Not to feel.

His eyes,
They pour a drink,
Dehydrating his pain.

His lips
They sing a song
Relaxing his brain.

His nose
They smell a scent
Of a searing stain.

His ears
They hear a whistle
As he fades in front a train.

He lived once,
To see the sun,
To see the smiles,
To see the stars,
To see the moon,
To see the light,
To see the dark.
To see the girl,
To see the sickness,
To see the hospital,
To see the heart,
To see the scalpel,
To see the transplant.....


.....He died once,
To see her happy and alive.

She nailed the casket closed
For whatever he felt for her then
Died not once but once again.
So as he witness his feelings enclosed,
Waiting for it to inevitably decompose,
He knew he was one of the men,
Men who cry and capture tears with pen,
And he was another heartbreak from the right one I suppose.

A once blossoming and blooming tale,
Coated in cheery emotions,
Showed of how two people can fail,
Even if he felt a love as deep as oceans.
So when the morning comes and the sunrises,
He'll cherish every moment and look for upcoming surprises.

He talks to the past
More than he thinks of the future.
He'd recount on friends he lost
Rather than the friends he gained.
He sees the way the die is cast
Rather than the number that appears
And that in itself is his demon.

He reminisces of moments had
Than the memories that could be
He does what he could
Rather than what he should.
He keeps his eyes on the beauty of last
Until he strives for an impasse.

He has given up on the past
And chased the future.
He chases tomorrow's sunrise
With yesterday's sunset.
He chases cars
That he can't even see yet.
He doesn't live in the past
The way a die is cast.

He lives tomorrow
And
Everyday after that.

Life isn't about healing wounds,
It is about healing hearts,
When all that fills us up,
Starts to shatter into bits and parts.
When our bodies decay,
And it eventually will,
We sit by the window sill,
Looking out and see the beauty,
The beauty of the night,
The blinding specks of light,
The stars that barely gets noticed.
When our bodies decay,
We go to doctors,
Not because we want to be fixed,
Because we prevent our dreams,
Like flying in a rocket,
from dying with us.

Life isn't about healing wounds,
It is about healing hearts.
We may witness people losing limbs,
But when they lose their spirit,
Their soul,
Their purpose,
That is when their heart is weakest.
When our bodies decay,
and it eventually will,
When we can't move,
And all we do is sit still,
If our heart keeps beating we're still alive
And you might think it's how to survive,
But fact is that the essence of feelings,
Come straight from the heart.
A mothers sight of her baby,
A fathers arms holding his baby.

Life isn't about healing wounds,
It's about healing hearts,
When our hearts is tainted,
with the venomous words,
that somehow tattooed and painted,
into our being.
Infectious words,
spoken on how weird we are,
or how dumb we are,
or how ugly we are,
or even how lonely we are.
Our hearts become corroded,
pieces of what they use to be,
for when a body is poisoned
it only dies when the heart does.

Life isn't about healing wounds,
It is about healing hearts.

You stole my heart and listed it as sold
You pointed to it and said 'this I will hold'
You said ' I will warm it up when cold'
You said ' I will watch it grow old'
You will grow old with it, I was told
I smiled a smile that was uncontrolled
But like a poker hand, you threw it away and said 'I fold'

I polished and scrubbed my H E A R T
You touched it with your talons
And I watched it crumble A P A R T
I should have been more protective.

I always wonder whether there exists
Condoms for your beating heart
Because I can feel the pummel of clenched fists
******* it up till its black and blue

I don't trust many people today
I don't trust their intentions and words
I see no foreshadowing, life is no play
So I rely on preventive measures.

It has become so lonely protecting myself
I want someone to knock my walls down
Like the way books fall from a shelf
I want to see it demolished brick by brick.

I wish I could confess
To say ‘ I could care less’,
It was my fault for being too careless.
Now I’m looking for spare parts,
To rebuild the pieces of my broken hearts.
I don’t remember if there were one,two,three or four,
Because I don’t remember having a heart before.

Does heartbreak bring any tidings?
The way your ears echo from the goodbyes
The chest pain and tears it brings
And reminders that "I'm ok" as coated lies.

They say with every heartbreak, we grow
Rise up from the stem to blossom as a rose
But how can you grow with a chest so hollow
how can you grow when even rivers froze.

Mark twain once spoke of love and caution
"Never allow someone to be your priority
While allowing yourself to be their option"
The repercussion is a feeling of inferiority.

You would let a person break your heart
Yet still treasure dearly that same exact person
When you realise that it is time to part
The feeling of separation tends to worsen.

You would let the love you feel stay alive
When the sun becomes covered in spots of blue
You convince yourself to somehow survive
By the belief that letting go is love too.

Time heals all wounds no matter the size
The unseen love someone has been providing
Will lead to rivers unfrozen, shift lows to highs
So...does heartbreak bring any tidings?

I called you my angel
Without knowing you're lucifer
And with your lust for her
I'm left here wondering
Why I ever loved you in the
first place.

It wasn't your boyish charms
It wasn't your perfect white teeth
They weren't that great,
Nor was it your chiseled body,
And it wasn't the fact that
Most of the time I saw your smiles
they were in my direction
I'm certain it wasn't your hair
The way they stand up so naturally
And I can reassure you it wasn't
The kind heart you had shown me
Nor the care and understanding
You placed upon me.
It wasn't the way you called me
Darling or honey
And made me feel precious
It wasn't the time you told
Your friends 'she's mine'.
It wasn't any of those things.
It wasn't you.

I wish you could kiss the bruises on my heart
make the marks vanish one by one so that each beat
continues to meet the next and each time my heart
pumps the art it has stored in there, it wouldn't be so tragic.
The static words, deceased on the page like snowflakes
misshapen by the treacherous winds, melted to a droplet
and softened the stones like teardrops softening a once sturdy heart.

I wish you could kiss the bruises on my heart
but so far you've been the depiction in every word,
every hurt and every tear I've ever written about.
You are without a doubt the muse behind my writings,
the angel igniting the flames that fuels my heart
and art would be meaningless had it not seen the influence of you.
You are every sloppy kisses, every awkward hugs,
enough to make me want to try all my mistakes again
like defend my heart only to have the fences defenceless.

I wish you could kiss the bruises on my heart...

I hear the stars, they silently speak to me
Their whispers carried leaves from a tree
Towards me. 'I gaze at beautiful stars'
I announced to the people in my car,
But they could not understand my speech
As they've not seen stars further than arms reach.
I wondered on the names of the mysterious star
'Was this star shining its beams towards me from afar?'
I asked myself 'worry not about the stars glow
For the warmth provided is all I've felt and know'.
I don't know whether to compliment the stars, from here
Or to thank the star for its nova glow that brought about cheers.
I know not whether I deserve the glow and warmth
But I know that I will try my best to gaze at the stars of bright hue,
To learn of the stars, in the way that the astronomers do.
__
Waiting for a star to appear within my sights, the bright lights of beauty and warmth
that exudes from this star has illuminated my mood.

They say today is called the present,
Because it is a huge gift.
I say present today,
Because I'm stuck in class and the teachers
are calling out the list of students.

You see, the sky was made blue
Crafted and moulded by the hands of zeus
When he had heard of the devastating news
That people considered him a fiend
He questions ' so yeah I'm a little mean,
But mean is the new cool isn't it?'
Unaware of the implications of being mean,
He was despised from all that is green,
To all that roamed on the grass of green.
He repeats 'so I threw Hephaestus down
a mountain, it wasn't that wrong',
Justifying his villainous acts.
The sky was painted blue,
by the brutal heart that bled
the same hue as sadness.

You see, now Helios he was different,
He was the kind with a kind interest,
Fought for light and repelled darkness,
Because he knew that darkness
Would only stain the sky
More so than it already has been stained.
He says 'There's a light lit for everyone,
A world to share what have been won
For spoils are not meant to feed greed
but to show that even though things get hard
you will always undoubtedly succeed'.

He tells all the people
that 'they are beautiful',
'They are amazing',
and for those who could not see it,
he shone a light,
just so they could see their reflections
In their mirror.
He says 'you are all beautiful
And handsome,
So if I find you dancing,
Please wear a smile,
Because a smile,
Is one of humans brightest form
Of appreciation of the light
I wish you see inside yourselves'.
{So to Bailey}- you are beautiful.
{So to Eriko}- you are beautiful
{So to SPT} - you are beautiful
{So to Lorie} - you are beautiful.
{So to Nameless} - You are handsome
{So to Miss Iverson}- you are beautiful
{So to Carol} - you are beautiful
{So to princess} - you are beautiful
{So to all} - you are all beautiful & handsome.

Words from Helios,

Hell is the sadness
Of losing a best friend and
becoming alone.

Why did you make me fall for you?
If you won't ever catch me as I fall,
Somehow you thought it was right,
To toy with my emotion at all.

Why did you break my heart,
As though I came out of it unscathed,
I broke my armour that shielded my vulnerabilities,
And your love is something I craved.

Why did you just push me aside,
As though I meant nothing to you at all,
Why leave me to make me miss you,
If you refuse to catch me when i fall.

I love you and probably always will,
But I can no longer push my emotions to hiding,
For you I held my heart and shredded it,
You made me fall so hard without a cushion providing.

I love you,
I miss you,
I don't think you feel the same,
And I'm sure I am one to blame.

He admired everything about her
Her unmatched inner beauty
Alongside her angelic external.

He had dreamed about her
For many many star filled nights
He had always wanted to say 'hi'

Her angelic presence scared him
Afraid he won't ever be good enough
He hid his feelings from her.

He took the courage to speak
With a tiny voice and a tiny squeak
He said "You're beautiful dear".

He fell in love with the most
Perfect girl anyone could ever meet
He knew he was ready for the L word.

The way she told him to shhhhut up
Or the way that she is extremely adorable
Is all incomparable to anyone on Earth.

She is the beats of a heart retaining life
She is the ***** of a butterfly, changing worlds
She is the angel who he had prayed for every night.

He posts a poem
He sits and waits
Hoping people can relate
To the words on his pad.

He posts a poem
He keeps eyeing for comments
Hoping for critics and commends
To show his words have value.

He posts a poem
Silence.
Finally peace
With his internal demons,
He posts a poem
To silence the torment
His words completely absorbent,
Killing each demon within him.
He posts a poem
To extinguish the flame
That is to blame
For all his sadness and despair.
He posts a poem
Not for anyone else,
But for himself,
A seemingly innocent task
But an internal cry for help.
HELP!!!...

Silence,
Once again
As he posts this poem.

I woke up last night dead,
Demonic voices echo in my head
And all of them clearly said
'Tell her you like her',
'Maybe it'll surprise her'
'Maybe she'll call you a liar',
And I'm thinking I'm just a nervous guy
Each word escape my mouth stinks of shy
And will a false bravado makes my words, lies?

I like her
And I guess I'll show her that I care about her
Well because I do care about her
But she spoke of a certain world
And I was too scared to doubt her
So my thoughts and feelings became a storm
And a resultant of lightning as clouds stir
I broke branches of certainty.

She stood tall alike her physique,
He stood weak as a waste,
But verbal abuse is never weak,
So artillery launches like copy and paste.

She stood a little closer to the ground,
Her head never once looked up,
And she knew one day she won't be around,
Because she'd finally had enough.

He stood a little higher to the skies,
Using her pain as a solid ground foundation,
Denying all responsibilities of the lies,
He had help contorted into creation.

She wasted into nothingness,
An overwhelming dark light burning into her soul,
Creating nothing but darkness,
Into a void that left her being ,like a black hole.

He stood prouder by the seconds, of all the names,
As though guts and glory made him feel pride,
When he should have been feeling ashamed,
For he was the reason that she cried....

She didn't stop at crying though,
Because the words never once stopped,
So from then on all she had known,
Was the certainty that her shoulders dropped.

As his light glistened in the fame of high school life,
Her light dimmed with every word said in strife,
And soon enough he had fame right and left,
While she fell into dark despair and eventually death.

She lays beneath the ground now,
With roses filling up to the skies,
As though somehow,
No one partook in the harmful lies.

He stands tall,
As she wastes away,
And with his pride and *****,
She never saw another day.

[I miss you...]

You watched me letting out tears as I cry
You heard me scream till my throat hurts
But you'll never see what my mind hides
Behind every butterfly is a worm in the dirt.

You watched me smile with my teeth shown
Grinned with lips stretching cheek to cheek
But you'll never see that I want to be buried below
Because light only exists when things are bleak.

I always tell myself I've been a glass half full person
But mirrors break and glasses shatter
When I hate someone I will curse them
But I just want nothing but to be a splatter.

Hidden away is all my sorrows
So everyday I'm feeling more hollow
Because I know I'm living on time that is borrowed
Just waiting for a day where I won't see tomorrow.

Wearing a mask always suffocates me
But if I owe people one thing, it's honesty
And honestly I don't see the true me
I see a fake smile, fake humour as fake as fake can be.

There's nothing left to look forward to
The sky is tumbling and blue
There's nothing that will be new
I don't know what I'm suppose to do...

I wanted to walk with you as though our shoes were tied in a knot
and out of all the walking I've done, I could not do so feeling alone.
I had to have you by my side, it was the mentality behind the heart
that stands guard, too afraid to say 'I love you' and too afraid
to just let our laces untangle as we brace for a different life.

My mother always tells me, "the right girl will find her way to you"
as to do that I had to pretend that I was brave enough to stop hiding
because I've spent time confiding in the illusions of my mind
where you and I are holding hands, making plans and chasing dreams
but it seems that every time we sew the threads the seams seem
to become undone.

Take it from a guy who's excelled in hide and seek
the bleakest place to hide is always the one kept hidden away,
the forbidden place where snakes unravel from trees
and an apple a day makes things complete, but it isn't warm.
To conform to every single sweat and tear of living alone
has its price. Take it from a guy who's connected right to left hands
made plans between three people all synonymous with 'me, myself and i',
I can tell you that being alone isn't a good feeling.

The heart isn't hidden away, it's not meant to be kept safe,
sometimes you just have to let it break to know what living really is
because the realest of all emotions is letting yourself be vulnerable,
letting yourself feel loved and to feel love.

The heart sits behind a ribcage, but it's not meant to be hidden away,
it is there to remind you to breathe because in one swift moment
when your ribcage exposes your heart, someone will steal your breath
and death is not the result but the start of feeling alive.

Why else do we say, 'some people leaves us breathless'?

When it was my turn to speak,
Teachers would say I spoke out of turn,
Waiting for them to finally return,
I had already forgotten what I wanted to say.
When I tried to spread my thoughts,
I was always caught,
Detention numbers rose,
Because I spoke in poem rather than prose.
Silencing my thoughts with authority,
I stopped thinking like me.

The only thing they taught,
Were all in facts and figures,
Charts and graphs,
From colleges to career paths,
None of which spoke to how I felt,
All the criticism I've been dealt,
And how I'm an iceberg about to melt.

I was made to belong,
I even listened to different songs,
I listened to Katy Perry,
Don't get me wrong,
She's the taste of a chapstick made from cherry,
But she didn't exactly speak to me,
From a different time, a different genre,
Preferred to have paid for a non encore,
Then to have continued on.

When I didn't belong,
I sat on a staircase,
Isolated from playing chase,
Hands to my face,
To cover the tears,
Saying it's just lemonade,
That i had spilt it somehow.

I avert his gaze
his hand sliding up my thighs
as my voice muffles.

I let out a scream
silence is all I could hear
as I see his eyes.

His eyes pierce my soul
tainting that one part of me
that felt always clean.

I took a shower
I took a hundred showers
but it still lingered.

It will be ten years
it will be twenty full years
but I felt empty.

I could live a thousand years
or a million different lives
but not one of them
would mean anything
if I could not live them by your side.

Life is not a game for the stubborn.
Sometimes the things we aspire for,
Are like a rose that is more thorns than petals,
And while we hold onto it, the pain settles,
Deeper and deeper.

Sometimes being stubborn is our own flaw,
Keeping us held high hopeful.

Life is a vine,
That scratches at you, the more you hold
Onto what you just can't have.

As one of my favourite anti-hero states

'You hit ’em and they get back up. I hit ’em and they stay down'...

And when life hits you beyond breaking,
You rise your head and see the beautiful things.
New view, new perspective and new things.

Blanket on ; too hot.
         Blanket off; too cold.
One foot in ; too fast
          One foot out ; too slow.
One caring word; too less.
          One mean insult; too much.
One huge sky; too much blue
           One huge heartbreak ; too less you.
One chance to move on ; too slow to do.
           One chance to stay; too much for you.

Home was with you,
And without you,
Every place seems blue,
But only if you knew,
How you made a house,
Become a home.

Now I am without a home,
Left to constantly roam,
For another soul,
That could make me whole,
The way you made a house,
Become a home.

Now I am without a home,
No place to call our own,
No such comfort zone,
And when I'm left alone,
I always just let out a groan.
I always reach for the phone,
But I never hear a dial tone,
I always felt naked to the bone,
With you around this place,
Because you made a house
Become a home.

Now my heart is without a home,
No ribcage to situate in,
No response to any situation.
They say love is patience,
But my heart is not a doctor,
All our memories in a locker,
I reminisce on what was proper,
But my vulnerable heart bear wind,
And there was no way it could win.
You made a house for my heart,
That became a home it couldn't part.

Step 1
In the age of the doom
Try and enlighten the gloom
because your mind has been twisted
blinded by negative criticism
a misguided decision on who you are
as a person.
If you think the world is dying,
that trying is a burden and a pointless task
just ask yourself, should I plant sunflowers
just to make things look prettier?
because in the age of the doom
don't let chaos consume your mind
because beauty can still exist.

Step 2
It is ok to love yourself
and be selfish from time to time.
You are wonderfully made
with all different shade of colours
so if make-up is your cover
than do what makes you happy.
You do not need to help everyone
sometimes helping yourself
is enough help as it is.
Love others and love yourself
because not everyone is as helpless
as you'd imagined.

Step 3
Be you**
Not the you that others like
but the you that you are comfortable with,
the you that you like
because as clear as day and night,
the only person that matters is you.

___________

There is a flower growing between the cracks in a wall
and the saddest thing is it is not getting enough
sunlight nor water to grow but it survives
simply by the admiration and love
that it gains by surrounding viewers.

There is a flower that grew in the dark,
that grew between cracks in the ground,
between the cracks in the walls
and it is the most beautiful flower I have ever seen.

The first line bleeds your pain
The second line bares your soul
The third line cuts at the heart
And the fourth line rips you apart.

Any subsequent line is rinse and repeat
Because life follows the same principles
It will crack you, crush you and destroy you,
And it will always continue to do so.

"Bzzir Bzauchi Bzzirya"
Said the treptonite whilst hissing it's tongue to a snakelike reflex,
                 *"Cutreen Cutyl Cuttiness"
Said the gorzolias whilst arms flailing at it's rugged pecs.
                                  "WHAT THE ****?"
Said the human with wide eyes staring at the inhuman abominations.
                            "THEY ARE DIFFERENT, SHOOT THEM ALL DOWN"
Said the human as he reached for his weapon of extermination.
               "We come in pea...."
Said the two inhuman abominations....

                      

News Article : *Creatures unlike man shot down in what appears to be a police shootout. The creatures will be experimented on to determine their genus and abilities. Should any uses for their bodies appear, we will publish all scientific evidence of such to the Journal of Scientific Discovery.

Words are invisible like
***** and *****
Until they are
shown in a black light,
Known as action

I am the wind whistling between the blades of the grass,
I am the flower that sits on a stem made out of brass,
I am the weeds that infests and annoy in appearance,
I am the dandelions standing tall in need of clearance.

I am the house that sits on the side of a road, unheard,
I am the cars that drive crookedly seemingly absurd,
I am the pedestrians who travel amongst the roads,
I am the tourists that roam freely without abodes.

I am the words that relay the thoughts onto paper,
I am the only source of hope, my own mind's saviour.