I had always complained a lot,
Whether it was cold or hot,
If I didn't, my guts felt entangled in knots.
I had complained about getting a shot,
And got told 'you should get shot'.
I would drive into a parking lot,
Complain about why it was called a lot,
When there was so little parking.
I would complain about cats barking,
And dogs meowing.
I would complain,
When the ice cream was plain,
And when I was in pain...

It was just the way I was,
I tried changing who I was,
Only to realize it's changing bees to wasp.
So I stopped,
Dropped,
And just gave up.

To this day I say,
If you can put up with complaints,
Yet somehow stay sane,
There's just a chance we were made for one another.

I believe that,
There is one person,
Made for everyone.
Even in a world of 7 billion people,
There has to be one...

If I admitted what I did last night, most might cringe
as it involves a black object that is about 50 inches,
I won't profess that I had some sort of ***** ***
No, I was on an extreme animated movie binge
And I had snowy mountain equivalent of tissues
Not because I'm riddled with problems and issues
It's because animated movies are tragically beautiful
And though I might not fit into the category of real men,
Because from Superman we learn, real men are steel men
and real men are constituted as muscled men
so by most, I would not be defined as a real man.

Last night I cried with a pair of eyes that grew so red
Not from an outcry that pink eye has finally spread
But from an emotional connection to animation
Because last night, I cried watching The Lion King,
When Simba lost his father, I felt my eyes sting
I cried watching Pixar's inside out
When Bing **** gave his life for his friend
I felt most of all that I had stored inside come out,
It gave me an insight into witnessing depression
And I found myself caught in between the tension,
So last night I felt an emotional connection to animation
And I disposed of many tissues, not out of temptation
From lust filled mind but from animated creations.
So last night, I realised I was more of a real man
Because I expressed how I feel and
That it was ok to cry lake from my eyes
because real men are not steel men
and real men are not required to be muscled men.

I do not love you as if you were oceans, or aquamarine,
Or the ice cubes that lay to melt as time passes.
I love you as precious petals are to be adorned,
by the stem, in between the Earth and the skies.

I love you as the stars visible in the day
but kept to say all the silent beauty of the night;
thanks to your love for the lit path guidance,
illuminated by a livid canvas, yet alive in my heart.

I love you simply because it is impossible not to,
I love you with every part of my cells and molecules,
so I love you because I can't not love you.

then know; if I live on with every breath, so do you
In my thoughts, my memories and heart,
In my thoughts, you spun the strings of my heart

I do not love you as if you were oceans, or aquamarine,
Or the ice cubes that lay to melt as time passes.
I love you as precious petals are to be adorned,
by the stem, in between the Earth and the skies.

I love you as the stars visible in the day
but kept to say all the silent beauty of the night;
thanks to your love for the lit path guidance,
illuminated by a livid canvas, yet alive in my heart.

I love you simply because it is impossible not to,
I love you with every part of my cells and molecules,
so I love you because I can't not love you.

then know; if I live on with every breath, so do you
In my thoughts, my memories and heart,
In my thoughts, you spun the strings of my heart

I don't know who I am,
I don't know what I am,
I don't know what to do,
I don't know what to be,
All I know is,
When you left you took something with you,
Something that made me feel like I knew things,
Something that allowed certainty to flow through my veins,
You took something,
And now I don't know what it was.

We talked for a while and I thought it was fun

but just like I’ve said a few other times, we are done.

I knew our friendship was dead

the moment you took what your close friends said

turned it into a gun with a bullet

looked at the trigger and decided to pull it.

Sometimes you going to lose some

and earn some, but the feeling I hate the most is feeling dumb

yes I know I was not doing the right thing

but the choices you made was intriguing.

Turn it around to a time after the mess

it wasn’t pleasant for me, I do confess

but the feeling and waitings killing me

you made me stay static like a dead tree

when you turned all the issues of you three

onto a train and sent that train to me like it was on a killing spree.

Now I’m stuck with a memory

that would hang me and even follow me to the cemetery

Now I understand that I lost a good friend

who didn’t understood what it was like at my end.

Things come and things go

but still it was never for show

whether our friendship was real

or were you just hiding it to get to better deal.

Ask around, figure out how many knew we were mates

barely anyone knew and it felt like I was getting rolled over by skates.

Now that everything’s final and we’re parting ways

I am admitting that I did miss the good old days

the good old days now become lodged in the past

and we should move on at last.

Don’t try to talk to me anymore

because what we had existed only before

now vivid images represent wasted times

and that’s the last of my rhymes.

If I should see the world for its blinding light
I'll find shades of pessimism in complete optimists
I'll find dawn in dusk and noon in night
I'll find that I am rather drawn to the distorting mist.

Blind sided by the lights provided
Trusting liars who stab at backs with knives
Misplacing words that I have confided
Upon those who find joy in destroying full lives.

As humans we close of our hearts,
As though your worth is by your shopping carts,
Nothing that really sets us apart,
As though money is where life starts,
And the richer you are, the bigger your heart.

A world where worth is measured in income,
So blinded by the greens and its sum,
That as humans we eventually succumb,
To the phrase
'The bigger your car, the bigger your *****',
Never enjoying anything green or scenic,
Swapped value for profits,
And pray to prophets in the office,
We have been blinded,
By what is inside our wallets,
As though our appetites exists of expensive scallops,
And everything we know is,
only about money.

I didn't breathe.
I didn't sleep.
I didn't sing in the showers.
I didn't dance in the day.
I didn't talk.
I didn't eat.
I didn't drink.
Because I didn't see a point,
Of doing those things anymore.

I held her hand as she wept salt seas
I stood in front to protect her from the bees
I let her break my heart into shattered pieces
I became her research project as she wrote her thesis
I allowed her to consume my every thought
I took the blame if she did wrong and got caught
But in all honesty, I must surely confess,
I treasured the world less and less
Saw beauty only in her
Even amidst the sight of wonders to occur
Because I just wanted her head on my chest
As she slowly lays to rest.

I knew a girl once
Pure to the pinch of a petal
But lust filled fiends found her
Unfazed to the thought of intimacy
and so distorted intimacy to twisted turns
claiming her sweet nectar as she lay unawake.

I knew a girl once
Pure to the pinch of a petal... no more.
...
Pure to the pinch of a petal;
the twisted turns did burn
and the ashes and embers cast away
into the winds as though no fault to find,
I knew a girl once
who knew of the world;
I knew a girl once
who knew of the future;
I knew a girl once
who smiled a slanted smile;
I knew a girl once
...But not anymore, do I know her.

May god find her the peace she never found.

When I was a kid, I loved to skip stones,
I loved watching them hop through water,
Until one tragically eventful day,
When I met a farmer and his daughter.

She had eyes that pierced my soul,
Brown hair ******* into a bun,
Her lips glistened from the lip gloss,
And her skin glowed in the sun.

When I was a kid, I wanted to marry her,
To put a ring that unites us together,
In what people call holy matrimony,
Not for a year but forever.

When I was an adult, I felt the same,
I held my heart in my hand for her,
But over time I was afraid,
That I wasn't the one she preferred.

When I was an adult, I began to notice,
That I never knew her when I was a kid,
I just felt as though she's been with me,
as though she's a bottle and I, a lid.

I never knew her when I was a kid,
Never a part of my childhood,
But if we were to be united now,
I would cry tears of joy where I stood.

Where the impossible is possible
Not in between improbable or probable
But in simplicity just possible.

Where Superman soars in the skies
Shooting lasers from both his eyes
Where glasses are the best disguise.

Where super human traits are in all of you
Where there's a special thing in all of you
That makes you more special than anyone; it's true.

It's my world,
Where everyone is a rose
And all rocks hurled
Only new strength and courage arose.

In the wise words of Kendrick Lamar
I love myself.
Who is it that I see high up on that shelf?
Oh, just myself.
I choose not to love another person yet,
Till I can love myself.
So as a result,
I abandon my search for love,
And I will let love search for me.

Cupid isn't as stupid
As we have been told.
So while my life is a dream in lucid
I will wait till I get old.
For the one to fill my heart,
And promise to never break it apart.

I want to say I love you but
I don't know where the line cuts
Between liking you
And loving you
Between beating red blood
Or beating blue,
I'm confused
Over what's the correct hue
Because when I say I love you,
What does that mean to you?

Does I love you
Mean I'll end up wifing you
Or we'll make one from two.
Does I love you
Means if you speak your words
Like 'wash the dishes' they'll be heard
Or is it more of a proverb,
'Like you can lead a horse to the lake
But you can't make him drink the water'.

I think my I love you
Is a complete different view,
It's a taste
Of sweet sugar on a rainy day,
The taste
Of cake eaten yesterday,
It's sweet.
It's more than sweet though,
It's a sight,
It's an array of lights to form a show
Like how I'll show you my life lighting up
When you repeat those same I love you's.
My I love you's
Is a sound
Not the rattling of chains
To keep two souls bound
But the sounds of bells
That gets dented and dinged by cupids arrows.
My I love you's
Is the smell of fresh roses
That tickles the noses
And shows how I'll keep you closest.
My I love you's
Are more than that,
Because even I don't know my I love you's
Because it's a sentence
I haven't put meaning to,
Not until I finally met you.

Hey, can I tell you something, it's something I've been hiding from you...
I do hope you get a chance to know whats hidden beneath my mask...
It's just so less to ask and so much to think, and I'm blinking the tears.....
away.
Hey, can I tell you something, it's something I've been hiding from you...
I wonder do you ever remember the ways I use to look at you, that smile,
that smile that kept me awake for nights on end...
Hey there beautiful, will you remember me when life decides to take me away...
it's been bothering me so, because I don't know how long left I have to go,
but I know , oh I know that I want you to know...

That you...are everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

So if the winds, break us up, and if the towers we build our love, just can't stay up...
I hope you know...

that you are everything to me, you are the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

So no matter where I may be or no matter where you may go,
just smile because I know...oh I know...I'll be looking at your smile.

And if the gods won't let us be, and if the sky's decides to drown me,
i hope you know...

I love you every second from the first time I met you.

I tried losing weight,
I was certain I was good at eating
So I let my insecurities devour me.
"Ugh who the **** is that monstrosity?"
Staring in the mirror became difficult,
I became a vampire, creating a house
without any mirrors in my vision
and as I slowly saw myself submerge
deeper into that monstrosity in the mirror
I realised, this is no longer a home,
this is a house, this is a judgemental house
where even the mirrors
are eating at my internal flame
and as my candles flickered
I knew I was never going to ever look good
So I starved myself over and over,
And when the scales read my weight,
I saw "Math Error" or "Syntax Error",
Because I knew, I was everything wrong.

I to this day, hate the way I look,
And everyday as I drive
My front view mirror reflects-
A ******* monstrosity.

I've ascended a mountain
where the road is narrow;
awaiting an arrow's arrival
as the sun casts a shadow
on a dandelion.

I've set my mind on not
falling for insanity;
though her alluring touch
could cleanse calamities;
I stayed with the sun....

but today seems all the more bleak,
as week after week of argument ensues,
I knew that maybe I would have better off
learn to scoff at newfound things
but those who have loved me once before
do not love me now.

She repeats those words that taunt my soul
'bye star gazer'.
And I will not forgive her for leaving me
when I needed her the most.

She was a mountain in my life but
I was merely a speed bump in her life.

So endlessly tragical.

Late last summer I met a man,
Wheelchair bound from tragedy,
I asked him about his life's strategy,
He simply replied he didn't have one,
But his words remained "I HAVE WON!"

He told me how he came to be in the state he was in,
He told me of a car accident he was in.
He said, "In a car accident only the car wrecks",
I guessed that was why they called it a car wreck,
He said "You aren't handicapped if your soul stands *****,
If your heart and soul stays strong, it's not cause and effect,
It is simply a matter of standing back up, soul wise".

I miss them,
The same way a plant misses water.

Your absence is the definition of my abject demise
I've covered my eyes in hopes you'll magically appear
but sheer wishful thinking does not change reality,
the agony of opening my eyes every time to realise
that you aren't there seems to sadden my mind.
I find that your presence is the thing I miss
the bliss of your scorched warm differ to the burn
that have returned on my skin from the lack of heat
and day in, it feels like I'm living on repeat.

Your eyes remind me of hopeful dreams like the cream
that settles atop the sweet drinks and sweet things
you are the sweetest person I have ever met
I forget what it was like to hear your voice
to see your beautiful smile that give rise to pure sweetness.

Your absence is the one thing that has hurt me lately,
the safety and comfort I've felt in your arms have dissipated.

So beautiful, can you smile for me again.
I love you and I'm always proud of you.

Cause in the darkness,
You'd fall faster,
The way you looked pass her,
Not taking time to acknowledge,
All the pain in your life she abolished,
By absorbing it into her own skin.
Now the shadows overlook her tear stained cheeks,
And the shadow caster,
Will only ever see her as a true disaster,
Never understood the hole in her soul,
That no matter what, she could never be whole,
It was all out of her control.

Take time to look around,
Breathe,
Because when the sun goes down,
Those who surround,
You,
Might be fighting darker demons,
Than you will ever know.

I'm Sorry for not noticing.
I'm Sorry I couldn't build an Earth for you,
I'm Sorry that the sky had to be blue,
As though there were no better colours,
I can still remember the way your shoulder shudders,
The cold wind touching on you as I lend you my jacket,
Maybe this is my life's package,
To roam a world without you.
I miss you,
The way a butterfly misses its former self,
The way a ******* addict misses help.
I missed you,
And now I miss you.

They chose suicide,
With belief that somehow it soothe inside,
For when the grass turned blue,
They had no idea of what else to do.
A feeling that nothing mattered and it was a waste of time,
Laying lines after lines of sadness upon their arms,
Until they finally did themselves harm.
The people who walked a road alone,
Or seemingly alone,
Saw friends as strangers,
And family as dangers.

I had a friend,
A close friend,
Almost a best friend.
Sadly this friend chose the bitter end,
Tormented by names the other kids called her,
From man to other names regarding her masculinity,
The edged blades of brutality,
That rained upon her soul,
And no matter how much time I spent with her, she still has a hole.

I visit her once in a while now,
We'd talk through different realms somehow,
She'd reply in silence,
But i know she would have said something like
'look up to the sky dilweed, theres so much to see. Look at the ******* clouds, look at the sun it shines for you you *******'.
The way she'd berate me but in warm gesture,
I will always remember the one thing she said to me,
'The path you pave is yours to walk, be it alone with a friend, it will always be your path. What matters is you get your ******* *** of the couch and walk that path you lazy ***".

How does suicide.....
soothe a person's inside.
Does her heart and soul,
Finally feel peace as a whole?

Sunrise, sunrise
To my surprise
You've caught my eyes
Caught between lies
And our demise
I still wonder.

Had things been different
What of it then?
I still miss you
I don't know why
I just still do.
I can hear your outcries
A part of me dies
And I'm still stuck,
Still stuck here.

I wonder if you
Ever really did love me
But the thoughts
Have become confirmed
You never really did
Love me.
And yet
I still wish the sun
Never ever sets.

I don't want to have to
Walk this Earth alone
Maybe this is retribution
For a sin I must atone.

Please just please stop
Please stop reappearing
In my memories,
Even if it's temporary
It haunts me
Because my heart
Still skips a line
And tears itself apart
For you.

I miss you,
I wonder if you
Ever missed me too.

You let the world
Tear us apart
And as toes curled
You left a hole in my heart.

****, ****, ***, ****** here i am
missing you again.

Came to be in a place that is dark and desolate,
Because the light that materialized things faded,
Now its almost an abysmal pit of the ill fated,
Yet I still grab at the vines of renowned pestilence,
Stuck in an emotional pretense of feeling sedated,
Maybe....
            Just maybe....
                                If we hang....
                                       On long enough....
We'll eventually descend the same road,
       And
               Make
                          Our
                              ­   Way
                                         To
                                              Love
           ­                                             Again...

I'm not an artist
But when I drew you
I felt drawn to you.

I'm not a musician
But when I played you a tune
I felt we were perfect in tuned.

I'm not a scientist
But when I was synthesizing you
I felt our chemistry and bond strengthened.

I'm not an author
I do not know how to create fictional universes
But I know that my universe is all I have to offer.

I'm not a swimmer
But I would swim a thousand rivers
Against the current just for you.

I'm not a poet
But I would eloquently write of my love
For no one but you.
I'm no Pablo Neruda
But I can make you one promise;
That if I say I love you;
I will love only you.

Momma said I was strange growing up.
She said I ran before I could even crawl
She said I'd run, drawing on walls in the halls
She said it was a bit odd.
Then again she said she raised me alone
Single parent, emphasis on the single
So obviously I was going to be odd.

I guess that stuck with me
Because I learned love before hatred
I learned to love before I questioned trust
So deep down in my core, way in the crust
There must be something wrong with me.

I wonder on things of my past
Wondering had it lasted
Where would my life be blasted.
The shadows of the past casted
And I always long to hide back
In the shade.

I guess I'm conflicted
Between finding the shade
And finding the light
Unsure which one I've been depraved
Or whether there was one I had craved
Maybe in the light is where I belong
But what if it's a hot day
...

I guess the past
Is a flag flown at half mast,
And the shadow is illuminated
Into complete exhile.

...

Maybe the light will reveal
What I never knew about myself.
Or maybe
I'm a creature of the shadows

...

Upon resting in bed with a girl,
I asked her 'do you want to spoon?'
She gives of a shocked face and says,
'Fork no'.
I looked at her with a smile
And mumbled 'that's not very knife of you'...

Come dinner that day,
I broke a dinner plate and decided it was funny to say,
' dish is a dishaster'....

I haven't talked to her ever since.

I stay up at night, late into the AMs riddled with guilt
Over how I grew too fond of one petal plucked flower
Watched it slowly rotted,decaying praying not to wilt
As I admired what once were stems in a indelible vase.

I hear of the ambience, lit up in a different hazy smoke,
Forced to let what I feel cascade into obvious oblivion,
Keeping clear calmness behind a messed mask that chokes
As the days drew long and the nights drew even longer.

Sunrise doesn't rise soon enough, and sunset sets too soon,
For fiery shadows built a furnace from my cold walls,
And before I could awake to the moon, I awoke to noon,
As you held every bit of a different burning candle light.

I'm sorry that I paved the pebbled pathway that you walked,
If I could reverse the sands, unsift across my hands,
Or captured every droplet of grain, wishing it wasn't caulked,
But I made the road that you tread on with you feet.

I'm sorry that every step you took only led you further,
And though I know you didn't want to be near after time taken,
I had hoped I could watch you stay afloat on a life preserver,
Rather than watch you drown, taking nothing but yourself.

I'm sorry that the days drawn out a different tale,
If I could bend time and stick it back together,
Just to make things better and watch as things unflail,
I'll always know I tried my best to give you my shoulders.

I set fire to your life, watched the smouldering ashes cast away into the air,
And for that I am sorry.

I broke your heart
And I am sorry.
I hope this apology
Doesn't fall short.

I know some days
are extremely hard
our hug fell apart
before it even formed.

I am sorry, its my fault
You've given my days magic
And I returned in tragic,
And I can't fix things.

When you sing, your voice-
is soul moving and beautiful,
completely acoustical,
And I miss hearing it.

Don't blame yourself,
You are still beautiful
And that is indisputable
So please stop blaming yourself.

I'm tired of living my life on the lines that people speak
I have lived half my life on lines that people drew
Now I judge my own mind wishing that I knew
That sometimes you don't have to fit in with the popular.

I'm tired of being pigeonholed into a category
I have seen the imprisonment of my own personality
Where the only existing escape goes against normality
And society has become a flock of wardens.

I'm tired of colouring in between the lines
Or slaying dragons to rescue the damsel in distress
And though the dawn rises to a new end, I must confess
That keeping in between the lines, keeps me safe.

*I am not dead, but nor am I living...

How do you write about a person whereby words don't exist to describe
Someone who pulls at your heartstrings and makes you feel alive.
I met this beautiful person and I have not had any regrets
Nor will I reach a time I'll ever come to suddenly forget
The dearest and sweetest girl who has made smiles light across my face.
Messages from this gorgeous girl stabilises my world and makes things in place.
She asks me 'Can I trust you?' and though 'yes' was the answer my heart yearned
I have come to learn in my life that trust is not something that is given but earned,
So though I am not a liar, nor a spider creating a web of deceit I set out to earn her trust
The resultant is that I have allowed her to get to trust me , in a way much fairer and just,
But I know with absolute certainty is that I promise to never hurt her
And I can not fathom the people who ever allow it to occur.
She is a remarkable, beautiful, kind , friendly there are more words I haven't known
But I hope that one day , the rhythm my heart beats to when I think of her, can be shown,
Not just in my words but in all the things I am willing to do for a soul as precious
As a rose standing in a world, I want to perform complete loving gestures
Not with the requirement that she returns the love
But simply because seeing her beautiful smile is enough.

She is, in one succinct word  - indescribable
And what I have just described to you ,
Is a minuscule spot of ink on a magnificent masterpiece
With a clear expression of care and kindness that never ceases.
Indescribable.

How can you say
Goodbye to something
you never had?

And that was your heart to me.