I can no longer tell what’s worse,
To live the happy lonely curse,
Or to cause immense pain,
Without nary a thing to gain.
We wished to stay together,
As our hearts said ‘its better’.
The gremlins, ghouls and ghosts,
Preyed on emotions as hosts.
Bore the burden bashfully,
As though we never knew a bully.
We inflicted wounds that won’t heal,
Just to show ourselves we can still feel.
We hated them, the pain inflictors and  pain creators,
Till we built a land full of them and became dictators.

I can show you two worlds,

                     One with peace,
                     One with love,
                     One without poverty,
                     One where generosity blossoms like flowers,
                     One where smiles are shared.

The other is a wasteland,
Barren in its effect,
A mixture of love and hate,
Poverty is deep rooted,
Corruption runs rampant,
Sadness and despair flows,
Sometimes happiness runs,
                            
                                         The latter is Earth.
                                          Welcome....
                                            We don't come in peace.

We live in a world where clouds of hope
Plummet upon this vast land mass
Only to be met with disappointment.

We live in a world where love
Is dressed up as a thread tied from above
Forming bonds between two individuals.

We live in a world where being accepted
Is more important than being unique
Unable to strive to surpass one another.

We live in a world where the cruel
Tread upon the kind
Just to signify some surmising strength.

We live in a world where hearts get broken
Where words of love have been spoken
Only to equate to words of a politician.

We were never set in stone,
To afraid to find the light, we found the dark, alone,
Enticed to start a brand new home.

We were never set in stone,
I called you on your phone,
But all I'm getting is dial tone.
No, it wasn't the time zone,
Now I feel somehow alone.
It wasn't that you weren't home.
It was because we were never set in stone,
A cement slab without solidifying finish,
And all the memories shared start to diminish,
We were never set in stone,
All we were,
Were a myriad of complex emotions.

That was being alive
Being loved for acting five
Reliving the child inside
As adulthood goes to hide
That was being alive.

You saw teardrops from stormy clouds
And asked, ‘why the sky was crying’?
‘Why is the little boy next door dying’?
You were really just lying,
To your conscience.
The pain never really stopped,
It was just a photo with edges cropped
The way you zoomed in on you and her
And the background started to blur.
Not everything changes, some things do
Because the sky will only ever be blue
Some days you’ll have patches of grey clouds
And teardrops that lonely puff enshrouds
You’re left with the thought of the inner kid.

The kid inside that didn’t think about crying,
The kid inside that never knew about dying
The kid inside that conspired to hide
Like it was playing a game of hide and seek,
Never knew that clouds could even leak
And the salty discharge between eyes
Were just sugar coated cookie lies
About how we were meant to grow old

That kid is not dead, just hidden inside
like a clumsy cat caught between drapes,
That kid inside is stuck and trying to escape
And will only ever come back to light
When you realise that you can grow up
but maybe growing up is simply enough
because growing old is not a must.

Relive that kid hidden inside you,
Because otherwise that kid would die
And then skies would be frail blue
And you’d realise why the skies would cry.

There won’t be bunnies in clouds
Magic dragons in built in closets
And all you will know is crowds
That were more invested in bank deposits.

**** GROWING OLD.
Constant search for hands to hold
Where weather only felt cold
Because warm was too much to handle
And you’d reminisce on scented candles.
**** GROWING OLD.

So forget what you have been told,
About how you were meant to grow old
That’s just a tear stained dream society sold
You don’t have to grow old
Because sometimes growing up
Is simply enough.

Sometimes being alive,
Has less to do with life,
And more to do with death.

Sometimes evading death,
Is what living is really about.
Nothing more, nothing less...

I'm looking for a word,
A word I've never heard,
A word that describes warm,
A word that can transform,
To mean,
The fuzziness inside that causes the heart to bend,
When someone great calls you a friend.
A word with a strange odd feel,
A word that seems so unreal,
A word that feels like the colour blue in the sky,
A word that feels like the wind that falls off a butterfly,
A word that is so subtle yet so life altering,
A word that describes how the bird's sing.

What is that word?

You can search the world for a diamond,
To match the lustre that is her eyes,
You can invent time machines
Just so you could spend a little more time with her.
You could search every speck of sand in the desert
That little grain of gold, just so the hourglass
reads a different measurement of time.
You could give her your world
Expect her not to give you her world
Yet things will never be enough,
Because she is perfect and beautiful
And no matter if the sky is green or blue
You know she'll always be better with someone else,
That isn't you.
You'll always consult with the green eyed monsters
Feeding it your insecurities
Because you have no understanding of how
a girl so beautiful,
Would ever take the time to speak to you.
You know she'll always be better with someone else,
That isn't you.

The devil is beating his wife.
Can you imagine such a life.
Droplets of pain and despair,
Nary a person to ever share.
If we open up our heart,
To such hatred, will it depart?
A mirror shows us our reflection,
And we long to live in affection.
We can't grasp at what we should be seeing on the other side of the glass,
Because as humans we are so concerned with *******, thighs and ***.
We should look into our soul and discover what makes us, us,
Rather than our curves, our blemishes and our busts.

We should look for kindness inside ourselves,
To put others on a pedestal because they can't afford shelves.
Have you ever thought about those without a mirror?
How they just want to see their blemishes to make it clearer?

You're my pillars when I'm crumbling,
I regret to say I've never wanted you...
You're my clutch when I'm stumbling-
Over my regret of not letting our lips lock.

I hid behind a shadow like a lunar eclipse,
To afraid to say what lingers in my heart,
How I wanted nothing more than to steal a kiss,
But I hope we don't start to grow apart...

When I fess up to these feelings, to tell you
That I may have made a mess before,
But I hope this is where I start again, I like you-
And I hope I could redeem myself, as yours.

I'm only a figment of the man you never knew,
I've grown braver with you on my mind,
*I can say it with lips untouched that I like you
And I hope that you like me too.

The pen was mightier than the sword,
For the damsel in distress was bored,
Nothing to do in her own spare time,
She found her saviour, simple rhymes.
Knights would heave and sway the blade,
Only to find the princess with a quill,
So as tales go, they would never get laid,
And she had more poetry to spill....

She was a lonely soul
Sat alone, alienated,
Although beautiful
It was a trait she hated.

He was a lonely one
Sat alone, up high
Although radiant
He was alone in the sky.

So one fateful day
Noticed her stained cheeks
He wondered
'Why her eyes did leak?'

He cuddled her with his warmth
Kept her in the embrace of his rays
Comforted her with a ray of sunshine
Just so she could finally see better days.

He loved her from a distance
Her sullen eyes began to sparkle a glow
A smile formed on her face
So from afar, he felt happiness grow.

With his shine, she appreciated her beauty
Kept her smile for others and herself
Finally found the repelling sight in mirror
To beautiful beyond all else

The Sun fell in love with a human
Hurried the nights just to see her
That was when daylight savings
Had finally started to occur.

The skies, they fell to the Earth
The air, stopped all the births,
Birds dropped to the grounds,
And life laid with dead hounds.

Flames lit the very fuse of time
Where greed found a dime
But her eyes had finally met mine
And we will always be forever alive....

When the world ended.

Where did that little girl go?
The one who ran around tirelessly
Till she spewed up the juice she drank
As she darts a happy eye
Towards me and says
'Don't worry I'm on a juice cleanse'.

Where did that teenager go?
The one who ran around tirelessly
Trying to solve the problems of the world.
"No matter how hard you try dear,
You're never going to save the environment,
No matter how hard you try dear,
You're never going to cure AIDS right now,
No matter how hard you try dear,
You can't fix every relationship issues,
No matter how hard you try sweetheart,
There's just no way you can do all that alone."

But she tried, oh how she tried
and as tears ran down her cheeks,
she held a smile
with her eyes
still shimmering of a fading light
she said
'You watch me. I'll do it all,
I'll prove you wrong
I am a ******* champ'.

Where did that teenager go?
The one who objected to the ideas of impossibility,
The one who did her best to prove everyone wrong.
_____

"She's never going to make it to 18."
they said derisively towards her,
they said holding barbed wired words
across her shattering heart.

Why didn't you try to prove them wrong.
Where did THAT teenager go?
Why didn't you prove them wrong?

And I asked myself,
'What was wrong with me?';
and i did not expect the answer to be
Everything

Allyson was someone I got to know through words,
Be it fake or authentic,
Humans specialise in creating characters,
But when do characters stop being characters,
And represent a deeper truth of our own.
Maybe Allyson has been fabricated again,
Or that Allyson has been real all this time.
In the end, it's impossible to tell when,
Fiction diverts from reality.

I want to hold you
Whisper in your ears
That 'It'll be ok'.

I want to hold you
Whisper in your ears
That 'you're amazing'.

I want to hold you
Whisper in your ears
'Please don't give up'.

But

If Chinese Whispers
Have taught me anything
All the things I whisper
Will change upon
Entering your eardrums,
Soon 'it'll be ok', will be
'it'll never be ok',
'You're amazing' turns to
'you're nothing', and
'please don't give up',
turns to 'just give up',
But know that no matter
What you hear,
I will always be whispering
Into your ears
'I'm here for you'
and I'll always hold you.

You use to be my dream
Now you visit me in them
You stood there in my dreams
Mumbling 'girl troubles? **** em'

A clearance of problems
As though two words
Somehow would solve them
But it was your way.

Last night you relay
What your words
Would always say
And I felt the value.

*'Don't let a ***** **** up your heart.
It's like letting a bear **** on a Prada bag'.

Star Gazer born and bred under the little specks of light in the night.
Saw gloom part ways with doom through divorce and hatred,
Kept true to name and kept constellations as sacred.
Star Gazer wasn't dumb, wasn't smart, wasn't dark nor bright,
But kept up his shoulders and with each step taken, a fight.

That's what people say about me however,
I am different to what others perceive me as.

I have been and still try to , write my feelings out,
Keep my mind away from clouds of dust and clouds of doubt,
When I first started to write anything at all, I-
Drowned a paper and smothered it within the oceans
Of what I would slowly realise are my emotions.

When I was a kid I thought one day,
I could touch the stars.
Now that I am much older,
I realised that I couldn't touch the stars,
The latter makes me feel bleak.

However the beauty is there
And even if I am only allowed to see,
It is a privilege I did not deserve.
I guess I'll always be a star gazer.

So take a deep breath
the wave is hitting
it's a new beginning.
I've fallen so far
that falling stars are nothing
but dust tossing in the air
just praying on prayers to save the day.
Blink, because my heart is still there;
the air I breathe are still memories of them
like how often I found myself lost on thoughts
nothing to break away from all that I've felt.
The mistakes costed relationships like an iceberg,
as fights burst, trying to survive the titanic.
A didactic tone to reassure my mental state
that this rental hate is just driven away
by her smile, her warm personality and her presence.
The essence of her ability and her personality...
I watch the waves crash against the shore
skies tumble and fall as thoughts of her emerged,
perverse the course of how things were meant to be.
I dare not watch her say goodbye, nor choose life without
but clouded doubt still seeps between the crevice of my brain,
afraid that the same mistake occur like two doves in one stone
leads to a dove-less world.

I'm afraid of speaking my mind,
blind to how my lips must move
or do I choose to motion words
that hurt not only me but others.

I'm afraid of speaking my mind,
the silence binds my lips sealed tight
and at night I hear the echoes of wind
win a one sided fight against the trees,
the bees and the birds missing in flight
as a lamp-light overcasts a broken shadow
of a man hugging himself in tears.

I hate to confess it
but my honest guess
is that man is lost....
because that man is me.

I'm a monster and I shall be slain like one
so as lights gone, please someone swing
a ring that weds me to the eternal end,
pretend that I am nor human nor soul
just a hole filled with nothing but decay
and mistakes left to rot...

But don't slay me, for I have so much to see
so much green left in nature and life,
a light almost vanishing yet clinging on
so swing along with the flick of a switch
that enriches the darker colours with light.
For tonight, I love and hate myself.
So help...switch on or off the light,
for I dare not ask...

who am I ?? A star or a monster??

When I was a kid,
I had teeth like sharks,
Fangs like vampires,
Claws like a hawk,
Motivation like a cheetah after its prey,
Determination for death like a vulture.

When I grew older,
My teeth started getting replaced,
My fangs became dulled,
My claws became short nails,
And day by day my motivation grew dim,
Like a candle burning on its last drips
But my determination for death also subsided.
I became assimilated by humanity.
I became human.

And as being human I did what humans do,
Seek for beauty that exists in a dark night so blue.
I admired the stars,
I am a star gazer.

Why would God create me?
What a waste of flesh...

You write for enlightment
The purpose of writing
Is capturing a lightning
That is gone in a flash.
Being a poet is
Wrapping up flames
With nothing but paper
As the resultant ember
Becomes an assault
On the limitations
And confines
Placed on humanity.
Being a poet
Is being a star
That is either dead
Or carrying a burnt
Existence
Just to guide those
Who are lost
With the light of love.

Why are you lying there? Get out of the road!
You're a metal that won't ever corrode,
Why are you just lying there? GET THE **** UP.
There comes a time when ENOUGH IS ******* ENOUGH.
Stop lying there, a car will ******* crush you,
AND YOU WILL ******* SEE RED, NOT BLUE.
WHY ARE YOU LYING THERE? GET OUT
STOP MAKING ME HAVE TO SHOUT,
JUST SAVE YOURSELF, HELP YOURSELF.
YOU ARE NOT A METAL THAT WILL CORRODE,
YOU ARE MAGNIFICENT SO GET OFF THE ******* ROAD.

Barricaded walls, block my heart inside my ribs,
For when I gave my heart to you,
You moved it out of its place and made the red lines
Become coated in a farmiliar shade of blue.

I never knew love until we met,
I gave my heart to you
And over time my trusting heart,
Started to break in two.

I say 'ladies first' because I am a gentleman,
Not because I think ladies are weak willed or weak,
No I say 'ladies first' because I always put a lady first.
A gender of elegance and class that should be respected,
So when I see a man beat a woman,
Surely my blood boils and my fists clench,
When I see a man cut a woman down emotionally,
Surely I will start shaking in bouts of anger.
Why so?
Because most girls, most women, most daughters,
Grows up to be a mother,
And that is the hardest task a human can complete.

Will I get rid of this feeling,
Of missing you.

Flickering light, that sets mood to the night,
How thou kissed me with thy warm sight,
And thy tainted smile set alight the moon,
Emitting warmth from dusk till noon,
But thou is just a figment of mine mind,
Oh how thy disappearance so unkind,
A temporary trance of colour and heat,
May rise to the sky or fall at mine feet.
will-o'-the-wisp whisk mine soul away,
To where thy light shines all day.

Roses adorned by its precious petals
Held still by the soil and stems
Where winter's snow slowly settles
And snowflakes fall like shards of gems.
Clustered clouds rain overhead
I fall to a fault merely at your sight
And the day that I'll be dead
Is the day that I no longer hold you tight.

The white rain that polishes and feeds the rose
Now pours to form a new seed
And though I suppose
That these words will bleed.
Bleed the love I held in my heart
The love that spawns a rose in the frozen
And though we might fall apart
You are the one I have always chosen

Without you in this world,
There's no world left.
You're a diamond and a pearl,
And I will be bereft.

I don't think I'll be able to live,
Nor will i ever be able to love,
So please don't use the shiv,
Or I'll fall apart like a dead dove.

Please don't. ...

Last night I thought I could live without you
Tonight I thought I couldn't live without you.
I guess I'm convincing myself for what I'm about to do...
For what I have to do....
To live without you...

Being wonderful is not a test of strength
It is a test of character and personality,
It's standing up in the face of tragedy
And proceeding on without halt.
It is not about giving out fault,
But more about accepting blame
Should you really have tarnished your name.

Don't ever let anyone dim your lights
Make sure you let it shine bright
Because with every candle flickering
Is a day we can all stop bickering
And see the real darkness
Is nothing but an utter mess
Created from those who are too weak
To think of themselves wonderful.

I say so much in words,
Yet when I stop speaking,
I no longer am heard,
So do I just stop seeking?

For words that paint me,
Or metaphors for medals,
That award the blue sea,
and my bicycles black pedals.

Similar simile sings,
Songs of the soul,
Coating hearts in bling,
and piecing parts to whole.

I told you I'll write you a poem
Just so that my words could show them
How wonderful you truly are
But my words could never capture all that you are.
You are nice, but nice seems like an understatement
And dictionary couldn't show what beautiful meant
Because the dictionary defines beautiful as
'pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically',
And some might claim it is all genetically
But your beauty is not just aesthetics,
It's in your personality, in your heart and soul,
And with aesthetics it makes you more than whole.

The dictionary never gets the words
Kind , beautiful, smart, talented, amazing, wonderful
and heartwarming correct because there isn't
a photo of you that appears under each one of those words
So I'm flabbergasted that I have to invent my own word
You are 'Wondamazing'. Wonderfully Amazing.
You are 'Adorose'. Adorable rose.
You are 'candy kind'. Which as its name suggests, sweet and kind.
I wish I could capture what it is that makes you so special
But I guess when it comes to someone like you
Making up words is not a fun thing, but I just have to.
Stay strong, stay wonderful.

Writers are forged from the fires of struggle
made to never crumble under pressure
like treasures embedded with diamonds.
Writers are fighters facing thunder and lightning,
writing the spark, the shock, the rumble
and the calm that comes after.
Writers are like iron forged under fire
burning with desire to be as strong as possible,
as sharp and logical as any thunderstorm.

Writers are roses in a valley of dandelions
aligned with lines as thorns and rhymes as petal,
which settles on paper.

The best kind of writer's block
Where the walls erected are
From the love you shown me
Shielding all my problems away
Providing my mind with
The best kind of writer's block.

The demons run rampant
Yet no screams pour onto page
Voices slowly dampen
While whispers whistle rage.

Fiends chase the silence
Held hands with beasts
Caged thoughts with violence
Till words become decease.

A thousand thoughts run through my mind
The ink is full but the page remains empty
What I seek for I shall not ever find
And silence forever remains hefty.

Words barely capture what's in my heart,
It's an unexplainable sensation,
That rests in my chest and tears me apart,
And drives me into frustration.

Not knowing the words to paint your soul,
The metaphors and similes to draw your heart,
The words that captures you as a whole,
But what good are words if all they do is fall apart.

Yesterday wasn't like all my other yesterdays.
Yesterday I decided against my tired self.
Yesterday I found comfort in a rope tied to a beam.
Yesterday I saw warmth in being breathless.
Yesterday I discovered reasons against today.
Yesterday I found myself writing my last words.
Yesterday I found myself a variation of Bach's final words.
Yesterday I wrote 'don't cry for me when you find me-
For I have gone where beauty in poetry was birthed'.
Today I found myself a yesterday.
Tomorrow I would have found myself a new yesterday,
But today I have found that I was relieved.