I want to say I love you but
I don't know where the line cuts
Between liking you
And loving you
Between beating red blood
Or beating blue,
I'm confused
Over what's the correct hue
Because when I say I love you,
What does that mean to you?

Does I love you
Mean I'll end up wifing you
Or we'll make one from two.
Does I love you
Means if you speak your words
Like 'wash the dishes' they'll be heard
Or is it more of a proverb,
'Like you can lead a horse to the lake
But you can't make him drink the water'.

I think my I love you
Is a complete different view,
It's a taste
Of sweet sugar on a rainy day,
The taste
Of cake eaten yesterday,
It's sweet.
It's more than sweet though,
It's a sight,
It's an array of lights to form a show
Like how I'll show you my life lighting up
When you repeat those same I love you's.
My I love you's
Is a sound
Not the rattling of chains
To keep two souls bound
But the sounds of bells
That gets dented and dinged by cupids arrows.
My I love you's
Is the smell of fresh roses
That tickles the noses
And shows how I'll keep you closest.
My I love you's
Are more than that,
Because even I don't know my I love you's
Because it's a sentence
I haven't put meaning to,
Not until I finally met you.

I resist the restraint
That society creates
I see people paint
Outside of lines
Outside of times.

Individuals invested in impromptu
To distinguish themselves old from new
To let out a little light for those with a dimmed view
Just to give chance to dreams and hopes people pursue.
We all face challenges and blockades we have to go through
It's part of being human.
I'm a human, and you are too,

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'd hope you weren't sober
As it enters your body.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
Pray on your four leaf clover
That it'll only last 9 seconds.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
Time might feel slower
As you resist restraints.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
But the stench of sweat odour
Will scar your remaining life.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'll feel a burden like boulder
Too heavy to carry.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
You'll never get true closure
But it's not a choice.

In 9 seconds it'll all be over
As volts of electricity pass your shoulders
And in 9 seconds it'll all be over.

I woke up last night dead,
Demonic voices echo in my head
And all of them clearly said
'Tell her you like her',
'Maybe it'll surprise her'
'Maybe she'll call you a liar',
And I'm thinking I'm just a nervous guy
Each word escape my mouth stinks of shy
And will a false bravado makes my words, lies?

I like her
And I guess I'll show her that I care about her
Well because I do care about her
But she spoke of a certain world
And I was too scared to doubt her
So my thoughts and feelings became a storm
And a resultant of lightning as clouds stir
I broke branches of certainty.

To your surprise, she's crying.
Cuts and scratches dripping blood
With her own shredded skin
Rain crimson pain that was
no longer dripping from the glands
of her eyes.

'I'm ok' she lies,
And as the blue sky rain heartache
The storms shadow casts over her
And the darkness within her
completely surrounds her every breath,
'I'm ok' she says,
As she awaits her own mortal ending,
her death.

This too shall pass
I reassured myself
Cleaning the shattered
Remnants of my
heart by myself.

This too shall pass
I repeatedly told
myself as I
found myself
crying in the
corner of my room.

This too shall pass
as I act
as my own
adhesive and held
myself back to
one piece.

This too shall pass
as I see
her walking away
from me.

I don't think this will pass
As I tell myself
dreaming about you
every single night.

So I reassure myself
This too shall pass.

She paints masterpieces
Creates beauty with her hands
Her soul restore paper creases
And she brings beauty to all lands.

She brings beauty onto papers,
Beauty that came from her heart
She doesn't need to see skyscrapers
To put charcoal on paper and start.

She brings beauty into this world
Because she makes silence, musical
From all sticks and stones hurled,
She will always be beautiful.

You stumble out a dry cleaners
Or a 24-7 convenience store
And with your weapon of choice
You brandish and challenge
The chains of the legal system
For a little profit or as you deem
Method of survival.

Somewhere between buying a gun
Finding a gun, or owning a gun
You forgot what it was like
To be a caring brother,
To be a worrying father,
To be a loving mother,
To be an innocent sister,
And when you finally,
Look the eyes of the
about to be soulless,
As you let off alarms,
That ring more than just pain
And blood,
But rings of
your own
guilty conscience,
And heartache for the victim,
You have forgotten what it's like
To be a part of humanity.

How did I get lucky
enough to have met you?

7 Billion people and I'm truly alone
Walking through the land where the light touches
Being a sheep and following steps I've been shown
The moon my chains and the sun my crutches.

I am alone but never ever lonely
I watched what alcohol does to tired eyelids
The way you'd add if before you say only
Like if only a bed time was enough for kids.

I was certain it didn't just happen to me
It wasn't just me who fought tired red eyes
Replacing sleep with admiring a creepy tree
And filling heads with caffeinated lies.

We haggled over maybe ten to fifteen longer minutes
But shut out our minds and lives at night as we
fought sleep without realising we were already in it
and we embodied the likes of a calming blue sea.

Star Gazer born and bred under the little specks of light in the night.
Saw gloom part ways with doom through divorce and hatred,
Kept true to name and kept constellations as sacred.
Star Gazer wasn't dumb, wasn't smart, wasn't dark nor bright,
But kept up his shoulders and with each step taken, a fight.

That's what people say about me however,
I am different to what others perceive me as.

I have been and still try to , write my feelings out,
Keep my mind away from clouds of dust and clouds of doubt,
When I first started to write anything at all, I-
Drowned a paper and smothered it within the oceans
Of what I would slowly realise are my emotions.

When I was a kid
I lived with my grandparents
And god forbid
They ever enjoy each others company.
I grew up being taught
That if your feelings come short
Just go water the plants
And all your sadness turns to naught.
I was only a kid at the time
But even I knew love wasn’t in their mind,
It was more of a tolerance.

Flowers only bloom
In the face of peoples gloom
Because every rose petal
Lives from a pain that settles
inside all of us.

She wears waterproof mascara
Just so it doesn't dribble and dab
Across her face.

She wears a beautiful smile
Just so her soul remains partially
Intact with others.

She wears heartaches
Across her sleeves
In the form of tears.

She wears sadness
In her mind and heart
Until she is worn out.

Too weak for the word-
Love and too strong for hatred-
What word do I seek?

She kept to herself most of the time
But this time
This particular day
She let out a smile in his direction.

Suddenly her life turned upside down.

Her body,
The canvas of each poem she couldn't write.
Each cut of a blade,
Each edge of a razor,
Each ink of a bleeding pen,
Each pierce of a broken page
Spells out all her unread poems titled-
'Maybe this is better...'

Dear Daisy Dilly Dalley
You noticed I wrote Dilly Dally,
It's because I've been to large valleys,
Roamed through the darkest alleys,
Saw exquisite masterpiece in art galleries,
Met people named Margaret and Mallory
But I still can't address you as Daisy Buchanan.

The green light across the pier still flickers
And even though I bicker
with my subconscious state of mind,
I wonder, is this luxury life-
worth living without you?
Without you by my side?
The green light is but a taunt now,
saying go- yet at the same time
creating a tension in my heart-
saying this.....
will never happen.
Please come back to me,
or at least write a letter back to me-
Give my best to Tom as well...
                                                         ­   Love you always,
                                                               Jay Gatsby

For me
Happiness is synonymous with chocolate
For me
Melted is synonymous with chaos
For me
Tragedy is synonymous with melted happiness.

To open a bar of chocolate
Only to realize what you have
Is the stain of a thousand crushed dreams and hope.

What is the point of living when even the chocolate I wish to consume can't even maintain its perfect shape?

What hope do we have at finding a perfect human when we can't even have a perfect creation of a simplistic sweetness?

Green trees stand left and right
The sun shines so bright
Cars pass me by on the side
As I carry myself with my stride.

Beautiful doesn't appropriate the sight
As I look upon a greater,brighter light
The sun exudes a comforting glow
As I watch nature blossom and grow.

I could let go of everything I have known
Following the light I have been shown
To a world that finally shown me peace
A peace that settles and never cease.

I have not exhausted my happiness,
And there's no creation of a mess,
I have reached a point of being perfectly happy
And it can happen to you, as it has happened to me.

In the morning,
Let the sunrise guide your walk,
Let the bird chirps
Be the sound of your silence.

In the day,
Let the sun guide your path,
Let the car noises
Complete your comfort.

In the evening,
Let the sunset follow you home,
Let the whistles,
Reveal to you, warmth.

In the night,
Let the stars light your darkness,
Let the silence,
Finish your sentences.

Claimed ourselves to be failures
Wondering if we inherited
The features from our mothers or fathers.

We called ourselves failures
from the words we heard
spoken by the lips
of those deemed 'socially acceptable'.

We aren't failures,
We are different
And different
Is unique
And unique
is wonderful.

We are all wonderful people.

You use to be my dream
Now you visit me in them
You stood there in my dreams
Mumbling 'girl troubles? **** em'

A clearance of problems
As though two words
Somehow would solve them
But it was your way.

Last night you relay
What your words
Would always say
And I felt the value.

*'Don't let a ***** **** up your heart.
It's like letting a bear **** on a Prada bag'.

She tip-toed around sensitive subjects-
She ate chocolate when she was upset-
I noticed her long hair had a glow-
And her eyes twinkled a star show.

She was the girl that made me forget
Forget everyone who made me upset
So as her words went through my ears
They rid me of shedding any tears.

I forgot everyone in the past, in the moment
Then I stood there quickly wishing and hoping
That she would ask me for my number
But instead she asked me for my Tumblr.

I told her ' I didn't know that's still a thing'
She replies 'Ok, your number? I'll give you a ring'.
A smile lit up like stars across my face-
Baring all my teeth sitting in place.

Let me describe her beautiful smile
I would indefinitely walk a hundred mile
Just to see her teeth shimmer and shine
With a dazzling glow making anyone blind.

She was something I have never seen
A beautiful model in a movie scene
But her looks weren't all that gave her value
She was smarter and kinder than anyone ever knew.

Her heart must have been made from solid gold
From all the things she said and the tale she told
She sounded like a curriculum vitae of perfection
And she believes 'happiness is within creation'.

Her poem to me she recited from the first second
I was surprised by finally receiving this blessing
She was extremely eloquent in what she had said
That I was sure in the moment, i lost my head.



There once was a green grimy toad
Who never knew of his worth
So he sat sedated by insecurities
Ever since birth.

There once was a pretty princess
Who kept her feelings hidden
Because she was always told
That emotions are forbidden.

The toad met the princess
Admired her from a distance
Told her of her beauty
And she gave in to resistance.

A smile formed across her face
Feeling loved and cherished
The toad cried of his ugliness
And she made his insecurities perished.

She kissed the toad
And no he didn't change
Because he didn't need to
He was perfect as he was.



She recited her poem and I knew,
That of all grass green and all sky blue
There was no doubt she was perfect.

His eyes,
They pour a drink,
Dehydrating his pain.

His lips
They sing a song
Relaxing his brain.

His nose
They smell a scent
Of a searing stain.

His ears
They hear a whistle
As he fades in front a train.

Dear Me

I'm completely at peace with being alone
I love the direction my life is heading
I am a valuable person
I am in the memories of those who know me
I am lovable.

P.s Late april fools.
          
           Best regards Me

The first line bleeds your pain
The second line bares your soul
The third line cuts at the heart
And the fourth line rips you apart.

Any subsequent line is rinse and repeat
Because life follows the same principles
It will crack you, crush you and destroy you,
And it will always continue to do so.

I walked school halls
Being bombareded by a billion spit *****
I tread mud into every classroom
Because everything in my life was already a ****-stain.
I failed to realize that fertilizer
Supports and helps
Roses and daisies to grow.
So while everything around me was going to ****
I was just in fact growing and learning.

Thanks for helping me grow,
You people of that ****** up high school.

the podium
I took a step onto                        
my voice   s     a     i      g
                      h    k     n

and my heart PP OO UU NN DD II NN GG

The nerves kicked in,
My legs started weakening
  I slightly
                  fell lower
                           and lower.
I got back up however,
                         saw what I came to see
said what i had to say.

I walked
                down
                           the
                                  podium.