People that can hurt you, the ones that can really hurt you, are the ones that are close enough to do it. People that get inside you and... and... and tear you apart, and make you feel like you're never gonna recover. ****. I'd... I... I would chop my arm off right here, in this restaurant, just to feel that one more time for my wife. My old lady, she didn't just break my heart. She... She'd rip it out, she'd tear it apart, she'd step on that ****, feed it to a dog. I mean, she was ruthless. She brought the pain. But she'll never hurt me again.

-Frank Castle in the TV show Daredevil

A fellow poet once told me
I have a self-pitying tone
With every poem I've written.

I will cleanse myself of this affliction-
Rehabilitate that addiction
And send it into annihilation.

I am strong and I will see over the fence
For I can climb any obstacle
And I create my own destiny.

There is no room for fate
In a life where we hold the pen
That write our own stories.

I am the writer,
I am the poet,
I am the one in charge of my life.

I am taking one step forward,
At a time,
To a world by my design.

Life is not a game for the stubborn.
Sometimes the things we aspire for,
Are like a rose that is more thorns than petals,
And while we hold onto it, the pain settles,
Deeper and deeper.

Sometimes being stubborn is our own flaw,
Keeping us held high hopeful.

Life is a vine,
That scratches at you, the more you hold
Onto what you just can't have.

As one of my favourite anti-hero states

'You hit ’em and they get back up. I hit ’em and they stay down'...

And when life hits you beyond breaking,
You rise your head and see the beautiful things.
New view, new perspective and new things.

My mother,
Seemed to be filled with wisdom,
Built her own little fort-
And us kids, served in this kingdom.
Although she is fair,
She says every parent always cares,
And she has shown this.
Around the house,
There aren't family photos,
Or portraits of a family,
Because I haven't exactly
Had a conventional family.
Mother once said to me,
'Family is not who's blood you carry,
It's who can hug you like a panda,
When you are sad'.

I have two cousins
Who are filled with vibrant energy
Set on appreciating and experiencing
Every moment of life.
Seeing things through kids eyes
Must be different,
Fighting over
Which my little pony is better.

I have a baby sister-
She doesn't do much.

I have me,
I have been told I should love me,
And I want to write this poem,
To show what life looks like to me.

I have a myriad friends,
Who raise interesting questions
And help me when I'm down.
One of my closest friend helped me
Move from my most recent heartbreak
Posing the question
'Do you live for now, do you live for the future
Or do you cloud your head and live in the past?'.

I had two best friends,
One male and one female,
My bestie ...left this world
In search for a different meaning to beauty,
And my male bestie,
Became too toxic for my search for stability.

That's all there is about me,
I expect no painting,
I expect nothing really.
Just airing who I am,
To a world of people
That I don't fully know yet.

I am me,
And I seek,
All the light,
That settles inside,
Everyone.
I also have all you poets
who ENCOURAGE me
To keep writing.

You are all beautiful,
And special people.

Lets ride the waves
Till we reach the shores.

You see, red blue and yellow.
They were all friends,
They had been setting trends,
And each colour had its own personality.

Red was a hothead,
Always jumping to conclusion,
She hated any confusion
So you would have to be precise.
When she loved however,
It was with a burning passion,
And when she hated,
She would make you rain blood.

Blue was peaceful,
Always the sullen eyed boy
He loved the sky,
Love the sea,
But at times he felt all alone,
And as a result,
he lived with the name he was given.

Yellow
Loved the sun,
He loved having fun.
If one were to describe him,
He was rather quite mellow,
And theres a calming presence
That comes along with
the words he speaks.

One fine night
As they spent in each others company
With fine dining and wine for delight
They decided to do something thrilling.
They joined each other
In a night full of lust filled fun
And as blue started kissing yellow,
Imprints of green on the canvas were seen.
Red got a little lonely and decided to
****** blue away from yellow for a moment
As they got to busy acts,
Red and blue left a patch of purple,
that rained along the walls and ground.
Yellow was allured by reds smell,
As a result he snatched her into his arms
Caressing her with his tenderly touch
and so formed Orange.

They formed a rainbow of happiness,
A combination of different colours.

When I finally convinced myself that you loved me,
I could feel the hesitation that sits amongst your soul,
How can you ever love a being built with ugly?
How could one ever love broken pieces rather than a whole?

I could hear the hissing noise of your mind
As you told me you loved me-
With each day, each word spoken-
It became a pinpoint to where I lost myself.

You are a part of a race to the edge of the-
universe as it continues to expand.
While the rocket fuel and the flux capacitor-
Were still in ignition we found ourselves floating.
We stood still in the retrospect of time-
But we were moving light years beyond light years.

That was life after all isn't it?
A constant search and race for things-
That slowly become too unnecessary.

Keep chasing that promotion, till you're at the top-
Keep chasing the green notes, till you can buy the world-
Keep chasing the pocket filled friends.
Because one day the only thing chasing you-
Will be loneliness.

Take a little time-
Appreciate the people around you-
See the beauty within nature-
See the beauty within others-
And learn to love.

Crimes do not exist solely on Earth.
They are also seen on Heaven.
No matter how many times you go to church.
Bearing any one of the seven.

God weeps for you, weeps for change.
Although you do not see the tears and care.
And although you might think it's strange.
God has made the world filled with air.

All for a reason , for you.

Your lips start to shake
As your spirits break
And the pieces of you
Become dipped in blue.

You trust your sight
Because your heart is blind.
You trust your ears
Because your heart is deaf.
You trust your scent
Because your heart reminds you of her.

You trust yourself,
Because you are the only one
Who will not lie to you.

Read the words etched in my mind:
You are wonderful

Being wonderful is not a test of strength
It is a test of character and personality,
It's standing up in the face of tragedy
And proceeding on without halt.
It is not about giving out fault,
But more about accepting blame
Should you really have tarnished your name.

Don't ever let anyone dim your lights
Make sure you let it shine bright
Because with every candle flickering
Is a day we can all stop bickering
And see the real darkness
Is nothing but an utter mess
Created from those who are too weak
To think of themselves wonderful.

When I was a kid, Momma use to say-
Keep your head up high-
And sooner or letter I had better days-
Simply by giving life a little try.

I soon started smiling with tear filled eyes-
Grew stronger with every night-
Started to appreciate the blue in the skies-
and saw every morning as a new light.

I remember that one moment-
How I met my best friend-
And I don't know what it meant-
But that wasn't our end.

Life is beautiful-
If you look at it with blind eye-
And do things for you-
Rather than let your eyes run dry.

She is the sun,
And I the moon.
Her beauty was immeasurable,
And her sunny day warmth,
Was that of a volcano.

She is the sun,
And I the moon,
We came from different worlds,
Held different times
And lived different lives.

She is the sun
And I the moon,
And every morning,
I would have died
Just so her beauty shone.

She is the sun
And I the moon,
And with every breath I drew
I only ever knew,
There was no girl comparable.

She is the sun
And I the moon,
But as I lay weary eyes at sunrise,
Her spectral figure appears in my dreams,
And I lived for that moment.

She is the sun,
She was my sun.
My light
And my day.
Till she went away,
And I, the moon
Wandered around
Aimlessly at night,
Staring at stars.

Clothes hanger on the floor coated in blood,
It was the culture, the traditions,
Emotions and tears on the face did flood,
Simply based on pure premonition.

A mother's mentality subjugated,
To select between disappearance and remaining.
They claim that existence wasn't ill fated,
But no one choice absolute from mental feigning.

Life is for the taking, prior to taking is life,
This tradition has kept mothers from uncertain strife.

It was a vacuum, airless lands
And I stood with jaws agaped
Over her pristine gem like beauty
Her smile rained jewels from her teeth.

The best things in life
Leave you breathless
And she, was better than best
She was priceless.

Priceless princess prance
With twists and turns in her step
And while others crawled
Priceless princess leapt.

She leapt right into my heart.

Thick fogs, arid air
Clueless dreamers
With breath to spare
Opposed preachers.

Impossible ensues
Roaming along streets
In dilapidated shoes
As sweat secretes.

Call it luck, call it chance
Running through hail
Heavy breaths & broken pants
For fake friends to regale.

He talks to the past
More than he thinks of the future.
He'd recount on friends he lost
Rather than the friends he gained.
He sees the way the die is cast
Rather than the number that appears
And that in itself is his demon.

He reminisces of moments had
Than the memories that could be
He does what he could
Rather than what he should.
He keeps his eyes on the beauty of last
Until he strives for an impasse.

He has given up on the past
And chased the future.
He chases tomorrow's sunrise
With yesterday's sunset.
He chases cars
That he can't even see yet.
He doesn't live in the past
The way a die is cast.

He lives tomorrow
And
Everyday after that.

In the wise words of Kendrick Lamar
I love myself.
Who is it that I see high up on that shelf?
Oh, just myself.
I choose not to love another person yet,
Till I can love myself.
So as a result,
I abandon my search for love,
And I will let love search for me.

Cupid isn't as stupid
As we have been told.
So while my life is a dream in lucid
I will wait till I get old.
For the one to fill my heart,
And promise to never break it apart.

It's 10 pm, Saturday night. I'm down in Jessie's place, just to join her in a lust filled night of sorts. Her blonde hair radiating from the lamp on the night stand. I carry her in my arms, both arms out resembling a father carrying a newborn baby except she wasn't my baby, not in that sense anyways. The tension in the air was so thick that even a butter knife couldn't spread the tension, but me and jessie had spread on our mind.

I could smell her alluring scent as I lay her down onto the bed, it must have been the thrill of daring to step into a boundary we had no knowledge existed. Love thy neighbour as heavenly quoted by men and women all around the world, I guess I was abiding by what I have been taught.

A little bit about Jessie, Jessie had these mesmerising blue eyes and had a husband, John,a fine husband, a brave husband who was filled with love.  John wasn't ever one to toot his own horns but he had the right to refer to himself in the third person, why wouldn't John be given the right? He's awesome and extremely brilliant at that. Nothing short of Superman or Einstein is what John has been told.

Jessie has been my neighbour for years, ever since I could remember. I drink a lot, so I haven't exactly the best memory of when or wheres. It was how we met, she was my neighbour and I was hers. Now we were closer, so close to the point that I could see her blue eyes staring into mine.

"Jess, I hope it's Ok, I wrote you ... a little poem. That's not...umm too weird right ?"

"Sure, as long as it's not something too eerie. Don't be too...what's that word?... Sappy" Jessie nodding in agreeance.

The words glided out of my lips like a gold medalist ice skater, with elegance and soft subtle seductive intentions.

'Love is like an ocean,
The sounds of crashing waves against rocks,
That mimic the sound of my heartbeat,
Love is more than an emotion,
Love is the echo of water dripping in a cave,
Love is a poison and a potion,
It is the pollen that fills the spring air,
Love can cause chaos and beauty
It holds onto your hearts and never lets go'.

I ended my recital by looking into Jessie's direction for affirmation of its quality, I couldn't actually pinpoint her ****** response but I'll try my best to capture it. Her eyes, rolled to one side in a condescending and demeaning manner but her smile was filled with some sort of ...actual craving for more.

My lips shot forward similar to the teens 'duck-face selfie poses', and I asked "So... do you ... like?".

Silence...

I waited for a little longer, or what felt like an eternity in my mind's timeframe.

Silence again...

I expressed my regret "Sorry, I'll recite another one?... Yes? "

"The sun and the moon,
You see they were friends,
But not everything twist and bends,
And even though the sun loved the moon,
He had loved her since yesterday's noon,
When she wasn't even around, he loved her.
Somewhere far away in the horizons,
It clearly never seemed to occur,
In her mind that he was thinking of her.
So every night, while birds and bees went to sleep
He died.
Just so her light could shine above his.
He died.
Just so her close friends, the stars could visit.
He died.
Just so the world appreciated her beauty,
Rather than his necessity."

Jessie still dressed in her singlet and underwear, quickly rose on two feet as a Chevrolet pulls up her driveway. A man with a neanderthal-like figure burst through the door yelling, ' I leave for business... and ya'll ******* in my house? ON MY ******* BED!!'

I tried my best to get past his door, because it was the only way I knew I would be able to keep my current state, the state of being still alive.
...

Jessie trying to explain everything with words, yes ...trying to use words with what clearly is a caveman.

'Darlin' we didn't do anything, he's just here yappin' on about something with moons and suns. I swear, I didn't do anything indecent'.

The caveman spoke again, in proper non-swearing, non-screaming English.
     'Sons? He was tryin' to put a baby in you? THAT'S IT!!.. Imma **** him!!'

That was the day I met John.

People don't understand that being hurt
Is like contorting a wound and rubbing dirt
In place of applying bactine,
It's like fighting a disease without a vaccine,
A world where the average relies on being mean.

People don't understand that being invincible
Doesn't shield you from love the way you had hoped
And standing in the crosshairs of a ******'s scope
We come to realize that Cupid is a deadeye,
He's capable of hitting anyone without try.

Even the strong falls in the face of their emotions
And even an alchemist has no true cure or potion
For this affliction,
Known as love.

I have loved you for half a year
And although that isn't a long while
I have cried a billion tears
And I have loved you with a million hearts.
I write this last poem dedicated to you
To remind you that you are beautiful
And hope that you find the happiness
That you seek for.

I have always tried to write
So that my demons are kept away
Not everyone puts up a fight
And so the demons see light of day.

I write this last piece for the friends
Who have seen me through insanity
For those that believe that 'things end'
And now my words are living in vanity.

Thank you for the multiple experiences
Showing me that life in essence is beauty,
That there lies things beyond appearances,
And now I guess I've served my time, done my duty.

I bid you all a fine farewelll
Praying for all of you
To live life in swell
And escape matrimony with feeling blue.

I held a smile that stretched cheek to cheek
But inside my room everything is dull and bleak
Outside of my room, I am a vibrant rainbow
But inside my room, I bury a pain no one knows.

I relive the memories of a shattered tie between friends
Because no matter how positive I try to be, things end,
And I keep my head held up high outside my room
While inside I fold my arms and descend into gloom.

I smile for you but I cry for me,
Tissues that wipe away eye seas,
So that inside my room I died
and outside my room, I lied.

I used to love the sunlight
And the moonlight
Because I saw your face
Reflected from them.
I stood in the shadows now
Dodged the sunlight,
I sat in the corner of my room
Hid from the moonlight
Because they reminded me
Of how you
Broke what wasn't yours
To break.

I watered a garden of sadness
I watered orchards of ache
Because
Flowers only bloom
In the face of people's gloom
Because
Every rose petals
Lives from a pain that settles
Inside all of us.

... And there she stood
Trying to figure what's bad or good
         As her palms crashed the gravelled ground
She asks herself, 'How did I fall this far?'
     Pacing herself back and forth
In an attempt to sweat the addiction from her pores
             And her hands shaking and trembling.

      She pulls out a one hundred dollar bill
In exchange for a white powder
           And as she snorts the powder
Falling onto her hands and knees
                 Realising she wrote her own fate.

Faint echoes of applause
As the day approaches a close
Darting a death stare to the sound
As the casket gets lowered to the ground.

I was too emotional exhausted to exchange punches
And the memories of our late night 2 a.m lunches
Flooded my crimson teary eyes
As I hid my tears by looking at the skies.

I should have fought for you or at least with you
Way before my days became stained with a permanent blue
And there are no do overs so I can't relive it again
And for you sweetheart I dedicate my tear stained pen.

Next time write me a message and I'll fight for you
I've left a felt-tip pen buried next to you.
You use to make the ***** jokes of the felt and tip
Write a to-do list and I promise, not one item skipped

If my mum has taught me anything
It's that you can't let death
Take the light out of life.
She told me that when father passed
She was waiting for an impossibility
She told me she was waiting for his return
And in her mind she knew for certain.

So she sat in sadness till I reached adulthood
And I spent my childhood
Watching my mum struggle day by day
And I would still enforce our family tradition
That 'I love you's' are shown in silent actions.
The darkness of death
Leaves the light in anyone
Feeling indebted to a soul
That no longer roams the Earth.
I chose to live,
Even in the darkness of the world,
Sitting in the corners of shadows approaching
**I chose to live

Where my life became chaotic
Where I lost control of everything
Wheee I lost everything.

I took a step towards the moon
I promise sweetheart I'll be with you soon
Just need to finish up some business,
I mean what's 30 years anywas right?
I have missed you,
It's been kind of a relief
That you visit me in my dream
Every night.
One day I'll walk to the moon
And never turn back
I promise.
I hope you haven't been feeling lonely
Don't worry, the feeling is mutual
Life on Earths ******* boredom
Since you've left.
Don't worry sweet heart
I'll see you in my dreams
It gives me the chance to tell you
Things I never got the guts to say
Like the way your eyes remind me of cupid
The way you walk reminds me of cupid
Your smile shines even from the moon
And you remind me of cupid
Because I love you.

What is 30 years really?
I'll be with you soon.

In that moment I shined
As i realised your eyes shined,
And teeth glistened leaving me blind
I took time to trace the trail of the tides
That left me separated from you.

On opposite ends you shot a smile
Your teeth gleamed like white Pietra Firma tiles
And I would have walked a thousand miles
Search through a million isles
If you were ever lost and couldn't be found.

You were superbly, majestically beautiful,
You gave meaning to the fictitious word cutieful
And I would have acted the stupid fool
Just to see that glistening smile on you,
Because you deserve every chance at happiness.

You kept all million hearts in racing,
A million thoughts patiently pacing
You would overcome anything you're facing
Rather than any thought of forgetting or erasing
Because you kept every night bright.

Memories and the pain linger
It becomes a part of me for life,
Even when I married your dad,
And became a common house wife
It lived with me.
Every remnant scar sitting on my skin
All the ache I have felt,
Not just physically but emotional.

You wouldn't understand
The tears that flow endlessly
Accompanying the memories
Of a mother burying their child.
I have a brother, oh well had a brother
My eldest sibling,
At 12 he died due to being malnourished
And my mother was brave, she had courage
She let out only a single tear
And buried him.
It was war, you had to be strong
or you would have been broken.
You would have been silent
But in thoughts, you were loudly spoken.

I can remember the scorching bridge
Running barefoot on hot metal
And witnessing crowds of family
Falling to knees to artillery damage.
The smell of human flesh being burnt
As crisp lay upon crisp, nothing felt fine.
I kept going however, at a young age
That's all you could really do after all.
I was born and then it happened,
There was no enjoyment,
There was nothing prior to it
So I kept running in hopes
That maybe we can actually
one day experience
what being a kid really is like.

You haven't realised how much is sacrificed
Through love and kinship
When you haven't seen blood flow like river
staining the palm trees where corpses lay upon.
We won't be able to appreciate every aspect of life
But we surely appreciate being alive.

Where did that little girl go?
The one who ran around tirelessly
Till she spewed up the juice she drank
As she darts a happy eye
Towards me and says
'Don't worry I'm on a juice cleanse'.

Where did that teenager go?
The one who ran around tirelessly
Trying to solve the problems of the world.
"No matter how hard you try dear,
You're never going to save the environment,
No matter how hard you try dear,
You're never going to cure AIDS right now,
No matter how hard you try dear,
You can't fix every relationship issues,
No matter how hard you try sweetheart,
There's just no way you can do all that alone."

But she tried, oh how she tried
and as tears ran down her cheeks,
she held a smile
with her eyes
still shimmering of a fading light
she said
'You watch me. I'll do it all,
I'll prove you wrong
I am a ******* champ'.

Where did that teenager go?
The one who objected to the ideas of impossibility,
The one who did her best to prove everyone wrong.
_____

"She's never going to make it to 18."
they said derisively towards her,
they said holding barbed wired words
across her shattering heart.

Why didn't you try to prove them wrong.
Where did THAT teenager go?
Why didn't you prove them wrong?

Ash is rubble, and rubble is fire
We burnt our love with heart's desire
Just to captivate what is left in our hearts
A flame that never needs fuel to start.

Collapsed structures to fallen bridges
A thousand memories in a single picture
We caught eyes over the blazing sun
And reminisced on all the damaged we'd done.

Tears is to water as water is to oceans
We packed Evian bottles of emotions
Making sure no word was spoken or heard
Because exposing ourselves became absurd.

Who would expose themselves to flame?
Who would expose themselves to blame?
Who would expose themselves to falling apart?
Who would expose themselves to a broken heart?

Do you remember that time you walked into the street light?
As Stephanie sat there cracking jokes about being extremely bright.
Do you remember how we used to swim in that terribly cold pool?
As you lured me close to you and pushed me underwater like a fool.
Do you remember when I sang for you?
Jason Mraz's I'm yours
As you were doing your homework or as you called it 'chores'
Do you remember half the things I won't ever forget about our time?
As you left me with the memory of the last knock combined with wind chimes

Girl : Be a little classy say scenery not view
Boy : view, it's a view.
Girl : it's a scenery. A scenic scenery. A memorable scenery.
Boy : You're a beautiful scenery. See **** doesn't make sense.
Girl : That's different.
Boy : What's the difference, that's just a sun. You're much prettier.
Girl : Such a sweet tongue, how many girls hearts have you broken?
Boy : None. Yet...
Girl : One day you'll miss having someone to look at scenic sceneries with.
Boy : I have you for that don't I?
Girl : True that but you'll still miss it when we grow up.
Boy : Who says we have to grow up?
Girl : We all do.
Boy : Nuh uh
Girl : Trust me you'll miss having someone to go look at views with.


One year later

Boy : I already do.

If the last year has taught me anything
Its that love is all about correct timing
That love is a beautiful emotion
Comparable to the grandest ocean.
Love is more than just timing though
It's not a tale to tell but a way to show
That there are empty 'I love yous'
Which only ever come into view
When things start turning more sour
Slowly and surely, hour by hour.

If the last year has taught me anything
It's that if it's with the right one
It takes more than just timing
To keep the feeling of love from being gone.

Thank you for teaching me this lesson.