So take a deep breath
the wave is hitting
it's a new beginning.
I've fallen so far
that falling stars are nothing
but dust tossing in the air
just praying on prayers to save the day.
Blink, because my heart is still there;
the air I breathe are still memories of them
like how often I found myself lost on thoughts
nothing to break away from all that I've felt.
The mistakes costed relationships like an iceberg,
as fights burst, trying to survive the titanic.
A didactic tone to reassure my mental state
that this rental hate is just driven away
by her smile, her warm personality and her presence.
The essence of her ability and her personality...
I watch the waves crash against the shore
skies tumble and fall as thoughts of her emerged,
perverse the course of how things were meant to be.
I dare not watch her say goodbye, nor choose life without
but clouded doubt still seeps between the crevice of my brain,
afraid that the same mistake occur like two doves in one stone
leads to a dove-less world.

I'm afraid of speaking my mind,
blind to how my lips must move
or do I choose to motion words
that hurt not only me but others.

I'm afraid of speaking my mind,
the silence binds my lips sealed tight
and at night I hear the echoes of wind
win a one sided fight against the trees,
the bees and the birds missing in flight
as a lamp-light overcasts a broken shadow
of a man hugging himself in tears.

I hate to confess it
but my honest guess
is that man is lost....
because that man is me.

I'm a monster and I shall be slain like one
so as lights gone, please someone swing
a ring that weds me to the eternal end,
pretend that I am nor human nor soul
just a hole filled with nothing but decay
and mistakes left to rot...

But don't slay me, for I have so much to see
so much green left in nature and life,
a light almost vanishing yet clinging on
so swing along with the flick of a switch
that enriches the darker colours with light.
For tonight, I love and hate myself.
So help...switch on or off the light,
for I dare not ask...

who am I ?? A star or a monster??

Where do I stand? Amongst the broken or amongst the strong,
A destructive song to whistle pass oncoming traffic,
Oh tragic how the tunes I hear in my head are much louder
than the clouded judgements of those just passing by
because I'm blinded. Blinded by grass in the sky, the Earth
seems hurt, confused, upside down but I keep walking,
keep crawling, as though I have shoes made of cloud
and I'm allowed to fly wherever I want.

This isn't the world that raised me up, this is the world
that hurled abuse and painful memories, just to keep me down.
It's what I've allowed and to that I say I'm walking on
because my feet sings a song, the pitter-patter beat
like sleep under a tin roof echoing the serene sounds of raindrops.
The pain stops, the tears I've heard are not falling down my face,
it is the rain, leaking between cracks of a self-made ceiling
and as healing begins, this is my start, by tearing down that roof.

My shoes are made of cloud and I am walking across the sky,
hear me sigh as I say 'this is where I should have started from'
Catacombs are built for the dead, you are breathing, you are alive,
hearts survive, and so will you, so just do me a favour...
tear that ******* roof down and fly.

Some things remained close because they were never meant to be open,
not all is starlights, high tides and bright nights in each moment
but it is not to say that they won't appear or have appeared before you
the exit sign is still lit, your smile is cracking but the glue is before you,
I know I have said it many times before, how I urged you to stay strong,
to listen to a song, to meet people and get along but I was wrong...
sometimes staying strong isn't enough to keep you smiling or happy
and something is always lacking, so please listen to me;
you will make it, because bending and not breaking is your style,
and teddy, that smile, will arise before you as the way it has before
so you can choose the exit door or just hold on a little longer.
stand a little stronger, build yourself firmer, because you won't break,
there's a space filled with opportunities, chances, so without haste,
what is your sign? Is it a Leo, Capricorn or cancer? What's the answer?
It doesn't really matter, because signs don't define you, they define route
and the news that you aren't happy with the you, the you that you are,
is like lighting a burning star on fire just to wish of it from afar.
Take your signs, the exit one is still lit but so is the building
because you are not crumbling, not while I am here, friend.

Take a minute off your mind and don't mind the minute details,
they're like emails, trash boxed and binned, forever stuck in junk.
I know it's not about fun, it's heart and soul, tears and sweat
each moment could be a laughter packed with imminent regret
but you better not forget that I am your friend and I have hope
that you know what is the better road to take, the path to make,
the sea escapes my eyes like a wave clasping onto the shores
and before you, I see a strong piece of solid gold amidst the waves
never changing shades, always floating on as the sun overcasts a light,
and it reminds me that maybe that is enough to see in humanity
the flicker of light, a spectre of sight, a tiny bit of 'I'm probably not right-
but I don't really care', and to be fair, that's all is required.
Take the path that you wish to tread because what is walking a thousand miles for someone worth, when you're walking alone?

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty,
it isn't suppose to be,
people always connect sadness
with depression
but the connection is different,
it is a train of thought
like a chain cut short,
that is sturdily held together
but it doesn't last forever,
it is an armour that is worn
and polished everyday
just to say, 'I'm not sure'.

Oh honey, depression isn't pretty;
it isn't suppose to be,
and I want you to know clearly,
that there are always people
out there, somewhere,
who appreciate you for you
and who is nothing more than
a teardrop or a sweat dripping
away from help.

Some might ask,
'Are you depressed?'
and I can say, 'no I'm not',
so what I write is an expression of mind,
of how I wish you could find, that you
have a chance, because you deserve that chance,
the past is the past, a certain glance at the future
says that you could be doing so much more
and if you don't want to, that's your choice
but honey, depression isn't pretty
and it isn't suppose to be,
but you sure are beautiful,
so please keep staying strong
and marching on.

Step 1
In the age of the doom
Try and enlighten the gloom
because your mind has been twisted
blinded by negative criticism
a misguided decision on who you are
as a person.
If you think the world is dying,
that trying is a burden and a pointless task
just ask yourself, should I plant sunflowers
just to make things look prettier?
because in the age of the doom
don't let chaos consume your mind
because beauty can still exist.

Step 2
It is ok to love yourself
and be selfish from time to time.
You are wonderfully made
with all different shade of colours
so if make-up is your cover
than do what makes you happy.
You do not need to help everyone
sometimes helping yourself
is enough help as it is.
Love others and love yourself
because not everyone is as helpless
as you'd imagined.

Step 3
Be you**
Not the you that others like
but the you that you are comfortable with,
the you that you like
because as clear as day and night,
the only person that matters is you.

___________

There is a flower growing between the cracks in a wall
and the saddest thing is it is not getting enough
sunlight nor water to grow but it survives
simply by the admiration and love
that it gains by surrounding viewers.

There is a flower that grew in the dark,
that grew between cracks in the ground,
between the cracks in the walls
and it is the most beautiful flower I have ever seen.

A man does not love a beautiful woman
He falls for those that makes the world beautiful
So treasured enough that treasures become mere gold
And stories untold become life-long diamonds trapped in a tunnel.
Because she is the one he can run to,
the one that he would ctrl z, undo,
only to come to the same place again.
She doesn't have to wear a dress
Or show off her breast, no she doesn't
wear makeup to cover the darker shades
because even darker shades happen in nature,
and so 24-7 she's an infinite loop encased in his mind,
that glimmers of gold yet shows him that love is so blind,
because a man doesn't love a beautiful woman,
a man loves a woman that makes his world beautiful.

While chasing a sunset that catches your eye
you've learnt to forget that it doesn't last
and as an overcast blocks the light,
you'll be stuck as part of the older past.