What is this pain, what is this hole?
I think I'll wander through for a while

Close your eyes to wake back up
Escape your mind
Get back out alive
Bury the past
Trap it in the dirt
It will struggle and resurface
It will always continue to hurt
But the white hills are not your home
The toxic land of sin
Is not your heart within
Struggle to wake
In all my dreams I drown
But when you’re awake
A reason you have found
Don’t sink to deep; nor fly to high
Feet on the ground eyes on the sky
Be it star or moon or sun
You are awake
The day has begun

“One step forward three steps back”
What I wouldn’t give to be walking that pace
That term is highly relative and depends entirely
On the direction with which you face
I’m turned around, and marching the wrong way
Those meaningless idioms they all like to say
I simply scoff and keep walking full bore
In the wrong direction

I can still smell your hair
Feel your hand in mine
Your cheek on the back of my fingers
Your forehead on my lips
Your head against my chest
My arms around you, and yours around me
Your gentle breathing
Still hear your lovely voice
See your shimmering eyes
Your special smile
Your rounded chin
Soft lips
Sturdy neck
Feel your delicate fingers
Your running palms
Your elbows; arms and wrists
Your beautiful perfect wrists...
Your waist in my hands
Your chest pressed against mine
Your sloping shoulders
The backs of your hands
Your hair, nails and teeth
Your reassuring voice, singing to my soul
Your comforting eyes, looking deep into mine
I can still see you standing there
In the rain
Heartbroken
Alone...
My Love I'm sorry for leaving
But I can still feel my heart close to yours
All close
For always and ever

I'm really really sorry we had to go
I'm not filled with sadness though
"Parting is but sweet sorrow"
I will see you again, tomorrow
<3

I'm getting back up
You can't keep me down

This isn’t the beginning; nor is it the end
Somewhere along the middle is where we stand
Where have we come, where do we go?
A wayward vessel, to and fro
Technicalities set you on the stage
Expectations locked you in the cage
Get over your fright break out of your prison
This isn’t the end; this is where you begin

My dear, my sweet, my little glob of glue
Princess, warrior, and Firefly too
I love you

If death is the absence of life,
Where does life go?

I said I wouldn’t share, but that’s not a reality
Not if we are everything we’re meant to be

A lost memory that cannot be found
A distant, forgotten, pitiful sound
A trail one traveled a path once walked
A frozen heart forever locked
And here is where I unfold my tale;
Here is where the story begins

A cold clear morn early in December
In perfect detail I can remember
The terror and fright with which I was met
The horrific sight, I’ll never ever forget
The crimson highlight in the snow
What have I done, what has become?

I fall to my hands, I fall on my knees
All the better if here, I were to freeze
The tragedy brought about by my hands
Life is such a delicate thread; frail strands
Where did I begin, why did it end?
Slowly, across my face, a smile stretches

What is happening—what have I become?
How did my heart and mind become so numb?
Had I found this sight not too long ago
It would have frozen me, cold as this snow
Who did this? Was it my fault?
There she lies frozen in death

Call me useless, it won’t hurt
I’m used to being treated like dirt
Leave me left under the sun
Nothing that hasn’t already been done
Abandoned hopeless in the night
Oh the feeling of being a knight
I wanted to help to fight for you
"Do I want to? what else can I do?"
I guess you're alone in this world
That means I am too....

This is what it is to be a knight?
We don’t ever swoop in and fight
We are a distant far off, hopeful, light
Watching helplessly at evil’s delight

Her eyes are soft they are ever so bright
What have I done to have fallen from grace?
So far away from her amazing gaze
A longest drive; a far journey of flight
Look up in the sky—stars in the dark night
In the faintest lights sparkling in deep space
Is written her name, time will not erase
Dancing stars; how she looks down in delight
We may not be near my sweet firefly
But the day grows nearer until we meet
See each other once again; hold you close
Look up see we share the same blue sky
Not as far apart as we feel my sweet
Eagerly awaiting my love, to propose

Some days are hard
Some days are long
Some days feel like they’re better unlived
But then these days
When everything’s calm
Remind me why I promised everything to give

What to do, where to turn?
A world full of hate and scorn
A steady light, the roaming sky
A place that is safe—she’s free to fly
Day or night, rain or shine
An environment where she’ll be fine
Sanctuary, Comfort, and Peace
A sky that’s all too eager to please
Guard her scars, protect her heart
Love is the most delicate art
Study her eyes, gaze in them deep
Her value’s immeasurable; she’s one to keep
She’s mine to hold, mine to cover
Hers to serve and lead; her lover
A place where words and song cannot describe
The immense love I hold inside
A line between two hearts—two souls
We stand on the middle ground
A love that covers all scars and holes
A perfect love that we have found

The frightened man finds solace
In the hang-man's noose

Not once, not twice, a thousand times or more
I want to change, pursuing the perfect of lore
Wishing to be the person everyone loves; not a façade
A gilded cover I wear so well, my shelter; my god
This wasn’t my hope; this wasn’t my dream
I want to be the person that to others I seem
But I’m painfully aware, what a shattered mess
Broken to pieces, who wouldn’t think less
Less of the person they thought they knew
It’s their own fault, they never even wanted to
Be there, be helpful, be heard, be kind
And you’re surprised I say, “There’s no hope to find”

I wish I could stand, could fight; be brave
I’ve tried before, when I was young, and naïve
Over time I thought I’ve been beaten down
But gotten back up, gone for another round
But the whole time I’m bound to the floor
Helplessly dying, drowning in my own ****** gore
My appearance is a hero, dashing, strong and calm
But my heart is pinned, consumed by my qualm
I want to be good, I want to be right
Sometimes I hate my deceitful sight
But whenever I’m sure hope is in my grasp
A fiery strike from truth; that poison snake; that asp

Hands and heart are bound, but my tongue is free
Free to get up and run, but my eyes cannot see
I need a hope, a hand to hold, a voice to follow
But no one’s here; not friend at least, there be a horde of foe
I want to scream, but I’ve tried that before
I confess I’m lost! A broken heart alone on the floor
When do I get saved? I can’t rely on myself
My tormenters wait to put my heart upon the shelf
Another trophy, another victory won
Please, dear God, don’t turn and run
You could win; you could save me couldn’t you?
I’m helpless, there’s nothing left for me to do

But why won’t you show or speak, or rescue me?

Scars! Scars! On her Arms
Sad remembrance of past harms
Hold her close—love her deep
Her scars are no longer hers to keep
Whisper soft; ease the pain
Stand together in the rain
Speak with love, Speak the truth
All of this, just to prove:
She’s worth more than she may ever see
Desire for her to be all she can be
Worth more than the sum of past harms
Worth more than the scars on her arms

I want to write but cannot find the words to craft a line
The tales of hurt, or beauty, love, of how one day you’ll be mine
The rhymes have all been done before, originality’s dead
Another overinflated art, a hideous beast we’ve fed

Perhaps if I
Changed the rhyme
Each time the stanza changed
Then maybe I
Could buy some time
With this plan so feigned

Why do I continue? God only knows
I have no story to tell
No tales of encounters with angels
Nor trips through fiery hell

I have a love, who greatly inspires me
But the way my heart sings forth
Is not in verse; it is quite plainly

I can write a poem that get’s on everybody’s nerves
Nothing new here; just reused words
I can write a poem that we’ve already heard
And that’s all I can do

O ma fleur delicate,
Le plus beau amis que j'ai jamais eu
Je t'adore de tout mon coeur
Tu es mon don le plus precieux

A little sadness of the soul
Helps keep a tattered heart whole...

Oh the running water is so hot
But I know you know that it is not
As hot as you would be with my loving next to you,
Will you let me do all the things I want to do,
All the naughty pleasures in my head?
"Don't worry," I whisper. "They don't all take place in bed..."

Suppose you were to give someone everything
Possibly you had to give, mentally, physically and
Emotionally, and after you feel as though
Nothing of your own is left to you, it’s not a bad sense but
Tis frightening…and you need to know you lay in a safe environment…

Speckle! Speckle! Speckle! seeping through my shirt
Don't worry 'bout the colour, it doesn't really hurt
Sometimes I act before I think
Taste the knife, watch it sink
I'm not a habit, it's only on occasion
But mine are deeper, wider; stayin'

What to say,
When to speak,
Or should I be silent?
Both take strength
Both require discernment
And I can’t seem to decide
Which is right

You already know I want to taste you
But you little turn on, wanting to taste me too
I don’t mind appealing to you
But it will always be only for you that I do
Do I drive you crazy?
Is it just my vision that’s getting hazy…?
Come on over here
You can close your eyes, I won’t disappear
I really hope I drive you mad
I don’t care if it’s really “bad”
You’re not the only one who can play this game babygirl

My dear, my darling sweet
I’m sorry I let you down; Love is a most difficult feat
Pray, listen to the words my heart sings
A song inspired by your beautiful image, ever lingering
Always you are in my spirit, and on my mind
Every waking minute, my thoughts search out to find
The only one who’s beauty is unmatched
My sweet Firefly, you will always have my attention attached
To your heart and soul
Such beauty unfathomable
Love whisper softly that I’m forgiven
I will fall, but I’ll do my best, to never let you down again
Your every word; your precious voice
Lifts me up, makes me strong, I cannot but help—I’ve lost the choice
Look at me sweet, would you show me your eyes?
I hope you don’t mind, I can see into your soul, you have no disguise
But I’ll protect you, and be your guard
Melt with me love, letting go of you would be much to hard
I want your beauty always near
You ease my pain, you calm my fear
I know I’ll let you down; I know I’ve already done so
But Firefly, oh precious one, please don’t go…
I’ll sing you my song I’ll sing you my best
I’ll tell you any truth at your gentle request
I want you to see your beauty and strength
Can I be your mirror? Take a good look at length
Can you see in my eyes? You make my insides melt
You’re generous love’s unending; something I’ve never felt
Oh what a glorious heart, oh that radiant stone
After only hours with you, I didn’t want to be alone
Would you give a fool a gift?
Gently, softly gaily lift
I wish my dear to see your smile
A moment is long enough…or you could wear it for a while
Forgive my tragic, broken words
I’m sorry for everything you’ve ever heard
I cannot speak, my words are a curse
I wish you could hear my soul…if only for a verse

I find myself in this heated room once again,
The vanilla sunrise through the window...let the fun begin
The steam lingers in the air, the water on my skin
Oh lovely, how I wish, I only wish it had been-
You bedside me
Water cascading
Over your body
Do I wash you up, or down?
Beauty in sexuality can be found
Maybe the mood's just getting to me
Maybe the temp's messing with my head
One day, this pleasure will be
Until then the fantasy's fed

Hot, hot shower, in a dark steamy room
Not gonna lie baby, I wish you'd been there too

Inside every man, no matter the age
There's a boy with fears, and a spirit adventurous
Inside every girl, not matter the age
There's a mother, tender, loving, gentleness

Once there was a little firefly
Who danced and sang for her favorite sky
She loved him dear, he loved her deep
And when his firefly fell asleep
He wrote a song a poem to her,
The only one who inspired and made his heart stir
It was not fancy, no not a bit
If anything he thought it pathetic
He knew his lady firefly was worth much more
Than all the words he had in store
But he could not simply sit in quiet
Because she made a heart soar, that could not fly yet
So as she slept, he gave them to her
His words so plain, his intentions so pure
He wrote to his love knowing she'd see it next morning
And he just went on and on adoring
The beautiful gift god gave to the sky
His lovely, his perfect, my dear firefly...

I just ate an apple
I sunk my teeth into its flesh
Call me disgusting, rebuke my perverseness
I wish I’d sunk my teeth into you

Tasted your skin
Tasted your blood
Oh my sweet if you only understood
The thoughts inside my head

Heard you pant
Heard you scream
Am I still the pretty boy that I seem?
Laughter fills my head

I tell you you’re delicious
Do you really know what I mean?
A delectable act, one that cannot redeem
I lick my lips

I don’t want to eat you all up
Just leave bites all over your perfect skin
Nothing else is allowed to defect or ruin
Your flesh but me

Do you still want me?
Does this scare you away
Or turn you on, make you want to stay
I told you I’m a vampyre

You are white because you are pure, and my perfect
You are black because you are my greatest mystery
You are red because you are passion and seduction
You are yellow because you are radiance
You are blue because you are gentle and kind
But you are purple because you are powerful
You are green because you are life giving
And orange for your stubbornness
You are pink because you are love
And gray because you are steadfast
You, my love, are color to me
You are everything that I see

Can I, oh can I please—
Tell you about my sweetest dream?
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

The setting sun; sky of purple, orange, red
Two lovely figures, down by the swing set
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

Their eyes are locked, their hearts are tied
Nothing else in the world to make them satisfied
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

One thing alone is missing:
Gentle delicate kissing
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

But a quick little peck on the lips
Is amongst the cruelest of quips
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

When passion is present and passion is pure
A little longer, a kiss can endure
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

A little push, a little pull
Each wanting the other to know
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

Your lips tasted so **** good
So strong I could not have stood
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

I wanted more, but it was more than enough
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing
Your lips, your eyes, your heart
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing
Our passion or love; my nighttime dream…
Oh-woah, the sweetest thing

I’m here but you don’t know it
I’m near but you don’t know it yet
Am I queer? For pursuing you so closely
If you saw me would you fear our closeness?
I think it’s clear, I have something to hide
But Darling Dear, Don’t be scared, I won’t hurt you
Don’t shed a tear…

Sometimes, to break is nothing but pain
But even when we don’t see it, there is something to claim

“Whatever doesn't **** you makes you stronger”
But pain doesn't always toughen us, and make life last longer

There are the times though, we destroy ourselves with reason
And we know we’ll come through the fire unbeaten

Nothing can be made bigger, made more powerful
Without a little destruction; truth can be sorrowful

The times when we willingly subjectify ourselves though
Feel the best, we know what we’re doing—reaping the glory we sow

We all desire strength, power and might
We all want to be stunning, beautiful of sight

We think the ways we build ourselves up, are what pretty us the most
And give little attention, to life’s trials and complications; they’re nothing to boast

But those are where we find our strength; withstanding the tempest
Screaming our passion, unmoving, fighting, holding fast

It is the pain we endure, that we often try to ignore
The brutality, the violence, the blood sweat and gore

But the cruelty of life, all the things you've battled through
That’s what makes you beautiful…this is why I love you

Stay strong, Life's a fight
But I'll go through it by your side

Do you know the sting of air, on skin?
When now there's a scar where there was perfection?

Oh no! Where have I gone?
Where is the music,
The melody, that song,
The one thing I need?

I am nothing now that—
You’ve taken the one thing
Giving me life! Can’t
You leave me be?

Taken me along with the songs
Drowned me out, dig the hole
Buried alive, I don’t belong
Buried in our own backyard

You didn’t listen to my heart
You didn’t listen to my cried
You were tearing me apart
The music’s in my blood

Don’t take it away
This is all I have
Please don’t hate me either; stay!
You’re all I want…

My Firefly, My Queen,
My Bride to be
I love you so with all my might
A truly stunning and radiant sight
A heart so pure and perfect
Your scars and wounds are not a defect
More glorious than you realize
No need for wonderland, no need to fantasize
My Firefly, my Queen, my Bride to be,
We could be, everything…that is, and only if: you will have me…