I’m sorry I needed to hear you say it. I’m sorry I was so needy, so desperate to hear you tell me to my face. I’m sorry I wouldn’t let go until you did. But I’ve changed. I know how to take a hint. I won’t bother you anymore. I won’t keep dragging you down, hurting you, taking you to dark places you don’t want to be. I’ll listen to what you’re really saying instead of requiring you to tell me. I’ll read what I’ve been seeing between the lines for a long time, but tried so hard to ignore, simply because I didn’t want it to be true. I know you’re done with me. I’m completely used up. You have no more need for me. I knew it for a long time, but had to hear you say it before I would release you. I know that’s a hard thing to say to anyone, even after you’re finished with them, so I’m done waiting for you, expecting you to. You’re free. Free from me, free from my *******, free from my hurtful abusive captivity. I won’t hurt you anymore.

I'm always so wrong
There can't be any right
Drowning in the misery,
and blame this night

Withstand cold
Furies of winters snowed
Weather the pain
Of a gentle rain
Face the blaze
As fires graze
And hear thunder
Storming skies asunder

I want, oh how I need to run away
I used to have this lovely place
A place I could safely stay

But now I feel such a disgrace
I don't have this sanctuary anymore
It's a sadness I cannot begin to face

I used to bear the key to the door
And I could slip inside when in need
But now the threshold's gone; the horror

I have the energy, and oh what speed!
But I don't even have a faint clue
Where I should go, to where I could flee

I remain frozen, oblivious as to
What I could do, where I could run
I cry in silence. Paralyzed solitude

You say you are a friend
A friend until the end
I cannot comprehend
How you can just pretend
To so earnestly lend
The value of a friend
A friend until the end
Why do you just pretend...?

I could make your choice easier
I don't really feel like being "one of two"
It wouldn't be fun, but all the easier
Because I can't wait for you to decide "who"

Once there was a little brown bear
She had a tree she so loved to climb!
She would climb and climb and she could touch the sky
She loved the view from up high
Now the little bear's tree was sturdy; thick and tall
She knew just from looking around she didn't like other trees at all
But one day she tried to climb a wobbly spruce
It's trunk was so thin and it's swayed so loose
The little bear fell and she hurt her paw
And there hadn't even been a view to saw
So she limped and she squirmed back to her big tree
"Please," she murmured, "I would like to see
The view I have seen many times before
I hope you'll let me climb again, but my paw is sore...."
The tree waved gently, and picked her just a little off the ground
"I promise little one, none sturdier can be found.
I love you and enjoy you, and want you to climb high
I'll hold you for now, mend your paw," then he sighed
"It's up to you to climb, as soon as you feel better,
But my darling bear, though I'm one tree, I will unfetter
For you can climb higher and be safer than others around
Even when you get up very high, and so far from the ground
I won't let you fall, my branches will keep you safe
My daughter, my little brown bear, there's no better place"
And the tree held onto her, only few off the ground
And as the little bear looked up, she found
That the tree's immense love, and it's never ending height
Made for a life time of adventure, a beautiful sight
After her fall, she was scared to again
But then she looked, and a little higher, was her bigger brown bear friend....

Can we restart?
Reintroduce ourselves
We'll be strangers for the first little while
But just like before, we'll be fast friends
We'll look out for each other
We'll do what we did before
But with all the more knowledge and experience
I want to get lost in your eyes again
I want to learn you starting from nothing
So tell me:
Starting the hour I get off the plane
And we see each other again after so long
Can it be the first time
We've ever met
Again

There are things to lose
But so much more to gain
Dear God help me to see
The value beneath the pain
This person's heart is so
Precious and invaluable
Don't let me lose it in my own grief
And let me know her hurt also makes her lovable...

If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around
Does the fallen tree make a sound?
What if the three is a person,
As their life is cut to the ground?
What if that person, is me.

You are what a friend is
The embodiment of companionship
Why do you think you're my shipmate?
It wasn't an accident or a coin flip

You are what a friend should be
Faithful and honest, true and kind
Sometime you put my own efforts to shame
I was graciously given who I would never find

You are who a friend is
Steadfast and helpful, generous and sweet
You are so distinct, so precious and unique
You are mine alone, from head to feet

You are the basis for all friendship
You are an example of what everyone needs
But you are not, my love, for everyone
You are just the one for me

If you ever look in the mirror
And think, "this ****'s fat"
I can promise you now and here:
Your man can only think, "yum...look at that."

You want me to write you poems
This is all I have to say
I'm so proud of who you are
With each advancing day
You make me proud you give me joy
You are my bestest friend
I will stay by you for always and ever
Past and beyond every single end
Your beauty inspires me so endlessly
Your heart--intimate fashion
You wear your soul so wonderfully
You have my supply of passion

And in a life
Where two people are one
Perhaps the greatest part
Is in strife
Breaking yourself on stone
So that the other half a heart
Is upheld

The worst part
Perhaps the hardest thing
Living in junction with another
Is the part
The time, the realizing
You aren't just self destructive; but her...
Too

Hear the darkness
In the rain
Or the cloud covered moon
Hear the Violence
In the silence
Of a still dead room
Hear the clamor
Of an army
As you sit, silent, pondering
Here the turmoil
Of a heart
In the forest wandering

Listening to unknown tunes
Then the sickening guilt consumes
I'm pathetic, I'm ordinary
I can promise I am not very
Good at this, in fact I ****
Addiction's vile, I just feel stuck
You beat yours, why can't I beat mine
It's always haunting all the time

Sometimes, I still feel
As if I am in need of
A friend close by me

Secret messages I did hide
In numerous places, inside
Little notes and pads and books
Awaiting for her loving looks
To see them there in my own hand
Secret messages that I planned

Hark! the ghoul that's over there!
Hark! the image does so tear,
The heart and mind, a sight so gruesome
What I would not give to view some
Lovely sight with these sad eyes
A beautiful sight should be my prize
But here I sit and here I stare
At the gruesome ghoul over there

Can I just die?
I'm sick of this ******* ******* heart
And this ******* head
I need to get out
Be better off dead

A needle in my arm
Not the kind you think
I'm stitching up invis'ble wounds
The real ones are in my mind

And I realize
The only thing;
The only animal
The only creature I really hate
Is myself

I'm not one to let myself be victimized
But it cannot be any other way once realized
I am also my captor

I-so-lation-ism
My mind my cag-ed pr'son

Why am I shivering? I can't be cold
My issues are so manifold
Why am I sweating? I don't feel hot
A losing mental battle, so very hard fought

To you ever tremble without reason?
Shake and shudder just because of how you are?
Tremors running through your body
As you try to sit still.

Have you ever reached out
Only to scratch the surface?
The underside of the wave
The riptide of the ocean
Tumbling deeper and faster
The water pulling you down
Tossed about; where is up or down?
Scratch the surface with your hands
never to taste the air again

Don't push, it hurts me so
Why are these hands at my throat?
This is a place I'd almost forgotten
A place of mind caught drowning in the murky moat

I know the pain I know it all
Will it ever leave me and let me be?
A place I quickly remember
Broken devastation no other shall ever see

"I trust you"
Oh my dear my sweet
If only I was trustworthy

I used to have a button
Held in place by thread
But now the button's missing
I hope that he's not dead!

A thread is prone to wear,
A moment we dread and wait
But why would the thread let go,
Of such a ***** mate?

I hope to find my button;
For he was my friend too
And tie him down with a thread
Forever strong and true

When we can stand and fight
We can grasp true strength despite
The weakness in our hearts and sins within our minds
We know all it takes is time
To heal all wounds and strengthen our defenses

Do you remember when we met? I was in a terribly bad mood
Everyone thought I was being  funny, I was really just being rude
You asked what my name was though, not once, but twice
I hadn’t answered; a very simple but efficient device
A way to get most people to leave me alone; cause no one cares
But you didn’t let it slide, you wanted to know and made me aware

"Run, run, run for your life"
Oh how greatly we deceive ourselves
As if this life is worth running for
As if this life is worth saving
Someone thought that once
He died for what he believed
But May I just say you overestimated
My worth far too much

I desire to be strong
But I am merely a blade of grass
Bent and broken by the rain

There once was a little princess who loved a little knight
She thought him strong and handsome; a dashingly good sight
He did his best to love her and she thought it so sincere
Her gentleness coaxed him open, revealing a great fear
He was the victim of a witch; so wicked and so cruel
He never shared his struggle though, else he be labeled “fool”
True it was he subjected himself to her twisted delight
Nothing but a sad weak man; he rarely put up much a fight
The princess had wondered about his strange departs
“Where would he go and what is this, a distance in our hearts?”
He was to scared; as always was the case of the poor man
He thought he could defeat the witch, a pathetic little plan
“Or maybe” he started off as he would sit and ponder
“In to the forest I will go but only for a wander!
“For I can parade nearby her place and still avoid her spell!”
It never worked, it never would, he suffered just as well
The princess knew of the witch with which the poor knight struggled on
But she had not the faintest clue of the duration how tragically far gone
She sat and wept, and he wept too, he was not fond of his sin
For it was torment, wretched pain, and still he let it in

The wind's a haunting whisper
On this foul cold day
Oh! the visions of her
****** by the way

A cry mingles with the wind
The cry is my own by the sea I weep
The water is tempting; drawing me
Should I join my love in the ocean deep?
My vision is blurry—my thinking is worse
That’s when, or so I thought, I began to see
A reflection; no a shadow, no it was her!
She was silent and steady, and right beside me
Her bare feet, her loving gaze
I look up and see such a dark smile
Almost sickening, but beckoning me closer
I am trapped; here I stay trapped by her vile
“You were dead” my mind screams
Now victim to such a haunting specter
How much better off if she truly were
My thoughts set my body a-stir
Slowly I rise to my feet, tears streaming my face
Pulled to her; my head screaming objection
My heart is tearing my chest at a frightening pace
“It cannot be” my thoughts argue
And slowly I begin to listen; stopping inches from her form
“She’s dead and gone; this is but such folly”
Now I listened as my sense continued to warn
I must know though, and so I inquire
The softest of whispers, “But you were meant to be gone”
“My sweet love, but I’m here now, follow me”
The temptation, the seduction, of this midnight dawn
And if I could resist until morn; for this is not the first time
She has shown herself, and beckoned me out to sea
But her gentle voice, her lovely hand
I am overwhelmed; this cannot, I must not be!
Overcome by such wicked thoughts in my head
Is it her, or is it really me?
If so I despise such a fiend for her distractions
But what if it’s only me…
Wading out, to my ankles, to my knees
The crashing waves surrounding me
The moonlit waters, the twinkling stars
I know this story; I won’t wander far
This isn’t the first time
But it won’t be the last
My feet march on
And soon I am gone

Are the monsters without
Or the monsters within?
MY head is polluted with sin
Indeed not only is my own
But it is the sole for which I claim
Responsibility; am I even sane?
So if everyone outside is to me,
Why therefore am I not too?
A monster to everyone’s view
Are the zombies them or am I
Festering feuding tearing at the walls of my head
Wanting food, craving blood, needing to be fed

Anything, love, you want to devour,
As we take this hot, hot shower...?

It’s all dark
Why is this so terrifying?
Isn’t this how it used to be every day?
Shouldn’t I feel right at home?
The darkness everywhere
A pale light coming from nowhere
It doesn’t mean anything though
It only serves to torment me
Showing me I’m lost
And can’t get out
My Labyrinth
My home
Is everything quiet and still,
Or tumultuous and loud?
I made it years without scars
Years without severe wounds
Or at least
As far as you can see
You’ll never get inside me though
I don’t let anyone in
Cause I don’t want you lost like I
I’ll be fine
It won’t take long for me to readjust
This is how it used to be
This is home
Isn’t it?

You filth! You painted woman you fake creation
How could everyone; how did I used t stare with fascination?
You don’t even seem real, and the reason is you’re not
How did you, just another person get so violently caught?
Your vanity makes me sick…or maybe I feel sorry
What you appear is truly repulsive but that’s what I see
If I stop and for a minute ponder, I feel pity
So scared you paint a person completely
Different than who you really are…
Convinced now you’re just a little star
I pity
Such Vanity

Her joy overflowed as she skipped and pranced about
Not caring that they were wandering a busy store
He didn’t mind the locale either, but being so close, he couldn’t be without
And just as their arms stretched til they could reach no more
He pulled her back against him tight

A trip, a spill down memory lane
Reliving ever stain--all the pain
The truth is there is no "past"
Everything we've done will always last
What we did lives through the present
Never in life to be absent

dying on the inside
idle on the out
Riot, riot, fireside
Life goes on about

I know those eyes--I know his heart
They're burning burning burning
Entranced I stare, entranced I stay
My madness has gone its own way