it's been 2 months since i talked to you.
why do i still think of you?

d.l.b.

i'm at the doctor and i'm so afraid they're going to take my blood.
they'll find you if they do.

d.l.b.

i'm coming home one day,
i can promise you that.
and the city will welcome me with open arms.

d.l.b.

i wonder what they found running through my veins.
was it blood?
or the sound of your voice?

d.l.b.

you're moving on.
i know you are.
but i haven't stopped thinking of you.
you were a big part of my life for such a long time.
how can you throw everything we had together away?

d.l.b.

do you ever wonder about me?
i hope you do.
sometimes i pretend that you really do like me,
but you're too shy to say anything.
even though i know that's not true.

d.l.b.

"you are a sweet, beautiful, and kind girl and i promise things will get better"*

it's been 2 months and 11 days.
and nothing is better.

d.l.b.

how do i get you out of my heart?
because even if they removed the *****,
you would still be there.
and even if they pumped out all my blood,
you would still be there.

d.l.b.

we were so close to each other.
why did we grow apart?
was it something i did?
was it something i said?

d.l.b.

if i had one wish in the entire world,
i wouldn't wish for riches,
i wouldn't wish for power,
i would wish for us all to be together.
so i could finally experience true happiness.

d.l.b.

it's okay to be upset
that your little girl is growing up.
but please don't restrain me
from being alive.

d.l.b.

i want to do something crazy,
and be someone crazy.
but crazy is hard to accomplish
without you.

d.l.b.

my dad sleeps with a baseball bat beside his bed.
so if somebody breaks in, he can fight them away.
but what happens when a boy breaks in to my heart?
i don't have a baseball bat to protect me.

d.l.b.

sometimes i wonder that if the reason you left, was because you knew i loved you, or if you really did just hate me.

d.l.b.

you are the monster hiding under my bed.
you told me lies and ****** me in.
you said that you loved me and I believed you.
you played with my heart and then smashed it to pieces.
you were the monster hiding under my bed.

d.l.b.

i want us all to be together
and i want us all to be happy
that day will come soon
if we work hard
and have a little faith

d.l.b.

standing next to you,
i felt nothing.
my heart didn't jump like it used to,
my hands didn't shake like they used to.

d.l.b.

you smiled at me today.
and i don't know whether i should be happy that you noticed me,
or sad because i felt nothing.

d.l.b.

i remember the first day i met you.
i kept thinking,
"wow, this boy is amazing"
but you played with my heart
and messed with my emotions.
did you really like me?
or was i the only one trying?

d.l.b.

oh darling,
don't be afraid,
one day you'll be happy again.
one day all your dreams will come true

d.l.b.

one year.
with the people who understand me
with the people who love me
with the people who care for me
with the people who help me
one year.
and i couldn't be happier.

d.l.b.

every one makes mistakes.
so i don't understand why this one is such big a deal.
i messed up,
so let's move on.
please.

d.l.b.

you looked at me today.
i looked at you today.
your brown eyes were sparkling,
even from across the room.
we both laughed,
because of something silly i had just done.
it made me so happy,
to know that you think i'm funny.

but then,
i saw you looking at her.
you walked towards her.
you talked to her.
you laughed with her.
what about me?

d.l.b.

i got us all matching bracelets today
i hope when you wear them,
you are reminded that i love you
and i will always be here
no matter what

d.l.b.

"who is prettier?"

i told you that it didn't matter.
i told you that you were beautiful.

"who is prettier?"

i told you that i wasn't answering.
i told you i don't believe it matters.

"who is prettier?"

i told you you weren't understanding.
i told you to please stop.

"i'm ugly."

no you're not.

"i'm fat."*

no you're not.

stop please.

d.l.b.

you talked to her again today.
i understand you have the freedom
to talk to whoever you wish,
but i've been so lonely
for so long.
and it would be absolutely wonderful
if you would talk to me for a change.

d.l.b.

you said hello to me today.

"hey diana!"

you have no idea how special that made me feel.

d.l.b.

it's been one month since your birthday.
you used to make me so happy.
and now i'm just sad.

d.l.b.

brown is an ugly color.

but not the shade of brown in your eyes.

brown is an ugly color.

but not the shade of brown in your hair.

the world is an ugly place.

but not with you in it.

d.l.b.

an oh so wonderful thing happened today.
you looked at me
and i looked at you.
and we smiled at each other.
my heart was beating so fast
i think it flew away.
i can only hope
that you felt the same.

d.l.b.

you kept looking at me today.
i kept looking at you today.
oh how glorious it feels to be lost in your eyes.
my heart yearns for your heart.
my hands crave your hands.
my lips want your lips.

but do you want me too?

d.l.b.

my name never sounded so good
until it came from your lips.
diana.
when you say it,
my heart soars.
and the caterpillars inside my stomach
turn into butterflies.

d.l.b.

you make me so happy
and i can only hope i do the same.
do you smile when you think of me?
because i smile when i think of you.

d.l.b.

my heart smiles when i'm with you, and the butterfly infestation in my stomach grows with every word you say to me. being with you, i find myself happier than I thought i could be. i don't know how you managed to capture my heart so quickly, so quickly that i didn't have time to catch my breath. you helped pick me up off of my knees and back onto my feet, and i cannot thank you enough for showing me so much happiness and care.

d.l.b.

you're the best friend i've ever had.
you're understanding,
and kind,
and you always know just what to say.
you help me to believe in myself,
and you always make me smile.
there's nobody else quite like you.

but i wish you didn't live so far away.
and i wish i could hug you all the time.
i can't wait to see you again.
you're the best friend i've ever had.
and i love you.

d.l.b

the only good thing
that came out of liking you,
was some really good poetry.

d.l.b.

i want to be in the city.
i want to wake up to the sound of taxis.
i want to walk down 5th avenue holding the hand of my lover.
i want to look out at night and see the twinkling city lights.
i want to be in the city.
i want it more than anything.

d.l.b.

my small little bedroom
had never been filled with so much joy.
it drifts through the air
and fills up my lungs.
it runs through my veins
and engulfs my soul.
my mind is filled with wonderful thoughts,
and my heart flutters at the sound of your voice.

d.l.b.

a small, powerful
smile stretches across my face.
all because of you.

d.l.b.

this isn't right.
don't you see,
you don't really love this boy.
you're just replacing the boy that came before.
the first boy is a damaged and ***** door.
the new boy is a clean and perfect door.
replacing the old,
with the new,
works with doors.
but boys aren't doors.

d.l.b

i often write poems about other people.
the boy who broke my heart in 8th grade,
my best friend whom i love so dearly,
my parents who just don't seem to understand me.
but i can never quite find the time
to write a poem about myself.

but how are you supposed to write about yourself,
when you aren't even sure who you are.
everyone else seems to have their life figured out.
but maybe that's why i write about them,
and not myself.

d.l.b.

forgetting about
you. like a fish forgetting
what to do to swim.

d.l.b

(i) think you're gone.
my heart is (still). it no longer beats for you.
having someone to (love) is wonderful.
but (you) took my wonderful and turned it to pain.

d.l.b.

don't come running back to me.
you'll only make things worse.
i've cried over you too many times.
please don't come back.

d.l.b.

you held me today
like i was someone important.
you gripped onto my shoulder
as if it was the last thing you'd ever touch.

d.l.b.

our hands were so close today.
they were merely a few centimeters apart.
if i wanted to,
i could've reached out,
and held your hand.

but i didn't.

if you wanted to,
you could've reached out,
and held my hand.

but you didn't.

d.l.b.

i watched you in a video today.
guess what happened.

nothing.

nothing happened.
my heart didn't start to race,
my palms didn't start to sweat,
my cheeks didn't begin to blush,
nothing.

it felt wrong.
like i needed to be doing something i wasn't.
i used to do all those things.
what happened?

d.l.b.

i had a dream about you last night. i came to your show to surprise you and i sat in the second row. you came onstage and saw me and you smiled and i smiled and then you came down and sat behind me in the third row and put your hands over my eyes. you said you had a present for me. then i woke up. i don’t know what my present was. maybe you were going to tell me that you loved me. i don’t know.

d.l.b.

i really think he likes me

happiness
joy
fulfillment
wonder
anxiety
despair

i really think he hates me*

d.l.b.

i have a killer headache right now.
i'm tired.
i'm so tired.
but yet all i can think of is you.

d.l.b.