maybe the reason my hands shook so much when you kissed me was because i was opening myself up to you. i was allowing you to explore the depths of my mind and all my insecurities were there for you to discover. i don't want you to view me as i view myself sometimes, i don't want your hands on my waist to turn into a guessing game. but oh god, when you kiss me it's like i can't even breathe anymore. i don't want this to end, but i'm scared that when you find your way to my heart, i'm not going to be who you want anymore.

d.l.b.

you are twinkling christmas lights over a snow-covered city.
you are the smell of the pavement right after it rains.
you are the silent hum of a hummingbird's wings.
you are the toothless grin of a month old baby.
you are the punchline to the funniest joke ever told.
you are the satisfaction of doing everything just right.
you are the shadow of an old church in the middle of summer.
you are the love letter a newlywed husband gives to his wife.
you are the crumpled pages of a book that has been read over and over again.
you are the cool breeze that blows through pretty girls' hair during the spring.
you are the ladybug that lands on the shoulder of a young boy.
you are the feeling one gets after they've had their first kiss.

you are everything that makes this world such a beautiful place.

d.l.b.

every time i feel lonely,
i'll look up at the stars.
because i know somebody else is looking too.
i probably don't know them.
but they're lonely too.
and that makes me feel a little less lonely.

d.l.b.

i think the reason i cry so easily
is because i don't have friends like you do.
i go to school every day
and i walk through the hallways alone.
i mean,
i guess i have some friends.
but nothing close to a best friend.
because that's you.
and i'm your best friend too.
but you have so many more.
and i think that's the reason i get so upset
when you tell me stories about them.
and i also cry
because i can't hug you like they can.
you're so many miles away
and my heart hurts so much.

d.l.b.

sitting on the floor of an elevator, holding your hand, i realized how much i love being with you and how content i would be if i were in your arms every second of the day. standing in an old bookstore, watching you fumble through the fiction section i realized how beautiful your mind is and how much i adore your never-ending imagination. i never want to spend another second without you, it's hard to breathe when you aren't here. it's impossible for hearts to smile, yet you've found a way to make mine emit the biggest grin in the world.

d.l.b.

you say that you hate her,
yet you still spend every moment with her.
it doesn't make much sense,
does it?

d.l.b.

i used to call you my best friend,
but now we aren't even friends.
i wanted you to stay in my life,
but i guess you didn't feel the same way.
i really did love you,
but you obviously didn't love me.

d.l.b.

there's no place like home
bright lights, makeup, set pieces
the stage is my home

d.l.b.

i like to imagine us stargazing late at night,
with pillows and blankets laid out on the grass.
holding hands,
singing songs,
everything would be perfect.

d.l.b.

i'm getting nowhere with you.
i try to reach out to you,
but you push me away.
what am i doing wrong?

d.l.b.

oh my love,
there's no need to be discouraged.
i am right here.
i will protect you.

d.l.b.

there's something inside of me
that doesn't want to let you go.
it keeps holding on
to every last word you ever said to me.
it reaches out and grabs you,
and pulls you into the deepest parts of my heart.
it weaves you into my blood,
and pushes me down with thoughts of you.

d.l.b.

my heart is dead weight sitting in my chest.
it beats only for itself,
and no one has the ability to capture it.

d.l.b.

i want someone to hold me close,
and tell me everything will be okay.
i want someone to make me laugh,
and never be sad again.
i want someone like you.

d.l.b.

i hope that someday,
you find a beautiful girl.
and i hope she loves you
even more than i did.
and i hope you don't treat her
the way you treated me.

d.l.b.

i feel as if my heart is ready to explode
every time you look at me.
and i think that
if you just got to know me,
you'd see how alike we are.
and how great this could be.

d.l.b.

why do you enjoy her company?
i've seen the things she does.
and i don't want you to turn out like her.

d.l.b.

soon, very soon,
i will be with you again.
soon, very soon,
i will be happy again.

d.l.b.

do you feel the same way
about me,
as i feel
about you?

d.l.b.

the feeling i get
when i see your smiling face,
is so overwhelming
that i can't even begin to describe it.

d.l.b.

just a simple
hello from you,
can make or break my day

d.l.b.

i'm one
out of however many girls you know.
why would i be the one?

d.l.b.

hugging you makes me
feel safe and secure. i want
to hug you always.

d.l.b.

dreamcatchers are supposed to catch the bad dreams,
and keep them out of your head.
i have one next to my bed.
so why is it,
i still have dreams about you?

d.l.b.

i hate being underestimated
just because i'm little.
little people can do a lot,
and most of the time,
it's the big people who mess things up.

d.l.b.

why don't boys like me?
i think that i'm a nice girl,
and i'm definitely not ugly.
what's wrong with me?
is it the way i dress?
or the way i style my hair?

d.l.b.

despair and sadness
confusion and madness
regret and disbelief
longing and acceptance

d.l.b.

why did i ever think that you liked me
i'm so little and not what you want
but what does she have that i don't

d.l.b.

why do you put yourself through this madness,
you're only going to end up hurt.
i want to help you,
but you don't listen.

d.l.b.

for one last night
please,
don't ignore me.
make me feel wanted.
love me.
please.

d.l.b

take me back
to when you first talked to me.
to when you first smiled at me.
to when you first told me a secret.
you when you first said you loved me.
take me back
so we can start over.

d.l.b.

we might be together
all of us
at one time
in person
oh this is what I've been waiting for

d.l.b.

everyday he taunts me with those strong hands, waiting for another to hold close. everyday he taunts me with those chocolate brown eyes, waiting for a twinkling gaze to match his own. everyday he taunts me with that beautiful brown hair, waiting for small fingers to twirl and ruffle.*

d.l.b.

why do you like her?
she's rude, very insulting.
why don't you like me?

d.l.b.

everywhere i go,
i see little reminders of you.
they follow me
and taunt me.
they want me to come back.
but i know i can't.

d.l.b.

oh but my love,
don't you see,
she's not right for you.

oh but my love,
don't you see,
i am.

d.l.b.

i am a mermaid.
lover of sea-life.
gracefully swimming without a care in the world.
gentle and kind to all things.
secretive and tucked away.
i am a mermaid.

d.l.b.

stage makeup and lights
butterflies in my stomach
this is who i am

d.l.b.

you held me so much
that my hair has started to smell like you.
i don't want to wash this scent away,
i want you close to me always.
and when i bury my head into your arms,
i don't feel so alone.

d.l.b.

I remember, Sunday, June 9th, the day we all met.
I've heard the melody of our ongoing laughter.
I've taken the advice you've given me, to make me a better person.
I remember how it felt to have our own little jokes and secrets no one else knew.
I loved receiving the letters you all carefully wrote and signed the same.
I've hung up funny pictures of you, knowing they can make me laugh when I'm upset.
I have seen the depths of your hearts, and you have seen mine.
My favorite thing to do was have late-night video chats because I always feel asleep happy.
I've learned how to be a better person because of you.
And I will never forget you, my best friends, Margaux, Alexandra, and Emily.

nobody has ever told me that i'm beautiful so many times that it repeats itself over and over again in my head. nobody has ever loved me so much, that everything in the world is suddenly better, and it seems as if the sun rises and sets just for me. nobody has ever wanted to kiss me, or even hold my hand.

but you do.

and i couldn't be happier.

d.l.b.

you know just what to do
to make me feel so incredibly alone
you burrow deep into my heart
every nook and cranny is infatuated with thoughts of you

you tear me apart
you make me feel like a stranger
to myself

but how is it
after you destroy the bitter pieces of what's left of me,
and make my heart yearn for your ice cold eyes,

i can still love you just the same

d.l.b.

how is it
those three words
can make someone's whole existence worthwhile,
while shattering another's heart

how is it
those three words
form protection, happiness, and serenity
but also pain, hurt, and despair

how it it
you love her while i love you

d.l.b.

i cannot take this anymore
i want to scream
i feel trapped
but nothing i do is going to free me

d.l.b.

why do i feel so alone
why does nobody like me
oh, please don't make me go
i'm going to cry
all my true friends
live in different worlds
while i am stuck here
why does nobody like me
why do i feel so alone

d.l.b.

you said nothing was going to change.
but so much already has.
you don't see it,
but i do.

i'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom as i write this.
i looked in the mirror and i saw it all.
i saw the sadness,
and i saw the despair.

i wish things could go back to the way they were.
but that's awfully selfish of me.
i miss you.
and i know it won't be long until i never see you again.

d.l.b.

i wish i could walk to you,
so that you could see me in person,
so you could see how much this is hurting me.
i wish that you could feel my pain,
just for a moment,
so you could miss me too.

d.l.b.

school used to be a safe, warm, and welcoming place.
now it's full of liars, cheaters, and back-stabbers.
what happened to what used to be?

d.l.b.

i want to be reminded that you're here,
and you will never leave me.
because after the last boy,
i don't know who I can trust.

d.l.b.