i don't think things will ever go back to the way they were before

why did you cut me out of your life,
where i was lonely,
and sad,
and very confused

i know*

d.l.b.

you came running back to me.
and you only made things worse.
i cried over you too many times.
please go away.

d.l.b.

when you're hugging me,
all my pain just flies away.
nothing can hurt me.

d.l.b.

if loving you has taught me anything,
it's to cherish every moment with someone.
you never know when they'll decide to leave.

d.l.b.

i want you to like me
i don't want you to think i'm a baby
i wish i were older,
so i could be taken more seriously

d.l.b.

i so desperately want to be your friend.
i want you to like me,
and i want you to care about me.
please stop ignoring me.
i want to be noticed.

d.l.b.

i wonder if you're tired of me as much as i'm tired of you.
i wonder if you've cried over me as much as i've cried over you.
i wonder if you think of me as much as i think of you.

i wonder if you loved me as much as (i loved you)

d.l.b.

you might not come after all.
i don't know how i'm going to bear
without you here.

it's been far too long
and i miss the wonderful hugs you give.

d.l.b.

the first time you spoke to me,
i felt a rush of energy flow throughout my whole body.

the first time you smiled at me,
i felt my heart begin to race.

the first time you hugged me,
i felt a calmness settle in my soul.

d.l.b.

i may be a little hard to understand,
and i may be picky about which foods i like to eat.
i may be sleepy at 1 o'clock in the afternoon,
i may be disorganized and very clumsy,
or i may be crazy for my nighttime tea.
i may be critical,
i may be a light sleeper.

i may be a lot of things.

but i will always be yours.

d.l.b.

remember when
we first met and I said that you were cute?
remember when
we joked about our futures together?
remember when
we made eachother laugh so hard we cried?
remember when
we used to stay up late talking to eachother?
remember when
you told me you loved me?

do you remember when?

or am i just a memory in the past?

d.l.b.

the times i miss you,
are the times i remember
you're not coming back.

d.l.b

my best friend.
the one i can tell anything to.
179 miles away.

how am i supposed to live when you are so far away?

d.l.b.

don't hurt yourself,
my darling.
the pains in this world are only temporary.
you will soon be free.

d.l.b.

why do you ignore my presence?
i just want to be your friend
and you push me away.

why do you not include me?
i just want you to like me
but it's like i'm not even there.

d.l.b.

being with you,
is such a relief.
all my worries,
and all my fears,
they simply fly away.

d.l.b.

long nights, tired eyes.
a bit of joy when i see
your smiling face.

d.l.b.

you don't understand
what it's like
to be so far away
from your best friends

you don't understand
what it's like
to have people expect you
to be perfect every day

you don't understand
what it's like
to be me

so stop acting like you do

d.l.b.

you held me today.
you held me like you loved me,
like i was just yours.

d.l.b.

being in your arms
is like floating on a cloud.
i'm at peace with you.

d.l.b

this is what i love.
this is what i want to do.
this is who i am.

d.l.b.

i know i messed up,
and i know you probably hate me,
but i said i was sorry,
and i really am.

"don't you know what she did to me?"

at least i'm not holding a grudge over something so silly.

d.l.b.

your arms were around me today.
it gave me such a calming feeling inside.
to know you would protect me,
and hold me close when things got bad.

d.l.b.

i am nothing like she is.
don't get me wrong,
she's a lovely girl.
but she's not me.

d.l.b.

we are both sleeping under the same stars,
we are both living on the same earth,
we are both breathing the same air,
we are both together,
even though we are far apart.

d.l.b.

your words are like arrows
that point me in the right direction,
and show me where to go

d.l.b.

if you think so,
and i think so too,
why are we not agreeing?

d.l.b.

looking in your eyes,
while you're looking into mine,
i feel important.

d.l.b.

i do not understand how you cannot love yourself.
you are the only you that there is.
your body is perfectly crafted just for you,
and your personality is like no one else's.
you are so beautiful
and i wish you could see the beauty in yourself.

d.l.b.

you do not understand
that you are so
beautiful!
and he is so
dumb
to not see that!

d.l.b.

i wonder if to you still think of me.
i know things are different now,
but i miss your friendship.

d.l.b

i know now what has happened.
and we have both apologized.
i want to be your friend.
please stop pushing me away.

d.l.b.

i miss you.
i miss your corny jokes
and your cute little laugh.
the way you used to tease me.
i miss it.
please come back.

d.l.b.

i don't need makeup to know that i am beautiful.
and i cannot thank you enough for teaching me that.

d.l.b.

learning how to let go
is a very important skill to learn.
or else you'll be stuck
on the same pair of blue eyes,
until you finally forget
what his voice sounds like.

d.l.b.

stop it!
i can't!
pull
please!
i can't!
pull
p
    u
        l
            l

d.l.b.

get up! (you can't stay here)
get up! (you aren't coming back here)

d.l.b.

i do not know how to love,
for my heart has been broken too many times.
i do not know how to swim,
for i am drowning in sorrow.

d.l.b.

she was close,
but not close enough.
he ran away,
but not far enough.

d.l.b.

maybe i shouldn't have fallen for you so quickly.
maybe this would all be different.
maybe i wouldn't be scared to fall in love.

d.l.b.

you're cute and smart and funny and everything that makes somebody perfect.

d.l.b.

the boy knows that he broke her.
he knows that she's hurting.
but the boy doesn't care.
he walks away.

d.l.b.

losing my goldfish was sad.
not because she's gone,
but because I don't know what I did that made her go.
it's kinda the same way with you.

d.l.b.

i wish
you would come back
and tell me that you want to be friends.
and i wish
that if this is eating you up inside
like it is to me,
you will come back.
to make things okay again.

d.l.b.

i don't like feeling sick.
go away please.

d.l.b.

my feelings are so confusing
and i'm so tired.
i want to sleep
and sleep
and sleep

d.l.b.

when i'm wrapped up in thoughts,
and my hands are shaking,
it's nice to be reminded that you're here.
and you will never leave.

d.l.b.

"you are a sweet, beautiful, and kind girl and i promise things will get better"*

it's been 4 months and 16 days,
and i still think about you.
i spend my nights wondering what i could've done differently.
my pillow is soaked in useless tears,
and my hands shake when i hear your name.

d.l.b.

you are always on my mind.
i cannot get you to leave.
it would be a benefit to us both.

d.l.b.

i feel as though
my heart is made of bark,
and every boy who comes my way
carefully carves his name into the tree.
and every boy i've ever loved,
has left their mark.
turning me into a canvas,
waiting for whoever comes next.

d.l.b.