Nobody was ever there for me when I broke down, but the razor was always in reach. I'm sorry.
Nobody ever sat there and listened to my problems, but the alcohol helped me drown them.
Nobody ever stayed up with me when I was having panic attacks, but the pills helped lull me to sleep, albeit a restless one.
I know that I'll need to let all of that go but they are always there for me in my times of need

But, truthfully, I think the only reason they don't abandon me like everyone else is because they're inanimate.

How does one's life get so bad that they resent every morning they wake up, cry each and every night and regret every breath they take? I just don't get it. How--why--does this almighty God character let people spiral down so deep in their miserable existences that they want to **** themselves? Why does He let them go through with it if they're going to hell because of it? Isn't He compassionate toward us humans? Doesn't He want us to have eternal life or whatever?

If He knew that so many people would suffer so badly, why didn't he just **** everyone and start over? I'm sure we wouldn't mind an easy life in the Garden of Eden.

I wasn't really going to speak about God, it's just where my thought process took me.

Anyway, really, how does someone get to that point? To the point of jumping off that building, of cutting the artery, of swallowing that myriad of pills they've been saving up, of holding the gun to their heads before pulling the trigger? How does it happen?

I don't know, but I feel like I'm awfully close and I don't like it. If I knew how people got to that point, I could try to avoid it. Alas, I do not. That's what *****: a lot of people don't. And that's why so many people get there without ever realizing where they're headed.