I weighed it. Took measure, found the fears
separate, but equally crushing.

This is my fault.
This is the only love
I'm worthy of
My vacancy
would destroy him
This is all
my fault
Bitterness
already stains us all
And my inaction
paralyzes any hope of redemption

My child will learn
lies.
Instead of love.

Her hatred of me
will grow.
And it will all
*be my fault.

kicking and screaming

it kicks
it claws
biting, spitting
it gnaws

her bones
moan, groan
can’t take this _
much longer

used to be so quiet here
*before she let the anger in...

restless
loveless
wishing I could stress less
but I won't.

caged, trapped
ready to snap
I need to do something
but I don't.

At eleven years old
voices awoke in my head.

The child realized
people dying
screaming, crying
all over the world.

despair
exploded
inside
knocked out the air
and I cried.

little girl tears, snot filled, sobbing, innocent

Then I buried them.
The voices.

Inner warmth
pours from your eyes.
Beacons
for a lonely ship
Sailing empty oceans

Hungry heart
and teeth to tear.
I’d bury myself inside you.

I would call you home.

But don’t worry love,
The will is good.
And the ocean always calls me home.

I meant to say
"I like hanging out with YOU"
Instead I said "I like hanging out here"

I meant to say
I Like You

Instead I said goodnight.

*It's safer that way.