Dev A

Dev A Aug 2014

All I needed
Was to see your face
And to hold you hand
Here in mine

Dev A Aug 2014

As I sit here waiting for you
Thoughts run through my head.
What will you say?
What words will come out of my mouth?
What if you don't say what I want to here?
Will I have the courage to leave?
Will I be able to move on?
But what if you say what I've been wanting to hear?
What then?

The nerves are stopping my heart
Anxiety is creeping in.
I don't know what to say to you
I don't know what to do!
This conversation is a must
I can't go on
Not knowing what will become of us.
Are we even an us?
Will there ever be an us?
This flirting and talking
Is bringing out my insecurities.
Its bringing out all my doubts,
My issues with trust.

Please tell me all is okay
Please tell me what I need to hear,
Don't let me hang
Or sit around waiting,
Just waiting.
I can't go on
If we don't figure this out.

As I sit here waiting
Doubts and anxiety creep in
My insecurities are showing.

Dev A Aug 2014

A Curious Infatuation

The world seems a much better place
With you here

Dev A Jun 2014

What If...?

What if you're the one,
And we met at the ages of 8 and 10?
What if
It took us being apart for 3 years
Just to realize each other's significance.

What if you're the one,
And we just weren't ready for each other?
What if
We keep playing this game of cat and mouse
Chasing each other back and forth.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?
What if
This heartache I feel when I think of you
Never goes away?

What if you're the one,
And we're separated from this day forth?
What if
The reason our emotions run so deep
Is because we're each other's one and only?

What if you're the one?
And the heartbreak I felt when I realized
That the likelihood I shall lays eyes on you again
Is less than 1 in a million,
Was enough to cause a panic attack.

The thought of not laughing and joking around,
Of not insulting each other,
Of not playfully slapping and punching each other,
Of not hanging out together,
Pulls on strings that I never knew existed.

A year ago,
You gave me one last hug,
One last kiss on the forehead,
As we stepped away from each other
For the very last time.

I just reread something,
Something that I wrote about you.
It made me realize the truth,
The truth I've been hiding from.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?

We both had feelings for one another,
Feelings that turned to jealousy
And anger.
We both ran and hid from the truth,
Over and over again.

Friends.
That's all we are.
That's all that we've ever been.
That's all we'll ever be.

What if you're the one,
And we never see each other again?
What if you're the one,
And you never gave me the chance?

Dev A Jun 2014

It's Been Too Long...

It's been 3 years since we last spoke.
It's been 2 years since you said you didn't want to be friends.
It's been 2 years since you started ignoring me.

It's been 6 years since you said we'd always have each other.
It's been 5 years since you said we would be friends forever.
It's been 5 years since you said nothing could tear us apart.

It's been 2 years since I last saw you,
Since we last spoke.
It's been 2 years...

Am I still allowed to cry?
You were my bestest friend in the whole world!
We planned that our children would be just as close as we were.
We said we'd be the two old women in the nursing home who would be cackling like crazy.
We said that nothing would come between us.

It's been 2 years...
Am I still allowed to miss you?
You were my shoulder to cry on.
You were my reasonable side.
You were the one to make sure I studied just as much as I played sports.

It's been 2 years since we've said a single word.
Am I still allowed to miss you?
You were my bestest friend.
Am I still allowed to be in pain?
You made a promise!
Am I still allowed to cry?
You said "I will never ditch you or forget about you".
Am I still allowed to wish?
You said "distance is making our friendship stronger".

You were my best friend,
And it's been 2 years now.
What went wrong?
How did it come to this?
I don't understand!

Dev A Jun 2014

Daddy's Little Girl (Forever and Always)

To my Daddy on Father's Day

When I was young and small,
I was your *little girl.
As I grew and grew,
I stayed your little girl.
Now, 18 years later,
I'm still your little girl.
When I am twenty,
Thirty,
Forty,
Fifty,
I will still be your little girl.
No matter where I go,
Or how old I grow,
I will still be,
Forever and always
Your little girl.

You were my cheerlearder,
Calling and whistling from the stands,
Since I was smaller and tinier
Than all those who played.
You were my coach,
Helping me and teaching me
Giving me confidence
Showing me what it meant to be an athlete.
I took what you taught me
And applied it to my life
Making me,
Forever and always
Your little girl.

You were my personal chef,
Teaching me to love the finer foods
And that cooking is an art.
Healthy and not
Food was to be treated specially
Cooked and baked just right.
Nothing has ever compared to what you have made.
Spoiled and exposed to the best
Making me,
Forever and always
Your little girl

You were my supporter,
When I was upset and had nowhere to turn.
You taught me to be tough
And to be strong.
You said I could do anything,
Be anything I wanted,
That being a girl made no difference.
You taught me to love myself,
To take care of myself
To defend and stand up for myself,
Making me,
Forever and always
Your little girl.

When I was small and tiny,
I was your little girl.
As I grew,
I remained you little girl.
Today
I am you little girl.
Tomorrow and the day after
I will be your little girl.

No matter where I go,
No matter how old I grow,
No matter where you are,
No matter how old you are,
I will
Forever and always*
Be your *little girl.

Happy Daddy's Day
I love you <3

Dev A Jun 2014

Insomniac

There's a point you pass,
It's when you know that no matter how hard you try,
You're not going to sleep.
No matter how much you want to,
You've passed that point,
That point of no return.

You're no longer tired or exhausted,
You're just hyper.
Then the hyperness turns into boredom and restlessness.

As the hours drag on and on
And you stay up later and later,
You hit the emotional breakdown.

You hit the point where everything
Goes from hilariously funny
To tragically sad.

The final point comes
When you everything that comes out of your mouth,
Is unfiltered!
Raw emotion,
Words tumbling over each other,
Not making sense.

And then all of a sudden,
You don't know how it happens,
But out of nowhere,
You're lying down somewhere,
Waking up from 5 hours of sleep.