Dev A

Dev A Nov 2013

What happened to the girl,
The girl that hated me with everything she had
Only to realize that we had so much in common
And that it made no sense
As to why we hated each other?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that became my best friend
And told me that nothing would come between us
No matter what?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that was there when I was broken hearted
Who told me to stop shedding tears over him,
He wasn’t worth it;
There were other fish in the sea?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that made sure I didn’t get hurt playing sports
That I wasn’t pushing my limits,
Who was worried when I wore a knee brace?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that told me when I was being stupid,
When I was about to get hurt because I wasn’t thinking,
Who told me to express myself in other ways?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that was crazy and hyper with me,
Who danced around, had burping competitions with me,
That would come up with weird combinations of food to eat
Who stayed up late and shared secrets with me?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that wrote a poem to me on my first birthday apart from you,
Who gave me a soccer ball and popcorn as a present
Who said that the distance wouldn’t mean a single thing
And we’d always have each other,
Who was terrified to tell me that she was leaving because she didn’t know how to say it?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that was my best friend
Who was always there for me no matter what
That looked after me
And made sure I didn’t get hurt or do something stupid
Who made sure I was okay?

What happened to the girl,
The girl that was my best friend?
She got lost somewhere along the way
Somewhere into an abyss
An abyss that I couldn’t drag her out of.
I guess we’re back to the beginning;
Back to you hating me.
This time though,
I don’t hate you back.

Dev A Nov 2013

Winter...Oh Wait, It's still Fall

Cold,
Freezing.
It’s time to break out the scarves and jackets.
Gloves are on
And so is the heat.
It’s so cold out
It feels like winter
But it’s only the fall.
The wind is packing
The leaves are falling
I don’t think I’ll be warm for a while.
If I’m so cold now,
How will winter be?
Snow and ice
It already feels so.
The temperature is low
So very low!
The wind picks up
Adding to the cold
Adding its own “good morning”
Cold,
Freezing.
How is it only fall?

Dev A Oct 2013

Homesick

Warmth,
Sunshine,
Humidity,
Filling the days.
Monkeys here,
Snakes there,
Geckos everywhere,
Finding them throughout the day.
Homesickness pulls at my heart.
Birds tweeting,
****** of a foreign language,
Small things caught throughout the day
Reminding me of home.

Cold,
Clouds,
Wind,
Filling the days.
Raccoons here,
Seagulls there,
Buildings everywhere,
Spotting them throughout the day.
Homesickness pulls at my heart.
Foreign things,
So different from home
Making me long for the past.

Dev A Sep 2013

Sick

Sick, that’s all I feel.
Sore throat,
Tired,
Joints not functioning.
Eyes glazed over
And slowly shutting.
Cold,
Cold is the only other feeling
That passes through my body.
Sore joints,
Sore throat
I can’t swallow
Or talk.
It hurts too much.
So tired.
Exhaustion running its course.
Weakened muscles;
Pain striking through them.
Back,
My back is in pain.
It needs to be stretched or cracked,
But nothing is helping.
Stiff,
My whole body is stiff and aching.
My nose is stuffed up
But it’s really my sinuses.
Sore,
Stiff,
Tired,
Exhausted,
Pain,
All running through my body.
Sick, that’s all I feel.

Dev A Sep 2013

Together and Apart

When we're together
The world is right.
There's nobody to judge me;
Just my best friend
To laugh by my side.
But here and now
We're in new places;
Places we've never been
Places we never knew existed.
But the biggest change so far
Is that we've been separated,
It might not be that far
But its far enough.
Here and now
I don't have anyone to talk to
No one that can help me
To sort through this jungle of emotions;
No one who I can call a friend.
I miss the people I knew
I miss them even when they don't miss me.
Too bad we can't all be together.
Too bad we were separated from each other.
Why can't you be here with me
When I need you the most,
As I sit here lost and alone,
With no one to hold?

Dev A Sep 2013

Lost and Alone

Lost and alone,
Darkness circling the edge
Attempting to creep past the sliver of light
Which is holding it back but slightly.
The light its pulsing,
Like the stars,
Brighter on some days
Barely visible on others.
The night, the darkness
Covers the light
Leaving a small isolated gully.
Nothing enters the space,
Nothing but more darkness
And the feeling of loneliness
Lost and alone,
I wish there were people here who knew me.
I wish someone would just go out of their way
And make me feel welcomed,
Maybe even accepted for once.
The darkness creeps forth
More and more each day.
But no one here can help,
They just skirt on by
Adding to the darkness
Like clouds covering the sky
Blocking the light
From shining through
Making the stars seem less illuminative.
Lost and alone,
I just want someone to talk to,
Someone to be friends with,
Someone to acknowledge that I'm here.

Dev A Sep 2013

Home...

Home...
What is home?
Is it the people you know?
Or is it the collection of objects you own?
How about the pets and family in life?

Home...
Where is home?
Is home where the heart is?
Or is home the place you live?
How about the place you spent most of your life?

Home...
I don't know what
Or even where
My home is
Here or there, depending on the day.

Home...
I miss the eternal summers.
I miss my friends.
I miss the cultural differences.
I miss Asia.

Home...
A place that's forever in your dreams and heart.
A place that fills that little missing piece.
A place to be yourself, even if you don't know it.
A place that continuously calls to you, no matter how far away.

Home...
I miss my home
But now,
Now I must make a new one.
Now I must long for my home, thousands of miles away.

Home...
I may not be Malaysian
But my home is Malaysia, not America.
But I must accept
That America is my new place of residence.

Home...
I want to go back
But I can't.
America is my new residence.
I need to embrace the change.

Home...
I may be American
But
I am Malaysian
At heart.