At least to me,
Actually,
I have many personalities.
They fight and squabble in my brain,
But you believe it’s just a game.
When I talk to different people,
There seems to be a sense,
Because everything I say,
Doesn't always make sense.
Although some people who understand,
Find keeping all the personalities,
A quite difficult task,
Do you care to ask.
I guess I confuse myself,
Before I lose myself,
Especially when I’m by myself.
What’s the difference between the two,
Well why the hell am I asking you.

I tell the truth,
My lies are real.
They're as solid as,
Titanium steel.
You can trust me,
With all your secrets.
From shallow,
To the deepest.
No, I promise,
I've changed.
Everything's already arranged.
People were talking,
That's weird.
None of your secrets,
Have I shared.
No,
Please,
Don't leave.
You can
Trust me.

Why do you hate me,
I feel like I'm scarred.
I don't get what you're saying,
You make it so hard.
I don't know what you're thinking, but I always wonder,
How you're feeling the surface under.

If only we could speak like before,
At least one word or maybe more,
Just a common, "Hello",
But you won't, that I know.

Whatever I write you make it a vex,
It's not that difficult,
Why are you so complex?
This is boring, being anxious, annoyed and stressed,
Give me another chance,
I'm trying my best.

Are you scared of losing the ones you love.
Afraid of going up above.
But i wouldn't be shocked, or stunned,
If i turned your pages and there were none.

Okay, now this is a little extreme,
But I wish out ex-friendship was only a dream.
Why should I have to try, when all this is a lie,
I can't live this way,
No, I would rather die.

You want to treat this like a game?
Then let's play chess.
It's just like life, one big mess.
How could I think anything else,
When I always play it by myself.

Did you know, you're never there.
You don't know me,
And you don't care.

I miss the time when we were friends,
Or whatever you'd call it.
But to you it all depends,
On how well I treat you,
On how I speak,
On how I act,
It makes me weak.
How could I guess,
I'm so confused.
I've ruined everything, and you're amused.
Why is this funny?

I promise I don't want to hurt you,
I'll leave you alone I swear.
Please keep my secrets unspoken,
Because I only have this life to spare.
I've tried so hard o hide it,
And all the problems it gave.
If you learn something of me,
Take it to your grave.
I want to hide in the shadows,
Keeping away from most.
And the only way you'll find me,
Is by letters and post.
I'd trade a lifetime in reality,
Fro a fraction of a thought.
A slave to imagination,
When it's the only thing I've got.
I've slaughtered entire armies,
With a staff and a knife.
If you ever catch a glimpse of my dark side,
You'll see that I'm not all that nice.
Don't try and fix me,
I was born to destroy,
The lives of those around me,
For monsters I'm employed.

I love it when you decide you're going to hate me for a week,
Even though you haven't made any attempts at any form of communication in 2.
I thoroughly enjoy when you lie about the little things,
And get mad when I tell the truth.
It's absolutely adorable when you say I'm oversensitive,
Then ignore me for a month when I make a joke.
It's great that you can decide to respond to me months later,
But I can't take 5 minutes.
I'm a ***** and a *****,
But you can't be mean.
It's cute when you pick everyone else over me,
But you have to be my number one.
I like when you want me to make conversation with you,
Then tell me everything I do and say is wrong.
It's great that you can hate me,
But I have to love you.
Your best quality is using my fears and secrets against me,
But you don't tell me any of yours.
Most of all, I love when you all do this at once,
Then drop like flies at a picnic.

I just don't understand you're logic.
You treat me like your childhood teddy bear,
That's only there to hold your tears.
Which I wouldn't mind doing regardless, but it's all the time.
I feel like I've watched you grow up.
From love, then confusion, fear, sadness and now an unrestrained hatred directed solely at me.
Gosh. What did I do? Why can't you tell me? Why can none of you just tell me already?

I won't give up, because you know I can't. It's not my nature to walk away, ever.
Even when I'm not wanted. Or needed. Even when I know I'm not. I could never be, Nanny McPhee.
You know I won't call you, or disturb you when you're with your friends,
Because you know I'm scared of them.
The lying doesn't bother me as much,
But sometimes it's unnecessary and it still hurts.
I know I'm oversensitive sometimes,
And you're helping me get over myself,
But I can tell you've still got a long way to go.
I don't keep the battery in my phone anymore.
I don't want to get my hopes up that someone will try to talk to me, since they never do anyways.
There are no secrets and no trust. Yeah. It's all gone.
There's no thought anymore.
Your team is all the people you want,
Because why chose 5 of 5 when you could chose 4.
It's one less opportunity for me to be ignored.
I'm awkward in every sense of the word, and you should have learned that by now.
Please stop making social interaction more difficult for me.
New people are difficult enough, when I still feel weird around you.
I thought it was a joke at first, after all of your abuse,
But I've learned a lot this life, about what my friendships must include.
If I have two friends, than they must hate eachother, and eventually one hates me and leaves, than the remaining one must wait a bit before following suit.
I don't know why you always chose me as an advantage for your own personal gain. Maybe I'm the only idiot that doesn't know when to shut up.
The kind you can manipulate without me realizing until it's too late. Naive. Clueless.
No one's ever on my side.
You're all always together, against me,
And I can't even take one of you, so why bother trying anymore.

I don't fit in with you and your friends.
You don't want me there anyways.
Because you don't need me, until they're all busy.
But I need you, and you know I do.
I hate when you use that as an excuse.

The night,
Nocturnal.
Is locked,
In your journal.
Nicknamed,
For your heart.
Where you keep the souls of those,
You ripped apart.
Shhh you say,
It'll be over soon.
Wait until the afternoon,
After the moon.
Before dawn,
When everyone's gone.
Shhh you say,
Stay quiet.
You don't want a riot.
You'll destroy all of them,
The same way you destroyed I.
You screamed in my face face,
I won't be defied.
It won't work,
I know I've tried.
As you silently suffocate,
The bodies you hide.
Shhh you say.