God
I ******* HATE her ***

Not really though

I was dragged through hell and back on broken glass pulled by the noose around my neck and I can't bring myself to hate you

Now all I do is miss her
The way she smelled
The way the small of her back was so soft I could never stop touching it
How she would look at me and say I love you

I miss how she loved me

I can't hate someone I love so ******* much can i?
I've tried so ******* hard to
I've tried so ******* hard to forget you
But I can't
I can't become someone new when she holds half of who I was

A long time ago I told her that nothing she could do to me could make me hate her
And I hate myself for it but I was right

I sometimes wonder
What things truly could have been
I wonder if things are better now that I'm not around
I used to look forward to the future but now I'm constantly looking over shoulder hoping it doesn't come for me
Things change so fast
I would like to compare people to the seasons but  we change our minds and feelings like we change clothes during the day
Each outfit a new personality
Which outfit did she try on today I wonder?
The one that still loves art
The bookworm outfit
The one that still creates something everyday
The one whose poetry sings emotion into the heart of others
Or the one I know nothing about
The one that now likes things that were never a second thought to her
One that now contradicts past words beliefs and emotions
People change personalities
Like they change clothes
And unfortunately for me
You outgrew your old wardrobe

I read that if you truly love something
You never let it go
If you can't go a single day without thinking about it
Then hold on with all your might
But you wanted to let go
I've tried so hard to be angry
It's the only thing that makes the pain go away
But I can't
I can only sit here and wish with all my might that you were still here
Next to me
Sharing these covers
In this bed that used to smell like you
My mind flashes through all of our memories together
Trail hikes
Late nights
Movies
God she was everything to me
She was my person
And at one point in time I was hers
When did that change

something good happened today
it was insignificant and so small that i cant even remember what it is now
my first thought was to text her and tell her about it.
but that snot the way things are anymore
all missed calls and unanswered texts
what have we become
this isn't the future i imagined
the only future ive imagined in a very long time
when will i get a moment of happiness
and the first thought i have be to text the only one i care about
ive found an escape in the bottom of a glass
but its only temporary
a cure for the night to wash the loneliness and sadness away
every hour i want to text her
begging her for things not to end
for our friendship
our love
our life back
its all so pointless now
all missed calls and unanswered texts
its all
pointless

We never got to watch all the spiderman movies together
I remembered you talking about how you loved them
And I liked them too
God I wished we had taken a day to just cuddle up together and watch those **** movies

We never got to go camping
We planned it during the summer but we were off and on and I had to work so much so we never got to  
**** we should have

We never got to go see our favorite music artist in concert
We're both still in school and money isn't something in abundance for either of us
It's just not something we never had the time or money for
God ****** I wish we were more Fortunate.

We never got to be together
There was always something in the way of us.
Julian
Trust issues
Life
God I wish there was a time where we could just be us without the rest of the world

We never got a true chance of love
We're both young
We both have our lives to live
We both make mistakes
And right now we're just not good for eachother

I pray to a god I never believe existed until I met you that one day we'll meet again, both older, more wise, more sure of ourselves
And we hug and everything comes Flooding back.

But dreams are only dreams
And my pillow is too coated in tears for any gods to hear past the cloth

Are you happy
Does the thought of me ever cross your mind
At 3 a.m.
When you can't sleep    
I can never sleep now  
How does one sleep without their heart
My thoughts linger on you
The way my fingers ran through your hair
The shallow rising of your chest as you sleep
In my arms
The warm heat of love radiating from your body
Are you happy
I'm not