Im slowly starting to forget how the sweet tincture of you always makes things taste better than they were
How the most mundane of tasks could be a grandiose adventure
But most importantly
I realize
That my view of you was so much better than the reality before me
And im happy
Not that i now think less of someone so far gone
But that i can feel again
You were a black hole of emotion
******* everything in not even letting joy escape
I thought that i had passed over that horizon edge and been forever lost
I should have taken my sage advice i had given you in the beginning:
Nothing lasts forever and time heals all wounds

I've always wanted to be someone else
Smarter
Wiser
Cooler
Someone better than who I am now
But today
Today I want to be nothing

There was a moment
Only briefly
Where I wished you were here
To relish in this moment
With me
But our time has passed
And I stand here
Alone

Here I am again
All 3 am thoughts
Scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but remember that time we

Nevermind
**** that thought for just one moment
Better yet make it forever

I've finally found someone else
Someone who doesn't annoy me with their very presence
Who can hold a descent conversation
A lady friend who's down to earth enough, yet just a little full of herself to make it cute

So why the ****
Is it 3 am
And I'm thinking of you
I thought I was done with this
I thought the script had been written but you didn't like the pages so you ripped them out and tore them to shreds
But didn't bother to rewrite them
You could've at least rewritten them
I would've settled for a D-rate horror movie where it's written so poorly they try and make it so that they subvert their own clichés and end up making it even worse
You could've at least given me a descent expla-

**** it who cares
I'm happier now

So I was walking by the book store today and thought of your favorite autho-

I'm happier now.

I took a picture of the sky last week, something I never used to do because I never saw beauty in the world until I looked into your ey-

I'm happier now. Period.

I was laying next to Amanda and her hair fell slightly over her face and when I went to move it away I was surprised at who was behind it, I was expecting it to be yo-

Im.....happy?

I'm sitting awake at 3 am all scrambled mind and twisted fingers
I can't help but wonder
Why do my thoughts linger on you

Everything is so fickle
Our light can extinguish as quick as a slight gust of wind on a candle
It's strange
One minute you exist
And the next
Oblivion
You were here for what seemed like an eternity at first
But I guess that's what life does to us
Were so busy living it we don't stop to actually LIVE it
You knew that best
You always tried to tell me
"Take it slow man"
"Don't be so uptight, just ride the wave bro"
I don't know why but you calling life "the wave" made me happy
You, the meat head redneck ****
Who would've guessed that would be where you find the most humble and down to earth individual
I sure didn't at first
It took time but you always tried to be my friend
I regret that I didn't open up sooner
So many missed memories
Lost fishing trips
Cold ones un opened
"#Gainz" to be had
God if only I could go back in time
Awnser that one last text
See you one last time

They say everything gets easier with time, but time only scabs over the wound
I hope that heaven does exist
I hope your cracking open a cold brewski with Jesus right now looking down on all of your friends cheering them on
I hope heaven exists and I'm a descent enough person to get in so one day, I can punch your *** in the chest, call you a *******, and chill over a campfire with our buddy yiungling.

I
Can finally say I don't hurt like I used to
Anymore
Keyword being:
Anymore
But I still hurt
And it's not the late night 3 am thoughts that keep me up
I no longer lose sleep over someone who hurt me so much
But it's during the day
When I'm working
Or when I'm with friends
That I wonder
"What is she doing right now?"
"How has she been?"
"Is she happy?"
"I hope so"
I think back on the times we had
The fun we shared
And at times I wish I could go back
And other times I just wish it never happened
I wonder if I'll ever feel that type of happiness again.
If I'll ever stop feeling this pain in my chest when I think of her
I've never been as happy as I was with her and I wonder if I'll ever get to have that again.
She's found someone new
And I'm stuck in this pain
I guess it's true
No two loves the same
But I wonder if I'll ever love again