Dearest Spencer
You were the one thing
That made me feel
With you I was
Happy,
I was somebody
Now I'm nothing

Nothing is the same
Without you here
I need you now
To keep me here
On this planet
In this world
I need you now
Stay with me forever

Your words they bite
Like venom from a snake
Inserting themselves
Right into my veins

They flow right through me
Move to the rhythm of the beat
Causing me to act on impulse
Change who I am
Heed the call of the wild
Just for you
To accept me

You don't know
No you don't care
What your words
Have done to me
Created the heartbeat
Dead inside of me

I need to start
Writing again
It's who I am
I'm lost without it

Writing is a major part
Of what makes me
Feel almost happy

I couldn't live
Without my writing
It's ingrained
In my broken soul

What is it
About writing
That you love so much?

Is it the way you can
Express yourself
Let your feelings out?

Putting ideas together?
Seeing your creation
Come to life

Did it save you?
Are you hoping to
Save someone else?

Was writing the thing
That saved you
Gave you hope
Built you up
In a world so cold?

Did it help to
Create someone else
A new world
A new caricature of
Who you wanted to be?

Did it make you
Explore who you were

Did it save you
Maybe just change you?
Make you feel powerful
Sitting around a keyboard?

Writing helped me
Find a voice
Figure out my feelings
Who better to go to
When you're lost
Than a blank page
Full of possibilities

It makes me feel heard
Like someone can
Relate to my words
My struggles
Somehow relate to me

Writing makes me feel
Not so invisible
Even if I still feel alone

Words have put me in
Some bad places in the past
Writing has helped me
Sort out the pain the
Universe seems to be causing

I have found peace
Within the pain
Solace within the struggle
I have found a
Temporary place again

Writing does a lot of things
I know what writing has
Done for me
So why do you love
Writing so much?

Erica drowns the
Sorrows of her
Horrible life
In alcohol and
Severa vicious  forms of
Self-mutilation
Such as


Erica jabs sharp objects  
Into soft parts of her skin
Just to watch
uncried red tears
gush out of a
Body too broken to still be here

Despite her hardships,
Multiple suicide attempts
Such as tying a noose around
Her scrawny little neck or
Pulling  the trigger
She refuses to admit depression

When she’s really low
She smokes,
Pops pills
Does everything she can
Just to get high

Her life is a nightmare,
Death no longer an option
It’s cheated her out of the
Happiness of the end too many times
Not even the devil could
Salvage her lost soul

Don’t know what to say
When I’m around you
And I don’t know how to act or who to be
When I’m near you
Somebody tell me what I’m supposed to do
Cuz you’re driving me crazy
I hope you feel this way too

You, you, you
What should I say
You, you, you
How do I act
You, you, you who am I supposed to be
You, you, you
What am I supposed to do
Because you, you, you, you are driving me crazy

These feelings won’t fade away
You’ll never stop driving me crazy
With you I’m always up
When I’m with you
The world stops and
It’s just the two of us
With you I wouldn’t care if the world decided to cave in on us

The harsh reality is
You're not worth it
We were never meant
To be together

I may want you now
Maybe even forever
But the pain I feel
Isn't worth this ****

Do what you want
Not just what your
Parents tell you

I want what's right
Want what's best
You and me just
Don't fit together

I thought you
Could be the one
Could be my forever
You make it very clear
That's not what you want

You want me
You take all of me
My many flaws
Covered up by painful scars

You want me then
You accept my past
All my failures,
My guilt, my shame

You want me you have to work
I promise it won't be easy
To take my pain away
Kiss away all the scars
Heal the pain
Protruding in my heart

You want me
You shower me
With love and affection
Show me what it's like to be loved
Take my hand as we
Throw ourselves into the unknown