You branded me weak ugly,, a ****, a worthless idiot before you knew me
I had to prove myself to you every day like
I dressed in nice clothes and wore makeup so you'd think I was halfway pretty
How that would backfire
That me trying to impress you
Turned into me looking like a ****
Oh you got a good grade on a quiz maybe you're not as dumb as I thought
You may have thought I was weak
With you I probably was I mean I stayed
Do you know how much strength it took me to leave?

Poetry is like
Magic on the page
Using words to bring
Stories to life

Poetry taught me how
Music is a fraud
You don't need to
Repeat the same thing
Over and over
To get your message across

I never connected to music
The way poetry connected to me
It gave me an outlet a
Place I belonged

Music uses tricks to
Keep you interested
Instruments, chords, melodies
Poetry is made by the
Person who speaks it

Music is so straight forward
It's in simple terms
Poetry isn't all simple
You have to read between the lines

People usually
Get the same message from a song
In a poem there are many messages
Many ways to read and interpret

People can quote lines from songs
How many can quote
Verses of poetry?

Music is great though
I love music
Poetry is just
More important to me

In my poems
I am free to
Be who I want
I am free to
Be who I am

Trapped inside my mind
Betrayed by my body
Everything about me is a lie

Anxiety keeps me
Locked inside myself
Too afraid to get out there
Knowing nobody would like me

Depression reminds me
How horrible I am
Keeps me away from people
So I won't hurt them

My body is a trap
It says girl
But I don't feel like that

Everything about me
Is a lie
I hope one day
I can find the truth

To the people who say gay is a choice
Who make fun of people who are gay
Ignore them, push them into lockers bully them
To the ones who **** them ****** them
You should do it: you should all be gay
I mean you can choose that right?
All the pain and humiliation you caused someone else
The days spent crying hiding who you are
Like they wanted someone to point out it was different
Say who they are is wrong
They chose that life
So why don't you just try

I once told my mom
I wanted to be a boy
She, of course
Thought it was a joke
Because how could my
Feelings possibly be legitimate

She was like
Just because you don't
Like having *****
Doesn't make you a boy
(Mom, I don't like
"girl parts" or "boy parts"
Human anatomy is plain gross)

How about the fact that
I identify with nothing "girly"
I don't like makeup, dresses,
Never played with dolls or
Anything of that nature

I hate the color pink
I hate butterflies and rainbows

I hate this
Having to pretend
I'm someone I'm not

I never look presentable
I don't like to shave
Would rather not
Have to brush my hair

I don't even like girls clothes
I'd rather go in the boy section
Wear cologne instead of perfume
So much inside me
Screams
YOU'RE NOT A GIRL
Maybe I'm not
I don't feel like a boy either

I never knew how bad
Love could actually be
How love could be the
Best thing ever
Yet your love
Destroyed me left me
Wrecked and alone
Forced to Pick up the pieces
Like moving on was an option

People sugarcoat love
Tell you all the good things
Like how you will feel
Butterflies every time they're around
Their smile lights up a room
How everything feels
Better when they're around

With you I felt
Safe enough to
Let down my walls
Let you in
I felt not alone
Like even though
I didn't belong you
Created a place
Where I almost belonged

You knew
Everything about me
From my favorite color
You knew I had two
Black and blue
To calming my nerves
How to deal with my insecurities
Yet you made me feel like
Everything I hated about
Myself was perfect

As a kid I knew about
Deaths and breakups
I never knew death
Would be the
Cause of our breakup
Your life taken
Way too soon

Would a breakup have
Been any easier
Breaking up means
You don't love me anymore
Death means there was
Still love there

You didn't
Choose to leave
I wonder if you had the chance
Would you have stayed

I still love you
Constantly reminded of
You and I wonder
If I'll ever find someone
Like you

When I was younger
You could either be
Straight, gay or lesbian

Bisexual existed
But that usually
Translated to
"You're confused"
"It's just a phase"
"Experimentation is okay"

Anything other than
Straight or lesbian
Seemed like a taboo

I am not straight
I am not a lesbian
I am stuck
Here in the
Land of the inbetween

My skin color
Doesn't make me free
You can't assume because
Someone looks white
They are treated equally

Being white doesn't
Make me privileged
I worked hard to get
To where I am

I am not as "white" as I look
I am Hispanic
Which means that
Behind the scenes my
Family is not as
Well put together
As we may look

My parents are divorced
We're not poor but
They're struggling to
Get their kids a college education

I am a female
I didn't always have the
Rights I do now
For many years
My kind couldn't vote

For many years
Women were forced
Into a gender role
Being a female
Doesn't mean I'm weak

I am not straight
But also not a lesbian
Until this year
I didn't have the luxury of
Getting married to
Who I wanted where I wanted

People still don't understand
They think I'm confused
I can pray it away
You know what
Not even your
Backhanded religion
Can save me

I am not even
Safe in my own mind
There is a
Constant war
My depression and anxiety
Is eating away at me

You look at me
You see white
My people
We have
Always had to fight

Go ahead
Tell me
One more time
Poetry is dumb
Words mean nothing

She is writing down
All her feelings
Crying for help
But nobody stayed


You don't know
How it feels
Having a voice
You are too
Afraid to use

Tell me again
How stupid
This print looks
Typing like this
Just isn't creative

I'm not trying to
"be cool" or "start a fad"
Sorry writing is the
Least creative alternative

Tell me one last time
That you never knew
Words had a
Lasting effect
On your victim

They wrote their
Feelings out
Tried to give it to someone

Did you know:
Your "jokes" weren't funny
She went home crying
Deciding the best way to
End her life

Did you know
She thought about you
As she ended her life

You never knew
Her life was
Always in your hands
Just one kind word
Could have saved her

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth

Nobody knows what it's like
Who I really am
Smiling and laughing
Wondering why I
Was even put here
I shouldn't be

People think I'm better
Just because I'm not
Talking about my depression
Just because I don't
Broadcast how ******
Every moment of every day is
Doesn't mean it's not there

You talk too little
There's something wrong
They want to know
What's inside your head
Don't be fooled
They're not
Really trying to save you

You talk too much
People get so
Tired of you
Your voice is a fly
Consistent and unwanted

All the time people ask
How are you?
How was your day?
Are you okay?
Not because they want to know
Asking is an obligation

I've learned to lie
Present the person
Everyone wants me to be

They don't know
Will never see the
Constant struggle
Figuring out
Who I want to be
While keeping up the charade

I have resorted to lying
I have learned that
People don't want to hear the truth
The person I've created
She isn't me

What is it
About writing
That you love so much?

Is it the way you can
Express yourself
Let your feelings out?

Putting ideas together?
Seeing your creation
Come to life

Did it save you?
Are you hoping to
Save someone else?

Was writing the thing
That saved you
Gave you hope
Built you up
In a world so cold?

Did it help to
Create someone else
A new world
A new caricature of
Who you wanted to be?

Did it make you
Explore who you were

Did it save you
Maybe just change you?
Make you feel powerful
Sitting around a keyboard?

Writing helped me
Find a voice
Figure out my feelings
Who better to go to
When you're lost
Than a blank page
Full of possibilities

It makes me feel heard
Like someone can
Relate to my words
My struggles
Somehow relate to me

Writing makes me feel
Not so invisible
Even if I still feel alone

Words have put me in
Some bad places in the past
Writing has helped me
Sort out the pain the
Universe seems to be causing

I have found peace
Within the pain
Solace within the struggle
I have found a
Temporary place again

Writing does a lot of things
I know what writing has
Done for me
So why do you love
Writing so much?

As a writer
I do tend to
Draw inspiration
From my real life

I also get inspired
From other writers
Even just the
World around me

Don't think
Every word
Every thought
Every image is about you

There are secrets untold
Messages hidden
Deep inside my brain
Words, thoughts of my own
Locked inside left untold

I am not the person who
Will break up with you
Tell you you're not good enough
Give up when things get tough

Nor will I lie to
Spare your feelings or mine
If I didn't say I love you
I didn't mean it at the time

I will put in the effort
All the time
No matter how hard it is for me to
Deal with the constant battle
Raging in my head

I am not going to be okay
As much as you want me to be
I'll tell you I'm fine
Lie just to make you happy

I will fight to then end
After you have given up
But when I finally give up on you
Say how I feel
I become selfish

Somehow trying to
Escape this torment
Being alone in a relationship
Putting in the effort
Telling you I love you
(yes I still do)

You pushed me so far
Wanted me to leave
When I tried to go
You were the one who
Told me not to go

Trying to leave
Do it the right way
So I wouldn't get hurt
Not having the nerve
To walk out
Knowing it would hurt you

Lost, confused, hurt
Yet still here, with you
How did you
Get me to stay?
After all
You were the one that
Pushed me away

You think I'm so
Scared of you
Your insults
Haunting my
Every waking moment

You think I'm afraid
To hear the same thing
Every single day
Be reminded
I'm dumb I'm ugly
I'll never be good enough
Not for you not for me
Not for anybody

Just remember
I know what you think
I know I can't do anything right
The insults just keep coming
Until I can't handle it

One day I disappeared
Went away
Because your words may
Have scared me
But your words
NEVER did more damage
Than the knife

You think I need to be saved
But how in the world
Are you going to save me
When I can't even save myself?

Attacked at every angle
Outside forces
Inside forces
School home
Fighting the pains of
Being all alone

Try hard as you might
Stick by my side
Hold my hand
Guide me to a better place

You fought
For me
For us
To keep me strong
I knew you'd never save me
I was already too far gone

Wake up
Get ready
Go to school
Hang with friends
Come home
Head straight up to my room

You think I'm so
Secretive so
Very sneaky for
Taking time to be alone
Fight the demons
I try so hard to not let out

But you don't know that
All you see
All you've ever seen is me
Isolating myself
If you think I'm
Protecting myself
You couldn't be more wrong
I'm protecting YOU from the
Hell that constantly torments me

Words
What do they mean?
Who do they benefit?
My words never
Come in my favor

I say something
It gets twisted
I speak my mind
I get shut down
I don't speak up
I'm hiding something


Maybe once I stop
Stop opening up
Stop talking
Maybe that's when
You'll finally learn
How to listen

Growing up kids get told
"There's nothing wrong with
Being who you are"
"You can be anybody
You want to be"
"You are special"

Unless of course
You are different
Not a stereotyped that
Can be boxed and put away

You are only wanted if you
Act and look a certain way
Skinny but still look like you eat
Smart but not so smart it's intimidating
Talk and be kind
Don't say too much or be too nice
Then you'll come off as creepy

Tired of spending days
Being quiet when
There's so many things to say
Staying up late
Contemplating ways to
Be who I was told people would like

It's hard trying to fit in
When you always stand out
Scratch that
Get left out

I've tried everything
To be who you want
Why can't I just be me?
I don't know how to be
Some puppet controlled by society

Drowning in this
Hell of my
Own personal misery

Losing control of
Myself and sanity
Searching for a friend
Some light that can help me

Not quite sure what to do
Have little faith left
Holding onto shreds of hope

Sanity slipping away
Grasping onto a
Sliver of hope that
I can be saved

Feeling my heart go up in flames
Can't hold in all this pain
Burning soul lost all hope
Clawing for something to hold onto

Heart of ice grown so cold
Iced out forever
Frozen down to the core

One moment hot next he's cold
Love then hate
Fire then ice

Driving me crazy
With his vices
Love or hate
Who is he to me

Wings broken
Grounded to the Earth
Staying here
Even though I know
I'd find happiness elsewhere

Fly away fly away
Find a place
Called home to stay

Little bird
Once you grow up
You'll take your wings
Fly somewhere safe to stay

19 years of
Thinking it's okay
My parents are happy
They'll always be together

Now they're not
THings have changed
They're divorcing
I have to pretend it's okay

It ***** when
People ask if you're okay
You want to be honest
Yet always feel
Obligated to say I'm fine

Things are not always okay
But I say I'm fine
Not just so others don't worry
More to try and
Convince myself it's the truth

Being told you
Having the right
To express your feelings
Is nice
Until you realize
That's not entirely true

Having thoughts and
Expressing feelings is great
But people still shut you down
Tell you it's wrong
To feel that way

Freedom of speech is a lie
When you're told
You can say what you want
Then you get in trouble for it

I mean you have the right
To be offended by my opinion
But there's a fine line between
Telling someone they're inappropriate and
Censoring everything they say

Who are we to
Judge others on
What they've done
Mistakes they've made

We have all
Done something
Wrong stupid or bad

We are all people
We are not better than
Someone who has made
Some mistakes

It's hard to be
Original these days
Every word has
Already been spoken
Each phrase
Done to death

Every idea is a cliche
It's all been done before
Yet we claim
Our ideas are our own
Even though
Someone long ago
Thought of it before

Growing up
Going to school
Making friends

Get to high school
Make the grade
For a good future

Go to college to
Get a degree
Find a job

Never knowing what's real
Just moving along
Because that's what society wants

She spends all day
Up in her room
Dreaming of a better place
A castle guarded by a dragon
Where her Prince Charming
Whisks her away
To a new land

She types her feelings away
Writes them down
For the world to see
Nobody knowing who she is

She doesn't know
Who she is or
Who to be
Kept getting
Caged in by society

She is ordinary
A lonely girl
With dreams of
Finding somewhere new

But what she doesn't know
Someone out there is waiting for her
To let her know how
Extraordinary she is

As the darkness rolls in
Each second, minute, hour
Drags painfully on

As the darkness
Clouds my eyes
Reality fades
Happiness slowly
Crumbles inside of me

As my heart darkens
I lose faith
Unsure of light
Stuck in my own mind
With no escape

As darkness envelopes me
I can finally see
This is who I am
This is me

You used to be home to me
With you I was safe and sound
Sheltered from the world
Just you and me
Against the world
But now the
Walls are weakening

Breaking up
Trying to piece us
Back together
Make us okay again

Picking up my
Heart so broken
I don't know how
It was ever open

You opened me up
Just to break me down
How can I trust
Anyone ever again

This house
Once so colorful
Has now faded into gray
The walls so fragile
Have broken down

Where do we go from here?

Most peoples heart
Break
Maybe even they
Shatter
But mine has
Crumbled

My heart has
Fought a
Losing battle for too long
Has no will to go on
For reasons I will never understand
I am still here

Does the one
Who broke me
Really think they can
Piece my heart back to
Its shattered form

Little pieces of my heart
Scattered on the ground

Little fragments my soul
Etched into the clouds

Little ties of the past
Forge my reality

Part of me is bound
To the present

While my truth
Lies in the future

You asked me if I loved you
I asked myself what it meant
This is what I came up with

The truth is
I never really knew what love was
Until I met you

All the little things
Small jokes to make me laugh
A hug to make me smile
Are intensified

The darkness in my brain
The shadows that cloud my memories
Are lifted when you talk to me

You know all the little things
My favorite color my favorite animal
Even know who Sam and Spencer are

You know my past
Are part of my present
Lead me into
A better future

You're the one
I don't want to share
Who I could spend hours
Sitting with just doing nothing

You've seen the real me
Haven't run away
You know who I am
Yet still decided to stay

This is what
Being in love
Really means to me

Half of my heart is broken

Shattered into pieces

Thrown across the floor

Half of my heart is empty

Trying to find something

Concrete to hold onto

Half of my heart is confused

Trying to figure out the truth

Even with all the lies

Half of my heart

Is still in love with you

Mom
She'll love you without fail

Mom
She'll always be there
When you need her

Mom
I love you
You're the best

Mom
I don't know what I'd do
If my mom was someone
Else other than you

You know I'm going to be honest here
It takes me longer than most people
To open up and tell you how I feel

It's hard for me to express my feelings
But with you it was so easy
I trusted you with my
Fragile, wounded, damaged heart

You took advantage of me
I can't believe I ever trusted you
How could you use me like that
Tear my heart into pieces
Break me beyond repair

You want me to be honest
Here's the truth:
I trusted you and you
Left me for the next best thing
Made me think anything we had
Never meant anything

I don't know what to think
I don't know how to feel
I just wish you loved me
Because I'd do anything
To be a better person for you

I'm dead and gone
So ready to die
dreaming of suicide
blades are my only friends
they make me happy
bring me to the end

Dearest sister
On this special day
You reached a milestone
Hit 21 years of age

Live it up
Enjoy these days
You'll remember them forever
As the "good old days"

Never forget those
Who made you who you are
Remember us
As you follow your dreams
Become who you really are

I want to cry
I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

I feel like cutting
I crave the blood and the pain
I want to see it fall down my arm
If only I had a blade and a way to
Cover up my scars

I feel like purging
I'm too fat and ugly
To be part of this world

I can't stop the pain
Can't hold on to life anymore
Maybe it's time for me
To just let go
Everyone would be
Better off without me

Can't you see all I'm doing
Is hiding behind these lies
I'm broken down
Can't fight back
All these demons inside

I want to die
I want to cut
I want to purge
I'm not part of your world

All these years
I never knew
Who I was and I
Was only the person
I thought you wanted me to be

All these years
I tried to be
Good and smart
Always do the right thing

All this time
I could never see
You were turning me
Into someone I
Never wanted to be

Who are you to tell me
Who I should be
Let me grow up
Into the person I'm meant to be

I'm that girl
Just a friend
But did you know
Those few words
Would be my end

Take the pieces
Of this broken heart
Take some glue and
Try to put it back together

Still broken
Just patched up
The pieces of me
Scattered everywhere

No one knows
Quite how it feels
To be so broken

They can try
To understand
They'll never know
How to make this heart
Fall in love again

Clearly he doesn't know
Doesn't care enough
To possibly come close to
Understanding how I feel

Oh how I wish
He knew how I felt
How I wish what we had
Could've been real

Dreams couldn't make
Someone as perfect as him
So I have to settle

Yet I know somewhere
Deep down inside
That I can so better
I really do deserve better
Than what he gave me

I'm sorry that I'm
Not good enough
That I'm not
Who you want me to be

I'm sorry that
I'm not strong enough
To carry the weight
Of the world
On my shoulders

I'm sorry I'm weak

I'm sorry I'm broken
That there's nothing left
Inside of me
I'm sorry I'm me

He's the one
Who's got it
All together
Knows who he is
What he wants

She's the girl
Who's searching
For the perfect guy
When she stumbles upon him

They lock eyes and that's it
She's done for
He's everything she wanted and more

Promise me this:
You'll catch me when I fall
Wipe my tears away
Make me laugh when I'm about to cry
Pick me up when I fall down
Love me even when you're not around

To date a poet
You gotta know a few things
We're sensitive and
Good with our words
Like to cuddle and
Watch movies and read

If you understand
All these things
You'll be set
Before you know it
You're dating a poet

What if I can't handle
It when he says no?

It's too late to say sorry
Where was sorry
Before I cut myself
Before I ended up
In the hospital
Your apologies mean
Nothing to me anymore

I wish this would've happened sooner
Wish you would feel sorry for
Hurting me, breaking me
But you care now
That I'm too far gone

Dear crush,
Maybe I should tell you the truth. Maybe you should know that I like you. As more than just a friend. These feelings are fairly new. They came on so suddenly. But these feelings are so innocent. I mean I want them to go away. That's only because I'm scared you won't feel the same way I do.

The truth is we used to be friends. I mean we still are. Right? You were gone, and then you came back. Now that you're here feelings are starting to develop.

What if you hate me? What if you just act like I never said anything? I don't want your response to my feelings to hurt me.

You're so sweet and special and nice and adorable. You make me feel happy and special and real.

I like to think we could work out. Maybe we could be happy together. But I want us to be happy. Just you and me against the world. Together we'll be okay.