i had such strong feelings for her,
true passion, really.
in the back of the darkest part of my mind, i knew that she could never return my love,
regardless of how much i longed for it.
i have found the difference between falling in love with a person and falling in love with the idea of a person.
one is about her, the other about me.

relationships are like medicine,
they either save you or **** you.
they both have side effects,
i see it as a sort of trial and error method.
the pain hurts, like a *****, but you wouldn't be who you are without it.
until you find the right medicine,
testing the dosage in each person until you find what you can take and what you are immune to.
i realized this analogy almost three years ago,
i am the happiest i have been since.

i connected with you because we were both broken.
i made it my job to fix the parts of you that no one else could.
i was naive enough to think that my love for you would help you love yourself,
arrogant enough to think that my generosity would fade the scars welded into your heart.
but i couldn't provide a home for you no matter  how firmly i believed that i was built for it.
it has taken me nearly 21 years to realize that i can't be a rock when i'm crumbling,
but ******* it doesn't mean i didn't try.