We're as fake as the plastic melting under our skin

The collective imagination of a societal binge

Our beauty is a mask, a lie told to us by magazines

The product of industrial dreams, all fantastic schemes

We live in a Barbie Doll world, where we worship fake *******

We lift weights at Gold's Gym while we pound our huge chests  

We know nothing of true beauty, under the façade of the Glossy

Eight by Ten



We cover our blemishes and we can't even be comfortable in our own skin

We are infatuated with the surface, skin deep, lustful of the pretenses  

Our masks hide our vulnerabilities and our true intent

While reality is crumbling at our feet and we hide beneath a veneer of

A glossy face shot, the airbrushed images on the cover-girl-poster-boy-pin-up centerfold

   We've lost sight of the aged and the gifts they hold

Celebrities ride around in window tinted limousines, so they can't be seen but we're so pretty that we have to preen



The paparazzi all want the next shot for the next scandal but they airbrush that too

We are so busy believing the lies that we have become afraid of the truth

Camera's are as ubiquitous as grass and our privacy is all but laughable while our smiles aren't genuinely affable

We post pictures of ourselves on Facebook, yet our self esteem could use a second look

We talk each other up and beat each other down, but we're keeping it onehundred while hiding a frown

We've become fast paced and slow witted, we're breaking the seams that our families knitted

We place beauty on a pedestal and worship at its alter, but we fail to foster true beauty in our children and wonder why they falter



We listen to society and shun our parents, our role models have become degenerates

We allow our little girls to  dress like tramps and wear makeup and our little boys don't respect them and treat them like toys

And we wonder why they cut themselves  

We pay movie stars and football players millions so we can entertain ourselves

But we can't pay our teachers enough to educate the masses

yet it's okay to collect a check and sit on our *****

And our troops don't have the armor they need because of our self indulgent greed

We forget about the little guy as we climb the corporate ladder to survey the sky at the top

But when the **** goes down, we can't pick up a mop

We won't lift a finger to lend a hand because we're so afraid of our fellow man

If you ***** me I bleed.
So too shall you.
   If you pinch me I flinch.
So too shall you.
   If your arrow pierces mine heart
I will die.
Yet not before I rip yours
still bleeding from your chest.
   If you **** me your torment
will be measured by your sanity,
after you wake from the nightmare
you will have created for yourself
   If somehow I survive your onslaught
My vengeance will not be swift nor exact
Only slow to build and erratic at best.
   For by the time I am finished
exacting my revenge
your tormented sole will beg
to be released from my merciless grasp.
   There is no corner of the earth
that will be sufficient enough for you to hide.
If by chance age catches up to you,
your children shall reap your just reward
their pain will be your agony.
   Your anguish while brooding over past
will be misery while worrying of the future.
For you nor they know what lay in hold
for them to see when you cease to be.

In this world I've been lost for over 30 years
Until you found me and helped me shed my tears
For I know somewhere in this heart of despair
I'll find the strength to heal this tare
Within this broken heart
Are pieces falling apart
Within this broken soul is
The life that has come apart
Inside your mind I will find
The piece of me I need to see
Inside my heart I'll take apart
The piece of me that can not be
I've come a long way in this slowly dying day
When all is lost and nothing can be gained
I'll find my way and there I'll stay
Been lost through all these years
Shed many a torrential decaying tears
Mine heart will heal mine soul awake
My mind be the my pain to free
Mine time is come to leave behind these fears.

Nothing in life is so bold as to give it
Up. To that end we guard it tirelessly.
We do whatever is necessary to keep it
We will fight to the ends of the earth
To stay alive and free. Yet we are so
Blinded by our struggles and pursuits
For a greater more rewarding life, that
We don't see the life we are taking
We see it every day yet ignore. Read it
In the paper yet don't understand. Watch
It on television yet don't give it a
Second thought or a first glimpse. We
Deny it at every turn, yet try to protect
It from every onslaught. Life and freedom
So ingrained that we cant see past our
Physical form. Yet in these words I betray
My loathing of it. My acknowledgment of life
My denial of life My betrayer. My mind in
Life My power in life My supremacy.
And I am week!

POOR MY HEART OUT
LET MY SOLE SPILL TO THE GROUND
LET ME BE FOUND
LET THIS MAN COME TO LIFE
LET THIS BOY GO
THIS BOY WHO STOOD BEFORE YOU
ASKED ONLY THAT YOU LOVE HIM
THIS BOY YOU TURNED AWAY
IS THE MAN STANDING HERE TODAY
THE AGGRAVATION IN HIS VOICE
BUILT UP FROM YEARS WITHOUT A CHOICE
NOW THE MAN YOU SEE IS SO DESPERATELY
TRYING TO BE HEARD EVEN IF ONE WORD
ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE KNEW NO LOVE
ITS NOT HIS FAULT HE WASNT BORN RIDING ON A SILVER SPOON
BUT WITH WHAT HE KNOWS NOW
HE WILL FIND A WAY SOMEHOW
TO FILL THE VOID IN HIS CHEST AND DO WHAT HE DOES BEST
TRIED THE CHURCH, HYPOCRITES
TRIED THE THE DRUGS, LOST HIS SENSE
TRIED THE FAME, JUST A GAME
NOW HES BLAZING HIS OWN **** PATH AND THEY AINT NO SHAME IN THAT
SO UNTIL YOU CAN EXCEPT THIS BOY TURNED MAN, LEAVE HIM BE, LET HIM STAND.

Rich. I am not. Poor. I am not.
Nor do I have any money to speek of.
But I am rich beyond my wildest dreams.
I have a family that loves me, a daughter I love dearly more than my own life
and will treasure more than any bill can pay for strife.
I follow no greed to its end for I know what road gold will lead you down.
I know that in the end, I wish my family to be around.

Money buys not happiness nor does wealth buy true friends.
For they cannot be purchased by wicked, evil ends.
I have no penny in my pocket, nor have I a dime to my name
but I know that I am happy and will not live in vain.
Clothes do not make the a man and tattered are his wrags
To riches I will set myself apart and in poverty take my stand
for I know what true riches are even though I too wear my wrags.

So busy yourself for all your toil and make your money fist over hand.
In the end you die a lonely, bitter, broken man.
But when my grave calls me and before it I stand looking in.
I will die with a smile wider than monetary riches could ever buy.
For I am poor and have no home but truly, I am rich.

Oh how I long for you
Everyday my eyes feast not upon you
Brings yet one more tear to my coffers
Everyday my ears hear not your sweet voice
Brings yet one more crack to my breaking heart
Everyday I think of you I grow more lonely

Everyday I wish to be graced by your presence
Everyday I struggle to make do by your absence
Everyday I want only to feel your gentle embrace
Everyday I struggle to make do by your remembered face

Each day that we are not together
Is one more day you hear not I love you
Each and every day without you
Is one more day you feel not my touch

Each day that passes into the next
Is one more I pray I see you
Each day I dont catch a glimpse of you
Is one more day that I cry

You are the reason I rise
You are the reason I dream
You are to me what leaves are to a tree
You are the only picture I see when I close my eyes
You are the reason I breath and the reason I cant

Each day your not here to hold
Is one more breath in the cold
Every day your not here to see
Is one more day I can not be

You are my compliment
You are my anchor holding me firm
You are my roots lest a strong wind try an ******* away
You are not the target
You are not the arrow
You are the strength to pull the string
You are the speed with which the arrow pierces the air
You are the force that strikes the target
You are what drives me to continue
Each day I struggle to change
You are the reason I struggle at all

Everyday I long to be in your presence
And my eyes see only a picture
Everyday I long to touch your face
And my fingers caress only air
As the images of you are created in my mind
As the ink flows from this pen to describe you
My heart is breaking for you're not here with me
Holding me and whispering I love you in my ear.

Im craving something and I know exactly what
Im craving her touch the feel of skin on skin.

Im craving the love we feel when our nerves are stretched out wire thin.

Im craving the heart I feel when she is herself and shes wanting it to be felt.

Im craving her breath in my ear when the only thing I want to do is fall into her and melt.

Im craving her whisper when I need to feel her gentlest nudge to set me back up right.

Im craving me to spoon with her when she just wants to lay in bed and wake at window cracking morning light.

Im craving us hand in hand walking on the beach, we find a spot somewhere private but exposed and make love in the misty evening breeze.

Im craving us as children running through fields and climbing mountain trees.

Im craving the closeness we share that was disrupted in a fury of words and recklessness.

Im craving her blue when she wants to be orange and her purple when she wants to be a yellowness.

Im craving her a compliment when she is the one who needs lifted cause she does not think shes perfect.

Im craving a walk in the rain hand in hand to sing and giggle and feel and just be the imperfectly perfect beings we are. Im craving something and I know exactly what I want...

I Want Her.

It hurts to see, in front of me, a broken beauty bee to see.
Hear I do,  a tear or two, fall right through, the air to you.
Nothing done, I can not take, but heal the heart, I did not break.

Mend it slowly with gentle touch and gentle word.
Does not take, but what is want, gives back not but what is no.
Hearing only through the heard, seeing only, vision blurred.

Pleading out, attention needed. Coming through, broken bleaded.
Desperately, clawing, shaking. Holding to, what is breaking.
Panic now, tole is taking, setting in all this faking.

Realization of the fear.  All is not, end is near.
Groping wildly in the dark for a smolder or a spark.
Finding nothing but the coals, broken, bitter, all these wholes.

Pictures, pieces, fragmented life, senseless vision, blurry knife.
Edges faded, whole or part, from beginning to the start.
Turned and went, the other way, now forever, gone to stay.

Put together, take apart, all the pieces of the heart.
Whole again, to make of it. Every piece, broken, bent.
Rifled through, figured beat. Two hearts whole, both complete.

ah hear da dog a snorin and da heavy breathin a da wolf
ah feel da wind a blowin and da chill dats brought in with it
  ah see da tings dey creepin to da shadows where dey creach
ah hear da turtle skootin to da den for shelta from da storm
  ah feel a mighty shakin comin out chru da broken ground
ah see a terrible storm a brewin in da distance waitin out its time

  ah watch as tings dey change an no always for da best
ah see da way dey act when dey done know dey bein watched
  ah know da tings dey be doin now dey tink meh watchin
ah see dey know, dey change dey tings dey do
  ah feal da change she comin and comin for ya know dey change
ah can na keep a runnin away des tings ah went an run to far

  meh guess is da was da right ting ta do
meh goin no betray da love dey sho meh
  meh tinks ah done right by him ah wont betray
ah can feel dah silance an da tension in da air
  ah know da time she comin for meh but ah hope she no to soon
ah see whas goin on an fallin down around meh

  ah no goin to pretend no more, des tings bother meh so much
ah no goin to hold my tongue when ah've been offend'd
  ah no goin ta take tings da wrong way any more too much time be wasted
ah got ta find where ah can stole away from da waves of questions raised
  ah feel des tings but can na change dem no more than change shes wanted

  ah hear da dog a snorin gettin after chasen tails
ah hear da turtle skootin to da den for winter warmth
  ah know how what wrong ah've done has come back round
ah can see she been cryin she wares it on her sleeve
  ah can see u no more smilin tryin headed for da bed
ah know da whistle ah hear come runnin o da trouble, ah stay out

Death does not **** it self, but lives within itself

Subsisting on failed dreams and shattered hopes

Believing only in lost love and misguided deeds

Needing only to come knocking at hearts door

and bring the recipient to a different reality

For though who grieve the dead and dying they need only see what lay on the other side of deaths door

For those who believe, death dose not come to destroy family, friends or love, but to make stronger the ties that bind those hearts together for ever.

Death is never takin seriously until someone close to you dies. When someone commits SUICIDE where do they go? Why is it that even if you expect IT to happen sometime, it still hurts when IT does? Why is it that those closest to you seem to be the ones that DIE first? Who am I to turn to when there isnt anyone there ? One of my best friends KILLED himself today, I dont know how to handle IT. I know IT hurts inside like a piece of me was KILLED with him. I know that I feel guilty for thinking that he was a cowered for doing IT. I dont think I should, should I. I know he wouldnt have wanted me to cry for him but I still did. I was just thinking of him today too before I heard the NEWS. I'm still crying inside. YOU SUNOFABITCH WHY DID YOU DO IT?

et go the bird that doth not fly
Release the prisoner whom do no harm
Let run the horse hast he no legs

Does not the heart beating within thine own chest
Scream to be released from its cage of bone
Does not the soul held within the walls of flesh and blood
Plead to be set free free of its fleshly grave

Can not you hear the crimson tide of blood and bile
Gurgling in your ears to flow upon this baron land
Does not the pulsating between your fleshy lobes
Beg to explode gray matter into space so cold

Use your head your really dead this is all an illusion
Think about it this cant be that which really isn't there
Nothing for your eyes to see so is it dark in there
Nothing for your ears to hear so have you gone def

Do you really feel the pain burning deep within
Is your insanity driving the living mad from your rantings
Are you paranoid theyll dig up your pallid bones
Will there mournful cries drive you from your grave
To haunt the men and children of your disdain

Will the love they had become anew in your rotting heart
Will the freedom they held become your captor
Relentless as it may be but your pain is for eternity
Youll never harm another as you have done before

Youll stand at the gates of hell and time anguishing in misery
Youll beg of fleshly fiends to do your biddings no more
All the while you remember the lifes you stole
From those you were to week and embarrassed to ****

Believe in that which cant be seen
Remember that which was told of you
Your only mortal but time and death
Will take their toll and come calling at hearts door

Death has come with its misgiving
Blood has boiled in your veins
Hear the whisper of the living
As the screaming of the dead
See the blood that leaves its stains
As the making of your graveyard bed.

the love i feel that bleeds away inside the dieing day
the pain i feel the same way it came leaves on me its darkened stain
little by little it eats at me until i go insane

  the fire that burns is going out for all thats torn about
put asunder this thing inside from which i want to hide
so real i feel the thing that burns the beauty in the rain

  the passion isnt gone its still lurking at my foot
i feel it too draped over me its blanket stitched of soot
the wait of it is crushing me this blanket set me free

  the past is real all to real all i see is it
before all this the pleasure there is all that i can bare
i miss it now the fires gone but to me it will burn back

  the love i feel is bleeding through its way to you
beating down your door to whisper in your ear all you want to hear
i wrap my arms around myself and the hug just does not fit
so around you now i throw my arms and look that was really it

  the love i feel is burning now brighter than it had
i found in me renewed i see the strength to feel her touch
to give it back in spades i will when left of this there isnt much
but now i see unless it be  that burning is of me...

My dying Angel I'm sorry that I lied,
Cause even though I tried, I know that I cried,
When I could not save you and you died
I should have held my tongue, but how could I know,
That an Angels life was on the line and I'd have to watch her go.
   My dying Angel, glowing in your blood,
My eyes  have never witnessed such a peaceful death.
Like white hot embers rising from the fire,
Pieces of her drift slowly out of view.
Cast thine eyes toward the heavens, look with your heart
And there you will find her.
   My dying Angel W hat is there I can do to help the?
Quickly though I realized, it was only that I knew, no help indeed was needed.
I hear the light escaping to the stars, going back to hence it came, to live a life a-new.
So on I go knowing, what an Angel must go through, to protect their charge
ever watchful of impending heavy burden, death and doom and gloom.
   But what happens when an Angel dies is a bewilderment in beauty and peacefulness
and few have ever witnessed all that Angels do. So to my dying Angel,
I say thank you, for everything that I did not know you've done.
But still I stand before her crying, because I did not know that this was one.

Through wooded glen I walk
looking up at the rain entranced by it.
I'd drown myself in the beauty of it as it falls
if not for the role that death would play
The goosebump feel of its icy fingers gripping
me as it falls off of naked flesh.

Stepped gleefully across a stream
to peer into the crystal waters and watch swirls
of sunlight bounce off of the surface.
The fog rolled past  
tightened its already frigid hold on the earth below it.
I run my fingers through her soil  
caress her oceans, I am as much a part of her
as she is of me.

Ran into the wind feeling it hold me
and try to push me back, lapping all around
but hear not a sound.
She blew furiously through the wood
bending every bough, nearly snapping the saplings in two.
I feel it's warm and gentle embrace
as its fury is unleashed and it's power
is laid to bare on the intrepid soulls
she winds in and out of.

Watched as snow covered mountaintops
were engulfed by the oncoming storm clouds
that bring with them the life
giving rain I drown myself in.
Life renewed to be viewed
yet again by another eye who's wonder
it will capture who's imagination it will light.
Fuel for the fire that burns to create
to live and to enjoy
all that can be enjoyed.

As the fire builds from tips of toes so too do the woes.

Oh my the passion rising from depths of lust to the core of wanting

A MUST.

I must have that which is denied, the kind of thing seen but not eyed.

I must posses that beautiful being, I am in need of her heartened sting.



She tickles and teases her way from my toes and on up my legs her passion goes.

She stops just short of my yearning thighs and whispers sweet nothings, "hellos and goodbyes"

She continues her fingers on their wonton ride. Motionless, breathless, she lies in wait as she claws at my side.

Bighting back the sting of the pain, I writhe in ecstasy as I scream out her name.

She digs in deeper, drawing tears to my eyes. I moan softly and whimper, covering my cries.

Demanding I do as she tells me to do, I fall to my knees and worship her shoe.

She demands attention and have it she will. She is my passion, my fire and thrill.

People are ****** boring. Thats why Im ****** snoring.
So I must decree that I wish to ****** flee.
Need to leave this place. For fear the lines on face, become the cracks in floor.
Want to walk through that open door. Run as far, as fast as can fall, before the mocking bird doth call.
Must find that thing that entertains, must find that thing for perfect gains.
Pain within the heart, will surly come apart.
Unless to find a place to free the mind then ware forever do we start.
Even if it seems as though theres no ware left to go, insanity your last resort,
then come and join me in the chair and see if I ****** care.

  If ever there was a point to life, then why can't it be seen with simple human eyes.
Or shall it be that no one hears the cries, the whaling soul to extole a price that can't be paid
for a life that cant be laid, down upon its'
feet. For entertainment that it seeks is not at all discreet.

  So if you please recommend to me something that I can see.
Your take hold and feel so bold, as to see the point in this boring ****** life.
Carry round the misery and the ****** strife. Then sink into flesh and wound,
and those whom should have swooned. Its all the same for everyone the games we ****** play,
wish to just escape the world its so ****** gay.
See me here with out the cheer to get up off my *** and make a pass at this ****** race.
If all there is ****** fake people then get off my ****** case.

Okay **** it, it just boring so now Im ****** snoring, yet again, isn't this how I did begin.

In a moment its all gone
In an instant all is lost
Do everything you can to keep
Keep insanity at bay
Convince yourself that your not crazy
To no avail all has failed

Try as you may
You cant avoid your future grim
Truth is your already there
Pampas in your contrite little way
You make your eneptyness known

Come let me convince you
Let me help you see
Let me help you bleed thrue the truth
Let me help you find your flaw
Come let me conceal you

Happy are you to hide
Happy are you to run
Happy are you to cringe
Happy are you to bend
To my will happy are you

Ill bleed you an ocean of love
For you to hide your pain
An ocean calm smooth as silk
A ripple in your hate
An ocean tempest ruoph as sand
A ripple in your fate

Broken heart tapped together
Pieces of your love
Broken soul sown together
Pieces of your life
Broken mind stitched together
Pieces of your pain

Comforted by the indignant
Captivated by the incredulous
Confirmed by the ineffable
Condemned by the individual
Contrived by the inescapable

Your heart is numb for lack of need
I'll teach you to feed thine own greed
Your mind is numb for lack of  not
I'll show you for what with to be kot
Your soul is numb for lack of seed
I'll reveal you for us simply to let bleed

In your field of vast decay
Your body there forever will it lay
On your mountain of highest devotion
Your soul will forever be in persecution
In your valley of phaltless plunder
Your mind there forever will it wonder

In the end I can not help you
For you know not what you've done
All is gone in the blink of the eye
In your retched little world shalt thou dye

I am the unseen in the corner of the seen

I am that which you hear but cannot hear

The thing, incipient, in the corner of your mind

The way and truth of the kind

I am that which you fear but you know nothing of fear



Here, in this place, you are lost to me, you are dead to me

Here, now, I see only a vacant spot

A diminutive existence of what used to be, a nothing, a void

You are an empty shell dashed on your own hardened heart

That little less than a piece of falling apart



You are the beginning of the falling apart.

A waste of time and space

You are disgraced among men of your kind

And in time you will be nothing more

Than a forgotten fragment of memory.

Dance in dark
Delight in days
Revel in reality slipping slowly to the gray.
Inky black comfort dripping into haze.

Distraught in denile
Damaged in disdain
Rememberd reason trembeling in shadows to the grave.
Nervous the edge of sanity sinking slowly below the brave.

Cringe in quiet
Crumble in cacophony
Bask in benign indifference to the coming of the fray.
Shape the broken mold into which is squezed the clay.

Form in function
Friction in fruition
Extrapolate from nothing what is real of what is fake.
Drive doom through the heart wooden to the stake.

Damaged and distroyed, disturbed and distrought, this is the friction of the fraught.

I will move forward
I will move on, I will not be beat down
I will not be broken or bruised.
I will not stop, I will trudge on no matter what
lay ahead around the shadowed corner.
I will venture forth the world to gain,
nothing to slow me down.
I am not the victim nor will
I play the antagonist.
I am my own hero, I will save me from
myself and I will not play the protagonist.
I play only the part I wish never the part
Im given and only the part
I want to play at that time.

I am my own person and no one can or
will ever change the me I wnat to be for me.
I can take on the world or watch it all go by.
You see thats my choice
not yours to make for me,
for fear of the unknown or
for fear of what cant be seen.
I refuse to live in the fear that binds you because
I refuse to be bound by fear or controlled
by what consumes you, your hate your only friend.
I am not your enemy, I dont want to fight you
and would rather be left alone .
I am not here to take over
or to usurp your power of position
or your stature among warriors.
I am no threat to you but please
do not misunderstand me, I will not bow down.
I will not kiss your feet
I will not kneel at your the sound of your coming.
I will not throw myself at your feet
for you to gain power over me.
You control me no more than you control your goldfish,
Im not your slave not your servant.
I am my own man,
My own being, My own person,
I am not afraid of  you nor should you be afraid of me.
I will help you if I can
but expect nothing in return.
I help mearly for the enjoyment of helping.
I am who I am because of all of the singular events in my life
both as a child and as
I continue to age that have shaped me.
I am who I am because of the choices
Ive made that have put me where I am now.
Like me or Hate me I am Me.
I never asked you your opinion so
I will thank you to keep it to yourself.
I never gave you my opinion but
if youd like I can I can even promise you wont like it.
I never said I liked you
or wanted to be your pal
so get out of my face I beg of you.
I never said I hated you or that you where my enemy
so please if you like say hello
but I dont promise to say hello back.
I never said I wanted to make your company
but if you must know
my name is whoever I chose to be at that time.

No really I enjoy your company,
come on over any time just
dont expect me to be your best friend
or to be the most welcoming host.
I am who I am because I like me the way I am,
If you dont like me that way then
I dont need you as a friend.

Im ******* Im hurt
My senses are burnt
Im numb from waist down
My head is spinning

You hurt my feelings
When you screamed
Cause it seemed
That you screamed
For me working

Why do I bleed
When you cry to me
I make me dream
That your not hurting

Ive been thinking lately my rose
That I love you

Twisted inside me
My insides are wrenching
Freedom at stake
If I am fake

Must be real with
Those that I wish
If I am to
Have what I miss

So glad for you
Without Im through
Thank you my rose
For being with me

Severed my self
From you for me
Why cant I see
That you need me

My thoughts are reeling
I dont want you
To think I hate you
Please dont hate me

I wish I could
Tell you what I feel
When you hold me
Softly while I sleep

To you deeply
My love I spread
Softly whisper
Your name from my lips

Hold me in your arms
Cover me from my harms
Take me inside you
To give you what I choose

You get from my soul
I give with pleasure
To your heart forever
To love you for always

With always from forever
I swear myself all pieces
Unto you to do with as you choose
Take care of me for I am fragile
And easily broken.

I want my life back
I want my wife back
Want everything back that I lost
Im willing to pay the ultimate cost
Put my back against the wall and then I lost it all
Wake most mornings sad I gotta face another day
Wake most nights trying to keep the tears away
I have to face the truth no matter what its become
You try and make me wait
You try to say the way its all going to go
That I wont stay but I cant I just cant do this anymore
Its taring me apart, my heart laying on the floor
Im standing at the door waiting to come into my own
My sole laid bare for all to see
But still she cant see me
From all that she read
From all that Ive said
I may as well be dead
Standing rite in front of her yet she still doesnt know me
I cant do this anymore
My heart lying at the door
Its all been a lie and its to hard to try
I cant fix it now even if I cry
Standing out in the cold with nobody to hold
Im all alone with my fears
I cant change the past nine years
I dont want to leave
I have to have some reprieve
From all the pain Ive caused
And now that I see just what your love means to me
I feel that have to run
Now that all here is done.

this ting  dat im feelin this hive in my mind
this singular consciousness of twisted thoughts
thoughts of what is wanted and of what can not be had

  strangely i hear a bird

this obsession of mine of these thoughts in my head
im still the odd one out a fifth wheel if you will
all of this incessant hurt inside of what i can not express

  strangely i feel a feather

why can i not see past this singularity this idea
this tangled tumultuous event in my mind a sty in my eye
i can not seem to pry it out this hive thought this

strangely i hear a chirp

all of this slow its making me mad and still it stays
this unrelenting thing that is selfish at me it plays
i want this maddening thing gone away far aways

strangely i feel a wing

yet this flies not away from me where I cant hear or feel or see this thing that drives at me and maddens to the sickening of me the passion the intensity of this thing I feel and see
this thing I want and can not have it slowly to will drive me mad this insatiable feeling to posses the passion it must hold because it makes me feel in me a thing ive never had for me and stirs me how it does how can i hold it back and still see whats right in front of me this thing I want but can not have these feelings that burn inside and wont fly away i must betray i do in word the thing that has a hold on this part of the one of i see...

Facing the truth doesnt make my life better.
Not facing it will certainly make it worse.
Move over let me take the wheel.
Lets see where I go from here.

Lying, Face down in a puddle of someone elses spew
Blood stained clothes at my feet.
At the bottom of the barrel
Dung heap never looked so good.

(Chorus) PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Foundation built of blood and block, sweat and tears, love and lies
The roof is nothing more than fears
When it all crumbles to the ground
All my skeletons will be found
No matter how loud I scream and shout a
All my secrets will come out
No matter what I do I cant hide the truth
Inside my pain I cry in vain
Inside my head Im already dead

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Face the truth, not enough vermouth
To drown in my sorrow
Nothing but God can stop tomorrow
****** eyes cloud misery, nothing more left of me
The man I was is here no more, he went through that shattered door
If your quick, you might find him, but I doubt it, Im right behind him
Nothing left but the shell of a man faking, cause inside this hatred he is breaking.

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

PULL THE HAMMER BACK, LET THE BULLETS FLY
MY LIFES WORTH TAKING
BLOOD SPATTERED WALLS AND SO MY HATRED FALLS
YOUR LIFES WORTH FAKING
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT
THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT LIES BUILT

Can't you see me standing there
My fingers running through your hair
I whisper gently in your ear
Hoping desperately that you hear

I'm trying to tell you
That I love you
I'm sorry for the pain I caused
I'm sorry for the tears you cried

I'm fallin so help me
To get back upon my feet
Then I'll show you
That I'm worth it

So let me prove to you
Just what I'm willing to go through
So you know what I will do
So you know I still love you

I want to feel your breath upon my skin
I want to lay side by side with you
Until slumber takes this weary sheep
And when I wake I want to see you lying there

Inside my wanting heart
You'll always be a part
Inside my wanting soul
Your love will be held whole

Your stronger than I'll ever be
For putting up with stupid me
Your better than I'll ever be
Cause you see what I can't see

I whisper gently in your ear
Hoping desperately that you hear

I'm trying to tell you
That I love you

I'm sorry for the pain I caused
I'm sorry for the tears you cryed

I'm fallin  I'm broken
I'm disintegrating  into nothing
Without you here by my side

I'm fallin  I'm broken

What is this, this incessant need to help?
Why must I help everyone whos path I cross?
Be it emotional or physical, monetarily or otherwise.

I have to help but want none when I need it.
I can handle whatever baggage is placed upon my shoulders,
but I cannot seems to handle my own
and im being crushed under the wait.

What is this paradox that I'm in?
How do I stop this ride from spinning so fast?
Its making me sick but I dont want to get off.
How is it that I can handle everyones burdens?

I can help you, If you'll let me.
I'll carry that for you if youd like me too.
I'll walk that line if you need it.
I can be that person for you. I can whatever you need me to be
I can  handle it cause I have to, cause I want to, cause I need to.

I wish I knew why I dont want anyone to help me
I just know I feel free of the emotions that seem to plague others.
So I guess I need to feel them through everyone else.

Love, Joy, Pain, Hate. I feel these
Sadness, Misery, Suffering. I feel these
Kindness, Caring, Empathy. I feel these
Hope, Passion, Trust. I feel these

I feel emotion I am just not controlled by them,
I rule them not they rule me.
I can not not help someone but I dont want help when I need it.

i hate this it feels icky
i keep doing it to myself
my perception is off

  i go on total melt down
it seems even that does nothing
says its not intentional

  id rather be in the dark
if this is how it feels
it may not be but still

  im dysfunctional for sure
id stay pent up in the dark
it seems that way know its not

  i wish i could get away
its nice there with the mushrooms
its inescapable i guess

  in the blink of an eye gone
in the dark full of it all the time
i feel empathetic to them

  in a fraction of a second fly away
in the comfort of its serenity
in its embracing arms always there

  i feel alone again and I dont like it
i feel like im not wanted and its dragging me down
i know its not meant like that as i said my perception is off
i try to get through but havent found a way

  i want to be close when its being pulled away
i want to be close but there is nothing in front of me when i reach out
i want to walk beside not follow or lead ill even carry but no
i want to not feel this way so i can be the me i know me to be

  i must like being the lowly little thing
i keep taking everything wrong so i do it to myself
its the only conclusion i like the punishment
is that it thats what ive been clamoring on about how lonely i am and how i feel like a mushroom and that i dont like to be alone and that i keep yammering on about it all the time taking everything wrong again like i cant do anything right again its the same old song and story even when someone else is telling it right down to the brass tax of all the sordid details of it is what it is i guess it is this way that when its gone i want it to stay and when its here i dont ever want it to go away and i dont mean stay as in never come back more like never have left no i prefer rite even if its wrong i know ive done a lot of it as late im glad im not but then i have a watch so i shouldnt be but here i am once again running at the mouth of a river thats been opened up and gushing out is all of this this confusion and chaos that festers here inside this ear to hear with which i have done to keep myself from getting hurt but seems it not to work because i havent put it up didnt need too hide away from here id like to but it wouldnt prove my point that reading all of this garble might that i feel like the words here look all strung together no discernible point to stop on just a lot of tangled mess of nerves and frayed misfires and take a step back to see the fray that done i am i know i should have been done a long time ago i said i loved a girl and then i got hurt and we all know how the story goes to where i can write another one that makes since to me so i can understand the break thats needed from me to you id give my all and everything i do is for a reason too that might not be apparent now i will try again and maybe get it right in front of me where i can see and this wont be gone again the nerve to say whats on my mind my manners i do to say to you that this really hurts to know a break is needed from the what i didnt do what was done to you know i said im through but had to say again i dont know what to think but in the back of my mind i know i do it too so why cant i see past this thing that makes me feel like this so loved and cared for that she loves me as i love her and it really isnt me im just afraid im paranoid say whatever you like i know now that im taking it wrong twisting it past its means stretching it beyond its strength to withstand this thing called a rollercoaster ride of your life get in sit down hold on and scream at the top of you twisted little head for the door no more the reason to stay has overwhelmed me once again so here i am take it or leave it this is me alone in the im afraid of the dark outside the place i hide away from where i stay at home alone in a croud full of people i go to the church to see the steeple that comes to a point of wich i know none about this thing that makes me want to shout out loud above the clouds of crouds so i can see in front of me to understand the problem at hand the break she needed to take it away from here the pain you feel because of that shell get it back i know she will but still this is how i feel...

ah really hope mah words done fall on deff ears
ah really hope dey hit home and squash all mah fears
  ah really hope mah actions done land on blind eyes
ah really hope dey too hit home an silance all mah cries
  ah really hope mah love done fall on a broken hart
ah really hope it hits home and keaps meh from fallin apart
  ah really hope mah faith done find a fallin soul
ah really hope it his home and leads mah to dah final gole
  
  ah really hope ahm lisnin when dey speak ta meh
ah reall hope wah dey say gets through an saves meh
  ah really hope ahm ready when ahm called to prove
ah really hope dey prove ahm worthy of her too
  ah really hope ahm not da broken hart
ah really hope da pieces can na be taken back apart
  ah really hope ahm faithful when da sole come callin
ah really hope dat sole done do meh in to da dien

You cant let your self see
You cant let your self bee

Your tired of hiding form it
You dont want to run from it

Why cant you let your self go
Why cant you let your self  breath

Its not as bad as it seems
You've got to let go of your dreams

Your not that way anymore
So just let your hate walk out that door

You didnt want to do what you've done
But now you've made amends to all of their friends

And now your talking again
So now were back  where we begin

You still wont let your self see
You still wont let your self bee

You still want to hide from it
You still find your self running from it

So please let me help you let  your self go
So please let me help you let your self breath

How can you ever be free
If you dont let your self see

Your not that person any more
You've let it all go rite out the door

I know cuz I was standing rite there
When all the sudden you collapsed in the chair

You fell in a heap in my arms
So I kept you safe from all harms

When you came up off of your knee
You looked up and said to me

Im not that way anymore
That person walked out the door

So now that you know
Why cant you let it all go

Dont worry I'll be rite by your side
Encase anything happens to you inside

So now you can let go and hold on to me.
Its all-rite, Im here.

All the years Ive invested in our relationship
Now its just a sinking ship.
Everything Ive given, tried as hard as I know how.
All weve done and we still cant work it out.
She calls on the phone, Hear the steady drone.
Havent heard from her in weeks.
Where are you?
Are you sleeping with some other woman?
I told her if she acused me again then were done.
I cant do this anymore, its not fair to eather of us.
Its not fair to her.
All I gotta do is get a job and a place,
then everything will be back to normal.
But Ive had the job, the place to live, Ive given all I know to give.
There must be something more I can do, I cant hit the floor, I cant loose you.
I am, I have, its to late.
My mistake of the past of come to haunt me here, this is all a lie, I cant hold on, its all gone.
Cant loose you, cant loose me. If I loose me dont know what I will become in here.
Let me show you whats in here.
Let you know my fear, let you see my pain.
Though I tried in vain, tears fall loike rain.
Cant stop this love in my heart for this dove for whom I fall apart.
Though the years Ive come to know her fears.
Through the time Ive come to do the crime.
No matter what I say its the same everyday.
No matter what I do its all the same to you.
Through hers fears Ive come to taste her salty tears.
Through my life Ive come to cause her strife.
No matter what I know I cant ever go.
No matter what her gain I still cause her pain.
Even though I cant hide I still have to face my pride.
Even though I cant run still gotta stick to my gun.
I said the vow now I gotta figure how to make it work feel like such a ****.
Who am I trying to fool, who am I trying to school.
Cant tell me a **** thing Im allways rite.
My whole life is just a lie and Im allways wrong.
I know that now yet somehow Ive got to rite the wrongs Ive caused to those I love.
Knowing Im wrong doesnt make what Ive done rite and it dont make it none the easier for her.

Crashing before me, hysteria grows, gripping me tightly, deep in its throes.
Ripping and gnashing, its teeth shining white, killing my sanity, swift with one bight.
Splitting apart, my seams at each stitch, something misfired, must be a glitch.
Faster, still growing, this hysteria prides itself for knowing the  insanity it guides.

Was I told this to comfort, to quiet or placate or pacify me, was I told this to soften, to butter me up, or just shut me out?
Why do I feel like a cats toy, your amusement when boredom sets in?
Why did you say those things you said, those  things I have so long wanted to hear since discovering this new side of myself.
Since being able to show this side of myself. Since being able to be open and honest with myself. And isnt that what everyone tells everyone, whenever someone is dealing with what I am going through, what we are going through? Dont they always say "you have to be honest with yourself"?
Well this is me being honest with me. I aint tryin to hide how I feel inside, about what I read and this aint in my head, cause I saw what I saw in your eyes what was in your head when I read what you said. You said to me, my one and only you want me to be, my slave, your Master you want for me.
Why did you, would you, how could you say that if you didnt mean it?
Why did I, would I, how could I feel that if I didnt mean it?
Because felt it profound, the words all around, in my head the things that you said, that reaction to the  words that I read. It took my breath away, faint felt I, to be sure.
And now Im chewed up and spit out. I get to have a new reaction to what my eyes were given to glean. This aint putting my hysteria at bay, I feel this, this blur, a smudge of yesterday.

Sanity slipping quickly away, for fear of loosing, I can not stay.
Hear I have, things I never wanted to know.
Now Im thinking clear. I guess I should just go.
Didnt think it mattered, this hysteria scattered . I just wish I knew, How the **** do I feel according to you.
This is not normal, these hysterics I sheath, holding so tightly I can not breath.
Twisting and churning, deep down inside, nor running away from the feelings I hide.
I so enjoy being toyed with, its so fun for you. These things running around these things that I see.
I got everything told me completely twisted up, cause it didnt mean **** thing you silly pup.
I just let out the thing that I hid and wish I didnt feel what I did.
Now I guess Im supposed to pretend, I felt nothing from what was said in the end.

Thanx for the crumbs they taste great, they are a little green though. **** it I don't want crumbs, I don't want a piece of the pie, I want the whole **** thing.

Thanx for the bone, I gnawed on it all day, though I it was a bit green too. I'm sick of the bones, and I don't want scraps from your self indulgent plate. I want the whole **** steak.

Thanx for wasting my time. It took a while to do but I got it done and it was good but you wasted it anyway. Now I think I will Just burn it. I'm sure you wont mind, it's of no consequence to you.

They don't understand, That was my foot in the door that just got slammed in my face. Oh sure you'll use it on a secondary nature, tertiary at best. No prominence there, I guess you don't think the for front is good enough for the sounds you'll be making. Mine sounds are wailings.

Thanx for investing in me only to pull your offer back then wag it under my nose like yer teasing a dog. Its nice to know you believe in what I do. Its okay though, really, I can handle.another scar. They just add character.

But hey you gotta go with what's gonna work best for Your bottom line to pad your pockets, ***** the little Guy, He don't need to catch a break even if he shows he can do it the hard way. It was only my foot in the door but its okay, you didn't break it when you slammed the door shut on my face.

Thanx for your crumbs and bones. They taste great.

Cant hold her
Cant touch her
Cant see her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant have her
Cant feel her
Cant taste her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant breath her
Cant live her
Cant smell her
But love conquers all
And I Love Her

  Cant show her the affection she wants, at least not here.
Cant whisper those sweat nothings into her ear, at least not here.
Cant tell her how I feel by word of mouth, at least not here.


  Oh how things would be different if she were my slave.
Her ***  cherry red from the cane cause I cant touch her. Her mouth gagged so I cant hear her. Tied around her waist shes bound, can not move but off of ground.

  Oh if she were my slave, bowed before me at my feet she'd kneel, keeps her on an even keel. Tied her ankles hand and feet for my pleasure she would meat. A cat of nine tails should do just fine, shell never forget that she was mine.

  Oh the punishment would be swift, she would know that Master was miffed. Kiss my boots, she doesn't deserve the reward, her cries for release strike the wrong cord.  Spank her more she's not getting it right, they'd hear her scream, long into the night.

  Alas I digress, my slave she is not, but that does not mean my heart she's not caught. Collard her I have yet to do, but she will ware mine before we are through. I loved her now, Ill love her till death, for she is the one who took my last breath.

  She will give freely to me, her body mind and sole to do with as I see.
Ill be her Master strong and firm, gentle and loving ill watch her squirm. She might not ware my collar around, but I know she will before I go in the ground.

  Cant hold her
Cant touch her
Cant see her


  Cant have her
Cant feel her
Cant taste her

  Cant breath her
Cant live her
Cant smell her

Though I am not her Master, she is torturing me while she can.
Though she is not my slave, I'm her one and only, I'm her man.
Though I am paralyzed to do nothing for now, this will all change I hope some how...

Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
The gap between you and I the gap that cant be filled
You see me on the street everyday yet ignore me
I suffer the starvation that humanity has forced upon me

Everyone says they want to do something about the homeless
Why not just do what Rudy Juliane did
Put us all in jail
Why suffer us yet another empty day

When you lay down your weary head
You dont think of us the ones you dont see
Oh you see us with your eyes
But you ignore us by your deed

Some of the homeless may have chosen to be ware they are
Some did not
For those whom  did not you see them as the bain of humanity
You see them as the gum on the bottom of your shoe

Something to scrape off on the curb and be forgotten
Something to be discarded in the refuse container
Something that you think really isnt there
Something you can only hope to cast out with disdain

Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
Suffer the starvation that humanity has forced upon me
Suffer another empty day
Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge
Low I go to sleep under my filthy bridge

Suffer  me humanity, Suffer Me humanity, Suffer  Me Humanity
SUffer ME HUmanity, SUFfer ME HUManity, SUFFer ME HUMANity
SUFFEr ME HUMANIty, SUFFER ME HUMANITy, SUFFER ME HUMANITYYYYYYYYY

Flawed eventless, the muck to the mire
To the river crimson with lustful haze.
Supressed desire flows like light, rapture to the gaze.
Feverd, clamy, tossing, turning
Lying wrestless on the floor.
Sarrow slips, through the cracks,
to come smashing through the door.

Famin parched, the scream to the cry,
to the path trampled in fits of rage.
Unrelenting fire, burns like ice, denile in a cage.
Calm, relaxed, watching, breathing,
Standing idle at the sash.
Anguish waits at beck and call
to come crashing  through the glass.

Hidden in a seamless world of delight and joy and glee
A fractured cloud of misery waits
to have its cake and thee,
to reval as it sulks with company.
Ever growing spawned by fear, deathly silent in its' plea
Eating away at the sinews of faith,
dispair awaits its' time to flea.

Akin to death, friend to evil, slient screaming in its' vain
Dissolving with trust the passion of the lust
Envy plies to its bain.
Passion and fire, burning desire, these monsters are not the same.
All too familiar, confusing just the same, betrayed by flesh.
What is there cannot be had, for surely this is no game.

Maybe im the one who doesnt see whats rite in front of me

Maybe im the one who cant hear whats being said

Maybe im the one whos always wrong even when others say im rite

Maybe im the one who needs to leave before you start the fight

Maybe im the one who needs to say im sorry if ive done nothing wrong

Maybe im the one who caused all the trouble in the past

Maybe im the one who will make you laugh just to laugh

Maybe im the one who knows who you really are inside

Maybe im the one whos been jaded by society

Maybe im the one who has nothing to say

Maybe im the one who has nothing to show

Maybe im the one you here when you cant sleep

Maybe im the one you see out of the corner of your eye

Maybe im the one who whispered in your ear and just kept walking bi

                           But then again Maybe not

yesterday i wandered away from myself
i found myself looking back at what i thought was me
but the someone looking through the mirror didnt see

the someone not seen didnt know i was looking and felt left out
the left-out one looked around and seen all that had been looked in on and stepped out of the mirror to go back from then on

then on went the symphony of the seeing and the seen all that is there to be seen is there right in front of what i thought was me
on with all the looking and seeing back at me

yesterday i wandered away from me to see the other mees that visit every once in a while and i find i like all the mees i see even if they cant see me

i broke the me seeing mirror i was getting bored with it i started to see the me that i didnt want to see the twisted feeble dying old me
that scares me the feebleness the frailty of it all

i put the pieces of my me seeing mirror in a dresser drawer
so i could put them back together again when i am that feeble old me so that hopefully ill see the me i want to see again.

i know that me is still there and that me sees me now looking at it wondering the same thing as i is that the me i used to see when i saw the feeble me old dying me that me scares me.

so the me i see broke the me seeing mirror cause he was scared of me...

Mine heart is broken
Crushed upon the shore.
For me there comes no reprieve
Or hope lasting evermore
I dare to dream
Yet cant envision life with this regret
Redeem myself I've yet to do
Have not I found but look for you
Haunting thoughts have yet to wither
In this dingy day
Mine eyes cant see what I imagine
Yet there your scolding image lay

Disarray and disaster, distrust and discord
The tools we use to shoe how easily confused
Fragile and frightened we truly are

   Flounder through life hoping beyond hope
Stumble into a friend to safely guide us through
Remembering all the while how afraid we are

  For what we dont understand and what we can not see
We flinch and flail hoping to keep the demons at bay
Hoping they wont see us cringing in the corner of your shattered mind

  Frightened and frail I stumble into reality
Bleeding bruised and broken I search for you
Regretfully I ask of thee to take me in this insipid little child

  Please you must understand how fragile is mine soul
Plead with thee I must do help me return from this tortured place
I'm in here some ware hiding find me help me back upon my feet

  I trust you know ware I am you will surely find me there
You can help me to understand yours and mine fears
I'll be waiting for you there just under the fringes of reality I hide

  Misdeeds and misgivings anthers life held limp in your hands
Time wasted worrying about what you cant control or understand
You want what others cant have and give nothing for what you cant get

  My fear holds you captive a bond unbreakable by love or trust
Your will to survive in an imagined world plagued by guilt and loathing
Became your weakness became your pain your enemy my friend and foe

  This is ware it all will end ware I am and you begin
This is the place ware we feel love the same as ware we feel hate
That blurry line between real and imagined the gray between your lobes.

Come to me mine blossom divine
Come to me and put your hand in mine

Let our hearts melt into the blue
Let me show love of the truest hue

Your my hearts desire my only bliss
You set me free and gave me this kiss

Your life in my hand your love in my heart
Let us be together never falling apart

Lay down beside you and hold you forever
Lay down beside me and keep me together

Mine love will not diminish nor fade away
My heart only grows fonder each and every day

My love and my bliss only to you I give
Poring through hearts open door as a sieve

I'll take no other to be my own
For what I did will never happen again.

Green hat sat red worn
Blocked by empty vision
Red hat lay green torn

I wander along these empty streets and wonder when im going to get to ware I dont have to go.
I wonder if I'll wind up dead and how I got to ware I am.
I wonder ware the day will carry me and ware Im going to lay down my head.
I try to find comfort in the smallest thing only too realize there is nothing there.
I simply wander aimlessly and hope I dont hit a ****** tree.
Yet maybe if I did that would help heel the wound left there by the ******* free
Heal the wound that floes so free so for all of you and me too see
Heal the wound that floes so free put there by humanity
Heal the wound that cant be healed. put out the fire that doesnt burn

Feed the hungry, help the pore, find whats real and do some more
Look upon this empty earth and see what we have to birth
Look upon her sad and lonely face , she takes you away to another place
A world that you dont see from here ware you can think that its not real

I wander along these empty streets trying to make since of this
I wonder ware im going to go from here that really isnt too important to care

Heal the wound that cant be healed, put out the fire that doesnt burn.

When clouds fade away revealing beautiful day. A tone is set for us take the way. When eyes are bleeding from the fleeting. A tempo is reached for those beseech and those traveling weary on there way. When tears have groan to fill the heart and years have gone by to cover the pain of self regret. Are there none here whom cant see the evil we create. When mournful crys turn to tormented lullabies and the harbinger stands ready at your door. Do you finally see the pain Ive shown for all these years before.Theres nothing left but to confess the pain I feel each day. When I see my self and know that I cant get away. After all the tears and all the years, after all the clouded jaded judgment passed I still feel the pain so vast. As the knife cuts away the eyes that see this torment and the heart that feels this hate, theres nothing that can be done to make this pain abate.

Been so ******* and frustrated lately,
that I think everybody ****** hate me.
Somebody say some **** dat shoulda never been said.
so I sit around and mope cause I took it the wrong way.

Its all ****** up, they all goin they own direction and im lost
so all i do is sit an scratch my head  an wonder whats the ******  cost.
I dont want to have to be the one to pay the price for him ****** up his life. So insteada goin toe to toe and throwin blow for blow, im gonna smoke anotha  bowl.
I didnt ask for the silence or the tears and I aint gonna try to wipe away his fears. I got enough of my own without addin more. I dont need all this stress and I feel funny in this dress. No, Im not really wearin a dress but I bet I gotta laugh like a Jedi. I played their little mind trick on myself and seems to be workin cause now Im on a role.

  So now I guess I gotta impress, aint that what you supposed to do when all the fingers are pointed at you, oh, no, wait thats the wrong word, ****, ****, ****, **** it you **** ****, brain work right, the right word is: interrogate. Nope **** it that aint the right word either, so what am I supposed to now, cause I done lost that ****** word somehow. I thought I was on a role mane **** now I need to hit the next train, take anotha good long **** from the **** mane. Maybe that **** im smokin will inspire me to one day be the kinda man I know I wanna be for my little girls sake. Yep, thats right, I said it, I got a little girl now. Never thought that would ever happen, but shes three now. And daddies only gonna be away for a minute cause I gotta get a better education for you baby, so I can give you a better life than I had,  and you dont ever have to think Im a looser Dad. I know baby its pretty bad when I gotta come all the way here to hear that I aint got everything the **** school need like the money the want outta me that I aint got cause I got no job, but I **** sho aint gonna sit around and sob. Ima go to college and make myself a career, so I can better rear or raise you **** I dont like that word either, rear, sounds like im talkin bout my ****, but I aint so dont go gettin all twisted, oops did I just say somethin derogatory there, well I guess not. **** now I gotta knot in my stomach cause all this ***** makin me sick.

  I caint keep up with all the **** goin on here mane cause its like cane slew able and Im un able to understand why I feel like Im bein pushed aside but I aint tryin to hide from no one cause I love all an I dont wanna see em hurt each other anymore. So I pick the pieces off the floor and I do my best to put em back together agin but then I sit an wonder why do I try I know they just gonna tell each other one thing and tell me a lie. Whats makin it worse, is this thing like a curse, that hangs on me heavy like water against the leavy. I done went and got myself stuck, in a major royal mind ****. You see that triangle over there, yep that me in the middle of it and it all just comes crashin down around me. Now I just want it all to stop pounding and for the voices in my head to go the **** to bed and let me sleep to cause the first thing Id do is. TELL EM HOW STUPID THIS **** IS, YOUR WRONG, GROW UP.

  But anyway I digress, or is it egress, **** it dont matter, I aint the Mad Hatter and I found the right word but Ima be a **** and let it go unheard till I see fit, Yeah a little taste of it, control, there you go, its right there in front of my face. Just as plain to see as My Space. Hes a bit of a control freak. Oops I forgot, Im not, I like to treat people, like I like them to treat me. See how that works, its a little thing called respect, you should learn it sometime. Hell aint they a song by that name I do believe Id have to leave the room now If I didnt tell you Aretha Franklin sang R.E.S.P.E.C.T. she know what it mean and you can learn it too I hope somehow. But anyway I gotta go now, and I guess Im finished with my rap now, so im out, gotta preform.

You know your lifes on the wrong track
If you start now you can get it back
You dropped out of school and got a McJob
Now all you do is sit there and sob

Now your all grown up
Two kids one in each arm
And all your mistakes
Have only done you more harm
You have to start a new life
To leave all the strife
Leave the past where it lay
Before this dying day

Lets take a trek to the top of the mountain
See whats there to behold
To come in away from the cold
Lets take a trek to the bottom of the valley
To come in away from the rain
Instead of suffering in the dank hard day

Take your life in your own hand
Change your mind and make your stand
Take your life in your own hand
Change your mind and make your stand

Your own pride has left you empty inside
Your own foolishness has left you empty inside
Your own ignorance has left you empty inside
Your own selfishness has left you empty inside

Now youve nothing left to do but wallow in pity
Stew in self loathing
Flounder in indifference
Enjoy your steely calm for this time being
Revenge is a beast best loosed enraged.

If your favorite flower is the rose
Do you not then liken yourself to a rose
Is not your beauty equal to that of the rose

Behold I stand perfect beauty
A white rose among the thorns
Behold I stand for you to see
A perfect beauty inside of me

If mine favorite flower is the orchid
Do I not then liken myself to the orchid
Is not my beauty equal to that of the orchid

Behold I stand handsome beauty
A black orchid among twisted roots
Behold you stand for me to see
A handsome beauty inside of you

A single petal of the rose so delicate of it self
A single petal of the rose so flawless of it self
Delicate beauty equaled only by delicate perfection
Flawless beauty equaled only by flawless grace

A single petal of the orchid so sensual of it self
A single petal of the orchid so ****** of it self
Sensual beauty equaled only by sensual grace
****** beauty equaled only by ****** perfection

Where there is white rose there is you
Where there is black orchid there is me
White Rose Black Orchid You and I
Wherever you go there too will I be

Does not the rose equal your grace
Does not your beauty equal the rose
Does not the orchid equal my strength
Does not my strength equal the orchid

Doth not the white rose possess the black orchid
Can not they bee one can not they be the same

Doth not you have mine heart
As the white rose has you
Doth not I have your soul
As the black orchid has me

The orchid has fallen for the rose
Has fallen for the orchid
And in my field of white roses
You stand a sultry orchid black

If only to look if only to feel
If only to hold if only to love
A rose white is me this night
Take from me this rose white

This rose white this orchid black
Together as one we cant take back

She slipped away, right through my fingers
I watched her and was powerless to stop it.

  She poured through my hands as if water to the sands
I couldnt retrieve a single grain  from where she left her vibrant stain

   She was, or so I thought, a way out of this dismal place
Now here I sit longing to run my fingers lovingly down her face

   She sits there now, far away, across the room deepening my gloom
I reach for her from afar to feel her arms save me from terrible doom

   I watched her slip away and vainly wished her stay, in fact I even begged.
Nothing, not a grin or glance or stair or inclining of a care.

   I sit here more confused and feeling somewhat used, knowing that I cant have whats being sought by the bleeding ***** on the floor under the boards creaking and groaning. Its all I hear, the constant fear, that she will leave. My heart on sleeve is waring out its welcome kept so I dont pout.

   I watched her slip away, the sand simply moved to swiftly for me to keep pace. I could not see past the feeling in me to simply watch her walk away and always in my heart stay. So I reach for her hand In hopes that she will take my heart instead, but I must have hit my head, cause Im fuzzy inside but heavy and insecure.

   I want her for my own but her I can not have for her affections are not just to me but to another whom I see as a brother to the likes of me. Now I find myself in the same boat I was in as a knee high to a grasshopper, loosing what I want too a longer time from start and Im trying not to fall apart.

Start a new, dreams in dew, I run to you.
Whisp away, fields for hay, I run to stay.

   Stay away, there you find, bitter emotions fray.
Step away a piece, look long back, may wonders never ciece.

   Things can change, rarely do and still I run to you.
Still I stay, never stray, never did I lay another down.

   Forgive forget but I can not, my human side is cuaght.
Fight I still, battles raged, for controle inside myself.
  
   Everything to the surface, bubbles from the deep.
Memories, still not faded, where painfull things I keep.

   So this new thing, the wound it bleeds,
but I did it to myself. Now for the heeling, to start it all again.

   To start it fresh, to start it new, to write what has yet to be lived.
In the end I do what I do and I continue to Love you. As much now, even more than then, than I ever have, your my best friend. I cant get you from my head, cause of all the things youve said. I think about the me in you and remember that you love me too. I think about the you in me and remember that I love who I see. I remember how I said hello. Where we'd go, we didnt know. We didnt care. I think about you every day, your steeling a piece of my heart away.

Give it back or keep it from me, my stolen piece of heart. Bleeding out all the love follow it to me, for your own eyes to see. All the love it followed you, rite to wear you keep me too. Another one for you to savor, so you dont forget the love is from the pieces of my heart.
I gave it away and there youll stay till my dying breath.
Dont forget who gave it to you that last piece that you have. Im here for you if your ready. I promise, safe and steady...