It feels like I've been wandering
No true destination, taken where my feet bring me
Sometimes I feel soft grass
Other times, its glass

The echoes of conversation
play and replay and rewind
I can't make out what they're saying
but maybe if i just keep moving... keep moving

There's this feeling in my hollow chest
I can't tell if it's a sob or laughter
What does it even mean to feel
Does any of it even matter?

Every colour I see is alive,
every picture is another story - is that alive?
I keep wandering, maybe if I keep walking
How do I live this life...

It's always raining
I don't know where I'm going
I can hear myself breathing
I'll just keep moving... keep moving

It feels like I'm running out of words
Outside the clouds, it's very jarring
Should I rest for awhile...
no, I'll keep moving

What does it mean to be lost?
Will I ever find it again?
My hands are shaking
I'm going to keep moving

It's within your right
To choose to be alone on that last day

But I want to stay,
Let me hold your hand,
Let me stroke your hair,
Let me whisper the words
You don't want me to say

You think me reckless,
But I want to be
I can almost see
The wispy dreams of
What we could have been

You think me absurd,
For taking on such pain
But if it's all the same
I choose to care for you
With no regrets

I want to stay,
Let me share a smile,
Let me have one last laugh,
Let me feel the joy
That I could have had if I had a lifetime

You and me in our little cottage,
A little black cat between us,
You kiss me on my forehead,
I lean into you
"Thank you for being here.

Thank you for seeing me,
Thank you for making me smile,
Thank you for taking care of me,
Thank you.

You can go, I'll be okay
You can go, I'll remember you always
You can go, I'll be just fine
You can go, I'll see you again when it's my time

Goodbye, with love."

We were in a moving car
And I was thrown out mid journey
Unsuspectingly
Probably deservedly

We built it from nothing
We put love in it
We made a plan for the trip
But it changed

It changed so fast
I can barely catch my breath
It changed so fast
I can feel every broken part of me

The wind knocked the breath from my lungs
The impact...
The impact never ends
When one pain ends another starts

A life I planned to have
A life I wished and dreamed
A split second
It was all gone

Gone
It doesn't exist anymore
We built this car with love
So much love

So much pain
So much grief
We were on a journey
And I was thrown out

Nights and days blend
The pain doesn't end.
The pain doesn't end.
I was left

Broken. Alone.
Only indifference
Trying to walk home
In the dead of night

A risk.
So much faith.
It was so beautiful.
It was so... breathtaking.

In that moment between night and day
I almost forget.
Almost.
Then the pain settles in my bones again

But I can't make you love me.
I can't make you love me if you don't.
I hope your journey goes well
Maybe I'll meet you half way

I hope I live to see the day
I hope I can breathe again
I hope... I hope you're at peace

I thought I had it
For a moment I thought
This is how I want to be loved
This is the kind of love I want

I overlooked so many things.
I ignored so many flags.
I glazed over so many wrongs.

I thought I had it
For a moment, just for a moment,
I was loved.
I was cared for.
I had... someone

But I'm laying in the dark
Questioning my reality
Flipping through my memories
Dissecting my words
Reviewing my actions
Over and over and over

I'm sitting up at 3:16am
Asking myself if I even deserve to be loved
Wondering if I deserve to be cared for
Do I deserve... someone?

Is this love?
No. No, it isn't.
But this is familiar
The doubt, the hurt, the emptiness
The overexplanations, the silence

I dont want to fight
I dont want to argue
I dont want to yell

I want laughs under the stars
I want kindness and softness
I want balance, firm ground

I thought this was supposed to be love
But no,
No, it isn't.

It was all in that span of 90 seconds

The first was a smile -
It wasn't special or expected
  It was just a second
Fleeting but true
Yet it was a lie

The second was a crinkle by your eye -
A small movement
  Usually overlooked
But it meant the world
To more than just you

The third was a touch -
Just a brush
  Enough to enrapture
Almost crackling
Like there was more to it