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In my mind
I create worlds
Of endless possibilities
Ones in which I do not pretend
I can be who I am
everything hurts
but i feel nothing
star-filled sky
without an ending
I will delete my feelings
Faster than I please.
I can make it sound lovely
Like something out of a book
What if our friendship started
With just a look?

It was 5th period on a Monday
Say we met behind the bleachers
You were listening to Queen
Ignoring our gym teachers

Or better yet it was the record shop
Down the street from the bookstore
That we like to go to
On Sundays at four

Or cute café
In which we ordered the same drink
Stuck up a conversation
While drinking tea

But not of that was ever true
You don't even know my name
Just another person I made up
From my "I hate being alone" game
He plucked her from the earth
Because he thought she was beautiful
Took away all her worth
Made her feel unlovable
Now she withers away
In a long forgotten pocket
Was once a beautiful rose
But now all that remains is thorns
I write
and I write
I try to get your words out of my bloodstream
but even late at night
especially late at night
they tell me
of how worthless I am
a fraud
how I will never deserve love
and I wish I could just disappear
never to be seen again
forget every school year
and every now and then
I wish for the earth to swallow me whole
and not let me out until
I didn't feel so blue.
I will smile
Not because I am happy
But because
I wish to be strong
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