everything is so dead
even with my heart
rhythmically pounding
everything is so dumb
in bed motionless, staring at the ceiling
I listen to the beat of the booming world that is surrounding, its trying to revive me
everything is so ugly
I'm full of negativity and the glass is half empty
I'm not alive
how is it I'm still breathing

cute little black dress, high heels, strapless
golden hair spun of silk
flawless skin white as milk
cherry red lips pucker as delicate blue eyes flutter
perfection but without confidence and on the inside I can see her struggle
because hers is a beauty for all save the mirror  
everytime she receives affection she grows colder
due to her perception liars lie in every direction and late at night she gives in to a dark obsession  buttery flesh parts beneath a blade
overwhelmed by sadness and controlled by hate
she causes pain to relieve the suffering

I remember
a child with no voice and my own ghostly face
it was a  game
like cops and robbers
and silently she played
in the woods
some place far away
but its not like she would have screamed anyway
memories shrouded and disguised to cope
but now I remember
it was a game and I was their toy

on the outskirts I watch them mingle
like a wallflower, yet less beautiful
tears welling in my eyes
like the shallow end of the pool to play in, but never to fall into
a fake smile pasted upon my lips  
like drawn with permanent marker
lies like I'm fine or I'm okay
repeated time and time again
day to day
and memories like scars refuse to fade

I haven't wrote about you in a long time
But you see
You still have my heart
Broken into bits
Residing the palms of your hands
Lays the biggest part of me
I still feel your chain
gripping my neck and pulling me back
you scream love me
you scream obey me
you scream until my ears are ******
I still cry thinking about you
About how you're never thinking about me too
I still shiver
Remincing about your caress
The heat of your breath before you bite my neck
You see i still love you
My biggest regret