I'd give anything to be
Eighteen right now.
To be
Free to
Do as I please.
To travel,
Not only the world but
The secrets within you.
To be able to
Run my fingers through your
Chest hair.
To be able to
Scream your name countless times.
To be able to
Know you in every possible way.

Why is it that I
Always fall for the older guys and
They do the same too?

I wanted to share your
Venom tonight.
Your hot,
Wet
Breath that
Tastes like whiskey and
Cigarettes.

I wanted to and
We almost did.

I've been looking at myself lately,
I'm kind of good looking.
I mean,
My flaws are easy:
My skin is uneven
My nose is to big
And I'm kind of... Fat.
But there is more than that to me:
My eyes are pretty
I have clear skin
I have nice hips
I'm funny
I'm kind of good looking
I'm smart
And I have a good heart.

I can write beautiful poetry and
I can sing like an angel.

Why did I hate myself so much?
Why didnt I see all these things before?

Every though today didnt go as planned
It went smoother at the end.
I gave you a kiss on the head,
Told you everything was going to be okay,
And you know what?
I'm so glad I did.
Because it will be.
I love y'all,
Thank you so much.

Oh Ashley,
You care so dearly for me.
Why?
What's so improtant about
Me?
Why should you care if
Blood pours out of me?
Why should you care if
My dad doesn't visit me?
Why should you care if
I **** myself?

Living is alot to ask for and
I'm sick of asking.
You pay alot of debts and
Fall in and out of love
Who wants that?
That feeling of a constant downward

                  s
p
      i
          r
a
               l
that never ends?
Who wants to feel so
Alone
And
Dead
And
Useless?

I'm scared of death sometimes.
But I'm not afraid to wish for it.

My thoughts at night are
Frightening.
I see different ways to end my life and
I actually almost did.
At least in my dreams,
Not in real life.

I hate falling and
I'm afraid of heights.

Why isn't the people I love
Willing to catch me?

Will you let me
Hold you?
Not just you,
But your world,
Your universe;
I'd like to see it
In my hands,
In my arms,
Open...
Wide.
Open for you to be my
World,
My universe.