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188 · Oct 2023
My Favorite Picture of You
degzvdg Oct 2023
My favorite picture of you is one where you're waiting for me.
Just a photograph of an old man waiting on a dark house.
Urgently waiting to give the smile that would take the chaos away.

My favorite picture of you, is one where you're looking at me.
Just a photograph of an old man sitting on an old dining chair.
Figuring out, what the right words to speak.

My favorite picture of you, is bent and faded.
Just a photograph of an old man, showing his wings.
Figuring out, how to be there for his son.
186 · Oct 2023
Rain
degzvdg Oct 2023
It's raining tonight.
I've been reminding myself to buy an umbrella but,
I'd figure I'd wait.
I'd wait for it to end,
while contemplating if I have the right to remember us.  

Hopelessly hoping in vain,
that the broken pieces that I molded,
can be stitched back as if it can be fixed.
But the droplets of rain reminded me that it can't be undone.

I guess, I wanted to remember the nights that I will be saved from tomorrow.
Even if the rainy days would come, my universe would stop just by the mere sight of you.
That the start of your smile,
gives me courage to face every single day.  
But the rain gave me a cold touch on my shoulder,
to tell me that, my grief and I are inseperable.

It's infuriating to see the rain.
It's the constant reminder that you were my shelter back then.
That, even though the gods play with their thunder,
we would talk about the stars just to make fun of them playing with our lives.
But the rain didn't stop.
Just as I never stopped looking at the sky to look for you on the highest floor I can reach when the downpour starts.
180 · Oct 2023
Memory Kill
degzvdg Oct 2023
You will always
be the best
parts to all
the forgotten
places
I used to love.
degzvdg Oct 2023
I'll never love this way again.
I fear that this would be the end of me.
Every version of myself that I meet,
every story that is created,
every memory I can remember,
You will always be there.
It's like a never ending rollercoaster ride,
Where the thrill I seek hopelessly, will always be you.

I'll never love this way again.
I fear that this will be my becoming.
Your scent will always be the fragrance of every color that I can smell.
Like broken crayons,
damaged, but still creates colors in this hell of a life I have.  
Every memory of you won't fade.
I can still see the sky in your eyes even though it's midnight in a darken room.
My devotion, is all paid in sorrow and shame.

I'll never love this way again.
I do not seek for lesser versions of what I felt with you.
I do not crave any taste of someone's lips.
I do not seek any words from others that will comfort my heart.
I do not want anything from someone else.
Unless it is with you.
162 · Aug 2024
Snow
degzvdg Aug 2024
Do people fall in love silently like this falling snow?
Fluttering from the cloudy sky, coloring all it touches.
I envy them, you see.
they fall from the sky above clings to things it falls on.
I wish I can have that once more.

I suppose, it would be easier if my thoughts would melt into her like this snow.
Just for everything to be easily understood.
But you see, the snow also falls randomly to things, and it's  easily brushed away by our warmth hands.

The more I think about her,  
The more this powdery white emotion piles up deep inside my heart.
It keeps happening even now.

My world continues to grow ever since your leaving.
And even my breathing seem to be out of tune effortlessly with it.
Every word you've spoken, lingers and stirs inside my head and I'm left with unknown familiar feelings within me.

It's cold tonight.
I wish these snow would stop falling.
155 · Oct 2023
Language;
degzvdg Oct 2023
Sometimes I give birth to words I fear.
In pursuit of forming the right sentences to say,
the depths in shallow letters of my agony produces screaming silence at night.  
Each syllables I create, my bleeding heart trembles in horror of how it will make a sound.
Thus, my rambling will only announce the pain in every waking moment.

Every vowel and consonants is leading to my insanity.
I've avoided myself to feeling joy in hyperboles,
only to find my wicked tongue commanding my lips to curl.

I figured that these alphabets I learned,
is the production of my despair.
That the metaphors I crave, is the cost of my unbecoming.
Paid full in sorrow, for the phrase and synonyms to state my imperfections.

My uneasiness I set forth to,
is how I wage war to give justice to people I lost in the battle.
No other simile can recognize the discomfort I live in.
I only hope, and only if I'm worthy, that I can learn to be myself once more.
154 · Oct 2023
Soon
degzvdg Oct 2023
I want to see you.
I want to tell you how I, too, carry the same pain and suffering.
Believe me, I have enough of it in me, perhaps enough to **** me, to **** us even the universe, that is, if we gave it a chance to.

But you, now there is you, and I would like to see you again,
to tell you how you make my life worth living.

From the core of my body,
to the marrow of my aching bones.
I love you and I'm grateful for who you are.

Come back soon.
154 · Oct 2023
Right?
degzvdg Oct 2023
Been spending a lot of time with my self.
The quiet says I deserve this hurt
and all I'm left is the silence.
It kinda made sense, right?

I'm wandering the hallways of my mind,
On frail legs, I trudge to go the distance.  
but I get so lost in the corridors of my sorrow.
It's just one of those days, right?

Watching everyone leave me behind is a unique breed of pain.
The night reminds me, that I am not suppose to get what I want.
I suppose this is all I can have, right?

Finding solace in the quiet corners of my room,
is where my tears washes my sadness away.
I can't be like this, right?

I'm finding the purpose of reassurance to be undeserving.
Yet, I greet everyday like something to look forward to.
This is the chaos that I created.
141 · Aug 2024
End of the Day
degzvdg Aug 2024
In the corner of my vision,
I see the western sky turning orange.

I sit and wonder,
If this color shining down on me,
will soon be shining down on you?

Come back soon, I gravely miss you.

— The End —