when I dream
it is of you - not of him
not of past loves, or those I thought
were love

your dreams
are of her - faded distant long-ago times
even though she
broke your heart

which breaks mine anew

you tiptoe around the edges of my conscience
fleet of foot, how nimble is your smile!
lightly landing closer and closer to that place
drawing me in, careful all the while
playing music that only you and I hear
melodies of melancholy sweet and low
entranced, I ache to hold you near
in union, while you dance upon my soul

through the thin veneer emotionally shellacked
lies appear, distrust with doubt, faith begins to crack
illusions formed in moments desperate for your truth
fall along the wayside like the years of misspent youth
hope no more for a time in minds eye I am seeing
put away the dreams I hide inside my very being
the last vestiges of trust I had have crumbled into dust
oh cold hard life, you win again, face you, yes, I must

Alone with her thoughts, those dangerous things
jagged and jumbled with uncertain edges
finding out how deeply words can cut
unintentionally

bruised emotions, tender feelings ******* in heartstrings
for a man with no need of packages
only wanting to trust with him all those thoughts

he doesn't want more thoughts, he only needs to be held,
cradled, safely rocked away from messy
entanglements

cutting her with shards of dismissal

Rain coming down sideways
sheeting on the window pane
fogged up glass humidity high
casual conversations earnestly spoken
all the while studiously ignoring
the couple in the middle of the room
Stealing kisses completely
in their own world
oblivious to children's homework and
business people's envy
steaming cups of coffee
can't compete with
heat from their coffeehouse kisses

shadows are cast even in sunlight
apex of light, brilliance notwithstanding
there exists a room closed off

no light penetrates
this room, coccoon-like in velvet inky
darkness safely tucked in

remembering shame so powerful
when he pulled me onto his lap
saying, 'you did this'

darkness in the middle of the day
will never see sunlight or
let any light in to stay

your words are raw, exposed, honest
in each other do we finally trust
all the metaphors, all the similes
fail to capture the essence of you and me
forms of expression known to man
music, art, poetry all also-rans
together we are light, air, complete beings
reveling in emotional perfection

left with haunting memories
disparate emotions left incomplete
no reasons why you pulled away
alone I stand, alone I stay
you've shut me out, shot me down
silence has a lonely sound
tis pain I feel, day in, day out
too numb to cry, to rage, to shout
time becomes my enemy
left all alone with memories

she asked me, 'what do you get from him?'
I said I didn't know
I think what keeps me going back
the truth that I don't show
is feeling that for the first time
I'm really not alone

living for ephemeral touches
most of the time apart
wrenching little pieces off
the fabric of our hearts
in lieu of the whole garment

so back I go, again and again
wondering why it had to be him
knowing we'll never have what we want
a life out of reach, seeming to taunt
powerless against his allure

words
brought us together
strung carefully just so
it was the way I wrote that ad
and the way you responded
words seemed to simply flow

words
are what I look for now
but the timbre and the tone has changed
no longer reassuring to me
the silences grow longer
words are jumbled, I silently chant your name

words
feeling empty, hollow, like a box
left after the present has been opened
longing and pain are acute, stabbing
reading the spaces left gaping between
words so graphic, dashing all hope

All we have are words

unless I am feeling
deep inside
really feeling, really 'living'
I don't feel alive
it's a drug, need that 'fix'
need ............. YOU

until you, until 'us' -
now my heartbeat is strong
you're my fuel,
you're my fire
how is this wrong?

you're so calm, so collected
your feelings don't show
here I am, such a mess
so **** emotional

pushing and pulling, eddies swirl 'round
so difficult to trust in this love we've found
fairy tale endings too good to be true
darker shades of life confusing my view
never having known love's ache
clouds in judgment, feelings forsake
go on defensive 'cause that's all I've known
overwhelmed by the gentleness you've shown
to want you so badly, I lose control
feeling the madness deep in my soul
Still, knowing the gift that lies within grasp
if only I can trust, in your heart, at last.

space between words and expectations full
crowded with mental pebbles worn smooth
inscribed by love, worry, pain, lust, undeniable
endless unspoken messages to choose
even when eyes meet, slight nods of understanding
do we wonder if that space has been filled
or does it lie in wait, still

standing in a room of mirrors
but all the reflections are of you
as I whirl and twirl, frantically
wondering what happened to me
there, you're laughing (and pointing)
now, your image haunts visibly
the only way out of this room
illusions shatter, at my feet

vibrant and alive
there is a rhythm to night
a pulse all its own

Parenthesis, one, Parenthesis
Oh how my heart does soar
The simple notice telling me
I'm in your thoughts once more
Words, black and white, on screen
Transfer into my soul
Interpreting your meaning
Not wanting to let go

Parenthesis, two, Parenthesis
What riches! more from you
I'm greedy in my desire
to learn your wishes true
To keep this brief connection
no matter how tenuous
We bleed onto these crystal screens
Sharing all inside of us

Alas, no more Parenthesis
Blinking cursor is all I see
Hoping, praying tomorrow will bring
Continuation of You and Me

It's good to be alive
  no matter worries, struggles, surviving
    breathe in, blood pumping
You are loved by someone

It's good to be aware
  inter-connected, a ripple in the pond
    stream of consciousness
You have value in this world

It's good to be alive

paint my world with vibrant hues
emerald greens, sapphire blues
lyricist with color, canvas
emotions swirl 'round your brush
multitudes of whites and greys
illuminate the darkest days
when masterfully controlled by you
paint my world with vibrant hues

crafted painstakingly from tears and laughter
placing adjectives like pieces of a mosaic
staying detached from the message until after
finality of images make an impact
with a flash of recognition

of all the words I string together
fragile feelings next to hard thoughts
as a strand of pearls, linked by knots
wanting the beauty and the lustre
to rub off on you

I will say "I love you" until my last breath
be it a whimper or a shout
but to really know what's in my soul
to know what I'm about
just read, read my poems

passions that bind us weaving unspoken thoughts
borne from differences of lives and loves and desires
I with my messy emotions haphazardly caught
you with your simmering slow-burning fire
together we 'fit' in mysterious ways
Merlin himself knows nothing of this chemistry
not obvious to even ourselves on some days
what we are, what we have is beyond fantasy

Normal conventions
bring to mind
a group of vanilla people milling about
in a plain boring room
Normal conventions
are so outside
the life between me and you
and feeling alive

Normal conventions
were something we chose
to walk away from
When we met each other
determined to taste and listen and dance
in a party of our own design
shattering conventional thought
emotions, raw, colorful, Alive

The joy I feel when I'm with you permeates into my very marrow
I resonate with happiness, forgetting all my sorrow
Catch me, for I've fallen once again into your beautiful eyes
not really wanting to be rescued ..........

How can this love exist? yet it does, it lives, and thrives
true wonderment, true mystery, affecting both our lives
forever more we are one being, one soul, one heartbeat true
I finally felt that I am 'home', the day that I met you

to turn a phrase sweetly, oh, to be clever
to wrought a delicate phrase
all the while, in hopes of catching
your eye
to have you longingly gaze
in wonder
Anything, to make your love mine

It's 5 am, frogs are doing froggy things
Listening to you breathe lulling me into dreams
drinking leftover champagne
with raspberries
contemplating the walk of shame

for I have none, but I should
I'd stay here if I could
I'd bring you life and love and laughter
all the things you've needed after
she torched your heart

Dawn is breaking in more ways than one
deep down I knew I shouldn't have come
too close to see the life you live
touch on the love that you can give
now it's my heart that's breaking

coccoon of silence, absence of sound
comfortable as softest cotton
alone with myself, I am found
content with all my thoughts
cacophony of the outside world
is stilled behind my private walls

I want, I need to let you in
caution always prevails

a single tear rolls down my cheek
I see your life in focus
a world I thought that I'd fit in
now knowing that it's hopeless

surrounded by a quiet grace
there's love, and peace, and laughter
I have no business in this place
no happy ever after

I stand outside your happy hearth
ashamed for my mortal sin
forever doomed to be the one
on the outside, looking in

I was hoping
in this bubble we live
to keep my heart from harm
it is to you I give
all my treasures sacred
All I am or hope to be
so if my love was threatened
you'd keep it safe,
for me

your absence is distinct
tasting of sorrow, opportunities lost
tinged with the slightest shade of sadness
a note left hanging in the air

focusing on the here and now
accentuates the lines drawn
between your existence and mine
stark, but made of charcol to be smudged

I love you, that pure crystalline tone
offered up from beyond perception
all the senses brought together
in harmony of hope

water is my element, in all ways and forms
kissing the sweat from your chest salty and warm
laughingly running with you through the misty rain
wiping the tears from my eyes, missing you again
longing to swim beside you in the vast ocean blue
silky slippery sensual water, caressing me and you

I strain to hear your heart
across the broken miles
for even when apart my mind
conjures up your smiles
I strain to let you know
Your voice is what I hear
in silence and in shadows
I always have you near

I strain to send my love into
the ether and the mist
So when you turn around and see
a sunbeam that has kissed
the puffy clouds up in the sky
it's really me you see
I strain to give you all my love
For All Eternity

i know that you've been hurt, you carry it inside
it runs as deep as canyons go, its scar a mile wide
in many ways it overwhelms, completely takes your soul
you've been consumed, just edges left
i wish you'd just let go
now i've become a part of you that knows not how to feel
wishing i'd listened to that inner voice saying you weren't real
you said you'd never hurt someone as much as she hurt you
i'm here to say your words were false, you've cut me deep
we're through

this upside-down life, so disconcerting
a world of shadows, passions, yearning
time tempo slows as sun takes flight
into yawning shades of the night

when darkness falls, and shadows grow
a world only few would know
away from warmth and heat of day
now others sleep, in stillness lay

my time to wake and start anew
indigo shades, lavendar hues
adorn the palette I work from
memories of you to keep me strong

in time, this too shall come to pass
existence as this isn't meant to last
love draws me back from dark abyss
to feel your love, to taste your kiss

I know you won't miss me, when I'm gone
You'll laugh, and smile, and carry on
You'll say the same things to someone new
pretending to have found a love that's true
I don't know what's worse than in the knowing
that when winter comes, and it's snowing
you'll cuddle up close - up to another
you'll have found someone new, a different lover
and I'll still be here, pining for you
because I truly thought you were my love, true
I gave it all away, without a glance
only to find, (if only by chance)
I was the fool, I had been duped
master of your craft, cold, alone, aloof

When love becomes existential
boundaries no longer apply
spirit breaks free from earthly ties
emotions are free to fly

When heart belongs to you alone
yet captured by another
when souls transcend, lover to lover
rejoice, the universe is one

she shattered his fantasy, perhaps his illusions
not knowing how to leave well enough alone
she's had enough of emotional contusions
he wanted fantasy in flesh and bone

how to love, how to share, how to heal
they needed that from each other
instinctively understanding the real from
love they had shared with another

now they circle, slightly wary, but down inside
they are the same, craving, two souls needing
wanting, desiring, love doesn't die
two lovers, blood pumping, hearts beating

life gets messy, tangled, but still it moves on
another day, a new night, love stands, it is strong

we were young, and wild, and free
all the cliches of what we were supposed to be
laughing at the world, clutching our beer
standing too close to the train, screaming, nobody hears

I wonder where you are today
what part of you remembers
our times together, our youth, our lives
so vulnerable, so tender

you bring some comfort, you don't even know
singing on stage at some random show
hearing the crowds' adoration, applause
not knowing then there was never a cause

Never a reason to be so alone
singing into that microphone
lights shining bright, darkness beyond
now it's gone silent, infinity yawns

We fade into obscurity

He said, 'I love you and want to marry you'
I heard, 'He loves me and wants to marry me'
He meant, 'You're fun to be around and daydream with'
I meant, 'I love you and want to marry you'

Somewhere in emotional disconnect
causing my heart to palpitate
my soul's deep desires they do affect
forever knowing, I'm second rate

She realized with a start
The shift in his heart
wondering sadly, why?
Why did the poetry die?
He wooed with flair
emotions he did share
Now the silence gapes
and her heart, it aches
Was it the thrill of the chase?
no longer a trophy to case?
All she knows is, there's silence
and emotions, they seem 'less'
Now she prays to the sky
Why did the poetry die?

Ohhh my God, the Highs, the Lows
this love is not what everyone knows
existing only in books, on film
A fantasy, but wait, it's real
A comedy?  A tragedy?  What is this thing
the tug and pull of you and me?
We die a thousand deaths apart
Together, we become one heart
we met, we love, emotions true
we greet each day, blind faith renewed
no turning back, and time, it slows
This thing called love, the Highs, the Lows

I hate that he can be passionate...
and then show no emotion
I hate that he says he loves me...
but there he goes again
I hate that I love his touch...
but it seems I'm holding on
I hate that I love so much...
but I love the wrong one

there is no way to emphasize
no way to look into your eyes
to stress, to curse, to pound the table
to show you that if I were able
YOU would be the ONLY one
I came home to when day was done
choices made so long ago
reflect me not, no they don't show
I gave up hope and settled down
I've always taken the long way 'round
You're in my life, You're in my heart
No way to make a brand-new start
others may judge, they may say it's odd
but I love YOU true, so help me God

In this life love crept inside
unsuspecting souls thought love had died
It hadn't, slumbering, waiting still to
find us match us joyous will
full of spirit, body, mind never to leave
nor stay behind for in this life
we now know love - eternal gift
from Heaven above

into my life you boldly came - all full of confidence
full of swagger, full of life, full of all those things
with you, life's anew, with you I can dance - (and I do)
so my words bubble up from a hidden well-spring
not realizing
that all I needed was you

Why do my feelings run so deep?
Where is the strength that others have
if only my desires I could keep
protected with a magical salve
impermeable to futile hope
a barrier from deepest wishes
maybe then perhaps, I could cope
with emotions completely useless

we fight for expression
thinking
if we fill in the spaces
all will be clear

with you
I am finding
that you understand
so

.......

Bottomless yearning, deep as the fathoms of the sea
to feel your heat once more, gaze into those eyes of green
days as empty as a well in desert sand
until the time when I feel the trace of your hand
along my face, so gentle and loving your touch
craving all of you, a passion that needs you so much
curse the hours, minutes, seconds we're apart
together, all I know, is YOU complete my heart

eyes draw me in, green with grey
then to the mouth, lips where I stay
hungry, soft, then firm, then yield
safe inside those arms, a shield
for the heart, his heart, beats with mine
his soul, his passion, his strength does shine

so much more to this man, flesh and bone
within his embrace, truly I'm home

we isolate by choice yet feel
the world has abandoned us
breaking down our self-imposed wall
with fingertips of flesh
overwhelms
until
a single voice, full of love
shatters the illusion

I know you
because
like you, I was taught how to hide
how to keep all my hurt inside
how not to show fear when anger is near
I know you
and you know me too

I wait for your words
when I'm not sure what it is I want to hear
then when silence falls like twilight
I fill in the void with my imagination
so desperate to have things make sense
so I wait for your words
instead of saying my own