December, and I feel the Winters breath on me tonight
Blue skies and warmer weather overdue
I wonder, is it hope that has left me here outright
And this glass of wine, that takes the place of you
I drink, and in my mind I am taken back to when
We watched the Autumn leaves, beside the fire
Intoxication takes from me, much more than I take in
And leaves me here alone, with my desire

But as I pour another glass of sorrow in my heart
Another bottle crashes to the floor
I walk upon these shattered rhymes, the ones I've torn apart
So many things my heart must answer for
I shut myself inside again, to keep the cold at bay
Unlock the loss with bottles, that I drink
To think that if I open them, the pain may go away
But it just pours back out of me, in ink

Pictures, that were taken then, show me a different man
The images, just moments trapped in time
I close my eyes to hide from them, but I don't think I can
Forget the memories, trapped in my mind
It leads me nowhere fast, though I travel on and on
To places I have been, with you in dreams
The memories return to me, another bottle gone
Still trying to relive, relieve, unwind.

But tension holds me here alone, caught in the cruel grip of
The reasons that I drink to ease my thought
Holds me to a picture of a girl, a life, a love
And all the loneliness, that this has brought
Allowing visitation, with these nights of what once was
Believing drink, may bring you back to me
Trying to correct mistakes I've made, but just because
I cannot hope to do so with Chablis

I cannot view things clearly through this glass held in my hand
Or see through clouded thought, when I am finished
I pull another cork, and like so many grains of sand
My power to discern these things, diminished
To see the eyes I once had known, that looked right into me
Transparent as I am, and was before
My love I never tried to hide, and hoped that you would see
But hope is lost, it's closed and locked the door

Locked me far away from all I had, or ever knew
Then closed me in to what I know today
Falling Autumn leaves, that remind me still of you
Though love now seems a tired old cliche
To destroy all I am, or all I once had hoped to be
to leave me with the tears dropped from my eyes
My glass is full again, though now it seems of me
We’ve said all of the sad and cruel goodbyes

Goodbye is not the end of love, but the beginning of alone
"I love you" not the start of love, as well
But I’m still thinking, wandering, back to what is gone
It breaks my spirit, that much I can tell
I've told my story many times, to this old photograph
I've tried just to explain, though no one hears
Each bottle that I open, and the others seem to laugh
At drinks I mix, with sorrow and my tears

I suppose that it's my mind, just playing tricks you see
Springtime’s shining leaves now turned to brown
Outside my window, Decembers darkness screams to me
Another reason just to think, and drown
Drown myself in pity, and another shaking glass
Held within this shaking heart of mine
The broken heart of such a man, that's fading, fading fast
Dissolving in another glass of wine

Shrinking with each bottle that lies cluttered on my floor
Dying, as the embers of my fire
Gone is yet another day, but I know there are more
Before the death of me, and my desire
Desire that does not resist the clock, or years of time
Doesn't die with drink that I consume
Hasn't gone away in any broken, dismal rhyme
Or a glass of wine,
that takes the place of you

Dean Evans
11-07-08

Come dark of night, let not my eyes embrace the morning sun
To ease this pain of soul and heart, the crying has been done
Refuse my mind contentment, end my sorrow with this gun
These bullets all are friends of mine, but all I need is one
Midnight strike!... Release from me this tattered, torrid scene
With sound that no one hears, I fear the silence can't stay clean
Tears shall not impede the lead that passes in between
Take away this pain I feel, take all that I have seen

Life it seems has played it's cruel and vicious game with me
I, the loser, though I find my freedom isn't free
The wind of discontent has blown, I sail a restless sea
No calm that stops this storm of thought, that rages within me
No parting of the hopeless, dreadful, dark and swirling cloud
Deliver me!... Unshackle me!, I cry this phrase out loud
Don't let the morning find my life in loss of hope, and proud
My finger on death's trigger, squeeze it once and I am out

Out of time and far beyond, is where I travel to
All because this rage of mind, these lies becoming true
Open up the chamber, the end of me is passing through
Allow my bleeding, broken heart,to lie here torn in two
Don't ask me now, I have no answer why love went astray
I cannot comprehend within my mind, these things I say
Perhaps in future years to come you all will feel this way
To rock you right down to the ground, you'll know my thoughts that day

I'll leave this note here on my bed, not sent to anyone
Believing that this final night will not return to dawn
I hold the answer in my shaking hand, I hold my own
Gone the anguish, free of crying...Torment when I'm done...
Don't let your mind be troubled because of what I do
I think I even want to feel it, sad, but this is true
What is it now inside my mind this love of steel, and blue
I write my last three words to Her in blood
Signed....
I love you.

Dean Evans
4-21-2010

I may have drifted off that night, but it was only for awhile
Perhaps it was some fleeting dream, that came to comfort and beguile
But there I caught a glimpse of you, then I…
admiring your style
Awoke to sad uncertainty, and nothing there remained worthwhile
My room became a place to just lament my broken, shattered dreams
Where thoughts come much too rapidly, and desperation reigns supreme
I exist within the iron gates of sorrows deviltry regime
With no escape from hopelessness,
at least for now that's how it seems

I cannot comprehend these things within my mind, that are
I cannot help but feel that it is good and evil, still at war
The meaning for my every thought is lost and trapped, in the obscure
Time passes as the ages, and leaves me here no hope of more
The clock continues spinning on it’s violent descent
Down to the day my dreams are gone, and all desire has so been spent
The moment actually may provide me peace…at least
to some extent
I only hope the memories of you and I, will not relent

To leave my mind unable to recall those thoughts of you
The times now past, that my poor heart continues to pursue
To never see those moments shown,
in memorial review
Too many tears.. too many years... my heart cannot see through
And so I hope to drift to sleep, if only for a while
To sit and watch you come to me, admiring your style
Although I know these dreams of mine will end with dawns revile
And only those split seconds will remain...
And to Beguile.

Dean Evans
12-08-14

Some said it was the angel in her eyes
Lost within the faded moonlight, evil in disguise
Broken hearts and wasted time, believing in her lies
She'll break you then forsake you,
though refusing is unwise

Somewhere in the starlight shines the answer
As you quickly go from agony to laughter
Your mind is weary, following the dancer
Her deadly touch that brings with it,
the cancer

She opens up the gate
you step inside to find it's much too late
To save yourself
You crawl the streets on hands and knees
you feel the pain you have the need
And somwhere in the cold, cruel dawn you see
But it can't be...

In long lost dreams she flies on through the night
Don't want to see her face again,
though you try with all your might
Longing for the one who brings your visions into light
It seems that this was meant to be

But it don't seem right...

She can look straight to your soul and sell you lies
Lost within the sliver mist, stands horror in disguise
Broken dreams and wasted lives
She cries....she cries...
The Angel hides the Evil in her eyes....

Dean Evans
7-24 2013

The day is fading once again, the forest stands in silhouette
And I upon my balcony with Bergerac, and cigarette
Survey the Moon that rises to illuminate, with harsh regret
My lost and lonesome memories of then and her, the sad
Annette
She called to me in velvet night, across the brawny moor
I found the moment contrary, resisting not her soft allure
I walked in nightmares sad lament, my heart decreed herein de-jure
I ascend the last few steps and stop.. and softly knock upon the door

I stood but for a moment there, the opening ajar
I sensed soft music on the breeze, originating from afar
Looking up I saw my tears reflected in the evening star
I stepped inside, a haunting scent adrift upon the evening air
I listened as the music played inside my mind, a soft octet
Silently the windows sang, with ornate glass in raised rosette  
What happened next my heart denies, although has not forgotten yet
There beheld my eyes the hollow face of her.. the sad Annette

She sat there lost in solitude emotion thus demure
Her sedentary countenance at once was sullen, quite obscure
Attire of one whom long ago had donned her lost haute-couture
Though words cannot describe my feelings, as I sat...
and gazed at her
She looked my way but for a moment, she had sensed my hidden pain
Effaced a tear she’d wished unnoticed, smiled at me and then
She said “I love you”, closed her eyes and spoke these words again
It seemed as if she’d thrown my naked soul…
out in the rain

No other words were spoken as I turned, to take my leave
Annette had given me another reason, so to grieve
To see with crystal clarity, the failures I’ve achieved
To make my heart another lonely wretched refugee
To sit at days demise again with wine, and cigarette
Attempting to relieve my mind of her, although I haven’t yet
I live within the tortured realm of memories I can’t forget
Of years ago and three small words,
offered by the sad Annette.

Dean Evans
4-5-15

The summer sun sinks quietly, but evening takes the day
I sit alone and think of things you’ve said,
And then your voice comes silently, and I can hear the way
So gently you had spoken, from the poems you had read.
I would build a fire for us, and you looked long for books,
In your hand, a well chilled glass of wine.
You’d turn your head and give to me some sweet, and loving look,
Just your presence stopped for me, the dreadful hands of time.

I still recall as we sat down, beside the fire’s bright,
In the light our eyes met once, and then...
Glistening as you turned the page, ah, soft enchanting night
You read aloud, I fell to dreams again
Listening, I sat transfixed, to the words that you had chosen
You peered above the page, and gave a wink
A mental traveler I became, and all my thoughts were frozen
Your casual style gave this to me, I think.

Slowly, time would pass for us, I’d stoke the fire and then
You’d have our glasses filled, and waiting there
Another page turned in your book, a poem to begin
The glow within the hearth, shone as gold upon your hair.
I kissed you once, and you had said, “It’s you, I know I love”
Before you read the next one on your list
I’d relax and sip my wine, the willing victim of
Your charming ways, and all the nights you made me feel like this

Those years are gone, though in my mind, I think it yesterday
Youth has left my heart, the one forsaken
But time is such a cruel thing, and has it’s heartless way
At times I find those memories, although they have been taken.
Taken from my here and now, but still so fresh in thought
I think about that smile once, and again
I’ll build my fire, remembering the books that you had brought
And the times you sat just waiting,
A poem to begin..

Dean Evans
8-3-11

Someday, when I'm older I may have a thought of you
A smile upon my face, within the memory that I view
Remembering the ways of youth, and knowing youth is through
To replace my smile with simple tears, for all the things we knew
My lamp may light the room, and the things I come to find
Though darkness overwhelms me, and deep reaches of my mind
Imagining that long ago, and lost forgotten time
When you had said you loved me, in words so soft and kind

Sometimes in the early dawn, the sun will shine on me
And take me to a place, that had belonged to us, you see
A place where we had held onto our love, then set it free
I wonder, ponder all these things, but pray them not to be...
I pray the years to come, will not inflict my heart such pain
And hope my dreams of you, will not leave my nights insane
But weary as I am, I must sleep, and that is when
The thoughts come round, I hear the sound, of heartache once again

Someday when you're older you may think of me as well
Maybe in some story, to your children, that you'll tell
A memory that you will keep inside, within yourself
The tears, lost on pages in the books upon your shelf...
To lie there undisturbed, though visited at times
Each stain , another piece of you and I, dropped from your eyes
Belonging to your heart, each teardrop held there tells you why
The smiles were lost, and what the cost, of long ago goodbye...

Age, however may not play with us, It’s cruel game
Time may pass, and all for us continue, stay the same
But if somehow I should forget, some things will still remain
The way you whispered how that you had loved me, and your name...
I've written thousands, such as these, words of you to hold...
A way to keep the killing, chilling winds of of age, and old
Out of my broken heart for you, this... to myself I've told
I use it as a way to lock outside alone, and cold...

The cold of being lost in time, the chill of no one there
And so I've tried, but know that I must keep the memories where
Time nor circumstance will find my mind so doctrinaire
And few are found the answers to my heartaches questionnaire
I write down broken memories, for I know about these things
The day we said our vows, and exchanged our golden rings
To me it comes as music, and the song my angel sings
That someday when I'm older... into my mind it brings,

A thought of you........

Dean Evans
1-06-09

My love, I take pen in hand with no hope of reaching you, no hope of hearing a return word or knowing what fate may have befallen you. It is only my belief that you are somewhere thinking of me that keeps me from the brink of the dreadful abyss that I now find myself staring into. I pray that you are well, although it has been so long since last you have written, I spend my nights wondering, have you forgotten me, or has someone else taken my memory from your heart.

A thousand terrible miles I have traveled in one place, waiting since the day you left, my vow unbroken, my love for you greater than when I last kissed your lips, my heart still beating for your safe return. My existence here has been one of desperation, desperate that your last words to me remain true, and that tomorrow you will return to me, to fill this emptiness that lies beside me each night. Deep within every cloud that passes overhead, I see your face, The music of your voice in every breeze that wanders through another season, without you.

I fear that God is becoming weary of my prayers for your return, and that someday soon, I will be alone with my desire. I am unable to come to terms with the fact that I may never again hold you in my arms, kiss your lips, or feel your love for me, and so I cling to this, as I cling to our last night together, and the words that still echo in the starlight, so far above me,
as you are so far away.
I reach for tomorrow, but am chained to the past, although I can see nothing in either direction, except your memory.

I leave this letter, once again your devoted, but with the fear that it is written as a message in a bottle,to float upon the ocean of loneliness that drowns my hope a little more each day that you are gone.

Return to me my love, if these words, I am fortunate enough to have delivered to you
Remember me, if I am worthy of your memory, and know that I am here as I said I would be, always, lost without you, and forever in dreams of you.

With all my love and all my heart I send this to you in the hope that it will find you well,
F.

Dean Evans
(sometime in the early 2000's)

Darkest of the dark alone, out on this forest floor
I won’t be home for supper late next evening,  that's for sure
The darkest shadows hide me, like my daddy said they could
And the Moon will then confide in me…
shine red, the arrowwood
"Far an' away" he told me then, now I’ve been gone so long
“You must avenge you're sister, this job is yours my only son, ”
I went right through the garden, with the last cold dreadful package
No one saw me leave, I hope there’s no blood on the cabbage…

Deep inside this endless night I travel in his stead
These hills and hollows cold and damp, I find no place
to lie my head
Into unbroken forest, too far gone and past my dread unknowns
To places no one’s ever been, I dissipate their sinful bones
It’s come to me, to be the one to file back the wasted years
My daddy much too sick to finish drying all my Mothers tears
I don’t know if I took their souls, or the other way around
But I left them there, out far somewhere below that dark
and ****** ground

I don’t remember even now, how long ago it started
I dwell inside these nightmares, the daylight disregarded
But I can still recall my baby sister, Bernadine
But not too much before those boys came and took her,
sight unseen
It was Nathan Sills my daddy said, but he also knew the cousins
The Gentry boys were there that night, I’ve heard it said in sad discussions
They drug her through the garden in the rain, so told the adage
Her dolly Maggie on the ground, her blood was on the cabbage

Thunder echoes through the mist, I think back once again
That night, the weather heard the cries of leafless branches...winter wren
So wet and cold... poor little thing, she had to be so scared
The rain, it holds no solace for a heart now broken...
so impaired
I have to sleep, so far I’ve gone...the fog impedes direction
Insanity imposed my mind, to give these demons cruel reflection
Think now, what would daddy say…It’s blood for blood,
and goods...
“So leave those boys scattered to the dark Kentucky woods”

Each one was carefully proposed and daddy told me how
Those men had lied to everyone, the truth was left quite disavowed
So he and I devised the plan, revenge, to leave them in those hills
The Gentry boys and they're older cousin, William Nathan Sills
To try and right the wrong inflicted, and ease my Mother’s pain
From the night when Bernadine was gone...
within the midnight rain
So lost and long ago in years my troubled heart finds no solution
I feel I must defend her soul, and so then meet my own conclusion

I've come to realize that it is I, who now has so been ******
But I followed daddy's orders, I killed them and I understand
These things come back to haunt me in my waking hours, to why
Those boys had begged so hard to live, all knowing they would surely die
My mind has wandered, I look up and see the cabin there
My Mother’s grief seen through the window, gray has stained her hair
I turn toward the door then stop, and step back silently
The dogs of hell expect me now, I suppose they wait ...
impatiently

And so I'll sneak away again, my parents old, and left alone
I leave them to their grieving, and so I leave my only home
To fade into concealing night, I invisible, unseen
Perhaps one day I'll meet again, my baby sister Bernadine
I now exist in isolate, apart from all those worldly things
It's time for me to find out what eternity can finally bring
But I'll be there from time to time, my essence will remain intact
To guard against the spirits that may come within the darkest black

The shadows come to hide me now, just like my daddy said
Though now the Moon refuses to reflect the arrowwood in red
I can hear the crying of my Mother, drifting through the oaks
Mother being Christian she don’t hold with the sin of killin’ folks
So how could I have gone inside?...these things
I’ve done, immoral
While Nathan and those Gentry boys lie dead and cold…
in mountain laurel
So now I’ll slip back through the garden, unobserved in passage
And as I go I’ll look again...no blood there...
on the cabbage…

Mother wouldn't want that…

Dean Evans
9-21-14

Old friends are gone and others leaving
I stay... attempt to comfort grieving
And think of times we laughed in jest
It seems I block out all the rest
The days spent, lost those joyous rare
And if I try to dream them there
It doesn't bring me heartless pain
That sudden consciousness again

Lucky to have known at all
Our seasons spent into the fall
The promise winter makes to me
Cold winds remind of "used to be"
The summer days we played our games
But now I go and read the names
Of friends who hold me in their dash
Dust to dust... Ash to ash...

For I must be upon this earth
To find those things, for what it's worth
I know there is a plan.. to be
That God has kept concealed from me
It's written on the wind, they say
Can I endure another day ?
The loneliness of days released
For friends, and friendship do not cease

I stand as windows sentry now
For someone stopping by, but how
I guess I'll have to go to them
The years shall pass.. I question when
When will God decide to take me
Not to leave me.. not forsake me..
In sorrow's cruel unhappiness
For all those lost, and it's loneliness

I'll ponder as the ages pass
Plant new flowers in the grass
And though I'll shed a million tears
I'll sit and wait throughout the years
I feel that I will be the last
Believing... dreaming of the past
But gifted, if I am... or cursed
I fear the years to come the worst

I've realized , I'll still be here
Hope lost in those final years
After all have gone to be
With Heaven that is kept...
from me
I may have only lost my way
Perhaps I've missed my fateful day
If death has called, I wasn't near
Now I stand throughout the years

But I am sure someday day , I'll go
Like all loved ones, and friends I know
He makes me wait and there is time
What's gone in me is lost,
in mind...
Immortal?.. no...I'll live my life
But see my children... friends,
my wife...
All leave this earth, before I do
That is my curse.. the loss,
of you..

But I must do, what I must do
Be there...
I'll catch up to you.........

Dean Evans
2-24-07
(REvised 8-29-14)

I spent today in tears and anguish, grieving for the night
Crying for the dreams that I have left there in my flight
Running from those thoughts that I have witnessed, second sight
I cannot now escape, although I try with all my might
I know that with the sun, that I must bid my dreams adieu
Now unrecalled in memory, this translunary view
To leave therein dementia.. felicity askew
I wonder, could my incubus derive from thoughts of you

The morning finds me quite disturbed, normality withdrawn
Each evening sees me back again the dreams go on.. and on
Unable to however, see enigma denouement
These cherubs in the darkness, come as demons with the dawn
It leaves me to myself, and to my tears when I’m awake
Could it be that only in the night, my hope opaque?
If so then I must question, if I sleep what is at stake
I cannot comprehend uncounted reasons.. that I shake

My children come inside to smiles and laughter on their day
Then back outside beneath the blue umbrella sky, to play
Their innocence, once again will serve to so allay
These bitter tears unnoticed, as I wipe each one away
Photographs stare back at me, to further my confusion
At times they seem to speak to me, an optical illusion
But, if I should remove them, could it cause sorrows preclusion?
And so prevent these dreams, and offer love some restitution

And so repay a debt or two incurred there in the night
Relieving some small portion of the pain I here, recite
Reveal to me within my dreams, that shining silver light
Then and only then perhaps, my love and I..
shall reunite
But til then I guess I am a victim, set upon
By what my mind has shown me, and by what will carry on
And hope my dreams release me in the morning, to be gone
For angels in the dead of night are demons..
with the dawn.

Dean Evans
9-30-14

Languid eyes ambiguous, far across the boundless, barren wasteland.
Deficient of any diminutive respite that obtainable, abides within the desolate mind
No thoughts persist within, memories pass and fade as clouds upon the
swirling desert wind, that dissipates the past, future hidden beyond a
distant horizon, not yet in view...

Years unfurl without notice, no concept of the passage of time, and it’s
precipitance to leave me here alone, to inexorably drown beneath the harsh dunes of desperation. A silent and solitary countenance beheld,
No answers to the query of direction.
Emotion torn and tossed, life itself subservient, retched and destitute,
threadbare and daunted.
Precision, indecision vanquish and I, upon my back survey
the vastness of night...

And once again find myself in reverie, and irrevocable reflection
Of you.....

Dean Evans
9-27-13

The old man told his story, lost within his troubled youth
His words quite labored, heavy... his raspy voice by now uncouth
At times mixing the conversation with gin and ice, and sweet vermouth
His eyes were clear however, and I saw therein...
a quiet truth
He talked of her at length, his thoughts concise,
composed... serene
At times he’d pause, efface another silent tear he’d wished unseen
His dreams would countermand the years... love and youth,
would reconvene
She’s waiting there for him you see… The girl with eyes,
of Paris green

Some had said her ways unsound, disposition... introject
He said she knew the rumors, and she thought them all quite innocent
He told of how she’d laughed at them… of narrow minds,
and intellect
He found in her the love he’d sought, although his hope remained suspect
He looked into her eyes, and saw the faintest touch of sorrow there
Shining through the gentle mist, and the eglantine within her hair
He felt somehow her pain, although she’d kept it obscure...
nom de guerre
And so his own mistakes were viewed, in Paris green...
and sad despair

Their time together thus unfurled within this anguished declamation
Of years now spent in solitude, with lost and lonesome lamentation
For one whose essence still bestows upon his dreams, in meditation
Aspirations there arise, to leave his heart in desperation
His thoughts remained unchanged, unbroken...
memories demure
He stood to mix another drink, then paused...perhaps his mind unsure
Gathering his memories, so past and present touch... concur
And then continued once again, his sad and doleful dream of her

I listened there, throughout the night... I lie in sedentary pose
Then as I fall asleep I see the here and now,
and then... transpose
I see myself in dreams with her, but why? my heart has not disclosed
I'm lost within some late, late hour envisage... or so I suppose
I then awake alone, to find my thoughts of her and then, no clearer
The snow outside my window cannot bring her memory nearer
Though I can dream of Paris green, and all those places, so familiar
Tonight I'll listen once again, and tell my story..
to the mirror

Dean Evans
1-06-15

Once you said forever did exist within our hearts
The promises of then, not true today
So that now, we’ve lost the loving feelings... torn apart
To leave our wasted love so once regarded, cast away
So many years ago we thought that love would see us through
But youth and reckless hearts, betrayed our trust
We stand upon the edge of loneliness, bidding love adieu
With things our hearts refuse now to discuss

Yesterday I saw the world as shining fresh, and free
Though day has now so sadly, turned to dusk
Now the scent upon the wind, is sorrows potpourri
Golden memories, slowly were exchanged for faded rust
Once you said that you and I were surely meant to be
Now you have forgotten things you said
Years have not been kind to love, at least for you and me
And emptiness arrived, now in residence instead

Perhaps the things you said were right, although our time was flawed
Emotions, lost devotion caused our crash
Years were spent behind our paradisaic facade
Until forever stood alone, abash
Though I do not regret the things we promised in our youth
Dreams just lost their strength along the way
Now my dreams are mixed, along with ***** and vermouth
My dreams are much too small, to my dismay

Though I recall the things you said, now far beyond my reach
Perhaps I still can find them in the night
Love, somehow became another sad figure of speech
What it has become absorbs me, quite
Once you said forever did exist, within our hearts
Though there were things your heart could not condone
The past comes back to haunt me now, since love has come apart
But I can still recall,
when forever stood alone.

Dean Evans
5-12-14

Who will offer strength, when my existence leaves me stunned, 
and weak
I hope my mind astute enough, to realize the truth I seek
God gave me the blessing of this life and many, far beyond
I sent out a silent prayer, I prayed that God would so respond 
You see... I’ve just lost track of time, and all the years have now unfurled
I find myself ambiguous, confined within this troubled world
I conveyed that mental prayer, and asked “Oh Lord what shall I do?”
God extended tenderness, and so His grace led me…
to you

And thus gave me the answer, the one I’d sought... and for so long
That there is so much right in life, when crying eyes saw only wrong
A life now filled... unbridled hope, and God’s love tends to this
Eternity just lying there, where God and I can coexist 
Relinquishing my spirit, soul… and all conceived, all that I am
To find the thoughts believed unreal, survive inside this heart of man
But I am forced to supplication... and as such I
watch, and wait
For eventide's sweet gentle motion of sleep’s dark, 
and silent gate…

For you see,
I sent out a silent prayer...

Dean Evans
12-21-13
(revised and re-named 
12-18-14)

Every now and then I want to throw it all away
I fear my heart may burst, within the cold cruel light of day
The thought of you at times will leave my thoughts in disarray
Then somewhere on the wind your scent, Ah, soft and sweet bouquet
Perhaps my hope has witnessed restless memories depart
My mind left not in soft repose, your essence to impart
These visions ****** upon my mind such lovely, painful art
So that now, I know not how, my love lies torn apart

Remembering the way things were in the years that fate applied
Powerless, in dreams of you as love and loss collide
Deep within the darkness, where my memories reside
I implore my heart to answer me, my heart has not replied
And then I see you as you were, when you and I were one
Alone I lie, though in my mind the reasons come undone
Questions find no answers, though I search them one by one
My thoughts of you then forced into the loneliness of dawn

The tears, that fall in pairs are just as lonely as before
When last my heart deluged my eyes, to drop a thousand more
They fall together gracefully, and as I close the door
They lie in silent pools of broken glass upon my floor
In torn and tattered memories I dream I hear your voice
I struggle to survive those things insanity employs
Then rise to greet another setting sun, though not by choice
My hope is lost within the feelings hopeless now enjoys

I wonder when I’ll reach my lowest point of no return
To find the charred remains where love and happiness were burned
Ashes of my heart were scattered, as each season turned
Thoughts were disassembled, my mind unable to discern
And so my soul has witnessed restless memories depart
To leave my mind unable to begin again, to start
To believe in love again, or so at least in part
So that I, may know just why ...I’m Helpless...
to your heart.

Dean Evans
5-2-14

Id like to say I love you... but I don’t
I wish that it would fix the things gone wrong, but honey...it wont
Life has been unkind to us, I’ve lost those things my heart can trust
I’d like to say I love you...but I don’t

I’d like to say I’m sorry...but I’m not
We’ve left each other here alone, with the sadness that it’s brought
The things we said or left unsaid, still hurt my throbbing, aching head
I’d like to say I’m sorry ...but I’m not

We each made our mistakes my dear...It’s true
But all of mine belong to me and yours belong to you
Things have happened along the way, that caused the light to lose the day
Sorrowful mistakes were made...It’s true

Wasted years behind us...can’t you see?
Years we spent together, have destroyed the “you and me”
It took so long to fall apart, it crushed my bleeding dying heart
And wasted years behind us...set us free

Free to live my life in pain...for now
Free to cry for what once was, and maybe to survive somehow
The house is empty, rooms are dark, loneliness has left it’s mark
Free to cry within the rain...for now

You see.....
I’d like to say I love you... but i don’t
I wish that love could save us, although I know it won’t
Heartache here has found me, and my tears will someday drown me
So I’d like to say I love you...but I don’t

It didn’t have to end this way.......

Dino Evans
12-07-13

If we met by chance, on some warm and windy day
Would you still remember me? As you went on your way
Would you still recall my face, or would you walk on by
Could you notice silent tears, descending from my eyes
To think you wouldn't notice me, and know me from the start
Might rip away my dreams, I fear the breaking of my heart
Passing me without a glance, and I knowing that you
Would force me into sorrow, as I watch the avenue

And though you look at me sometimes, you don't know my name
What has caused creation of this cruel, heartbreaking game
To stand here in my window, days and years of time have passed
I've stared upon the life you live, my memories never last
In rain and winter's wind, I have watched you walk along
I stand, bathed in artificial light where I belong
No word from you, no joy, no smiles there in your heart
It seems that windows keep us close and yet, so far apart

I know you think of love sometimes, but never that of me
To you I seem as nothing as for myself, I will agree
But knowing what I do, I think of love in my own way
The love of life and freedom, from this hardened heart they've made
It saddens you to think about the loves that you have crossed
Myself, I have no sadness, having no love I have lost
These windows keep me in, but they hold me out as well
Outside the world passes by, how long?.. no way to tell

You travel through your world, but I live within myself
Isolated as I am, from items on a shelf
You look my way without a thought, at sedentary eyes
Then look away to far above, and clearing summer skies
But I see only you, and it is you that I may love
Not knowing what the meaning, not advised in concept of
It seems to me, as I look out upon the avenue
Those who love are saddened, by the kind of love I view

Winters come and summers pass, the autumn leaves will fall
I desire once to close my eyes, a witness to it all
I've seen you pass a thousand times, I, still unknown to you
Alas! emotion lost to me, my thoughts I know, untrue
Perhaps someday you'll notice me, with someone else in mind
And enter my transparency, to make the choice you'll find
I'll watch you walk away once more, then... I, Mannequin
Shall pack away my hopes and dreams,
to be a man, again.

Dean Evans
3-4-08

Do I look unwell?, I am although mostly in my mind
The years have passed too quickly, and love has been unkind
Clouded are my memories, some faded with the time
Places and some faces, are forgotten now I find

Gone are those who knew me in my youth, the days gone by
It saddens me to think about the love I knew as mine
Sweet she was to me, and so I drank it in like wine
Though torn apart, my broken heart, it leaves me cold and I

I see the frost that forms upon my feelings now and then
And wonder if my old and weathered soul will ever win
Or lose the strength to carry on, because of what has been
I've spent the years, in pain and tears, not to be loved again

And so it goes for such a man, I am the one who cries
Darkness overwhelms me in the midst of sunny skies
Left to wonder how this all can be, to reason why
Shattered, torn and tattered, after all the cruel goodbyes

The tears I cry continue, to the loneliness that started
When alone I visit solemn site, the loved and dear departed
Memories that come to me so closely held, and guarded
That now I stand so forlorn and,
in black and brokenhearted.

Dean Evans
8-21-10

I can't seem to sleep these days
Relaxation gone
Stripped of all I've known
Wasted years, no reason for heartless scenes they've shown...

I can't think how, or why
Youth was lost in time
Lost in heart and mind
Such precision indecision, confusion kills you from behind...

I won't be the one who stops
Wishing you were near
To dry your last sad tear
Bring happiness back into your life, and leave behind the fear...

I cannot forget your pain
Your life turned to the street
To take from me the sweet
And loving words I used to hear that now are quiet....
Incomplete...

I won't be the one who goes
Leaving you alone
That ringing of the phone
Cries out to me in tearful pleas, to help the wounded home...

And cries for help I know
Wont give us back the peace
We've lost life's fragile ease
But the life you dreamed of long ago is still within your reach...

We have to go through this
What life has brought to us
Strength you'll see will rush
Across our lives and make the time apart flash by, and thus...

Relieve our tortured minds
Give back to us what's real
To us, God will reveal
The things about our lives we had forgotten how to FEEL...

You must try, stay strong
And weakness I can't show
I'm weak, but you don't know
I've heard my steps, lost in the night, I hope it doesn't show...

You will be alright in time
Desperation goes
Life's blood will always flow
Between my heart and yours to reach down deep into your soul...

This nightmare will be gone
The time will pass you'll see
And days to come will be
The best days of your life ahead will finally set you free...

I'll be waiting silently
Stand in morning air
Notice I am standing where
I stood when we had said goodbye, in the sadness that we shared...

So think of me, my love
On an old and dusty street
Words of love we can't repeat
That still I hear, now far along the path to,
Incomplete.

Dean Evans
12-20-07

These thoughts that I have placed in view
for your consideration
Sad words of loves refusal, and of heartaches
desperation
I’ve tried to touch your heart with mine,
with every new creation
I also offer you my pain although with hesitation.

These dreams I have while wide awake all race
across my mind
At times to send me thoughts of love
and gently to remind
Of days far lost in youth when love was
sweet and sharp, as wine
We drank it in, though now the memories
address my heart unkind

I truly write for no one else, although at times it seems
You may believe that I have power
far into your dreams
That somehow every now and then I hear you
as you scream
Only to read your heartache within
my beauteous regime

My words are chosen carefully for each
new fabrication
Each one must play its part to give the others
designation
Difficult to say the least, although I find formation
I smile to comments, words from you
in thoughtful admiration.

Some have said I have a certain agency with words
They see themselves and feel my thoughts,
within poetic verse
This has been my intention, as I willfully coerce
The feelings of the reader as we spiritually
converse

These thoughts I leave you now,
and for your consideration
Sweet dreams of love and happiness I’ll give you
in narration
And hope I’ve touched your heart with mine
in quiet celebration
I offer you my hopes and dreams...
in lyric conversation

Dean Evans
5-25-14

Time cannot be understood in human terms you see
The Universe explains itself, though not to you and me
Far out in the starlight lies an answer to it all
What have I done, where would I run, and hope to feel this small
For time does not consist of moments, seconds, days and years
You’ll find out in the distance, that your sorrow disappears
For we are made of starlight anyway, the story goes
Does time even exist at all?... The Heavens wont disclose

Look into the night, and you begin to travel back
Far into the past, deep in the skies of ivory black
Can you hear the ancient echoes ringing in your ears
You travel now in spacetime, collecting souvenirs
What if all things happen in a instant?...future, past...
Your then is now, but now is then your shadow now uncast
What would be your thoughts on Heaven , hell and earth as well
What would be inside my heart if true?... I just can’t tell

Everything you’ve ever known is waiting for you there
Though few you’ll find the answers to the Cosmos’ questionnaire
Ancient echoes lead you now to worlds lost long ago
Yours as well is gone lost far behind you, apropos...
Time is but a man made thing, a measure of duration
It’s concept loses meaning with the awesome presentation
The Universe may keeps it’s secrets, lost to you and I
But I can hear the ancient echoes,
in ivory blackened sky...

Dean Evans
5-2-14

On a bitter cold but clear, and dark December night
I rose my eyes into the stars, they offered soothing light
Not even was I hopeful, to witness mornings bright
But I saw you in the clouds of dawn, and it took away my sight
What was there, was it just a dream across my mind
Was I in a twi-light sleep, within the realm of time
Perhaps some sort of vision sent from God, with grace divine
Though none of these describe your face there, witnessed, so sublime

I sat transfixed, and watched you, as you slowly smiled at me
I felt that you could feel the pain, alone has come to be
Without you here I find my essence changed to some degree
The love within your eyes is something I did not foresee
Within the early morning mist, I dreamed that you were there
No others eyes could look through me, no other could compare
Then as the changing clouds appeared I saw us standing where,
In gentle warm embrace I ran my fingers through your hair

You must please understand that I have not the hope of years
Required to repair my heart, to dry a million tears
But here within the clouds of dawn, my sadness disappears
As you and I stand heart to heart, and nothing interferes
Except perhaps the rising sun that brightens sky, and day
Or winds of sorrow that may blow the morning fog away
Not to see the clouds again, and witness their display
To leave me here alone once more, much to my dismay

And live within the bitter cold of lost, and past regret
Just another Winter night of wine, and cigarette
Nothing in the starlight, save the haunting silhouette
Of one who’s love is lost to me, though I cannot forget
To dream of you once and again, in skies of pink chiffon
The only thing I wish these weary eyes to look upon
If only lonesome heart agrees to patiently hold on
I’ll see you smile at me again,
within the clouds of dawn...

Dean Evans
4-26-14

I have no sad delusion life will end, though I’ll move on
Into endogenetic, and the stillness from which we were born
To lie there undisturbed, Earth Mother cradles us until she’s gone
These thoughts all race across my mind,
and I’m just trying to hang on
What happens then as I believe is, we‘re ****** into the stars
To sail the Solar winds alone, far beyond Jupiter and Mars
Living bits of energy, ride on the Cosmos intra vires
Somehow I can hear the sound, but it’s much too faint,
and far too far

I must admit I’m at a loss, to understand what may be true
The answers to my questions, as of now are hidden from my view
I contemplate the subject looking up, to skies of cobalt blue
Somewhere far in distant time, some ancient place...
we rise anew
To live and love yet once again, and know that we exist
To see the softness of your eyes, and feel that soothing, gentle kiss
It’s late and I must sleep, and so my thoughts begin to slowly drift
The stars revolve above me once again…
and so the dreams persist

A dream of immortality?... that’s partially correct
Perhaps a glimpse within a hope, one instant to gently reflect
Upon our awesome journey, and the thought that life will resurrect
Consider such a moment.. where you and I, and God connect
And so my friends do not distress, about life’s imminent demise
We’ll live again light years from now, for the Universe shall improvise
Heaven waits for those who see the light, and all it so implies
Look deep into the cobalt blue, and you'll find your dreams there...
in the skies.

Dean Evans
12-17-14

At times it seems to hard to go on living
Peace, and ease of thought have not yet found me
Sorrow pours, and the skies are unforgiving
Life rains, until I think that it might drown me

I've searched and searched for answers, but there are none
So where am I to turn for what I seek
The promise, and the hope I had, are long gone
What's left inside this shell of me is weak

I don't know how much longer faith can hold me
To arise and greet each day, and try again
Afraid that all this pain that tries so boldly
Will throw my naked soul out in the rain

No shelter from these random thoughts of leaving
That things would work out better, with me gone
But my old friend Guilt, keeps me believing
My death would only leave behind more harm

So I must travel on inside this nightmare
A terror worse because I'm not asleep
This mirror shows me nothing but a blank stare
I've found I've lost the will, to even weep

But crying hasn't solved these problems yet
It only leave the heart that cries, the sad one
It takes my thoughts but won't let me forget
I've tried to live a life, but I don't have one

And knowing the tormented mind won't rest
That empty thoughts and pain, still rule the day
The night allows no sleep, and seems to test
Is there Heaven?, is there God?
from hell I pray.

Dean Evans
4-24-2004

I hear that plaintiff sound again, in far off... haunting celebration
The passing train and people bound together, unknown destination
And I, beside my fire become a mental traveler, in meditation
I almost feel the rhythm of the rails...
in quiet contemplation
I close my eyes and quickly ride the stream...
upon reflective wend
My thoughts extend out endlessly, the flames and I...
somehow transcend
Reality now lies exempt, to witness restless dreams ascend
Aboard this translunary journey, rendezvous...
the Eastern wind

Looking up, imagination dances in the cloudless skies
The stars there offer bright solution, introspection?...
improvised
Then silently, a memory reveals itself to my surprise
A glimpse of you, where just a trace of sorrow…
sadly stains your eyes
Again I hear the whistle blow, and like a thousand times before
It seems to summon loneliness, with emptiness to underscore
That there are things I placed upon your heart,
that I must answer for
I suddenly awake alone, the darkness there...
and nothing more

I rise to stoke the coals and so revive again...
the warming flame
And find I must submit, to thus reside in sorrows cruel domain
The clouds are dropping down, to so release the storm on me ...
again
But as I drift to sleep, the dreams persist...
and only these remain
To hear that lonesome zephyr weep again, it’s
mournful revelation
Within the rain that falls upon my heart, resides my desperation
Can heartaches headstone lie among the ruins,
at the final station?
I listen to the dear departed sounds of love…
in revocation.

Dean Evans
1-17-15

My heart holds no remorse for me, and the love that I have lost
No sympathy for heartache, no concept of the cost
The empty time that saw my heart be frozen by the frost
From bitter winds of loneliness
and the cold lines I have crossed
Somewhere along the way it seems I found myself deserted
The love that once had burned in me, so strangely now diverted
Perhaps the efforts of my hopeless days and nights, concerted
Have left me here alone again, all thoughts of love perverted

Many tears ago now, I had known loves warm embrace
Too many years ago now to remember saving grace
Though I recall your loving ways, the smiles there on your face
I say your name out loud at times,
conjecture, just in case
I know it does no good now, to impart these thoughts to you
These dreams of what once was, now lost in memorial review
It leaves me deep within myself, my thoughts slightly askew
My heart refuses all requests to mislay its love for you

A heart that once knew what it meant, to love and hold so dear
The feelings of another heart, to comfort and revere
To see what lies ahead in life, where thoughts are crystal clear
Only soon to witness all that sadness will reveal
Hearts are never meant you see, to grieve in lamentation
Our minds recalling memories in quiet meditation
Tears fall as the rain, and as you drown in desperation
You find that you are traveling to sorrows destination

And so I must submit to the things that hearts bestow
And somehow to endure the pain my heart must undergo
I wonder if your heart will thus allow the status quo
And I alone, to long for you...
I guess that's how it goes
I live with a remorseless heart, for love I can’t retain
Within the thoughts of heartache and these things I can’t explain
I wonder when will love repent, to circumvent the pain
And quiet my poor broken hearts sorrowful refrain....

Dean Evans
6-14-14

Alone again in darkness, though her memory shines on me
Everything is black beyond the light, too dim to see
So all there is to do is think, and so I do, regress
Into a place I've lost, or I haven't found, I guess...
Night time lets the lonesome man, into his lonesome ways
I write these words to no one, to attempt to sooth my days
The time is slow in passing, but the coffee sees to that
Black just as this room, that surrounds me at my back...

The nights all run together, and so the counting goes
How many nights my mind has wandered to her, I don't know
Anticipating answers to the questions I have asked
But the morning comes to quickly, the dreams are gone too fast
The feelings stay the same for me and will be, never broken
I pay my toll to loneliness, with sadness' heavy token
Through turnstiles into nothingness, I pass beyond the gate
It seems the train to hope has left me here, I'm much too late

And far into the distance, I can hear sweet voices call
No direction, sad reflection, darkness covers all
Not can I, be hopeful to recall what's fled my mind
What chance did I ever have?.., slim or none I find
The artificial light that illuminates this page
Eventually will burn itself out, fading with the age
And I myself may pass before the light no longer shines
Sitting in this chair with pen and paper, I'll recline

Though I assume the day will come for all of us, you know
When darkness overwhelms the life, the love you try to show
Being all alone is not the worst place I have found
By myself, into my thoughts and listening for the sound
The sound of silent memories, that come to visit here
The thought of this just leaves her voice.. ringing in my ears
The silence much too loud for me to notice sound, and thus
The darkness once again too bright, my eyes cannot adjust

Adjust to this, my fate to sit and wait here through the night
Wondering of pain and pleasure, I don't know which feels right
The feelings run together, though no telling them apart
I wonder when this night will end, or how it got it's start
My pen, it travels on it's own along these lines it seems
As though I'm writing all my thoughts inside of all my dreams
Too many to remember, but too few to help me out
Out of places filled with hopelessness, and doubt

But I suppose the ink will run, and smear across the pages
Consuming all that I have felt, so lost within the ages
And so I too, shall be lost, my memory gone to you
But what's a man like me, expect these things to do
They'll come to nights of all alone, and she will say to me
"You've lost the things you thought you had, so let your love go free"...
It never really lived for you, inside this darkened room
Where morning came too quickly,
and the light left her too soon...

Dean Evans
10-02-08

I awoke to find myself alone, no words of sad farewell
The window offered nothing but the dawn
The sun had risen barren of the future, to foretell
To leave my heart exclusively withdrawn
Although I can recall when adoration was declared
When you and I had known loves sweet reply
But now, it seems the feelings have been suddenly impaired
As we have been deserted, Heart and I

I rise to the uncertainty, of what life has related
The antithesis of what I’d hoped would be
The echo of your memories continue, unabated
Within their solitary repartee
I seem to be a man who has lost the understanding
Of how and why love sadly went astray
Perhaps it just became for you, that love was too demanding
With what diminished years were to portray

Years that once unfurled for us in youth, and warm embrace
Times that now have left us far behind
I try hard to remember the sweet smile upon your face
So far my tattered memory has declined
I don’t know what we could’ve done, to rescue loves elation
I can’t recall things said, or left unsaid
And nightly dreams of you cannot offer me salvation
They only overwhelm me in my bed

I question whether things I said gave rise to your departure
I’ve searched my mind to what I may have done
Tough I have thus allowed my heart to be sadly, the martyr
In this viscous game that now has seen you gone
I wonder, what will now become of loves kind resolution
Could I, can I know the reasons why
That sorrow now has come to me, with savage execution
To leave us here alone,
My Heart and I...

Dean Evans
5-26-14

Those things I bid for in my youth, have faded in the mist
Of clouded thought and cursed desire, where dreams cannot exist
Desolated time, sorrow speaks to me, concise
My heart shows no remorse for me, and has offered no advice
Depressed though as I am, I must greet another day
The wind was seen to blow the fragile Autumn leaves away
I watch each one descend, only to mix with the debris
Of memories, and what was lost, no dreams are left...
for me

Nothing there within my heart to soften nights insane
To so relieve my helpless mind and quell these thoughts, mundane
But once the endless night begins, it’s then that I forego
And sink into this hopeless view, the lowest of the low
I awake to yet another clear and blue, but darkened dawn
Unable to recall those things my dreams relied upon
Afraid to close my eyes and see the darkness that awaits
My dreams were much too small you see,
arriving much too late

I’ve gotten fairly good, at somehow getting through the days
No aspiration there beheld, to change things anyway
Another night envelopes me, and so as such I lie
An emptiness beside me, no more dreams of you and I
It came as no surprise I guess, this lack of emulation
Too long alone... but I suppose if dreams were my salvation
I’d find a way to thus allow these things into my mind
Perhaps, and give myself a dream... to gently there unwind

I think that now I’ve seen the things, that loneliness provides
It’s shown to me there... in my heart, my imperfection lies
And with heartless execution throws my soul out, to the cold
Now hopeless has it’s way.. with all that hope had once controlled
The daily tears will once again continue, with the night
Although I’ve lost the reasons for them, sad but this is right
Another sunset rises, to enforce it’s sad decree
No stars again...nothing within…
No dreams are left for me.

Dean Evans
11-18-14

My mind is leading me into a place I've never been
My heart is broken.. shattered, and scattered to the wind
I dream sometimes of loneliness, and a dreadful final kiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Darkened days and tortured nights, no sunshine only pain
Colorless, just black and white the autumn leaves became
How am I to travel forward?.. too much to take, to miss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are no rhymes for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My days are being spent in silence, all alone with you
The quiet deafening to hear, though nothing I can do
The fabric of my thoughts are torn, and no way to resist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And still I find
Life so unkind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
There is no time for this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've held on to my hope, although my tired arms need rest
My aching head still thinking of these waves, I ride the crest
Of painful tides of blood and glass, the mirror feels my fist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cannot see myself again,
Looking, forced to start... begin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
To make sad sense of this
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's insanity I've found within my mind which keeps me sane
Reality, and this place I'm in is sunshine filled with rain
Each day I search for something that might actually exist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
Inside the cold abyss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Of where I am...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each door now closed and locked to me, can't ease the pain of why
Stop these dreams, nightmares awake, asleep I think that I
Now know my eyes have witnessed what this heartless life insists
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Demands of me
Commands to be
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*
No joy is found in this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My words to you must seem dis-assembled, rearranged
And in my mind the reasons for the words have all been changed
Over the years in what I've written, something is amiss
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Twisted and lost
And what the cost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And so the thoughts persist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The thoughts of just another day of where, and why and how
Another night consumed with fear, the fear of here and now
All of what I find, walking blind in sorrow's mist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Th­is fog of time
That clouds my mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Un­able to endure, subsist...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Re­lief of life itself, provides me no relief
Belief in grace of God and Heaven , leaves me only grief
Looking for the answers to the questions I have missed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An­d I have found
No mind is sound
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~­~
There are no rhymes for this...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

D­ean Evans
9-14-07

I’ve sat and thought about the things in life, that I’ve done wrong
The tears I've placed there in your eyes, the dreams that now are gone
I still recall the changing light, promises...
in the dawn
Now the years have passed us by, at times cruel sine qua non
Please do not believe that I’ve forgotten what was said
Those dreams we wished for in our youth, still trapped inside my head
Felicity, please understand, is in the lives that we have led
But I still hear the echoes of those lost and broken dreams, instead

Remembering that sunset, and those wispy angel clouds
The only sound the wind... and our hearts, away from city crowds
We knew back then the love we had, would never let us down
But the cool green leaves of Summer, have now sadly turned to brown
Those nights with you were then, and are the best times I have known
I live within those memories, for the winds of age have blown
I reap the painful harvest of the sorrow that I’ve grown
Can I repair your heart?, that remains in the unknown

Please do not misunderstand, I’ve loved you all this time
It’s just that I have thoughts that come to cloud my troubled mind
I’ve left too many words unsaid,
too many tears behind
And now the past is slowly creeping up on me, I find
To leave me here to live with all the pain I’ve put you through
As you must so endure, the self-reproach I’ve given you
I ask only forgiveness, I know the asking's overdue
My life is what it is,
but it’s nothing without you…

Dean Evans
12-12-14
For C.

I’ve overstayed my welcome, I must apologize to you
I’m sure that you have more important, pressing things to do
I thank you though for listening, until my story through
I know that it sounds strange, but these things I say are true
I know that I have placed a certain pain upon your heart
My thoughts of love and loss, I've try to keep the two apart
Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be, but I knew that from the start
My galleries of sorrow are such lovely, painful art

I have no explanation why the love I knew is gone
I cannot understand within my mind, the deeds now done
That causes darkness to consume me far into the dawn
Mistakes were made, but I only wish to see the shining sun
I have no hope that what is lost may wander back, you see
To ease this cruel impassioned heart, and finally set me free
I wonder sometimes if these things will ever come to me
To stop the tears, the wasted years, that now have come to be

Don’t let you heart be troubled, for things I now bestow
My thoughts of adoration, my emotions have me feeling low
What I could’ve said or done to save it, I don’t know
Heart cut with a razors edge, too sharp to feel it go
To leave me here inside myself, love gone, once so sublime
I’m left with only memories, and these are quite unkind
Memories lost now... deep within the shallow pond of time
The distance seems far greater, in the deep ocean of my mind

The years that I have spent alone have left me rather weak
But that’s what sorrow does I guess, with heartache at it’s peak
These words that I now say to you, please offer your critique
About the things I don’t want you to know, I will not speak
I appreciate the way that you have been here for me now
Although I understand that I have saddened you somehow
It was not my intention, for my heart to thus endow
Your kindness to be victim of what hearts most disavow

I see your face is wet my friend, I didn’t realize
Perhaps these things I’ve said to you, perhaps it was unwise
To leave this sadness in your heart, rain pouring from the skies
To mix with solemn tears that I have placed there, in your eyes
I’ve overstayed my welcome, and I’m sorry just for this
Though we have things in common, with the love there, that was missed
I hope someday our hearts can heal, to sit and reminisce
About those things once held so dear,
with love and gentle kiss.

Dean Evans
4-25-2014

I find myself the poor and hapless victim, of your love
My heart now beats alone, to my dismay
But hearts will soon sucumb, to the things they’re victim of
And mine is fast approaching, an anguished judgement day
Within my mind I view my life in broad, and bold tableau
A panoramic tapestry, of guilt
Condemned to live at least for now, within the status quo
Behind these solid prison walls, I find my heart has built

Desire and I have fought at length, and come to no decision
No answers to the questions we engage
In fact at times I hear my heart in silent, cruel derision
That memories of you, have no hope.. to soon assuage
Relieve the endless, sleepless nights.. alone has come to be
Without you here, to ease my troubled mind
The tears that fall in pairs, drop two by two.. relentlessly
Eyes hold no remorse, for those already shed, I find

And so tonight I’ll lie beside my fire yet once again
While you and your devices plot intrigue
My hopes have drifted with the smoke, to dissipate disdain
It’s will to fight against the wind, left perfectly fatigued
Perhaps one day I’ll witness restless memories depart
I’ll know the reasons why love sought retreat
But for now, remain the hopeless victim of your heart
Alone in purdah, Six, one, forty five..
on 2nd street...
“Please pick up the phone..
Hello?..hello”..
(click)

Dean Evans
2-02-15

Sitting here, surrounded by these pictures on a wall
The images, just moments trapped in time
The faces seem to speak to me, and I can hear them all
Perhaps it’s just a dream, though they linger in my mind.
The doors are closed, I stay apart, the shades are pulled down low
I listen to them call from deep inside
The frozen half smiles worry me, but nowhere do I go
So here above my lamp, with my desire, I reside.

Somewhere deep within my lost, and lonely memories
Faded black and white my world became
I, am locked inside with these companions that I see
Each kept behind a shining silver frame.
Protected from the ravages of age, they seem to hide
But I, have not the hope of prolonged years
Seasons wax and wain, although I cannot peer outside
Hearing voices no one else but I, am there to hear.

At times, I long to drift to sleep, stay lost within my dreams
Awake, I find the faces watching me
I’ve tried to run, although I have no place to run it seems
The voices call to distant places, I can’t be.
For years these things have been, and will be part of my existence
I pray someday the lamp will lose it’s light
For now I must endure my fate, at times unfelt insistence
I long for only sunset, and the dark, embracing night.

Within this empty room, it seems I’m lost among the crowd
Just another face, that prays for peace
The lamp too dim but far too bright, the silence much too loud
They look into my soul, I’m strangely ill at ease.
How long will these eyes remain there, never blinking?
How many years have I been here, and how
When will loss of light and time, relieve this dreadful thinking
That I do not participate, within the here and now.

I feel that time has ceased for me, that I do not exist
I see they’re eyes, though can’t recall the names
When will all my fears subside, to take me from all this
And if they do, what part of me if any, will remain?
My story is a tale of woe, a clouded, desperate vision
The fear of never being real, at all
I’m trapped within my silver frame, with certain indecision
For you see my friends, I too, am but a picture on the wall.

Dean Evans
5-25-14

These old trees know my name
A thousand times they have seen my passing
A soft hello from me old friend
Another tearful goodbye...

The time has come to rest
Old legs are weary, the miles I have come
Just to see you again, and then
Too soon I must go... too soon

I wonder.. will they look out for me?
For a thousand seasons, awaiting my return
Only to silently weep their autumn leaves
In my memory...

Dean Evans
2-23-10

It seems I am restricted, in sedentary pose
Unable to incite physiques agreement to disclose
My physical impairment has done little to my mind
But lost to me is the memory of how and why I find.
My heart still beats, and I can feel it pounding in my chest
The only movement left to me, the remainder is oppressed
It seems that I am locked away, somewhere in my mind
Although the world is passing by, I abide confined

My vision now is crystal clear and I can see it all
But somehow recollection of what happened not recalled
Some sort of accident perhaps, has left me thus afflicted
My intellect undamaged, though my body torn and twisted
There are those who look at me, and I see that they’re unsure
Though I attempt communication, my eyes remain demure
I wonder if they wonder, is my mind yet undiminished
No thought I have can contact them, they leave when they are finished

Nighttime is the worst for me, when evening takes the day
Dreams are chosen well each night from horrors dossier
I scream my thoughts although in silence, no one there to hear
It leaves my heart the only sound, although my mind austere
If only one of those who pass me by without a glance
Could see I’m sound inside my mind, It may give me a chance
To again communicate with those who are unfrozen
And learn the reasons for my sudden physical implosion

I hold no memory of the past, my future now uncertain
Recovery unknown to me, the present undetermined
I only wish to see the sun, and know the world exists
The window sits behind me, so thoughts of death persist
But I am not the kind that will give in to circumstance
I still recall a girl, with faded memories of romance
Was she once my only love to know my true devotion
Is she one that passes by?...it seems a pleasing notion

To think that there may be someone who loves me as I am
Who sees the light that's left in me, to know that I’m a man
And not to leave here alone, in silence and heartbroken
Who knows I feel love that for her however, never spoken
At times I sense her love for me, however tears are rare
I dream I stand and walk to her, and she is waiting there
To realize I am intact, though physically afflicted
Who knows I love inside my mind,
so tragically restricted...

I just want someone to know
I am here....

Dean Evans
5-09-14

Listen to me children, to the tale I now recite
There are strangers in the dark, within the cold embracing night
They watch you as you walk along , there...
standing out of sight
To take away your happiness, and steal from you your soul outright
And though you may believe that I am leading you astray
Believe me when I tell you that they stand in silent, silver gray
Mirroring your every move to slowly rip your faith away
To leave you lost in turmoil, and the things these words cannot convey

Demented thoughts will haunt your mind, and so your heart as well
In the midst of what you once believed that Heaven would foretell
Insanity has found it’s way into your thoughts and there will dwell
You find your name upon the list of lost, and lonely clientèle
Nothing to perhaps remind you what has left you here, forlorn
Thoughts that now belie your mind, it’s madness now that does adorn
Your hollow faith in grace of God, upon remote and golden borne
Turn away my friends... before the lowest point of no return

Perhaps my thoughts misguided, mistaken, incorrect
It’s possible that I may be the only one with hope subject
I tell you this please understand, I do so now with all respect
I feel I must impart these warnings, heed my words without neglect
For if you do I fear that you may fall into the cold abyss
To find you are forever lost, your dreams of Heaven hence dismissed
Hell may call you out, and you will find that you cannot resist
Sleep eludes me yet again, and so my thoughts of fate persist

So listen to me please my child, I have not left the time
To tell you how things sadly are within the realm of my decline
Forgotten now are days of light, far lost inside a troubled mind
These feelings that cannot be felt among the words of dreary rhyme
It seems that now it’s much too late for me to warn you what is there
I wonder if the days ahead will find you still so doctrinaire
I beseech you do not follow me, to leave you with unanswered prayer
I leave behind my footprints...
in the burning sands of my despair...

Dean Evans
5/ 13/ 14

Oh, to be a sad balloon... and sail the wayward wind alone
To leave this troubled world behind, embark upon the vast unknown
Yet somewhere.. I can hear the soulful song that loneliness intones
I realize that there are things your heart, and mine…
could not condone
It seems that I may so escape my darkness.. in the shining sky
Perhaps to drift away in blue, where sorrow fails to underlie
I hope you realize, within my dreams… I never saw you cry
I rise to sad uncertainty, with cigarette and eau de vie

I wait for the approaching light, and hope to witness healing dawn
The sun however, fails to so provide what hearts depend upon
But I suppose the wind has seen to ordination .. love foregone
To leave my spirit resolute, embodiment of hope withdrawn
These thoughts that crowd my mind at times, have left me strangely ill at ease
Though I recall my dreams of love, do not misunderstand me please
My aspirations lie above, and there are many thoughts of these
Until my sorrow once again, arrives upon the savage breeze

To leave me here in desolation, endeavoring to soar the skies
To wonder, when will truth contend... dispatch the dread and dire lies
Can I have hope of happiness?... well I don’t know...but I surmise
My sorrow stands as barricade, for tears I’ve placed there in your eyes
So I aspire to ride the wind, out far beyond the waning moon
To leave disorder furthermost, where love and kindness
then commune
So I may know the many reasons, hearts were broken... much too soon
I bid farewell to radiance,
in a wretched ode to a sad balloon...

Dean Evans
12-31-14

In the winter of my mind  
The leafless branches of my existence
Bend to the cold wind of self, and you are there
To be the fresh gentle snow
That falls upon my every thought
To cover the cold and dark ground of my life
With a soft white blanket of contentment,
Blocking out the harsh and killing winds of thought,
That keep me frozen here...
Without you.

In spring, you are the sunshine
To let my mind be warm, and the beauty of your scent
And the flowers that your heart creates
Allow me to grow in ways not thought of
But so clear
As clear as the deep blue of your eyes
And the clear spring sky
That follows me.

Into the summer of dreams, and rain
Where you protect me from the heat of anger
The rain of tears
The thunder of a life in turmoil
Instead , you give to me endless days of summer breezes
And soft sunsets  
To shining stars and nights with you
And the sky is full
I fall to sleep peacefully.

Autumn of the mind is filled with color
The color of your eyes, of your hair, and your smile
I see in you the beauty of living
Not the coming of a cold winter of being alone
I find you are the pale blue light of a full moon
You stop the promise of darkness
And fill the days with the light of your love
Of your brightness
And of spirit.

The seasons of my life are filled with you
And allow my mind to look through the sadness
Away from the pain
And give to me a quiet knowledge
That you are near me
And take from my heart, the thought of  
The seasons of loneliness
Should you be gone.

Dean Evans
9-27-07

I am but a lonely soul, my time now not recalled
Somewhere in the morning mist, I stand unseen, unknown at all
Just shadows on your memory, as nightmares in the day
I search for some safe haven from myself, though I have lost my way

Existence hides it’s face from me, I cannot see her eyes
I fear to look too closely, as I gaze into the distant skies
And so as such, I close my own, I cannot see the blinding bright
I fear that I may see those things I’ve dreaded in the darkened night

I may see that I am somewhere lost in time and space
The answers to my questions still elude me, although I give chase
Wandering alone, and far beyond, within the void of time
A Shadow man, downhearted, and departed from myself I find

Within the dark and empty places, dreams cannot survive
I search for one warm ray of light, to know that I am still alive
One soft quenching drop of rain, reminding me of blue
One unlocked and open door, as respite from the avenue

The avenue of broken hope, betrayal and regret
I wish someday to see the sun, although I haven’t seen it yet
I must believe it waits for me, out somewhere in my past
I retain no memories, no thoughts of any kind, that last

Imagined have I, what the world may look like with the dawn
Though swift I ride through mornings dusk, death, the horse I ride upon
Running from or running to, decisions ply uncertain fate
Behind me all forgotten, and the future finds me much too late

At times there is no other, but the one who lived once long ago
Days, are endless nights without the tenderness I used to know
Love is now unknown to be, Hell is watching, patiently
And I have seen the Shadow man,
in the mirror looking back at me...

Dean Evans
12-16-13

It seems my heart has crumbled, perhaps dissolving from within
I don’t know where I’m going, where I am, or where I’ve been
I think that life has passed me by, but only now and then
I grasp the needle, push, and I inject the void again
It seems that love has left me here, inside this cruel illusion
No word from you, no reason why, just adds to my confusion
I dream at night, and sometimes you are there in my delusion
I pray my heart to beat again, so far it is refusing

Its saddens me to think that it was I who caused your fall
The drugs take hold, my soul lets go, and I can see it all
Somewhere far into the distance, I can hear you call
Upright I sit, and toss my last desire against the wall
No one knows, and no one cares, as I sit here alone
Lost within my wasted years, and those that carry on
Trapped inside this nothingness, the life I knew is gone
The only hope I have, is not to view another dawn

The emptiness of what I am has shown me what is true
Inside my mind are nightmares, each night they come on cue
Names are upside down upon my wall, I don’t know who
As I pretend to live, I die, though I remember you
But night drags on and on, I drift in and out of sleep
I see your face and hear your voice, few memories I keep
No where do I find however, the quiet peace I seek
I close my eyes and once again, silently I weep.

Dean Evans
8-01-11

Your heart, like stainless steel
Cuts into me like a knife
To leave my bleeding heart unattended... dying
The phone doesn't ring...it's you
The mail doesn't come...it's you
The pain never stops...it's me

Day after unending day I die
With no one there to save me
Nothing can stop it
No one cares...

The pain of watching my love flow out of me
Onto the cold dark ground
Is torture to my lonesome soul
When...Oh when
Will my dying end...

Dean Evans
11-11-07

I saw her on my way somewhere, I don't remember now
And passed her by beneath the pouring skies
Then as the rain stopped, all I did was think of her, and how
She stared at me with sad unblinking eyes
All that I remember now, was she sat there all alone
And I, within my haste, gave half a glance
I turned he next wet corner, and my thoughts of her were gone
But soon returned in dreams, of sweet romance

Her eyes had looked right into me, and saw my broken heart
I don't know how, but I felt she saw my pain
She somehow sensed inside, my loneliness was part
Of love that I had lost, or failed to gain
And so I walked that street again, looking for the girl
That sat there in the tears that I had cried
But she was gone, day after day, oh, what a cruel world
I wished that I had stopped, that I had tried

Tried to know what she had seen, as I passed quickly by
There in her face, I saw my own mistakes
The girl with the unblinking eyes, not knowing how to cry
I think of her, and if her poor heart breaks
I wonder if in her, there are thoughts of me at times
Remembering, we met each other's pain
Knowing that I wasn't hers, she surely wasn't mine
I hurried past, and walked on through the rain

I studied every face I saw, to find that look once more
But nowhere did that feeling reach my view
Had I imagined her that day, my heart is not so sure
My mind perhaps plays tricks on me, untrue
But I hope she was really there, to let me see somehow
That all I ever needed was her smile
To wake me from these nightmares, and the dreams that I have now
And thoughts I have of her, now all the while

Perhaps someday I'll see her sitting, waiting there for me
She'll be there in that same familiar place
And all the wasted years that I have I've known, will cease to be
Then she and I, will know love's warm embrace
But for now I'll go on searching, searching for those eyes
And I hope I'll find her once again
The girl I saw so long ago, beneath the pouring skies
So I won't be just standing in the rain

Dean Evans
3-09-09

When I sleep I dream of you
And when the dawn hides dreams from view
I sit and wonder, ponder what is right...
Are you but visions brought to me
Do lies invade these dreams I see
Could you be only thoughts that haunt my night

If that holds true then I, insane
To dream these dreams of you again
Then wake to one more lonely bright blue sky
Now, all I wish is soft repose
The moment close, though I suppose
My fate was lost in long ago and why

Why, and how is love a dream
My thought so clear, or so it seems
But sunshine steals from me love’s warm embrace
I long for evening to unwind me
So my dreams again may find me
Locked within your arms and saving grace

I’ll look for you tonight my love
And be the willing victim of
A love I lost so many years ago
But I’ll come by, to visit you
The sunshine fresh, the day anew
Then leave my tears and flowers, when I go

To travel through my lonesome days
That cause these tears to stain my face
And choose my flowers carefully each time
Then back into my bed, I'm home
Your memory there, I’m not alone
We’ll sleep together,
adrift.. in heart and mind

Dean Evans
4-13-11

It seems that now, I've wandered far away from what I was
Far beyond what I believed was true
I hesitate to look behind me, just because
It only brings my sorrow into view
The minutes pass like hours, and the days go on for years
My troubled heart left not in soft repose
Time has helped me not at all, subsiding dreadful fears
To leave my thoughts confused now, I suppose

Lost within my nights are the things I once desired
Like footsteps in the sand, left far behind
I keep my tears hidden away, my eyes weary, and tired
Too many fallen now, it hurts my mind
I strain to see the friends I've known, but fail to see their faces
Time and circumstance, a distant star
Again to visit all of them, in old familiar places
Watch the sunset, play that old guitar

April sang so sweet to them, and I would play for her
All those old familiar lost love songs
The days, that now are nightmares of all the things we were
Too late to place mistakes where they belong
And wrong as wrong can be I was, to think that things would last
The sun above, the wind blowing her hair
I travel back but lose my way, to find my missing past
When all our love and all our friends were there

It is a time remembered, though I try hard to forget
Not wishing to relive heartbreak again
No one is left to ease my pain, I hold on to regret
That drives me close to thoughts of nights insane
For I am all that's left of those few who knew those days
All are gone but me, I sit alone
I sometimes still can hear her voice, but seldom do I play
Those were better days, the best I've known

Days and nights upon the beach, with firelight and song
Those songs still sing within my mind at times
The sun would shine, and laughter filled those summer days so long
That I cannot describe here, in these rhymes
And so I wander, far away from what I used to be...
Far beyond what I believed was true...
But I think back now and then, to what I knew as me
And lift my glass to friends, and then,
and you...

DEAN EVANS
2-12-09

God knows I’ve tried to find a way to loves warm, sweet caress
I’ve searched inside the things that we have said
It’s hard to know what could’ve been for me and you, I guess
Whatever love once lived in me is dead...
Impossible for me to know, if we ever even cared
Memories that now, are lost in time
But I can still recall the easy laughter that we shared
The sound still echoes softly, in my mind...

In youth our lives stretched out ahead, an endless sea of years
Sorrow now finds space, inside my days
Time, and circumstance have left a tempest, sea of tears
Harsh winds of old, and age, lead me astray
So I sail upon my loneliness, and watch for loves embrace
Far across the years of past regret
Perhaps one day a breeze will ******* back to saving grace
But the waves have not been kind to me,
as yet...

Dean Evans
10/2/13

Recently late at night, I find it hard to sleep
Awake inside my mind, there are memories I keep
I hear the distant sounds of all of those who cry, who weep
And those who have no one to call their own
It's caused me to reflect upon this life that I now lead
To close the weathered covers of the books I used to read
I've realized that I am not the only one in need
Although I travel through this world alone...

I peer out of my window, and I wonder what is right
The stars that shine above me, offer not their soothing bright
I see only the cold of space, I hear them in the night
How has this existence come to be?...
Hours pass that seem to me as years upon the wind
No morning light to ease my soul, see sorrow at it’s end
To bask in dawn's warm sunshine, and open eyes again
And bring the life I've dreamed of, back to me...

But nowhere do I feel within my mind, that it will come
I only long for peace of heart, though I have hope of none
The cries of all the lost I hear, I pray their crying done
This sound, it drives me close to nights insane...
Have I already fallen to my last, and worst mistake?
Failing to believe it all, and all that is at stake
I hold my aching head, to quiet sound the lost ones make
What of me I wonder, when it's over, will remain?...

At times I close the window, and I try to hide from this
And grasping for the ring of life, I reach again, I miss
Silence, Ah! sweet silence, my one and only wish
But on and on, the nightmare haunts me now...
Where has love been buried It's silent headstone lie?
Why has sorrow's cruel insistence, been given to I
How can I accept this loss, and listen as they cry
I have to find a way to peace somehow...

If tomorrow just would show her face, I may survive intact
Destroy this endless yearning, how would my heart react?
But tomorrow never comes for me, and chained here by this fact
I only want to throw it all away...
And dash myself from windows edge, to fall upon the stones
The waves to crash up over me, and wash away my bones
Would anyone thus hear my cries, for years, as I have done?
For I can't bear to listen to them say...

That life has not been worth it, this heartless loss of love
Can I refuse to stand here, to be made the victim of
No hope of early morning dawn, just storm clouds from above
Why have I, been chosen as the one?...
To suffer through the endless night, no peace inside my head
And hear the dreadful silence, of the crying of the dead
I fear my written words of prayer to God, have gone unread
And so, I stand at windows edge, alone...

To over and again, be the only one who hears
I've given in to hopelessness, I've lost my fight with fear
Afraid though as I am, they are closer, coming near
The sound is louder than it was before...
Silent sounds inside my mind, I am the Chosen one
The Guardian of Tears, who hears the heartbroken, alone
I cannot see them, but I've realized where they have gone
They beg to me, and claw upon my door...

But if I open up the door, and let them come inside
Insanity may come to me, and here it would reside
And every tear that's fallen will be mine, no where to hide
And all this cruel world's sorrow, I will own...
And so I stand against them, I steel myself from hate
Even through the years now passed, perhaps it is my fate
I've tried to close my eyes, though I know it's much too late
As the Guardian Of tears,
I'm on my own...

Dean Evans
7-7-2010

Reflection got the better of me, thoughts could not attune
So I, in quest of fresher air stepped out…
into the evening gloom
Looking back, I find the moment contrary... inopportune
For I found my sorrow hanging there...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon
I told my story to the wind, and I slowly closed my eyes
I then released my reverie …where apparitions still arise
A thought of then, and all the while my heart advising it unwise
Then as I looked the clouds moved in…
and I saw my tears fall from the skies

I watched my sorrow rising up...imagining the awesome view
Illusionary images... beneath the endless royal blue
I feel afferent vertigo, and so a sense of deja vu’
I glide along, so far above my wasted years...
and dream of you
Our lives lie there below me, in this aerial supposition
The years pass quickly by, on my intellectual expedition
I see from far above where love and loss saw their collision
So now, the Moon and I… remain...
so sadly unforgiven

I love you, goes unheard...un-read, to soar with the prevailing wind
Dropping low to haunt my lonesome dreams with nightmares,
now and then
Then as the morning comes around, the sky above stays dark... again
My happiness now lost...
within the realm of sorrows cruel domain
So now, I must decline the day... refuse the cloudless afternoon
Reside within the faded blue, locked far inside this empty room
I tell you this please listen closely… you, yourself are not immune
Your loneliness lies waiting there ...
beneath the pale, and haunting Moon

Dean Evans
12-29-14

Angels wings come fly this soul
to better places far from cold
and warm my poor impassioned heart
That grief has caused to fall apart
and ended with the loss of love, sublime
I pray Thee Lord deliver me
before cruel time has swallowed me
falling into sad disgrace
the longing, once to see her face
but ended with the wasted , wasted time
Gather round this tortured being
open eyes to clear, through seeing
what mistakes were placed upon
the Lovely lonely, only one
that was my love, though now is lost to me
To show forgiveness, so that I
may know the reasons, disclose why
these walls that close upon me now
may open heart, and sky somehow
I know no truth, the willingness, to be
Stop the broken heart now bleeding
ease the pain, harsh pain of needing
what now lost through greed, and lust
forever gone, sweet seed of trust
and left alone here, fighting all these tears
Hope not placed back into hands,
all washed out with the tide, and sands
that soothes reality's embrace
reality now shows its face
to one who's blinded by the glare of years
The saddest sight of never seeing
thoughts of being, without being
within the loss of dreams, or dreaming
visions gleam, and nightmares streaming
all throughout the purple faded night
Leads me to the sacred mountain
climbing from the golden fountain,
though the thirst as yet un-quenched
and love and heart has been so wrenched
weary mind too weak to stand and fight

To meet my fate, that lies ahead
for one who's tattered soul lies dead
upon the rocks now fallen to
to Her, to she the calling's to
from I, the lost and dying, sees the One
The one who brought all things to be
now death can only bring to me
relief of all I've known as true
the truth of being one, not two
frightful, dreadful now is all existence
But exist as now I am
no love, but loneliness of man
to rise and fall, each step I take
reveals each new and cruel mistake
accept I must, I offer no resistance
Though to resist, may live again
to feel a heartbeat once, and then
find myself again downhearted
dearly loved, and dear departed
Impossible to live in agony
Pain born deep in dark regret
Far too long to now forget
Phrases said in love, and kind
sentiment now left behind
left behind what once I knew as me
Where does despairs headstone lie
I know not me, I am not I
without the Lovely only one
that sees me now, the lonely one
time and circumstance will turn, and bend
So that now, once closely guarded
love has died, love I had started
thinking that forever found me
now the never flashes 'round me
and as such, it leaves these rhymes to send
For the Lovely only one
I, the lost and lonely one
Now my days, days almost done
Leaving me to run
run to my end....

Dean Evans
9-29-09