Once upon my long ago, youth was wild and free
The mirror saw a life that stretched ahead
But now, reflection shows the life I’ve left in back of me
The memories are still fresh, inside my head.
The past love and the happiness, of days and years I've spent
Are there with all I've done, and what I've lost
I've paid for all time I've lived, and the mirror takes the rent
And weary eyes see all of what it's cost...

Reflection of a man who is still the man I was
Though time has changed the image that I see
Time will take its toll on youth, I know this all because
This mirror has shown all of this to me
Looking at myself I see not what others see
Everyone who's known me all this time
I notice all the changes, that have slowly come to me
Though can't be seen inside this lonely rhyme

Like seasons change from spring into summer, on to fall
The mirror shows the change in me as well
Standing silent, shining silver glass reveals it all
Some of these are things that I won’t tell
But I must give myself, to what time will bring me now
And thus, brings to all of us you'll find
The mirror opens up to us and changes us somehow
But I still feel the same inside my mind

If I could take time back, make it different, how could I
Change this life I've lived without you there
I don't know the answer, but the mirror asks me why
Reflection shows me just a cold, blank stare
Seeing things remembered, memories from years ago
The thoughts fill up my mind, but leave me here
Being and not being, is what the mirror shows
The image that I see leaves me in fear

I find that I'm two men now, one that looks and one looks back
The glare which blinds, so I turn from the light
And as I do the room will quickly fade to black
But one man stands there waiting, through the night
And in the morning I can see, I'm different overall
It happens with each morning I awake
No words are spoken, spirit broken, days and years will fall
I weep for all the things the mirror takes

Takes from me my youth and my ability to cope
With what I’ve lost or things I’ve failed to gain
I peer inside the glass, and gone are dreams and hope
And all that’s left within, are my remains
Am I the man outside the glass, or one who's locked inside
Old age has not left questions any clearer
I’ve learned over the years, it’s where loneliness resides
My youth is lost inside this dreadful mirror....

Dean Evans
3-27-08

Why did you arrive with love, just when I needed you
Fractured are the reasons, and I know not what to do
Far from having peace of mind, confusion's breaking through
I've crawled on hands and knees, down betrayals avenue

Why did I find you now, it's all still so unclear
My life has been a heartless path, a tortured trail of tears
But now that you are close to me, what dream has brought you here
To make me fall in love again, and stop the lonely years

Do I deserve the happiness I know your heart can bring
Perhaps your love brings resolution, solves my everything
Or will you turn away from me, and cause my heart to swing
Back into hopeless, sleepless nights no love, no anything

What did you require, when you said that me you loved me
You know it's hard to take that soft embrace, to set me free
To allow my heart to beat again, my eyes to finally see
Those things my mind cannot believe, can actually be

It's happened more than I can stand, to love and then be lost
Inside a dark and painful world, emotions torn and tossed
A sea of tears that follows me, the heartache that it's cost
Time will heal the wounds they say,
a line I haven't crossed

So don't distress about my hesitation, to be loved
It feels that you've been Heaven sent to me, from high above
Mind and heart can't take the things, they've been a victim of
My love has flown away as does the wild morning dove

I'll give our love a chance to grow, to flourish, and to thrive
I'll try to put away this pain endured by me, but I've
Been brokenhearted and I hope as long as I'm alive
That you won't be just one more thing,
that I'm forced to survive

I don't think I'm up to it...

Dean Evans
10-01-06

It seems I’ve used up all my words... these so called tools of mine
To allow you exploration deep inside my heart,
within my mind
These pages lie in solitude, in darkened boxes...
left behind
Possibly to be discovered, senescent....
and there unsigned
Someday perhaps, some years from now my words are found... austere
Their meanings undefined, and so sadly...
feelings disappear
Can words on paper hold, what even now seems clouded...
so unclear?
The thoughts of one as me, who only sought...
to leave some comfort here

These pages now have seen another dark December…
come and gone
And so another year has passed, to leave my words...
therein withdrawn
Condemned to sad obscurity, endless evening...
endless dawn
To lie there unobserved, another tired...
ragged vagabond

They fill these dusty passe drawers,
my pages disregarded...lost
All of what I’ve written, so much time and effort...
God the cost
The nights spent lost in cold regret, for the frozen lines...
that I have crossed
I watch as now, upon my heart there lies a cutting...
bitter frost
The emptiness of thoughts unread, to fade...
throughout the ages
Ravaged by the hands of time, yellowed...
torn and tattered edges
Please believe me when I say, It’s cost me sorrows
cruel wages
These unseen words of mine, that lie dead and silent on…
The Pages.

Dean Evans
1-08-15

It's pouring rain, and I can see the darkened clouds accrue
Each drop that falls upon my window seems to come right through
And so my eyes accede the skies, each tear a piece of you
They lie upon my floor in shallow pools, and sorrows hue
It's cold outside and windy so I stay in from the rains
But cannot take my eyes away from what I hope remains
Of love that died, as dark clouds came and left the sky so stained
Upon my whole existence, leaving nothing...
but the pain

The soaking weather seems to somehow keep me locked inside
But also locked inside my thoughts, where memories reside
I guess my mind and heart are now along, just for the ride
I dream about the days before the sky and I...
had cried
My window holds these drops of rain, hopeless to see through
Or is it just my eyes that cannot see, grieving for you
The storm has taken everything, the love that we once knew
And now the rain reminds me, I am here...
but not with you

Skies outside are cloudy, my mind clouded as well
No clearing of the sky, or inside this raining hell
I try to tell myself that it's alright, but I can't tell
The void I stand in leaves my heart a hollow,
weakened shell
And I have no delusions that my eyes will see the storm
Ever stop outside or in myself to calm, and warm
They say this is exception but for me, it is the norm
The rain, it holds no solace for the one who's suffered harm

It only seems to pour that much harder into me
And also pours back out of me, and on this page, you see
I'm sorry to put burdens on your mind, that you don't need
But words are all I have, to show you how that it can be
Like someone to confide in, a shelter from the cold
The wind, it blows my thoughts away, emotions growing old
Too long have I, fought the fight too hard the rain, too bold
With not a loving hand or heart that I can have, and hold

I guess I've said too much to you I'm sorry if I'm down
But minds that rain inside, they have a tendency to drown
Drown themselves in sorrow and regret, for what they've found
I sit and watch the rain in silence...
wind the only sound
Except the beating of my heart, with loneliness set free
And there... outside the window rains the bitterness I see
The one that's left behind is the one that cries, and seems to be
That rain is falling from the inside out,
coming from me

Dean Evans
8-26-14

I've searched inside this rhyme of mine
And thought about the time, and kind
Of questions I would ask you, if I could
Researched my reflection there
Alone with just my mirror here
Directions that I’ve gone, or feel I should
No way that I can decide how
To hold you, keep you near me now,
And let you hear what I need you to hear
Though nothing comes into my thought
This poem, nothing to you brought
I see the empty, lost and lonesome years
But a poet must release the pain
As clouds relinquish summer rain
And so I sit here drowning in the storm
To tell you don't leave me alone
I know you won't pick up the phone
To offer shelter in, and keep me warm
To save my cold, and naked heart
And have it beat, to make it start
To live again, which only you can do
I die a little more each day,
It breaks my brittle soul away
That falls in pieces, to the floor for you
These lines of love, too late I write
My eyes too weary from the sight
Of empty pages, filled with empty word
I've dropped my pen, turned out the lamp
I've stopped, but when will dark and damp
Consume me, and the things my mind has heard
No use, I now have self been told
The fuse now lit, the match I hold
And time for me, is burning to my end
To burn this pain inside my head,
And yearn for rain, the storm now dead
My rhyme you see, I now can’t even send
Afraid my word, unread will stay
And go unseen, eyes look away
Crumpled, thrown out, tossed with all the rest
Dismembered by receiving hand
Remembered, but as grains of sand
Too small to place the pieces back to one
I know it's all been said before
It lies in bits upon my floor
And swept out with the dust, that was our love
I'll go, not call, not write and again
If only all was right, ah.. then
I’d see the love we once held high above
Held above the now that is
The love now gone, and how I miss
The way we used to be, but now is lost
Still these things trapped in my mind
Reveal those things that bring this rhyme
Reveals my broken heart, and what it's cost
I know my last verse penned to you
Won't show the sorrow coming through
This poem that I write, won't reach you now
The lines are lost, pen gone to me
Love lies dead in the debris
I know I must survive the pain...but how
And all it is, is how I feel
So small is this, to what is real
It keeps me here, to what I know is gone
Gone for you and I, as well
No word will do but I can't tell
I realize I tend to ramble on
Parted now, once intertwined
Insanity, within my mind
Alone within my shattered nightmare dreams
Too swiftly passed to comprehend
Unredeemed to my sad end
This poets words are tattered now, it seems
Incapable, to even stop
My grieving pen that now I drop
To bleed the ink as blood, upon my floor
As broken heart now bleeds for you
And taking all I need, or do
To crush me, rush me, I can take no more
No more the dark and endless night
Where happiness is locked down tight
My eyes reflecting backward just to see
Lonesome, lost inside my page
My final rest I'll know with age
And the sad goodbyes, a poet left to me

Dean Evans
7-18-08

Trapped within the lost and lonely regions we call self
I wonder, sit and ponder who I've left upon my shelf
What I've gotten, or forgotten seems to come and go
The memories now are gone, what have I done?,
well I don't know...
The man that I became, He took the blame and lost the time
What you thought I was, is just because I'm in your mind
I've seen it in your eyes, the sad goodbyes, you walked away
I listened for those words you give, I live to hear you say
Lost inside my heart, in the only part that you can't see
Lies deep there in the loneliness, The Openness, of me
I've known, or thought I'd known I'd find the answer to it all
What have I done, where could I run?...
and hope to feel this small
If you should leave, could I believe, my spirit thereupon
How must I now go forward, can my happiness be won
Could I tell it from this hell I'm in, with each step that I take,
Forgive those things, that sorrow brings,
and that words can sometimes make...
Although I cry.. I know that I have nothing left, but time
And though I still look for the will, I've lost reason and rhyme
I hope your heart can see what we, discovered in those days
Your gentle eyes, the hows the whys,
and all your loving ways...
The things you gave me, and tried to save me from my wrongful thought
The love we had, died oh so sad, what was it I had brought
Did I do too much, and so the touch became to me unreal
Or did I take the love we'd make, and let the passion steal
Steal the love that I'd thought of, as everlasting fate
Only to find, it was of the kind, two minds cannot relate
To break the man, the woman and two hearts that wanted this,
But nothing shows, no flower grows,
we've kissed our final kiss...
So that now, we know not how it's ended up this way
But I remember a dying ember, as love faded away
And now these steps I take, they make sad prints of what could be
And what we had, the good, the bad comes back,
to comfort me....

DEAN EVANS
8-13-07
(revised 10-14-14)

April was a lovely girl, her warmth was in her eyes
And she and I would walk within the bright of Autumn skies
Too short our time together and what time consisted of
I knew her well, the shadows fell
You see, April was my love...

A young man then, and I knew all those things a young man knows
But somehow lost it all with age, I guess that's how it goes
But April understood and with time revealed to me
Reflection... my direction
And what April was to be...

She became to me.. the way to love's soothing caress
The answers to my questions, life and love were met with yes
All that April showed to me my heart still now believes
Now in her place, this empty space
April love, my heart still grieves...

Our time together had the look, of forever on it's face
The hands of time stood still for us, in arm, and sweet embrace
But it was not to be for us, nor I to hear the sound
But she was singing, bells were ringing
As she felt the darkened ground...

Too soon my April left me to some higher plane I'm sure
To wait for me to come someday, and reminisce with her
To tell me why each tear was lost, each April that I cried,
Love turned to loss, beside the cross
When my April died...

Winter's breath blows hard upon her memory now
But I remember April, springtime love and lifetime vow
Sometimes I can feel her touch, and feel the gentle breeze
The days and nights, the wrongs the rights
There are many thoughts of these...

Many years ago now, April's love had held my heart
Too many days, and nights spent now without, but not apart
And I would trade my today's, for yesterday to be
With April once again, just now and then
April was my love, you see?.......

Dean Evans
2-14-14

Take my hand my love, don't let go and hold it tight
Let me lead you back where we belong
Hold me like you used to do, make love to me tonight
We'll listen to that old James Taylor song
The one that always made me think of you, to ease my mind
There on the radio, when first we kissed
You looked so deep into my eyes, I though I may go blind
As we stood there in the early morning mist

We walked along that forest trail, and stopped to see the falls
I told you that I loved you, and you cried.
Within that moment, then and there, I felt we had it all
The sunset lingered there, the moon denied...
But as the darkness drifted in, our fire broke the chill
We lie within the ruins of our laughter
And then the moon, she sang to us, I can hear it still
It seemed if nothing came before, or after

I slept with you under the stars, and there in space... they danced
In harmony and rhythm with our love
The morning gave to us the sweet aroma of romance
Beneath the clear blue sky, we found above
Love was in the fog below, Spring flowers on the ground
The forest floor was ours, and ours alone
Often, I still dream of this, but daylight comes around
I wake to find the sun... the dream is gone

Though always in my memory, those days of years ago
They clear my heart and bring me thoughts of youth
Like that old James Taylor song... and the love I hope I show
There was always something in the way you moved
You looked my way, or called my name, left this troubled world behind...
So take my hand love, never set it free
I'll remind you of the time we captured love in heart, and mind
And listened to that song, from ol' J.T....

Dean Evans
5-20-2010

It’s four a.m. and once again I find I cannot sleep
Peace of mind eludes me as I chase
I cannot comprehend the many reasons that I weep
And in my mind the thoughts of love and life have been erased
The endless night where I reside, holds no remorse for me
No compunction for the one confined
While I languish for the dawn, I am found the absentee
And to the dark and empty insane thought, I am assigned

It seems I am the Watchman, forgotten, lost to light
Incubus, subsisting in confusion
Uncultivated hope, to antagonize delight
Bewilderment in sorrow, and confounded in seclusion
Imprisoned to a life unknown, existence far surreal
I find no hope, no promise of the dawn
I wonder, could the morning sunlight emanate, reveal
Solution for my restless soul, in clouds of pink chiffon

If only for a moment, there within the morning sun
I may see her face, and love again
I would feel that I have hope of heartbreak seen undone
To live in joy, unrestrained by sorrow’s cruel campaign
For once life stretched out far ahead, I was free to love a girl
Though time has seen her slip away from me
And now I watch the night alone, colorless, the world
The darkness overwhelms the radiance, that used to be

And though my restless spirit finds me not in soft repose
I stand as sentinel, imagine what may come
Though through the misty memories my heart does not disclose
The reasons love was forced, and thus compelled now, to succumb
And so I must endure the black of night, uninterrupted
I yearn only for dawns warm light above
Although I fear there is no hope for love, sadly corrupted
The lost and lonely years that I became the victim of

Its four a.m. and once again...
I cannot sleep.

Dean Evans
5-27/28-14

The days ahead can hold no hope, to ease my troubled mind
The kind of sad insanity that I have come to find
I suppose it's only one man's thoughts, these treat me so unkind
And evening only adds to this, no peace, I can't unwind
The nights only are worse for me, as the thoughts come racing in
Sleeplessness, my enemy, companion... my friend..
Just to close my eyes is all I seek, but only then
The nightmares come to haunt me, and to break my heart again.

No one comes to rescue me, or to tell me all is fine
I drown myself each day and night, with another glass of wine
Each bottle that falls empty to my floor rings, like a chime
To usher in another day of bitter, hopeless time.
Dear God, what a shape I'm in!, I shout, but no one hears
Alone I lie in heartache, and another pool of tears
No saving of this mind of mine, to quiet nagging fears
I tell you this my friends, for I have wasted, ...
wasted years.

Although I have no feeling but a cruel and crushing pain
That holds me in, but holds me out to everything I gain
I only wish for one warm falling, rushing summer rain
Though only in this room tears fall, and no one sees the stain.
The stain that causes me to feel my life is not worth this
I watch the world pass by outside I reach, again I miss
Miss the calming happiness that's found, with gentle kiss
I am void in this existence, but my soul does not resist.

Does not resist the loneliness, and the agony of day
I feel as I do not exist, though I find no other way
Death would be a welcome guest, it may be sad to say
But just the thought of praying causes prayers to slip away.
I know that this sounds strange to you, and strange to me as well
Like waves upon a restless sea, my emotions rise and swell
In my mind I think of Heaven, but then I then fall back into hell
How long must I endure this fate?, I have no way to tell.

I throw another piece of my desire against the wall
I've seen too much, and so as such, I watch the pieces fall
Another shattered dream is gone, my dreams are much too small
To escape reality, and the truth, and that is all...
Depression rips and tears at me, to leave a battered soul...
The man that I once used to be, has fallen in this hole
Heart cut with a razors edge, too sharp to feel it go
Gone with no remorse for me, to where I wouldn't know.

So listen to my story friends and hear my dreadful plight
I've lost all that I thought was mine, no will left me to fight
With days now that are tortured, along with horrors night
No power to discern in what is wrong, or what is right.
I rise to sad uncertainty, and spend my days alone
In the shadow of another sunset, and what sunsets have shown
The leaves have fallen, trees are bare, and the wind...
it hasn't blown..
I live within the long and insane,
Years of my Unknown...

Dean Evans
4-16-08

Sometimes in the early morning, rising from my bed
I hear a distant, silent sound, a voice inside my head
But wake to empty rooms again, and loneliness instead
I know the echoes in my mind, are things that you have said...
I have a sense of years ago, but know those years are gone
Remembering the things we shared, and all the things we’ve done
The dreams begin at night, but in the morning I’m alone
Another piece within sorrow’s collection, that I own...

And though I seek relief from this, to ease the mental strain
Each morning finds me waiting here, a prisoner to the pain
So on I travel through my days, till evening comes again
No one sees the tears I shed, released within the rain...
Now and then I wake to unheard voices in my head
Lying in the changing light uneasy in my bed
It feels like rain again, although the sky is blue instead
The memories that come back to me,
Are things that you have said  

Dean Evans...
11-13-13

Sitting here I thought I saw you walk into the room
I don’t think I looked up however, reclining in the gloom
I thought I heard the sound of voices, memories exhume
Lost within some late, late hour envisage I assume
I waited for the morning’s dawn, though it did not arrive
It seemed the sun had lost to darkness, how could this derive?...
I realize my thoughts may be untrue, but know that I’ve
Been searching for an answer, or a way just to survive

Survive the anguished thoughts that... had we spoken once again
And gave ourselves that chance to softly talk, perhaps explain
To possibly relieve or somehow stop the crushing pain
If only I could talk with you and reminisce, of then
Your voice is there within my mind, but silent is the sound
I take the car, and listen as I slowly drive around
Then think I hear your laughter as I pass old stomping grounds
The noise then fades into the night,
as the sun it has gone down

Your essence lingers in those places, that you always knew
I feel your presence here... within these thoughts that I now view
Eyes closed to the pool of tears, I have shed here two by two
And so I sit alone and try to dream of talks with you
It troubles me to think of things I may have left unsaid
I need the chance to tell you, all these things inside my head
I’ve written many words that lie in pieces, left unread
Swept out with my hopes, another sleepless night ahead

To sit here in the hopeless hours, and curse the endless night
But dread the dawn that never comes, it’s threat of blinding light
I close myself to all that may remind me, what is bright
It haunts and wounds my time, with no way to make things right
And so I linger in the realm of dreams, it’s nothing new
Attempting to escape the glare of truth, in shining blue
The sky holds no remorse for me, or what I may pursue
Like thoughts of conversation, one more chance to talk…
with you.

Dean Evans
10-21-14

The days pass by before me now, but all are dark and cold
I find my eyes cannot see through these tears
I reach into an envelope, again just to unfold
A letter written long ago in years
I was just a young man, and she was just a girl
Our time together lasted , but a while
Though time is just a man made thing, to help the years unfurl
It doesn't dim the memory of her smile
Those days so long ago, seem so fresh still in my mind
But every now and then I need to know
The words placed there on paper, that were written of the kind
That give me what her heart, cannot now bestow
In days of summer warmth, and nights of cool pale moon
The letter brings these things all back to me
The years of happiness, that ended far too soon
These crying eyes can read, what used to be
I unfold the old and yellowed paper, gently in my hand
To just remember eyes that used to shine
Dreams revisit those nights, and I still sometimes can
Recall a long ago, and softer time
But time can dull the senses, alone can steal the days
To cut and tear my memories in two
So every now and then, I again must read these words
The three small words she left me, " I love you".....

Dean Evans
7- 11 -08

I’m sending you this message in a bottle
To see if I can touch your thoughts with mine
Although the hopes and laughter,  I send may reach you after
They’re tattered by the ravages of time
I watch the bottle drift to the horizon
No hope of whats inside reaching your eyes
But if by chance they do, and my bottle comes to you
It may then be a memory, in disguise

My words to you are those I’ve said today
Tonight they drift upon the sea alone
Years from now to find you, just someone to be kind to
Even though by then I shall be gone
So watch over the ocean for a message
Sent from I, so lost and long before
To read the hopes and dreams, of a man insane it seems
As we stand upon a past,
and future shore....

Dean Evans
8-14 2012

ok sry slight re-write

Imagine, if you can… another time, a different place
Liberate your thoughts, allow them freedom...
into outer space
Worlds will quickly fall away, as will our dreams…
though we give chase
I say your name out loud, once again conjecture…
just in case
And hope, we really did exist... if only circumstance
Brought together cosmically, although all quite by accident
Nothing in the distance but the galaxies…
just happenstance
To glow for but a moment there,
within their silent... fleeting chance

No conceiver there, to create the Universe...divine
Just pressure, mass and energy... to inaugurate the dawn of time
Epochs come and go unnoticed, absent...
any Grand design
Though I can still recall a moment, I was yours...
and you were mine

We’d scan those clear Kentucky skies, beneath the bright,
but endless void
i must admit that there, with you…
my youthful heart was overjoyed
And we’d lie among the ruins of the laughter, we had so enjoyed
Time stretched far ahead of us, the illusion now...
sadly destroyed
So if we find one day, there is no God…
no grace we can foresee
No Heaven waiting there for us, no souls unite…
we cease to be
I’ll go to what awaits us all, it lies there silent…
patiently
But I can still recall those nights, they linger deep...
in memory
So if we just exist within a realm... of someone else's mind
They thought of us, and gave us all the happiness...
we came to find
With dreams of you and I, to gently comfort...
and remind
If only just that moment, when I was yours…
and you were mine

It was a
Time of Light..

Dean Evans
1-13-15

I believe some things are meant to leave you far behind
Lost in lonely regions, deep within your mind
What becomes of you or me is found within the storm
Questions with no answer, that have now become the norm

Depression rips and tears at you, to leave a troubled heart
At times you sit and wonder, how did nothing get it’s start
People seem as strangers though you see them everyday
Time has seen that happiness, or dream of it decay

At times you smile, but deep inside the smile is just a mask
A way to keep the peering eyes that follow, off their task
To live in isolation, surrounded by the crowd
Thoughts that fill your mind, very few you say out loud

Night time races in again, to leave you to yourself
The drugs are taken as prescribed, most times with little help
You leave the fires burning, seek comfort from the light
The silence sings too loudly, with darkness much too bright

But morning brings the bitter rain of tears and lost regret
Time shall heal all wounds they say, I haven’t got there yet
So until then I suppose I’ll do what I can do
The years ahead seem close at hand, but that is nothing new

Time is closing in on me, I’ve known it for some time
The future watches, waiting for the day set forth as mine
And when the day arrives for me, I’ll see the wasted years
Remembering the days of pain,
within the time of tears...

Dean Evans
3-10-14

Time has slipped away, perhaps passing me in sleep
Torn pictures, faded memories and this mirror makes me weep
I gaze into my eyes, and all the years stare back unkind
The smiles have turned to hardened cries, that linger in my mind
Times lost far in memory now, no thinking them to dreams
The days run into one somehow, my time too short it seems
The happiness remembered, has now sadness in it's wake
As children we pretended, as adults it's all too late

Everything is... "used to be"... all is would've been
Nightmares come in view for me, to show what could have been
But time is such a fluid thing that pours like summer rain
It's memories, at times still sing their songs of love...
and pain
But don't think I regret my time, for that will not be true
It's only that it hurts my mind, the times not spent with you
I have no answers, no way back, to change sorrows decree
The knowledge I suppose I lack, lies waiting there for me

Time has slipped away you see, though there are hopes I keep
That you are well and think of me, that I am in your sleep
The years that you had been my love, still smiling back at me
From just that one old photograph, and remembrance of " we"...
See, you and I once were, and always will be in my dreams,
But time demands its cruel wage, emotion trapped there...
in between
I've known or thought I'd known for years, what fortune was to come
The winds of change have blown you see,
the crying has been done

Yes, time will slip away again, but I've no need to weep
The mirror shows me weary eyes, so I must try to sleep
And moments slip away... no matter now, the time is gone
This life I've lived too long I guess, too long the setting sun
But worry not for me my child, I've loved you all the while
Your ways were always calm and mild, your brightness was your smile
But looking in this frame the image chases me, so why
Does life play out it's ugly game,
as time has passed me by

Dean Evans
a long time a go in a galaxy far far away

Awakened rather suddenly, no lamp burns in my room
I hear the sound of breaking glass, out somewhere in the gloom
Adrift upon the wind, I catch the scent of your perfume
I light my fire, against cold desire… and another dream of you
Rising from the fire I witness, deep.. within the flames
The truth of my own loneliness.. and the heartbreak it proclaims
The moments of our time together's, ..silent silver frames
What part of love, and life lies dead in the shards..
that still remain

I run toward the open window, to close the night away
Again I get a sense of drifting.. soft, and sweet bouquet
The shadows, there.. behind me, offer radiant display
Against the wind, that’s blowing in.. on sorrow’s cruel ballet
The soaking rain of sadness cannot penetrate my mind
I gaze into the hearth, and witness love and loss..sublime
I turn away, this storm of dreams..my memories combined
I close my eyes, no questions why,
the reasons..undefined

Unclear to me if I have hope to keep the night ablaze
And so with it your memory, to keep alone.. at bay
I must admit I‘m weary, perhaps.. my thoughts in disarray
The window cracks, I don’t look back..
the wind shall have it’s way
Each new apparition seems to further hesitation
Peering in the flames, I see the doors to my damnation
The window crashes once again.. another accusation
The embers dim, the rain comes in..
to witness love’s cremation

I sit in silence, no attempts at shelter..from the storm
The wind and rain now fight it out, with comforting..and warm
My thoughts are flowing rapidly, impossible the norm
So I relax, lie slowly back.. and question what may come
To finally greet the mystery, acknowledgement of doubt
To know what darkness really means, absent of faith devout
The lightning brings disclosure, I can hear the thunder shout
I bow my head, the fire is dead, I see the flame..
go out.

Dean Evans
9-26-14

You left me on a rainy Tuesday, nothing more was said
I listened to the blues all day, to try and ease my aching head
I noticed there, a pool of tears to catch and so reflect instead
The day’s demise to evening, in clouds of pink and crimson red

I listened to those same old songs, I’ve heard a thousand times
You know, the ones we listened to when love was cherished, in its prime
It seems that now their meaning far and lost... within the lonely rhymes
Perhaps sorrow reveals herself, if I listen close…
between the lines

My dream is to relive, and thus repair those things that went so wrong
The radio however seems to play my sadness on, and on
The music helps me not at all, but then I knew that all along
The wasted years come flooding back, in the solemn words of that old song

I try hard not to listen, and as such not think of you
But then the week rolls back around, the Tuesdays come again on cue
It’s raining once again... and so I sit and listen to the blues
Remembering the day you walked away, it’s really nothing new

Oh I suppose the music tends to sooth me in some ways
To ease the broken memories that linger, trapped within the haze
I still recall your dark browns eyes, the shy and gentle loving ways
I close my eyes and drift to you,
as I listen to the music play..

Dean Evans
12-15-14

I have no desire to be viewed as you see me
I have my own idea of beauty, you may disagree
However, small opinions enter not inside my mind
My thoughts are far above you, and those so unrefined
I have no true intention to explain myself to you
As well no inclination, please, do not misconstrue
You cannot comprehend the way of life for one as I
The ordinary, pertaining to myself does not apply

I live within the world of what you may call unique
Though I cannot be bothered with your immature critique
My time is much too valuable to be given free of charge
I find your kind unworthy, and useless by and large
I know I am superior I ask not, to reason why
The mirror shows me confidence, pleasing to the eye
My eyes will tell me secrets, no others eyes can know
The image seems to capture me in broad and bold tableau

I watch the ordinary live out ordinary lives
With only average children and mediocre wives
It seems to me however that there is perhaps contentment
With solitary knowledge of another's strong commitment
I do not make promises to others for my love
Most who may desire my heart, are undeserving of
Perhaps one day I will at last be trapped in loves embrace
And so I close my feelings to emotion, just in case

One who I may love would have to be unique as well
Incomparable as I, to leave no chance for sad farewell
Although I have my doubts that I may find one such as this
It saddens me to some extent, perhaps my thoughts amiss
I only wish to find someone deserving of affection
That sees me as I am, without the slightest imperfection
One who can appreciate my well rehearsed mystique
So they may know the heart they hold is,
utterly Unique...

Dean Evans
5-06-14

The ink inside this pen can hold so many words, it's strange
I can describe so many things, or can sadly rearrange
With love or tears of sorrow, which will leave this paper stained
But in the end if no one reads, is love what I have gained?

For all I have inside my mind, flows out of me in ink
All the things I've wished for you and I, or what I think
Happiness or lonesome skies, ecstasy or pain
Lies within the winter snow I write, or summer rain

They say that if a tree falls, and no one's there to hear
Does it really make a sound, this thought fills me with fear
For if so true, then words that come from me, with pen in hand
Will disappear to be unseen, like castles in the sand

I've written many thousands, my words I set free here
I've emptied many pens to love's sweet feelings, and to fear
But my real fear is that my words, maybe just will lie
Until the pages filled with hope to you, will someday die

Words that come from deep inside, in hope of reaching you
But if my thoughts are never read, they're meaning gone but true
So why do I keep these poems coming from my mind?
Because if I should stop, the words would all be lost in time

Time that would see my words just lie upon these pages
No one here to see, or read them, fading with the ages
Someday gone with wind and rain the edges torn and tattered
Like autumn leaves, time will find the thoughts broken and scattered

But write I will, and for no reason but to help myself
Even if the words not read, grow dusty on my shelf
Someday perhaps, someone will browse far, in years to be
The old and yellowed papers, long ago written by me

To wonder maybe who had thoughts of love and loss combined
Who the old and weathered books came from, and from what mind
Some hopeless, helpless lost old soul, A woman or a man?
That sat for days and months on end, paper pen in hand

So now here lies another unread piece of my existence
Something compels me to write, I offer no resistance
I suppose it comforts me in ways, just to see these words
Perhaps just as the sun and sky,
comforts the singing birds

Dean Evans
9-24-07

Awakened in the early morning,
Lightnings flash, and thunder's warning
Watched did I the dreadful storming
Right outside my window frame
All the night the raging howling wind
There at my doorstep growling
Ghastly, and unearthly scowling
Right outside my window frame

And the wind cried out her name...

Now my mind in torment grieving
Leaves my senses unbelieving
To the vision that lies seething
Shone upon my window frame
For the one who would not love me
She, who thought herself above me
And now the one who cries, she loves me
Just outside my window frame
I leap awake , and cry her name...

This dream I dream most sure will leave me
No longer in the night to grieve me
Like a burglar to thieve me
So that heartache will remain
Surely mornings light awaits me
Dawn will break the night, and save me
She could surely not so, hate me
And inflict such heartless pain

Now she screams again she loves me
Dawns warm light no where above me
Only heartaches tight grip of me
Keeps me gazing through the pane
If I'd awake I'd soon forget her
Not to love her not to let her
Fill my nights with cold regret for
One who's love I can't retain

But each night the dreams continue
Always playing the same venue
Right outside my bedroom window
Will it ever slow the rain?
And if I , condemned to live it
Does thus evening rise to give it
Reason to return , revisit
Horror to my window frame?

Someone help me with this seeming
Endless dream that I am dreaming
Stop the nightly visions streaming
All across my window frame
Make my mind wake up, forget
Free my soul of harsh regret
And let not nightmares thus upset
This placid little window frame

And remember not, her name....

Let the mornings dawn shine bright
And swallow visions of the night
Let day bring me back to me, my sight
To see the truth that lights the frame
That demons of the night can't stay there
That my sorrow doesn't play there
Waiting for the night to say where
Horror can invade, and gain

Morning wakes me up to see
With daylights cruel reality
That hits with such finality
Lighting up the window frame
That things are worse than nightmare scenes
And visions in the window seem
To bring me things the day can't bring
With thunders roar, and lightnings reign

I need to see her standing there
Her shining eyes, her flowing hair
Things that nightmares have to share
With me, outside my window frame
And so, I long for night to blind me
Relaxation to unwind me
Into sleep , that soon will find me
Calling out my lost loves name

Hoping that her face appears there
Ocean eyes, drown all my fears there
Causing me to stop, and peer there
Deep into the window pane
Morning holds no choice for me
Night is all I seek to see
I pray to horror , "Comfort me"
Let daylight not invade my pain

Let the peace of nightmares streaming
Images of heartache screaming
Give to me, the endless seeming
Hope of days remit, from pain
And let the daylight not torment me
Let my dreaming circumvent the
Torture, of the kind that sent me
Into nights of thoughts insane

Let me sink into my vision
Filled with certain indecision
And my world as seen from prison
Play outside my window frame
So that I , will not awaken
To a love so lost, forsaken
And to find my nightmare's taken
By the brightly lighted frame

Patiently, I wait the evening
Eagerly I crave the grieving
Heartache, in itself relieving
Do you say that I'm insane?...

And the wind cried out her name.......

Dean Evans
12-05-04

In dreams I think about this life, and my place upon this Earth
The most part being heart and mind, and soul for what it’s worth
The cosmos stretches far above, although my eyes can see
These thoughts that haunt my mind at times extend out…
endlessly.

Mentation turns to destiny to what the future holds
And back again to legacy, and the gifts I feel I must bestow
Upon those left behind me, to instill within their minds
When finally the Universe and I are gently intertwined

To think that I may one day see my spirit thus transversed
Against the awesome paradise where God and I, softly converse
To witness what this life has shown, that now is torn apart
Beguile anguished felicity, and so appease my tattered heart.

Although my hope remains suspect, that somehow hopeless dies
Far too many questions, too few answers to where comfort lies
Though I suppose simplicity awaits the ones who grieve
Patiently anticipating those who seek to so believe.

It seems I have no hope of prolonged years in soft repose
My eyes must blink you see... but I have seen, and I suppose
That time is just a cruel mirage shimmering, as light
Then pulls away and so reveals the truth of things, there…
In the night.

But still I dream about this life, and what awaits us all
When time and understanding finds us lost, what will we recall?
About these moments spent together, so informally
Listen… to the sound,
and the Whispers of Eternity.

Dean Evans
6-28-14

Sometimes when I'm all alone, and thoughts come racing in
Those that find me here without you, take me back to when
I see you smiling back at me, from somewhere deep within
The day is gone, another night accepts these tears again

No one in the daylight now, can know what I've been through
I keep my feelings hidden while the sky is shining blue
But then I close the doors and pull the shades, what can I do?
When evening comes to call on me, my memories call to you

I recall the times when we would laugh the night away
I didn't have to mask my feelings far into the day
But now I wait for darkness, and it's there I long to stay
To see your face from windows edge, in stars that dance
and play...

I have no way of knowing when the light will shine on me
And give to me the happiness that love can bring, you see
For now I know that only in my dreams, can I be free
And so each evening sunset takes me where I need to be...

So that I may see your heart, there in the darkened sky
Be comforted by faded black, remember you and I
To whisper to the moon, so She and I can softly cry
Where no one sees these silent tears
descending from my eyes...

Dean Evans.
9-23-13

It’s difficult to understand these feelings that I get
Things I said or left unsaid lie undisturbed, in cold regret
To leave me here, and from all sides my raddled soul is now beset
I pray my heart to beat again, my heart has not responded yet
It seems somewhere along the way, that life has lost it’s fragile ease
Though I have not lost hope of love, do not misunderstand me please
Dreams of realization come at times and I have thoughts of these
To wonder if I’m standing, then I look to find I’m on my knees

I pray the stars to have no hope of everlasting light
And sorrow fail to shine on me, there in the ivory blackened night
And so I close my eyes to all those things reminding me of bright
The Autumn leaves have blown away, The world is left in black and white
I grieve for all the dear departed, and the days we knew so well
Their lives erstwhile so close to mine, that time has sadly now dispelled
Perhaps one day these memories I view shall come to thus foretell
That we shall meet again and know, there is no bittersweet farewell

The years unfurl beneath my feet, the Earth revolves again
Each star that passes overhead pursues joyous legerdemain
Could some portion of my happiness, when all is said and done remain?
I awake beside my fire to the silent sounds, and speak your name
Dreams however cannot hide the truth of things that we have missed
The colors of my youth have faded, and as such they can’t exist
Within the torn and tortured realm that reality insists
Until the time when you and I, and God can softly reminisce

Dean Evans
9-12-15
2014

Desolate is the heart, which is forced to cry alone
Determined is the heart that yearns for love
Fractured is the heart, that is left upon it’s own
All of these, the heart is victim of
Homeless is the heart that must beat, for lasting peace
Jingoist, the heart that covets war
Abashed the heart, that remembers not, life’s fragile ease
All of this the heart endures, and more

Callous is the heart, that has known the pain of loss
Wretched is the heart, that’s given in
Wayward is the heart, that knows not, the fight for cause
All of these the heart is, now and then
Defenseless is the heart that beats for one, and always will
Blinded is the heart that looks away
Fortuitous the heart, that will love your heart until
The Sun is gone, and light has lost the day

Gone astray, the heart that has lost God’s soothing grace
Freed, the heart that calls on Him, divine
Consumed, the heart within, that has longed to see your face
Ravished is the heart, that calls you mine
I think you’ve realized it is my heart, I speak of
Nurturing the heart, that dries my tears
Enduring is the heart, that beats for just your love
Eternally the heart,
eternal years.

Dean Evans
10-05-13

Yesterday I saw the sun, though night has seen it fade
This morning brought dark clouds, and heavy rain
Yesterday I knew your love, but you’ve taken it away
To leave me here with nothing, but my pain

What has caused this lost and dreadful breaking of my heart
I need an explanation, can’t you see?
Someone please, just tell me why my world was torn apart
The answers I can’t buy, and they’re not free

Yesterday was sweet and kind, I felt that this would last
Today, sorrow has shown to me it’s face
Happiness seems long ago, far deep into my past
And heartache has arrived, to take her place

The moments pass like days for me, and days drag on for years
I’m blind to what the future has in store
All I see before my eyes, are my descending tears
They crash and break, as glass upon my floor

These empty arms still hold the thought of soft, and sweet caress
Though I awake from nightmares, still alone
At times I drift back into dreams, I hear you answer yes
But morning tells me no, and you’re still gone

I know this sounds insane to some, and me?... I just can’t tell
I’ve lost direction, gone reason and rhyme
I know that in this prison of my mind, that I’m unwell
The clock has stopped for me, I’m lost in time

I listen to old music, though it helps me, not at all
This pounding in my head leads me astray
And like that sad old Beatles song, I’m feeling just like Paul
I sit alone and long, for Yesterday.

DEAN EVANS
7-23-11