Why did you arrive with love, just when I needed you
Fractured are the reasons, and I know not what to do
Far from having peace of mind, confusion's breaking through
I've crawled on hands and knees, down betrayals avenue

Why did I find you now, it's all still so unclear
My life has been a heartless path, a tortured trail of tears
But now that you are close to me, what dream has brought you here
To make me fall in love again, and stop the lonely years

Do I deserve the happiness I know your heart can bring
Perhaps your love brings resolution, solves my everything
Or will you turn away from me, and cause my heart to swing
Back into hopeless, sleepless nights no love, no anything

What did you require, when you said that me you loved me
You know it's hard to take that soft embrace, to set me free
To allow my heart to beat again, my eyes to finally see
Those things my mind cannot believe, can actually be

It's happened more than I can stand, to love and then be lost
Inside a dark and painful world, emotions torn and tossed
A sea of tears that follows me, the heartache that it's cost
Time will heal the wounds they say,
a line I haven't crossed

So don't distress about my hesitation, to be loved
It feels that you've been Heaven sent to me, from high above
Mind and heart can't take the things, they've been a victim of
My love has flown away as does the wild morning dove

I'll give our love a chance to grow, to flourish, and to thrive
I'll try to put away this pain endured by me, but I've
Been brokenhearted and I hope as long as I'm alive
That you won't be just one more thing,
that I'm forced to survive

I don't think I'm up to it...

Dean Evans
10-01-06

Who will offer strength, when my existence leaves me stunned, 
and weak
I hope my mind astute enough, to realize the truth I seek
God gave me the blessing of this life and many, far beyond
I sent out a silent prayer, I prayed that God would so respond 
You see... I’ve just lost track of time, and all the years have now unfurled
I find myself ambiguous, confined within this troubled world
I conveyed that mental prayer, and asked “Oh Lord what shall I do?”
God extended tenderness, and so His grace led me…
to you

And thus gave me the answer, the one I’d sought... and for so long
That there is so much right in life, when crying eyes saw only wrong
A life now filled... unbridled hope, and God’s love tends to this
Eternity just lying there, where God and I can coexist 
Relinquishing my spirit, soul… and all conceived, all that I am
To find the thoughts believed unreal, survive inside this heart of man
But I am forced to supplication... and as such I
watch, and wait
For eventide's sweet gentle motion of sleep’s dark, 
and silent gate…

For you see,
I sent out a silent prayer...

Dean Evans
12-21-13
(revised and re-named 
12-18-14)

Once you said forever did exist within our hearts
The promises of then, not true today
So that now, we’ve lost the loving feelings... torn apart
To leave our wasted love so once regarded, cast away
So many years ago we thought that love would see us through
But youth and reckless hearts, betrayed our trust
We stand upon the edge of loneliness, bidding love adieu
With things our hearts refuse now to discuss

Yesterday I saw the world as shining fresh, and free
Though day has now so sadly, turned to dusk
Now the scent upon the wind, is sorrows potpourri
Golden memories, slowly were exchanged for faded rust
Once you said that you and I were surely meant to be
Now you have forgotten things you said
Years have not been kind to love, at least for you and me
And emptiness arrived, now in residence instead

Perhaps the things you said were right, although our time was flawed
Emotions, lost devotion caused our crash
Years were spent behind our paradisaic facade
Until forever stood alone, abash
Though I do not regret the things we promised in our youth
Dreams just lost their strength along the way
Now my dreams are mixed, along with ***** and vermouth
My dreams are much too small, to my dismay

Though I recall the things you said, now far beyond my reach
Perhaps I still can find them in the night
Love, somehow became another sad figure of speech
What it has become absorbs me, quite
Once you said forever did exist, within our hearts
Though there were things your heart could not condone
The past comes back to haunt me now, since love has come apart
But I can still recall,
when forever stood alone.

Dean Evans
5-12-14

December, and I feel the Winters breath on me tonight
Blue skies and warmer weather overdue
I wonder, is it hope that has left me here outright
And this glass of wine, that takes the place of you
I drink, and in my mind I am taken back to when
We watched the Autumn leaves, beside the fire
Intoxication takes from me, much more than I take in
And leaves me here alone, with my desire

But as I pour another glass of sorrow in my heart
Another bottle crashes to the floor
I walk upon these shattered rhymes, the ones I've torn apart
So many things my heart must answer for
I shut myself inside again, to keep the cold at bay
Unlock the loss with bottles, that I drink
To think that if I open them, the pain may go away
But it just pours back out of me, in ink

Pictures, that were taken then, show me a different man
The images, just moments trapped in time
I close my eyes to hide from them, but I don't think I can
Forget the memories, trapped in my mind
It leads me nowhere fast, though I travel on and on
To places I have been, with you in dreams
The memories return to me, another bottle gone
Still trying to relive, relieve, unwind.

But tension holds me here alone, caught in the cruel grip of
The reasons that I drink to ease my thought
Holds me to a picture of a girl, a life, a love
And all the loneliness, that this has brought
Allowing visitation, with these nights of what once was
Believing drink, may bring you back to me
Trying to correct mistakes I've made, but just because
I cannot hope to do so with Chablis

I cannot view things clearly through this glass held in my hand
Or see through clouded thought, when I am finished
I pull another cork, and like so many grains of sand
My power to discern these things, diminished
To see the eyes I once had known, that looked right into me
Transparent as I am, and was before
My love I never tried to hide, and hoped that you would see
But hope is lost, it's closed and locked the door

Locked me far away from all I had, or ever knew
Then closed me in to what I know today
Falling Autumn leaves, that remind me still of you
Though love now seems a tired old cliche
To destroy all I am, or all I once had hoped to be
to leave me with the tears dropped from my eyes
My glass is full again, though now it seems of me
We’ve said all of the sad and cruel goodbyes

Goodbye is not the end of love, but the beginning of alone
"I love you" not the start of love, as well
But I’m still thinking, wandering, back to what is gone
It breaks my spirit, that much I can tell
I've told my story many times, to this old photograph
I've tried just to explain, though no one hears
Each bottle that I open, and the others seem to laugh
At drinks I mix, with sorrow and my tears

I suppose that it's my mind, just playing tricks you see
Springtime’s shining leaves now turned to brown
Outside my window, Decembers darkness screams to me
Another reason just to think, and drown
Drown myself in pity, and another shaking glass
Held within this shaking heart of mine
The broken heart of such a man, that's fading, fading fast
Dissolving in another glass of wine

Shrinking with each bottle that lies cluttered on my floor
Dying, as the embers of my fire
Gone is yet another day, but I know there are more
Before the death of me, and my desire
Desire that does not resist the clock, or years of time
Doesn't die with drink that I consume
Hasn't gone away in any broken, dismal rhyme
Or a glass of wine,
that takes the place of you

Dean Evans
11-07-08

Take my hand my love, don't let go and hold it tight
Let me lead you back where we belong
Hold me like you used to do, make love to me tonight
We'll listen to that old James Taylor song
The one that always made me think of you, to ease my mind
There on the radio, when first we kissed
You looked so deep into my eyes, I though I may go blind
As we stood there in the early morning mist

We walked along that forest trail, and stopped to see the falls
I told you that I loved you, and you cried.
Within that moment, then and there, I felt we had it all
The sunset lingered there, the moon denied...
But as the darkness drifted in, our fire broke the chill
We lie within the ruins of our laughter
And then the moon, she sang to us, I can hear it still
It seemed if nothing came before, or after

I slept with you under the stars, and there in space... they danced
In harmony and rhythm with our love
The morning gave to us the sweet aroma of romance
Beneath the clear blue sky, we found above
Love was in the fog below, Spring flowers on the ground
The forest floor was ours, and ours alone
Often, I still dream of this, but daylight comes around
I wake to find the sun... the dream is gone

Though always in my memory, those days of years ago
They clear my heart and bring me thoughts of youth
Like that old James Taylor song... and the love I hope I show
There was always something in the way you moved
You looked my way, or called my name, left this troubled world behind...
So take my hand love, never set it free
I'll remind you of the time we captured love in heart, and mind
And listened to that song, from ol' J.T....

Dean Evans
5-20-2010

I have no desire to be viewed as you see me
I have my own idea of beauty, you may disagree
However, small opinions enter not inside my mind
My thoughts are far above you, and those so unrefined
I have no true intention to explain myself to you
As well no inclination, please, do not misconstrue
You cannot comprehend the way of life for one as I
The ordinary, pertaining to myself does not apply

I live within the world of what you may call unique
Though I cannot be bothered with your immature critique
My time is much too valuable to be given free of charge
I find your kind unworthy, and useless by and large
I know I am superior I ask not, to reason why
The mirror shows me confidence, pleasing to the eye
My eyes will tell me secrets, no others eyes can know
The image seems to capture me in broad and bold tableau

I watch the ordinary live out ordinary lives
With only average children and mediocre wives
It seems to me however that there is perhaps contentment
With solitary knowledge of another's strong commitment
I do not make promises to others for my love
Most who may desire my heart, are undeserving of
Perhaps one day I will at last be trapped in loves embrace
And so I close my feelings to emotion, just in case

One who I may love would have to be unique as well
Incomparable as I, to leave no chance for sad farewell
Although I have my doubts that I may find one such as this
It saddens me to some extent, perhaps my thoughts amiss
I only wish to find someone deserving of affection
That sees me as I am, without the slightest imperfection
One who can appreciate my well rehearsed mystique
So they may know the heart they hold is,
utterly Unique...

Dean Evans
5-06-14

It seems I am restricted, in sedentary pose
Unable to incite physiques agreement to disclose
My physical impairment has done little to my mind
But lost to me is the memory of how and why I find.
My heart still beats, and I can feel it pounding in my chest
The only movement left to me, the remainder is oppressed
It seems that I am locked away, somewhere in my mind
Although the world is passing by, I abide confined

My vision now is crystal clear and I can see it all
But somehow recollection of what happened not recalled
Some sort of accident perhaps, has left me thus afflicted
My intellect undamaged, though my body torn and twisted
There are those who look at me, and I see that they’re unsure
Though I attempt communication, my eyes remain demure
I wonder if they wonder, is my mind yet undiminished
No thought I have can contact them, they leave when they are finished

Nighttime is the worst for me, when evening takes the day
Dreams are chosen well each night from horrors dossier
I scream my thoughts although in silence, no one there to hear
It leaves my heart the only sound, although my mind austere
If only one of those who pass me by without a glance
Could see I’m sound inside my mind, It may give me a chance
To again communicate with those who are unfrozen
And learn the reasons for my sudden physical implosion

I hold no memory of the past, my future now uncertain
Recovery unknown to me, the present undetermined
I only wish to see the sun, and know the world exists
The window sits behind me, so thoughts of death persist
But I am not the kind that will give in to circumstance
I still recall a girl, with faded memories of romance
Was she once my only love to know my true devotion
Is she one that passes by?...it seems a pleasing notion

To think that there may be someone who loves me as I am
Who sees the light that's left in me, to know that I’m a man
And not to leave here alone, in silence and heartbroken
Who knows I feel love that for her however, never spoken
At times I sense her love for me, however tears are rare
I dream I stand and walk to her, and she is waiting there
To realize I am intact, though physically afflicted
Who knows I love inside my mind,
so tragically restricted...

I just want someone to know
I am here....

Dean Evans
5-09-14