In the winter of my mind  
The leafless branches of my existence
Bend to the cold wind of self, and you are there
To be the fresh gentle snow
That falls upon my every thought
To cover the cold and dark ground of my life
With a soft white blanket of contentment,
Blocking out the harsh and killing winds of thought,
That keep me frozen here...
Without you.

In spring, you are the sunshine
To let my mind be warm, and the beauty of your scent
And the flowers that your heart creates
Allow me to grow in ways not thought of
But so clear
As clear as the deep blue of your eyes
And the clear spring sky
That follows me.

Into the summer of dreams, and rain
Where you protect me from the heat of anger
The rain of tears
The thunder of a life in turmoil
Instead , you give to me endless days of summer breezes
And soft sunsets  
To shining stars and nights with you
And the sky is full
I fall to sleep peacefully.

Autumn of the mind is filled with color
The color of your eyes, of your hair, and your smile
I see in you the beauty of living
Not the coming of a cold winter of being alone
I find you are the pale blue light of a full moon
You stop the promise of darkness
And fill the days with the light of your love
Of your brightness
And of spirit.

The seasons of my life are filled with you
And allow my mind to look through the sadness
Away from the pain
And give to me a quiet knowledge
That you are near me
And take from my heart, the thought of  
The seasons of loneliness
Should you be gone.

Dean Evans
9-27-07

Do I look unwell?, I am although mostly in my mind
The years have passed too quickly, and love has been unkind
Clouded are my memories, some faded with the time
Places and some faces, are forgotten now I find

Gone are those who knew me in my youth, the days gone by
It saddens me to think about the love I knew as mine
Sweet she was to me, and so I drank it in like wine
Though torn apart, my broken heart, it leaves me cold and I

I see the frost that forms upon my feelings now and then
And wonder if my old and weathered soul will ever win
Or lose the strength to carry on, because of what has been
I've spent the years, in pain and tears, not to be loved again

And so it goes for such a man, I am the one who cries
Darkness overwhelms me in the midst of sunny skies
Left to wonder how this all can be, to reason why
Shattered, torn and tattered, after all the cruel goodbyes

The tears I cry continue, to the loneliness that started
When alone I visit solemn site, the loved and dear departed
Memories that come to me so closely held, and guarded
That now I stand so forlorn and,
in black and brokenhearted.

Dean Evans
8-21-10

Sometimes when I'm all alone, and thoughts come racing in
Those that find me here without you, take me back to when
I see you smiling back at me, from somewhere deep within
The day is gone, another night accepts these tears again

No one in the daylight now, can know what I've been through
I keep my feelings hidden while the sky is shining blue
But then I close the doors and pull the shades, what can I do?
When evening comes to call on me, my memories call to you

I recall the times when we would laugh the night away
I didn't have to mask my feelings far into the day
But now I wait for darkness, and it's there I long to stay
To see your face from windows edge, in stars that dance
and play...

I have no way of knowing when the light will shine on me
And give to me the happiness that love can bring, you see
For now I know that only in my dreams, can I be free
And so each evening sunset takes me where I need to be...

So that I may see your heart, there in the darkened sky
Be comforted by faded black, remember you and I
To whisper to the moon, so She and I can softly cry
Where no one sees these silent tears
descending from my eyes...

Dean Evans.
9-23-13

The days pass by before me now, but all are dark and cold
I find my eyes cannot see through these tears
I reach into an envelope, again just to unfold
A letter written long ago in years
I was just a young man, and she was just a girl
Our time together lasted , but a while
Though time is just a man made thing, to help the years unfurl
It doesn't dim the memory of her smile
Those days so long ago, seem so fresh still in my mind
But every now and then I need to know
The words placed there on paper, that were written of the kind
That give me what her heart, cannot now bestow
In days of summer warmth, and nights of cool pale moon
The letter brings these things all back to me
The years of happiness, that ended far too soon
These crying eyes can read, what used to be
I unfold the old and yellowed paper, gently in my hand
To just remember eyes that used to shine
Dreams revisit those nights, and I still sometimes can
Recall a long ago, and softer time
But time can dull the senses, alone can steal the days
To cut and tear my memories in two
So every now and then, I again must read these words
The three small words she left me, " I love you".....

Dean Evans
7- 11 -08

The days ahead can hold no hope, to ease my troubled mind
The kind of sad insanity that I have come to find
I suppose it's only one man's thoughts, these treat me so unkind
And evening only adds to this, no peace, I can't unwind
The nights only are worse for me, as the thoughts come racing in
Sleeplessness, my enemy, companion... my friend..
Just to close my eyes is all I seek, but only then
The nightmares come to haunt me, and to break my heart again.

No one comes to rescue me, or to tell me all is fine
I drown myself each day and night, with another glass of wine
Each bottle that falls empty to my floor rings, like a chime
To usher in another day of bitter, hopeless time.
Dear God, what a shape I'm in!, I shout, but no one hears
Alone I lie in heartache, and another pool of tears
No saving of this mind of mine, to quiet nagging fears
I tell you this my friends, for I have wasted, ...
wasted years.

Although I have no feeling but a cruel and crushing pain
That holds me in, but holds me out to everything I gain
I only wish for one warm falling, rushing summer rain
Though only in this room tears fall, and no one sees the stain.
The stain that causes me to feel my life is not worth this
I watch the world pass by outside I reach, again I miss
Miss the calming happiness that's found, with gentle kiss
I am void in this existence, but my soul does not resist.

Does not resist the loneliness, and the agony of day
I feel as I do not exist, though I find no other way
Death would be a welcome guest, it may be sad to say
But just the thought of praying causes prayers to slip away.
I know that this sounds strange to you, and strange to me as well
Like waves upon a restless sea, my emotions rise and swell
In my mind I think of Heaven, but then I then fall back into hell
How long must I endure this fate?, I have no way to tell.

I throw another piece of my desire against the wall
I've seen too much, and so as such, I watch the pieces fall
Another shattered dream is gone, my dreams are much too small
To escape reality, and the truth, and that is all...
Depression rips and tears at me, to leave a battered soul...
The man that I once used to be, has fallen in this hole
Heart cut with a razors edge, too sharp to feel it go
Gone with no remorse for me, to where I wouldn't know.

So listen to my story friends and hear my dreadful plight
I've lost all that I thought was mine, no will left me to fight
With days now that are tortured, along with horrors night
No power to discern in what is wrong, or what is right.
I rise to sad uncertainty, and spend my days alone
In the shadow of another sunset, and what sunsets have shown
The leaves have fallen, trees are bare, and the wind...
it hasn't blown..
I live within the long and insane,
Years of my Unknown...

Dean Evans
4-16-08

I’ve overstayed my welcome, I must apologize to you
I’m sure that you have more important, pressing things to do
I thank you though for listening, until my story through
I know that it sounds strange, but these things I say are true
I know that I have placed a certain pain upon your heart
My thoughts of love and loss, I've try to keep the two apart
Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be, but I knew that from the start
My galleries of sorrow are such lovely, painful art

I have no explanation why the love I knew is gone
I cannot understand within my mind, the deeds now done
That causes darkness to consume me far into the dawn
Mistakes were made, but I only wish to see the shining sun
I have no hope that what is lost may wander back, you see
To ease this cruel impassioned heart, and finally set me free
I wonder sometimes if these things will ever come to me
To stop the tears, the wasted years, that now have come to be

Don’t let you heart be troubled, for things I now bestow
My thoughts of adoration, my emotions have me feeling low
What I could’ve said or done to save it, I don’t know
Heart cut with a razors edge, too sharp to feel it go
To leave me here inside myself, love gone, once so sublime
I’m left with only memories, and these are quite unkind
Memories lost now... deep within the shallow pond of time
The distance seems far greater, in the deep ocean of my mind

The years that I have spent alone have left me rather weak
But that’s what sorrow does I guess, with heartache at it’s peak
These words that I now say to you, please offer your critique
About the things I don’t want you to know, I will not speak
I appreciate the way that you have been here for me now
Although I understand that I have saddened you somehow
It was not my intention, for my heart to thus endow
Your kindness to be victim of what hearts most disavow

I see your face is wet my friend, I didn’t realize
Perhaps these things I’ve said to you, perhaps it was unwise
To leave this sadness in your heart, rain pouring from the skies
To mix with solemn tears that I have placed there, in your eyes
I’ve overstayed my welcome, and I’m sorry just for this
Though we have things in common, with the love there, that was missed
I hope someday our hearts can heal, to sit and reminisce
About those things once held so dear,
with love and gentle kiss.

Dean Evans
4-25-2014

The summer sun sinks quietly, but evening takes the day
I sit alone and think of things you’ve said,
And then your voice comes silently, and I can hear the way
So gently you had spoken, from the poems you had read.
I would build a fire for us, and you looked long for books,
In your hand, a well chilled glass of wine.
You’d turn your head and give to me some sweet, and loving look,
Just your presence stopped for me, the dreadful hands of time.

I still recall as we sat down, beside the fire’s bright,
In the light our eyes met once, and then...
Glistening as you turned the page, ah, soft enchanting night
You read aloud, I fell to dreams again
Listening, I sat transfixed, to the words that you had chosen
You peered above the page, and gave a wink
A mental traveler I became, and all my thoughts were frozen
Your casual style gave this to me, I think.

Slowly, time would pass for us, I’d stoke the fire and then
You’d have our glasses filled, and waiting there
Another page turned in your book, a poem to begin
The glow within the hearth, shone as gold upon your hair.
I kissed you once, and you had said, “It’s you, I know I love”
Before you read the next one on your list
I’d relax and sip my wine, the willing victim of
Your charming ways, and all the nights you made me feel like this

Those years are gone, though in my mind, I think it yesterday
Youth has left my heart, the one forsaken
But time is such a cruel thing, and has it’s heartless way
At times I find those memories, although they have been taken.
Taken from my here and now, but still so fresh in thought
I think about that smile once, and again
I’ll build my fire, remembering the books that you had brought
And the times you sat just waiting,
A poem to begin..

Dean Evans
8-3-11