I saw her on my way somewhere, I don't remember now
And passed her by beneath the pouring skies
Then as the rain stopped, all I did was think of her, and how
She stared at me with sad unblinking eyes
All that I remember now, was she sat there all alone
And I, within my haste, gave half a glance
I turned he next wet corner, and my thoughts of her were gone
But soon returned in dreams, of sweet romance

Her eyes had looked right into me, and saw my broken heart
I don't know how, but I felt she saw my pain
She somehow sensed inside, my loneliness was part
Of love that I had lost, or failed to gain
And so I walked that street again, looking for the girl
That sat there in the tears that I had cried
But she was gone, day after day, oh, what a cruel world
I wished that I had stopped, that I had tried

Tried to know what she had seen, as I passed quickly by
There in her face, I saw my own mistakes
The girl with the unblinking eyes, not knowing how to cry
I think of her, and if her poor heart breaks
I wonder if in her, there are thoughts of me at times
Remembering, we met each other's pain
Knowing that I wasn't hers, she surely wasn't mine
I hurried past, and walked on through the rain

I studied every face I saw, to find that look once more
But nowhere did that feeling reach my view
Had I imagined her that day, my heart is not so sure
My mind perhaps plays tricks on me, untrue
But I hope she was really there, to let me see somehow
That all I ever needed was her smile
To wake me from these nightmares, and the dreams that I have now
And thoughts I have of her, now all the while

Perhaps someday I'll see her sitting, waiting there for me
She'll be there in that same familiar place
And all the wasted years that I have I've known, will cease to be
Then she and I, will know love's warm embrace
But for now I'll go on searching, searching for those eyes
And I hope I'll find her once again
The girl I saw so long ago, beneath the pouring skies
So I won't be just standing in the rain

Dean Evans
3-09-09

It seems that now, I've wandered far away from what I was
Far beyond what I believed was true
I hesitate to look behind me, just because
It only brings my sorrow into view
The minutes pass like hours, and the days go on for years
My troubled heart left not in soft repose
Time has helped me not at all, subsiding dreadful fears
To leave my thoughts confused now, I suppose

Lost within my nights are the things I once desired
Like footsteps in the sand, left far behind
I keep my tears hidden away, my eyes weary, and tired
Too many fallen now, it hurts my mind
I strain to see the friends I've known, but fail to see their faces
Time and circumstance, a distant star
Again to visit all of them, in old familiar places
Watch the sunset, play that old guitar

April sang so sweet to them, and I would play for her
All those old familiar lost love songs
The days, that now are nightmares of all the things we were
Too late to place mistakes where they belong
And wrong as wrong can be I was, to think that things would last
The sun above, the wind blowing her hair
I travel back but lose my way, to find my missing past
When all our love and all our friends were there

It is a time remembered, though I try hard to forget
Not wishing to relive heartbreak again
No one is left to ease my pain, I hold on to regret
That drives me close to thoughts of nights insane
For I am all that's left of those few who knew those days
All are gone but me, I sit alone
I sometimes still can hear her voice, but seldom do I play
Those were better days, the best I've known

Days and nights upon the beach, with firelight and song
Those songs still sing within my mind at times
The sun would shine, and laughter filled those summer days so long
That I cannot describe here, in these rhymes
And so I wander, far away from what I used to be...
Far beyond what I believed was true...
But I think back now and then, to what I knew as me
And lift my glass to friends, and then,
and you...

DEAN EVANS
2-12-09

Once upon my long ago, youth was wild and free
The mirror saw a life that stretched ahead
But now, reflection shows the life I’ve left in back of me
The memories are still fresh, inside my head.
The past love and the happiness, of days and years I've spent
Are there with all I've done, and what I've lost
I've paid for all time I've lived, and the mirror takes the rent
And weary eyes see all of what it's cost...

Reflection of a man who is still the man I was
Though time has changed the image that I see
Time will take its toll on youth, I know this all because
This mirror has shown all of this to me
Looking at myself I see not what others see
Everyone who's known me all this time
I notice all the changes, that have slowly come to me
Though can't be seen inside this lonely rhyme

Like seasons change from spring into summer, on to fall
The mirror shows the change in me as well
Standing silent, shining silver glass reveals it all
Some of these are things that I won’t tell
But I must give myself, to what time will bring me now
And thus, brings to all of us you'll find
The mirror opens up to us and changes us somehow
But I still feel the same inside my mind

If I could take time back, make it different, how could I
Change this life I've lived without you there
I don't know the answer, but the mirror asks me why
Reflection shows me just a cold, blank stare
Seeing things remembered, memories from years ago
The thoughts fill up my mind, but leave me here
Being and not being, is what the mirror shows
The image that I see leaves me in fear

I find that I'm two men now, one that looks and one looks back
The glare which blinds, so I turn from the light
And as I do the room will quickly fade to black
But one man stands there waiting, through the night
And in the morning I can see, I'm different overall
It happens with each morning I awake
No words are spoken, spirit broken, days and years will fall
I weep for all the things the mirror takes

Takes from me my youth and my ability to cope
With what I’ve lost or things I’ve failed to gain
I peer inside the glass, and gone are dreams and hope
And all that’s left within, are my remains
Am I the man outside the glass, or one who's locked inside
Old age has not left questions any clearer
I’ve learned over the years, it’s where loneliness resides
My youth is lost inside this dreadful mirror....

Dean Evans
3-27-08

The ink inside this pen can hold so many words, it's strange
I can describe so many things, or can sadly rearrange
With love or tears of sorrow, which will leave this paper stained
But in the end if no one reads, is love what I have gained?

For all I have inside my mind, flows out of me in ink
All the things I've wished for you and I, or what I think
Happiness or lonesome skies, ecstasy or pain
Lies within the winter snow I write, or summer rain

They say that if a tree falls, and no one's there to hear
Does it really make a sound, this thought fills me with fear
For if so true, then words that come from me, with pen in hand
Will disappear to be unseen, like castles in the sand

I've written many thousands, my words I set free here
I've emptied many pens to love's sweet feelings, and to fear
But my real fear is that my words, maybe just will lie
Until the pages filled with hope to you, will someday die

Words that come from deep inside, in hope of reaching you
But if my thoughts are never read, they're meaning gone but true
So why do I keep these poems coming from my mind?
Because if I should stop, the words would all be lost in time

Time that would see my words just lie upon these pages
No one here to see, or read them, fading with the ages
Someday gone with wind and rain the edges torn and tattered
Like autumn leaves, time will find the thoughts broken and scattered

But write I will, and for no reason but to help myself
Even if the words not read, grow dusty on my shelf
Someday perhaps, someone will browse far, in years to be
The old and yellowed papers, long ago written by me

To wonder maybe who had thoughts of love and loss combined
Who the old and weathered books came from, and from what mind
Some hopeless, helpless lost old soul, A woman or a man?
That sat for days and months on end, paper pen in hand

So now here lies another unread piece of my existence
Something compels me to write, I offer no resistance
I suppose it comforts me in ways, just to see these words
Perhaps just as the sun and sky,
comforts the singing birds

Dean Evans
9-24-07

Recently late at night, I find it hard to sleep
Awake inside my mind, there are memories I keep
I hear the distant sounds of all of those who cry, who weep
And those who have no one to call their own
It's caused me to reflect upon this life that I now lead
To close the weathered covers of the books I used to read
I've realized that I am not the only one in need
Although I travel through this world alone...

I peer out of my window, and I wonder what is right
The stars that shine above me, offer not their soothing bright
I see only the cold of space, I hear them in the night
How has this existence come to be?...
Hours pass that seem to me as years upon the wind
No morning light to ease my soul, see sorrow at it’s end
To bask in dawn's warm sunshine, and open eyes again
And bring the life I've dreamed of, back to me...

But nowhere do I feel within my mind, that it will come
I only long for peace of heart, though I have hope of none
The cries of all the lost I hear, I pray their crying done
This sound, it drives me close to nights insane...
Have I already fallen to my last, and worst mistake?
Failing to believe it all, and all that is at stake
I hold my aching head, to quiet sound the lost ones make
What of me I wonder, when it's over, will remain?...

At times I close the window, and I try to hide from this
And grasping for the ring of life, I reach again, I miss
Silence, Ah! sweet silence, my one and only wish
But on and on, the nightmare haunts me now...
Where has love been buried It's silent headstone lie?
Why has sorrow's cruel insistence, been given to I
How can I accept this loss, and listen as they cry
I have to find a way to peace somehow...

If tomorrow just would show her face, I may survive intact
Destroy this endless yearning, how would my heart react?
But tomorrow never comes for me, and chained here by this fact
I only want to throw it all away...
And dash myself from windows edge, to fall upon the stones
The waves to crash up over me, and wash away my bones
Would anyone thus hear my cries, for years, as I have done?
For I can't bear to listen to them say...

That life has not been worth it, this heartless loss of love
Can I refuse to stand here, to be made the victim of
No hope of early morning dawn, just storm clouds from above
Why have I, been chosen as the one?...
To suffer through the endless night, no peace inside my head
And hear the dreadful silence, of the crying of the dead
I fear my written words of prayer to God, have gone unread
And so, I stand at windows edge, alone...

To over and again, be the only one who hears
I've given in to hopelessness, I've lost my fight with fear
Afraid though as I am, they are closer, coming near
The sound is louder than it was before...
Silent sounds inside my mind, I am the Chosen one
The Guardian of Tears, who hears the heartbroken, alone
I cannot see them, but I've realized where they have gone
They beg to me, and claw upon my door...

But if I open up the door, and let them come inside
Insanity may come to me, and here it would reside
And every tear that's fallen will be mine, no where to hide
And all this cruel world's sorrow, I will own...
And so I stand against them, I steel myself from hate
Even through the years now passed, perhaps it is my fate
I've tried to close my eyes, though I know it's much too late
As the Guardian Of tears,
I'm on my own...

Dean Evans
7-7-2010

Yesterday I saw the sun, though night has seen it fade
This morning brought dark clouds, and heavy rain
Yesterday I knew your love, but you’ve taken it away
To leave me here with nothing, but my pain

What has caused this lost and dreadful breaking of my heart
I need an explanation, can’t you see?
Someone please, just tell me why my world was torn apart
The answers I can’t buy, and they’re not free

Yesterday was sweet and kind, I felt that this would last
Today, sorrow has shown to me it’s face
Happiness seems long ago, far deep into my past
And heartache has arrived, to take her place

The moments pass like days for me, and days drag on for years
I’m blind to what the future has in store
All I see before my eyes, are my descending tears
They crash and break, as glass upon my floor

These empty arms still hold the thought of soft, and sweet caress
Though I awake from nightmares, still alone
At times I drift back into dreams, I hear you answer yes
But morning tells me no, and you’re still gone

I know this sounds insane to some, and me?... I just can’t tell
I’ve lost direction, gone reason and rhyme
I know that in this prison of my mind, that I’m unwell
The clock has stopped for me, I’m lost in time

I listen to old music, though it helps me, not at all
This pounding in my head leads me astray
And like that sad old Beatles song, I’m feeling just like Paul
I sit alone and long, for Yesterday.

DEAN EVANS
7-23-11

Angels wings come fly this soul
to better places far from cold
and warm my poor impassioned heart
That grief has caused to fall apart
and ended with the loss of love, sublime
I pray Thee Lord deliver me
before cruel time has swallowed me
falling into sad disgrace
the longing, once to see her face
but ended with the wasted , wasted time
Gather round this tortured being
open eyes to clear, through seeing
what mistakes were placed upon
the Lovely lonely, only one
that was my love, though now is lost to me
To show forgiveness, so that I
may know the reasons, disclose why
these walls that close upon me now
may open heart, and sky somehow
I know no truth, the willingness, to be
Stop the broken heart now bleeding
ease the pain, harsh pain of needing
what now lost through greed, and lust
forever gone, sweet seed of trust
and left alone here, fighting all these tears
Hope not placed back into hands,
all washed out with the tide, and sands
that soothes reality's embrace
reality now shows its face
to one who's blinded by the glare of years
The saddest sight of never seeing
thoughts of being, without being
within the loss of dreams, or dreaming
visions gleam, and nightmares streaming
all throughout the purple faded night
Leads me to the sacred mountain
climbing from the golden fountain,
though the thirst as yet un-quenched
and love and heart has been so wrenched
weary mind too weak to stand and fight

To meet my fate, that lies ahead
for one who's tattered soul lies dead
upon the rocks now fallen to
to Her, to she the calling's to
from I, the lost and dying, sees the One
The one who brought all things to be
now death can only bring to me
relief of all I've known as true
the truth of being one, not two
frightful, dreadful now is all existence
But exist as now I am
no love, but loneliness of man
to rise and fall, each step I take
reveals each new and cruel mistake
accept I must, I offer no resistance
Though to resist, may live again
to feel a heartbeat once, and then
find myself again downhearted
dearly loved, and dear departed
Impossible to live in agony
Pain born deep in dark regret
Far too long to now forget
Phrases said in love, and kind
sentiment now left behind
left behind what once I knew as me
Where does despairs headstone lie
I know not me, I am not I
without the Lovely only one
that sees me now, the lonely one
time and circumstance will turn, and bend
So that now, once closely guarded
love has died, love I had started
thinking that forever found me
now the never flashes 'round me
and as such, it leaves these rhymes to send
For the Lovely only one
I, the lost and lonely one
Now my days, days almost done
Leaving me to run
run to my end....

Dean Evans
9-29-09