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dean evans Jan 2015
Awakened in the early morning,
Lightnings flash, and thunder's warning
Watched did I the dreadful storming
Right outside my window frame
All the night the raging howling wind
There at my doorstep growling
Ghastly, and unearthly scowling
Right outside my window frame

And the wind cried out her name...

Now my mind in torment grieving
Leaves my senses unbelieving
To the vision that lies seething
Shone upon my window frame
For the one who would not love me
She, who thought herself above me
And now the one who cries, she loves me
Just outside my window frame
I leap awake , and cry her name...

This dream I dream most sure will leave me
No longer in the night to grieve me
Like a burglar to thieve me
So that heartache will remain
Surely mornings light awaits me
Dawn will break the night, and save me
She could surely not so, hate me
And inflict such heartless pain

Now she screams again she loves me
Dawns warm light no where above me
Only heartaches tight grip of me
Keeps me gazing through the pane
If I'd awake I'd soon forget her
Not to love her not to let her
Fill my nights with cold regret for
One who's love I can't retain

But each night the dreams continue
Always playing the same venue
Right outside my bedroom window
Will it ever slow the rain?
And if I , condemned to live it
Does thus evening rise to give it
Reason to return , revisit
Horror to my window frame?

Someone help me with this seeming
Endless dream that I am dreaming
Stop the nightly visions streaming
All across my window frame
Make my mind wake up, forget
Free my soul of harsh regret
And let not nightmares thus upset
This placid little window frame

And remember not, her name....

Let the mornings dawn shine bright
And swallow visions of the night
Let day bring me back to me, my sight
To see the truth that lights the frame
That demons of the night can't stay there
That my sorrow doesn't play there
Waiting for the night to say where
Horror can invade, and gain

Morning wakes me up to see
With daylights cruel reality
That hits with such finality
Lighting up the window frame
That things are worse than nightmare scenes
And visions in the window seem
To bring me things the day can't bring
With thunders roar, and lightnings reign

I need to see her standing there
Her shining eyes, her flowing hair
Things that nightmares have to share
With me, outside my window frame
And so, I long for night to blind me
Relaxation to unwind me
Into sleep , that soon will find me
Calling out my lost loves name

Hoping that her face appears there
Ocean eyes, drown all my fears there
Causing me to stop, and peer there
Deep into the window pane
Morning holds no choice for me
Night is all I seek to see
I pray to horror , "Comfort me"
Let daylight not invade my pain

Let the peace of nightmares streaming
Images of heartache screaming
Give to me, the endless seeming
Hope of days remit, from pain
And let the daylight not torment me
Let my dreaming circumvent the
Torture, of the kind that sent me
Into nights of thoughts insane

Let me sink into my vision
Filled with certain indecision
And my world as seen from prison
Play outside my window frame
So that I , will not awaken
To a love so lost, forsaken
And to find my nightmare's taken
By the brightly lighted frame

Patiently, I wait the evening
Eagerly I crave the grieving
Heartache, in itself relieving
Do you say that I'm insane?...

And the wind cried out her name.......

Dean Evans
12-05-04
dean evans Jan 2015
Darkest of the dark alone, out on this forest floor
I won’t be home for supper late next evening,  that's for sure
The darkest shadows hide me, like my daddy said they could
And the Moon will then confide in me…
shine red, the arrowwood
"Far an' away" he told me then, now I’ve been gone so long
“You must avenge you're sister, this job is yours my only son, ”
I went right through the garden, with the last cold dreadful package
No one saw me leave, I hope there’s no blood on the cabbage…

Deep inside this endless night I travel in his stead
These hills and hollows cold and damp, I find no place
to lie my head
Into unbroken forest, too far gone and past my dread unknowns
To places no one’s ever been, I dissipate their sinful bones
It’s come to me, to be the one to file back the wasted years
My daddy much too sick to finish drying all my Mothers tears
I don’t know if I took their souls, or the other way around
But I left them there, out far somewhere below that dark
and ****** ground

I don’t remember even now, how long ago it started
I dwell inside these nightmares, the daylight disregarded
But I can still recall my baby sister, Bernadine
But not too much before those boys came and took her,
sight unseen
It was Nathan Sills my daddy said, but he also knew the cousins
The Gentry boys were there that night, I’ve heard it said in sad discussions
They drug her through the garden in the rain, so told the adage
Her dolly Maggie on the ground, her blood was on the cabbage

Thunder echoes through the mist, I think back once again
That night, the weather heard the cries of leafless branches...winter wren
So wet and cold... poor little thing, she had to be so scared
The rain, it holds no solace for a heart now broken...
so impaired
I have to sleep, so far I’ve gone...the fog impedes direction
Insanity imposed my mind, to give these demons cruel reflection
Think now, what would daddy say…It’s blood for blood,
and goods...
“So leave those boys scattered to the dark Kentucky woods”

Each one was carefully proposed and daddy told me how
Those men had lied to everyone, the truth was left quite disavowed
So he and I devised the plan, revenge, to leave them in those hills
The Gentry boys and they're older cousin, William Nathan Sills
To try and right the wrong inflicted, and ease my Mother’s pain
From the night when Bernadine was gone...
within the midnight rain
So lost and long ago in years my troubled heart finds no solution
I feel I must defend her soul, and so then meet my own conclusion

I've come to realize that it is I, who now has so been ******
But I followed daddy's orders, I killed them and I understand
These things come back to haunt me in my waking hours, to why
Those boys had begged so hard to live, all knowing they would surely die
My mind has wandered, I look up and see the cabin there
My Mother’s grief seen through the window, gray has stained her hair
I turn toward the door then stop, and step back silently
The dogs of hell expect me now, I suppose they wait ...
impatiently

And so I'll sneak away again, my parents old, and left alone
I leave them to their grieving, and so I leave my only home
To fade into concealing night, I invisible, unseen
Perhaps one day I'll meet again, my baby sister Bernadine
I now exist in isolate, apart from all those worldly things
It's time for me to find out what eternity can finally bring
But I'll be there from time to time, my essence will remain intact
To guard against the spirits that may come within the darkest black

The shadows come to hide me now, just like my daddy said
Though now the Moon refuses to reflect the arrowwood in red
I can hear the crying of my Mother, drifting through the oaks
Mother being Christian she don’t hold with the sin of killin’ folks
So how could I have gone inside?...these things
I’ve done, immoral
While Nathan and those Gentry boys lie dead and cold…
in mountain laurel
So now I’ll slip back through the garden, unobserved in passage
And as I go I’ll look again...no blood there...
on the cabbage…

Mother wouldn't want that…

Dean Evans
9-21-14
dean evans Jan 2015
Those things I bid for in my youth, have faded in the mist
Of clouded thought and cursed desire, where dreams cannot exist
Desolated time, sorrow speaks to me, concise
My heart shows no remorse for me, and has offered no advice
Depressed though as I am, I must greet another day
The wind was seen to blow the fragile Autumn leaves away
I watch each one descend, only to mix with the debris
Of memories, and what was lost, no dreams are left...
for me

Nothing there within my heart to soften nights insane
To so relieve my helpless mind and quell these thoughts, mundane
But once the endless night begins, it’s then that I forego
And sink into this hopeless view, the lowest of the low
I awake to yet another clear and blue, but darkened dawn
Unable to recall those things my dreams relied upon
Afraid to close my eyes and see the darkness that awaits
My dreams were much too small you see,
arriving much too late

I’ve gotten fairly good, at somehow getting through the days
No aspiration there beheld, to change things anyway
Another night envelopes me, and so as such I lie
An emptiness beside me, no more dreams of you and I
It came as no surprise I guess, this lack of emulation
Too long alone... but I suppose if dreams were my salvation
I’d find a way to thus allow these things into my mind
Perhaps, and give myself a dream... to gently there unwind

I think that now I’ve seen the things, that loneliness provides
It’s shown to me there... in my heart, my imperfection lies
And with heartless execution throws my soul out, to the cold
Now hopeless has it’s way.. with all that hope had once controlled
The daily tears will once again continue, with the night
Although I’ve lost the reasons for them, sad but this is right
Another sunset rises, to enforce it’s sad decree
No stars again...nothing within…
No dreams are left for me.

Dean Evans
11-18-14
dean evans Jan 2015
When I sleep I dream of you
And when the dawn hides dreams from view
I sit and wonder, ponder what is right...
Are you but visions brought to me
Do lies invade these dreams I see
Could you be only thoughts that haunt my night

If that holds true then I, insane
To dream these dreams of you again
Then wake to one more lonely bright blue sky
Now, all I wish is soft repose
The moment close, though I suppose
My fate was lost in long ago and why

Why, and how is love a dream
My thought so clear, or so it seems
But sunshine steals from me love’s warm embrace
I long for evening to unwind me
So my dreams again may find me
Locked within your arms and saving grace

I’ll look for you tonight my love
And be the willing victim of
A love I lost so many years ago
But I’ll come by, to visit you
The sunshine fresh, the day anew
Then leave my tears and flowers, when I go

To travel through my lonesome days
That cause these tears to stain my face
And choose my flowers carefully each time
Then back into my bed, I'm home
Your memory there, I’m not alone
We’ll sleep together,
adrift.. in heart and mind

Dean Evans
4-13-11
dean evans Jan 2015
Time has slipped away, perhaps passing me in sleep
Torn pictures, faded memories and this mirror makes me weep
I gaze into my eyes, and all the years stare back unkind
The smiles have turned to hardened cries, that linger in my mind
Times lost far in memory now, no thinking them to dreams
The days run into one somehow, my time too short it seems
The happiness remembered, has now sadness in it's wake
As children we pretended, as adults it's all too late

Everything is... "used to be"... all is would've been
Nightmares come in view for me, to show what could have been
But time is such a fluid thing that pours like summer rain
It's memories, at times still sing their songs of love...
and pain
But don't think I regret my time, for that will not be true
It's only that it hurts my mind, the times not spent with you
I have no answers, no way back, to change sorrows decree
The knowledge I suppose I lack, lies waiting there for me

Time has slipped away you see, though there are hopes I keep
That you are well and think of me, that I am in your sleep
The years that you had been my love, still smiling back at me
From just that one old photograph, and remembrance of " we"...
See, you and I once were, and always will be in my dreams,
But time demands its cruel wage, emotion trapped there...
in between
I've known or thought I'd known for years, what fortune was to come
The winds of change have blown you see,
the crying has been done

Yes, time will slip away again, but I've no need to weep
The mirror shows me weary eyes, so I must try to sleep
And moments slip away... no matter now, the time is gone
This life I've lived too long I guess, too long the setting sun
But worry not for me my child, I've loved you all the while
Your ways were always calm and mild, your brightness was your smile
But looking in this frame the image chases me, so why
Does life play out it's ugly game,
as time has passed me by

Dean Evans
a long time a go in a galaxy far far away
dean evans Jan 2015
April was a lovely girl, her warmth was in her eyes
And she and I would walk within the bright of Autumn skies
Too short our time together and what time consisted of
I knew her well, the shadows fell
You see, April was my love...

A young man then, and I knew all those things a young man knows
But somehow lost it all with age, I guess that's how it goes
But April understood and with time revealed to me
Reflection... my direction
And what April was to be...

She became to me.. the way to love's soothing caress
The answers to my questions, life and love were met with yes
All that April showed to me my heart still now believes
Now in her place, this empty space
April love, my heart still grieves...

Our time together had the look, of forever on it's face
The hands of time stood still for us, in arm, and sweet embrace
But it was not to be for us, nor I to hear the sound
But she was singing, bells were ringing
As she felt the darkened ground...

Too soon my April left me to some higher plane I'm sure
To wait for me to come someday, and reminisce with her
To tell me why each tear was lost, each April that I cried,
Love turned to loss, beside the cross
When my April died...

Winter's breath blows hard upon her memory now
But I remember April, springtime love and lifetime vow
Sometimes I can feel her touch, and feel the gentle breeze
The days and nights, the wrongs the rights
There are many thoughts of these...

Many years ago now, April's love had held my heart
Too many days, and nights spent now without, but not apart
And I would trade my today's, for yesterday to be
With April once again, just now and then
April was my love, you see?.......

Dean Evans
2-14-14
dean evans Jan 2015
I can't seem to sleep these days
Relaxation gone
Stripped of all I've known
Wasted years, no reason for heartless scenes they've shown...

I can't think how, or why
Youth was lost in time
Lost in heart and mind
Such precision indecision, confusion kills you from behind...

I won't be the one who stops
Wishing you were near
To dry your last sad tear
Bring happiness back into your life, and leave behind the fear...

I cannot forget your pain
Your life turned to the street
To take from me the sweet
And loving words I used to hear that now are quiet....
Incomplete...

I won't be the one who goes
Leaving you alone
That ringing of the phone
Cries out to me in tearful pleas, to help the wounded home...

And cries for help I know
Wont give us back the peace
We've lost life's fragile ease
But the life you dreamed of long ago is still within your reach...

We have to go through this
What life has brought to us
Strength you'll see will rush
Across our lives and make the time apart flash by, and thus...

Relieve our tortured minds
Give back to us what's real
To us, God will reveal
The things about our lives we had forgotten how to FEEL...

You must try, stay strong
And weakness I can't show
I'm weak, but you don't know
I've heard my steps, lost in the night, I hope it doesn't show...

You will be alright in time
Desperation goes
Life's blood will always flow
Between my heart and yours to reach down deep into your soul...

This nightmare will be gone
The time will pass you'll see
And days to come will be
The best days of your life ahead will finally set you free...

I'll be waiting silently
Stand in morning air
Notice I am standing where
I stood when we had said goodbye, in the sadness that we shared...

So think of me, my love
On an old and dusty street
Words of love we can't repeat
That still I hear, now far along the path to,
Incomplete.

Dean Evans
12-20-07
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