I've searched inside this rhyme of mine
And thought about the time, and kind
Of questions I would ask you, if I could
Researched my reflection there
Alone with just my mirror here
Directions that I’ve gone, or feel I should
No way that I can decide how
To hold you, keep you near me now,
And let you hear what I need you to hear
Though nothing comes into my thought
This poem, nothing to you brought
I see the empty, lost and lonesome years
But a poet must release the pain
As clouds relinquish summer rain
And so I sit here drowning in the storm
To tell you don't leave me alone
I know you won't pick up the phone
To offer shelter in, and keep me warm
To save my cold, and naked heart
And have it beat, to make it start
To live again, which only you can do
I die a little more each day,
It breaks my brittle soul away
That falls in pieces, to the floor for you
These lines of love, too late I write
My eyes too weary from the sight
Of empty pages, filled with empty word
I've dropped my pen, turned out the lamp
I've stopped, but when will dark and damp
Consume me, and the things my mind has heard
No use, I now have self been told
The fuse now lit, the match I hold
And time for me, is burning to my end
To burn this pain inside my head,
And yearn for rain, the storm now dead
My rhyme you see, I now can’t even send
Afraid my word, unread will stay
And go unseen, eyes look away
Crumpled, thrown out, tossed with all the rest
Dismembered by receiving hand
Remembered, but as grains of sand
Too small to place the pieces back to one
I know it's all been said before
It lies in bits upon my floor
And swept out with the dust, that was our love
I'll go, not call, not write and again
If only all was right, ah.. then
I’d see the love we once held high above
Held above the now that is
The love now gone, and how I miss
The way we used to be, but now is lost
Still these things trapped in my mind
Reveal those things that bring this rhyme
Reveals my broken heart, and what it's cost
I know my last verse penned to you
Won't show the sorrow coming through
This poem that I write, won't reach you now
The lines are lost, pen gone to me
Love lies dead in the debris
I know I must survive the pain...but how
And all it is, is how I feel
So small is this, to what is real
It keeps me here, to what I know is gone
Gone for you and I, as well
No word will do but I can't tell
I realize I tend to ramble on
Parted now, once intertwined
Insanity, within my mind
Alone within my shattered nightmare dreams
Too swiftly passed to comprehend
Unredeemed to my sad end
This poets words are tattered now, it seems
Incapable, to even stop
My grieving pen that now I drop
To bleed the ink as blood, upon my floor
As broken heart now bleeds for you
And taking all I need, or do
To crush me, rush me, I can take no more
No more the dark and endless night
Where happiness is locked down tight
My eyes reflecting backward just to see
Lonesome, lost inside my page
My final rest I'll know with age
And the sad goodbyes, a poet left to me

Dean Evans
7-18-08

I awoke to find myself alone, no words of sad farewell
The window offered nothing but the dawn
The sun had risen barren of the future, to foretell
To leave my heart exclusively withdrawn
Although I can recall when adoration was declared
When you and I had known loves sweet reply
But now, it seems the feelings have been suddenly impaired
As we have been deserted, Heart and I

I rise to the uncertainty, of what life has related
The antithesis of what I’d hoped would be
The echo of your memories continue, unabated
Within their solitary repartee
I seem to be a man who has lost the understanding
Of how and why love sadly went astray
Perhaps it just became for you, that love was too demanding
With what diminished years were to portray

Years that once unfurled for us in youth, and warm embrace
Times that now have left us far behind
I try hard to remember the sweet smile upon your face
So far my tattered memory has declined
I don’t know what we could’ve done, to rescue loves elation
I can’t recall things said, or left unsaid
And nightly dreams of you cannot offer me salvation
They only overwhelm me in my bed

I question whether things I said gave rise to your departure
I’ve searched my mind to what I may have done
Tough I have thus allowed my heart to be sadly, the martyr
In this viscous game that now has seen you gone
I wonder, what will now become of loves kind resolution
Could I, can I know the reasons why
That sorrow now has come to me, with savage execution
To leave us here alone,
My Heart and I...

Dean Evans
5-26-14

It’s four a.m. and once again I find I cannot sleep
Peace of mind eludes me as I chase
I cannot comprehend the many reasons that I weep
And in my mind the thoughts of love and life have been erased
The endless night where I reside, holds no remorse for me
No compunction for the one confined
While I languish for the dawn, I am found the absentee
And to the dark and empty insane thought, I am assigned

It seems I am the Watchman, forgotten, lost to light
Incubus, subsisting in confusion
Uncultivated hope, to antagonize delight
Bewilderment in sorrow, and confounded in seclusion
Imprisoned to a life unknown, existence far surreal
I find no hope, no promise of the dawn
I wonder, could the morning sunlight emanate, reveal
Solution for my restless soul, in clouds of pink chiffon

If only for a moment, there within the morning sun
I may see her face, and love again
I would feel that I have hope of heartbreak seen undone
To live in joy, unrestrained by sorrow’s cruel campaign
For once life stretched out far ahead, I was free to love a girl
Though time has seen her slip away from me
And now I watch the night alone, colorless, the world
The darkness overwhelms the radiance, that used to be

And though my restless spirit finds me not in soft repose
I stand as sentinel, imagine what may come
Though through the misty memories my heart does not disclose
The reasons love was forced, and thus compelled now, to succumb
And so I must endure the black of night, uninterrupted
I yearn only for dawns warm light above
Although I fear there is no hope for love, sadly corrupted
The lost and lonely years that I became the victim of

Its four a.m. and once again...
I cannot sleep.

Dean Evans
5-27/28-14

In dreams I think about this life, and my place upon this Earth
The most part being heart and mind, and soul for what it’s worth
The cosmos stretches far above, although my eyes can see
These thoughts that haunt my mind at times extend out…
endlessly.

Mentation turns to destiny to what the future holds
And back again to legacy, and the gifts I feel I must bestow
Upon those left behind me, to instill within their minds
When finally the Universe and I are gently intertwined

To think that I may one day see my spirit thus transversed
Against the awesome paradise where God and I, softly converse
To witness what this life has shown, that now is torn apart
Beguile anguished felicity, and so appease my tattered heart.

Although my hope remains suspect, that somehow hopeless dies
Far too many questions, too few answers to where comfort lies
Though I suppose simplicity awaits the ones who grieve
Patiently anticipating those who seek to so believe.

It seems I have no hope of prolonged years in soft repose
My eyes must blink you see... but I have seen, and I suppose
That time is just a cruel mirage shimmering, as light
Then pulls away and so reveals the truth of things, there…
In the night.

But still I dream about this life, and what awaits us all
When time and understanding finds us lost, what will we recall?
About these moments spent together, so informally
Listen… to the sound,
and the Whispers of Eternity.

Dean Evans
6-28-14

It's pouring rain, and I can see the darkened clouds accrue
Each drop that falls upon my window seems to come right through
And so my eyes accede the skies, each tear a piece of you
They lie upon my floor in shallow pools, and sorrows hue
It's cold outside and windy so I stay in from the rains
But cannot take my eyes away from what I hope remains
Of love that died, as dark clouds came and left the sky so stained
Upon my whole existence, leaving nothing...
but the pain

The soaking weather seems to somehow keep me locked inside
But also locked inside my thoughts, where memories reside
I guess my mind and heart are now along, just for the ride
I dream about the days before the sky and I...
had cried
My window holds these drops of rain, hopeless to see through
Or is it just my eyes that cannot see, grieving for you
The storm has taken everything, the love that we once knew
And now the rain reminds me, I am here...
but not with you

Skies outside are cloudy, my mind clouded as well
No clearing of the sky, or inside this raining hell
I try to tell myself that it's alright, but I can't tell
The void I stand in leaves my heart a hollow,
weakened shell
And I have no delusions that my eyes will see the storm
Ever stop outside or in myself to calm, and warm
They say this is exception but for me, it is the norm
The rain, it holds no solace for the one who's suffered harm

It only seems to pour that much harder into me
And also pours back out of me, and on this page, you see
I'm sorry to put burdens on your mind, that you don't need
But words are all I have, to show you how that it can be
Like someone to confide in, a shelter from the cold
The wind, it blows my thoughts away, emotions growing old
Too long have I, fought the fight too hard the rain, too bold
With not a loving hand or heart that I can have, and hold

I guess I've said too much to you I'm sorry if I'm down
But minds that rain inside, they have a tendency to drown
Drown themselves in sorrow and regret, for what they've found
I sit and watch the rain in silence...
wind the only sound
Except the beating of my heart, with loneliness set free
And there... outside the window rains the bitterness I see
The one that's left behind is the one that cries, and seems to be
That rain is falling from the inside out,
coming from me

Dean Evans
8-26-14

Sitting here I thought I saw you walk into the room
I don’t think I looked up however, reclining in the gloom
I thought I heard the sound of voices, memories exhume
Lost within some late, late hour envisage I assume
I waited for the morning’s dawn, though it did not arrive
It seemed the sun had lost to darkness, how could this derive?...
I realize my thoughts may be untrue, but know that I’ve
Been searching for an answer, or a way just to survive

Survive the anguished thoughts that... had we spoken once again
And gave ourselves that chance to softly talk, perhaps explain
To possibly relieve or somehow stop the crushing pain
If only I could talk with you and reminisce, of then
Your voice is there within my mind, but silent is the sound
I take the car, and listen as I slowly drive around
Then think I hear your laughter as I pass old stomping grounds
The noise then fades into the night,
as the sun it has gone down

Your essence lingers in those places, that you always knew
I feel your presence here... within these thoughts that I now view
Eyes closed to the pool of tears, I have shed here two by two
And so I sit alone and try to dream of talks with you
It troubles me to think of things I may have left unsaid
I need the chance to tell you, all these things inside my head
I’ve written many words that lie in pieces, left unread
Swept out with my hopes, another sleepless night ahead

To sit here in the hopeless hours, and curse the endless night
But dread the dawn that never comes, it’s threat of blinding light
I close myself to all that may remind me, what is bright
It haunts and wounds my time, with no way to make things right
And so I linger in the realm of dreams, it’s nothing new
Attempting to escape the glare of truth, in shining blue
The sky holds no remorse for me, or what I may pursue
Like thoughts of conversation, one more chance to talk…
with you.

Dean Evans
10-21-14

Come dark of night, let not my eyes embrace the morning sun
To ease this pain of soul and heart, the crying has been done
Refuse my mind contentment, end my sorrow with this gun
These bullets all are friends of mine, but all I need is one
Midnight strike!... Release from me this tattered, torrid scene
With sound that no one hears, I fear the silence can't stay clean
Tears shall not impede the lead that passes in between
Take away this pain I feel, take all that I have seen

Life it seems has played it's cruel and vicious game with me
I, the loser, though I find my freedom isn't free
The wind of discontent has blown, I sail a restless sea
No calm that stops this storm of thought, that rages within me
No parting of the hopeless, dreadful, dark and swirling cloud
Deliver me!... Unshackle me!, I cry this phrase out loud
Don't let the morning find my life in loss of hope, and proud
My finger on death's trigger, squeeze it once and I am out

Out of time and far beyond, is where I travel to
All because this rage of mind, these lies becoming true
Open up the chamber, the end of me is passing through
Allow my bleeding, broken heart,to lie here torn in two
Don't ask me now, I have no answer why love went astray
I cannot comprehend within my mind, these things I say
Perhaps in future years to come you all will feel this way
To rock you right down to the ground, you'll know my thoughts that day

I'll leave this note here on my bed, not sent to anyone
Believing that this final night will not return to dawn
I hold the answer in my shaking hand, I hold my own
Gone the anguish, free of crying...Torment when I'm done...
Don't let your mind be troubled because of what I do
I think I even want to feel it, sad, but this is true
What is it now inside my mind this love of steel, and blue
I write my last three words to Her in blood
Signed....
I love you.

Dean Evans
4-21-2010