I’m imperfect.
I’m damaged,
Flawed,
“Diseased”.
I’ve done things that I’m not
Proud of.
I’ve failed more times than
I want to admit.
I hate myself,
I’m overwhelmed,
I’m tired,
Burnt out.
I don’t wanna do this
Anymore.
I want to throw my hands
Up and give up.
I want to close my eyes
And sleep,
Sleep until I become
Numb
To the world,
The negativity of
Everything,
Everyone,
Myself.
Sleep until I’m finally
Happy.
I’m imperfect.
But I am who
I am.
My imperfections make me
The person I am,
The person I’ll become.
I’m empathetic,
Loving,
Caring,
Special.
I’m happy,
Loved,
Supported,
Embraced.
I was a student but now
I’m a teacher to others
With my imperfections
And my story.

Am I imperfect?
Nope.
Am I perfect?
Yea...ok
Hello world,
My name is
David Chin
And I’m...
I’m...
Imperfectly perfect.

Close your eyes...
Take a few deep breaths...
All I hear in my head is...
Failure.

No matter how hard
I try to get that outta
My head...
It echoes.

Failure...
What does that
Even mean?
Am I a...

Am I a failure?
Most will say
Yeah...
I am.

I lost count of
How many times
I’ve failed and
Wanted to give up.

College #1...
Too many classes...
And semesters...
Life?

Maybe...
Maybe I am a...
Failure?
Maybe not?

I looked back on
The things I’ve done
When I fell so far down
And I feel blessed.

Been an EMT for 10 years...
Worked in the ED for 5 years...
Saved hundreds of lives...
Birthed a few.

I cried...
I screamed...
I wanted to quit...
But I didn’t.

When I failed...
I learned so much
About myself
And my purpose.

I learned empathy,
To not hide my emotions,
That things happen
For a reason.

I learned that
It’s ok to fall
But just get back up.
We all fall down.

I learned that
So many people
Support me and
Love me.

I learned that
I’m not alone
And I’m never
Alone.

I learned that
The first few falls
Hurt the most
But it’ll be ok.

I’m never alone.
I’m never alone.
I’m...
I’m never alone.

Am I a failure?
When I close my eyes...
All that echoes is...
You got this!

Am I a failure?
Hell no!

The sun sets every night
After a long, hard day at work
Shining bright on everyone
While forgetting to shine bright
On itself.

The sun hides behind dark
Storm clouds and cries
Cooling everyone down
While they yearn and pray
For the sun to come back.

The sun shines the brightest
On days when everyone needs
A break from their daily lives
Bringing warmth and joy
Without care for itself.

The moon rises every night
Breaking through the
Darkness of night
Lighting the paths of
The night wanderers.

When everyone is asleep,
The moon guides all the
Heroes and heroines who
Don’t wear capes but uniforms
Back home safely to their families.

The moon’s soft light
Enters the windows of
Little children soothing them
And sings a lullaby softly into
Their ears putting them to sleep.

When the sun and the moon
Are depressed or overwhelmed,
They reach out to each other
And they embrace for a hug;
It’s a total eclipse of the heart.

Be the sun and the moon
In someone’s life - bring joy,
Bring love, bring laughter,
Bring calmness, bring hope.
Shine bright like the sun and the moon.

Hello world,
My name is David
And I’m...
I’m always tired.

I don’t mean
Like I want
To nap...
I’m “tired”.

I’m tired of everything,
Of everyone.
I’m tired of you...
World.

I’m drained
Mentally,
Emotionally.
I’m exhausted.

I’m overwhelmed
By everything and
Everyone even the
Tiniest of things.

I try my best...
I really do but
I can’t give 100%
Let alone 1% of myself.

I’m depressed,
Fed up.
I’m...
I’m over it.

I feel defeated,
Empty,
I feel so...
******* alone.

I’m stuck in an
Endless roundabout,
Roller coaster,
Loop-de-loop.

I’m falling apart
Mentally,
Emotionally and there’s...
Nothing I can do.

I’m too numb...
To deal with what life
Brings me, too numb to
Talk to anyone, too numb to carry on.

I’m done with it
I’m over it
I’m sorry world...
We’re breaking up.

It’s not you,
It’s...it’s me.
I have no will
Or strength.

When I wake up
Every morning,
I’m scared...
I’m so ******* scared.

I’m scared about
What you will throw
At me. I’m scared
Of what will happen

If I continue down
This path I’m on right now,
If I close my eyes
And roll with the punches.

When I close my eyes,
Every night,
I pray that I wake up
But I won’t argue with Him.

The thoughts racing
Through my mind at night
Feel so ******* real
That I don’t know what’s

Real life
And what’s fantasy.
These constant voices in my
Head make me tired.

I’m not myself,
Who have I become?
I’m never tired
But I’ve always been tired.

Hello world,
My name is David
And I’m tired isn’t
Always about sleep.

For all the mistakes you’ve made
In the past and present,
Never apologize for them
#SorryNotSorry

They’ve molded and shaped you
Into the person you were,
The person you  are,
And the person you’ll become

For all the could’ve, would’ve,
Should’ve, and maybes,
Don’t let them get to you
#SorryNotSorry

You’ll learn to pick and choose
What is right and what is wrong
And what decisions will make you
The person you’ll become

For all the heartaches,
Heartbreaks,
And missed opportunities
#SorryNotSorry

The sting from a bee
Causes pain momentarily
Pain doesn’t last forever
Time will heal all the pain and suffering

People come
And people go
Moments and memories last forever
#SorryNotSorry

Cherish every moment and memory
You’ve had and will have with everyone
You cross paths with in your lives
You’ll grow stronger emotionally and mentally

When you feel like you can’t carry on
And the weight of the world is too heavy
Never settle for less than what you can do
#SorryNotSorry

You will feel depressed
Anxiety will always be knocking
When you feel overwhelmed by your thoughts and emotions,
Never forget who you are and why you’re here

Never apologize for your past,
For your present,
For your future
#SorryNotSorry

Never apologize to other people
Never apologize to yourself
For how you live your own life
#SorryNotSorry

#SorryNotSorry

I’m losing control of my emotions
That I get lost in the ocean’s
Motions and I get tossed by the tide
And I can’t help but run and hide

From everyone who’s there to provide
Nothing but love and support and I’d
Do nothing but denied everything and cried
Like a child without his lollipop and relied

On everyone around me to make it all right
But I can’t do anything like a knight
Without his armor and sword to fight
The dragon that lives inside me and incite

Wars of words and raw emotions
Without providing any notions
Of the use of potions that give me that feeling
Of dealing with my demons and healing

Without kneeling and revealing that the battle
Has been won by the devil that’ll
Reside in me forever and always
And I roam the hallways of my life in a foggy haze

And I’m amazed
By all the phrases
Of praise
Without dismays

I’m losing control of my mind
Of my emotions and I’m blind
Mentally, emotionally I’m outta control;
It takes a toll on my soul

My life as a whole
Is outta my control

God, Allah, Our Lord Savior
Every night I say a little prayer
To bless me with the strength and will
To carry on and swallow this hard pill

That is choking me every time I breathe
And it feels like I’m being stung by a million bees
I can’t believe what my life has become
And I’m just here think ummm

Every time I say a prayer when I can’t go on
I feel like I can’t go above and beyond
My own abilities and capabilities
Why am I feeling the hostilities

And becoming casualties of my own
Actions and demise and I feel so alone
And I’m outta my comfort zone
And I’m scared shitless of the unknown

I think that my plans will be postponed
When I’m overthrown by the cyclone
I should’ve outgrown my demons but they’re unbeknown
To me and my family and I’ll be disowned

When I can’t carry on I say a prayer
As I struggle to climb these endless stairs
Of endless despair; this is ******* unfair
Why was I not aware? I’m so impaired

Mentally, emotionally, socially
This is affecting me totally
I can’t carry on, I’m done with this life
I wanna cut myself with a Swiss Army knife

Down the road, not across the street
This will definitely be a treat
To everyone who has treated like their *****
I gotta cure this itch and end up in a ditch

Every second I say a prayer
To God, Allah, our Lord Savior
Give me strength to carry on
And the will to fight on!