Dear Stars,
Whether you be of now, or of moments long forgotten;
Do not think of me.
Whether you dangle near, or amongst many silken companions;
Do not consider me one of them.
Whether you observe life, or glimpse only the vast expanse of black;
Please. Do not see me.
For I came from you;
And until I again return,
There could be no greater injustice.

I didn’t know you could suppress something
so adamantly and at the same time feel it
so deeply, so completely.  
My Head and my Heart are both
positively charged parts and they push
and push
and they squeeze,
Trying to reconcile like a
Mother and Daughter after Daughter says
“mamma, I’m not a ****** anymore”,
Wanting desperately to be given the a-okay and
rush together with a clap so strong
it would make people roll up their car windows and
call in their cats
cause there’s about to be a storm.
It’s already got winds up to 50 knots and
I haven’t even allowed it a breeze yet!
My rebellious child,
so unruly without Mother’s consent,
How will she react when Mother finally says,
“Alright child, you can come out now, it’s safe for us outside”.
But she hasn't heard the weather report and
She hasn't called her cats inside and
I’m afraid
because when that day comes
We’ll be the ones blindly content
in the trees near the flagpole by the lake,
because our sanity is no longer at stake.
And we’ll get struck by lightning.

They say that when
you can't sleep at night
it's because someone out
in this blind world
is thinking of you

I've noticed
you've had bags
under your eyes

I'm sorry that you haven't slept

j.f

I don't want somebody else
knowing how your eyes seem to glow when the sun stares
to know how it feels to
           put their head on your chest and feel your calm heart beat

I don't want somebody else
who's eyes seem to glow when the sun stares
           and to lay on their chest knowing it isn't you

I don't know what i want

I don't know what will be worse either

having someone else
                                                                       or
you loving someone much more than you ever loved me

j.f

I watched through tears
--That streamed like the one out back
And the scattered clouds
--The ones that floated overhead for years
A twilit ridge inurn the sun.
It was one of those rising hills of my youth,
One my infant eyes always thought
Gave birth to the moon
Time and again.
With its innocent face smiling
That worldly crispness is lost
And the foggy past is far more defined.
Who are these forms I've lost?
They are but phantoms,
(I tell myself)
And now intangible, those memories
Acidic and dusted with sugar
Held suspended and taunting, like
Feet at the mouth of an open casket.
The cold, bitter knives of impersonal
Reunion
And rejuvenated promises
--Only now remembered, only now forgotten—
Illuminated once again
In the dark.
Passing onward and through
--Like our time together—
Exactly like wind through these **** dead branches
And this grave: winter-bare.
I remember the vivacity
How enlivened the sky, that I
Each day for granted took
And how so much smaller, in my youth,
The mountains afar looked.
But there is no home,
It died when I left.
The poison I fought
Has become the blood which pumps the heart,
Now corrupt,
Antithetical.
Nothing is more colorless, not sky,
Nor hill, nor moon,
Or ever more formless
Than what I once called home.
Now that only exists is deteriorated
A rotting house:
Four walls and a roof to keep
Hatred dry,
Windows and lamps, so
Hatred has eyes,
And all the people that
Hatred hates most.
How cozy it must be to sleep in
One’s own bed, no?
To have some stable place,
And an ounce of certainty?
As for me, that will never be
Again.
Though the house is open,
Lock, room, and all
The home is closed forever
Without a proper epitaph.
Vain death.
Vain,
Vain,
Death.
Now all I can only turn back
And flirt with shadows
Just outside my arms
Walk with images
Shifting, growling, and oh, so dark
--mere abstraction
--future so stark--
With no companion but defeat.
I can’t hug a memory,
Nor cry on recollection’s shoulder,
Nor can my mother or sibling console me,
And I cry alone.
Maturation is merely widening a distance, so
I should let them go,
Bid them adieu
Because, I can't be homesick
For a home
I can't go back to.

Dawn, o Dawn
Sunlight that spills over a distant hill
Teasing the shadows of wheat and knell
Filling the cracks with a soulful lit
Expose the face, the shining face
The earth that shies from night
Expose the blindness of the earth
Just as blind in the light.
The fury that melts the dew away
Casts me long away from me
I stood outside, the weeping fields
Seeking the escape I need.
Futility, oh misery
It pulled me back, the seed
And forced embrace, to love the day
Despite spurn, implore, or plead.
The coming day, I hate the man
No friend of mine is he
Every day, oh, Dawn, oh Dawn
A disappointment to me.
Ev’ry step of Apollo’s path
Is paved with bitter tears
Each minute, forced to swallow
To see my failure’s leers
Each time the day begins anew
I’m forced into a darker world
One where pieces of the previous day
Are halved, split into
Shreds and shreds Oh, dear, oh, dear
You’d think spirit’d be all but dead
But what kills him more is not his thought
But what my eyes continue to see
When those eyes were drawn to me
The sun shows never was
It existed in the dark
Obscures like barley’s shadow does
And if, of course, it’s fantasy
A book intent with end
I’ll rip and claw the dawn away
And fiction I’ll defend
For if you’ll never grace my field
And reap the fruits that grow
I’ll just raze them, sky and all
The passion the earth will know.
A fictitious world, much more surreal
I love my own creation
The sunlight unveils the bitter truth
They are not food, but cremation.
If I could stop the coming dawn
If even for a moment
Darkness would bathe the far corners
Wasted lives atone it.
But that is bunk, the dawn knows that
Reality is taken in full
Who ever knew a crisp fall morn
Could be so utterly cruel?
Laying here, the sun moves on
Soon we’ll both be dead
To face the face, my misery
Confines me to this bed.