Forever I denied the loveliness of wildflowers. Never wanting to admit I admire their wild beauty at play or that I felt like I was one of their own. So I took a long slumber that lasted more then winter always denying thy name. Ever changing and ever growing deep inside my earthly darkness. Creating weeds and spreading external havoc across fields luscious and green. Believing wild to be a treacherous thing. All consuming and never steady, never perfect as a rose tended in a garden. But then I awoke one day from my slumber and looked across the wondrous sky. Seeing for the first time all the beautiful colors that wildflowers create- pink, blue, yellow, and golden orange mixed into seas of green. I knew then and there I was claimed. Forever growing, forever being- beautifully imperfect like a wildflower. Wildflower I sang- at last accepting my name.

The water calls to her
like a sailor to the sea
The water calls to her like a seal who swims free

The waves crash upon her
and she releases all her worries and fears
to the deep blue sea

As she pushes on the ocean floor
She rises above and looks at the starlit sky
Smiling and breathing in the salty air
Bowing her head to the full moon

Laughing, knowing she is not alone
Splashing and playing like a child
Hearing soft whispers
Telling her she is a Goddess of the Sea

She sinks deeper, letting the water cleanse her
For her soul was made of sea foam
Here her heart will always lie
Knowing she was born a mermaid long ago

Tear drops over tree tops
Splash and lets play

Grief withers away
Because change is coming
And yesterdays have left

Crying for what's yet
Drops for past wishes

Moan
Won't forget the sun
Gasp, hot lovin'
Just to feel enough

Shimmer
Times have come
And will be gone
Except for today
Everything just begins

Feathers dropping
Flowers blooming
Glittery pink skies
Hearing birds cry
Watching the moon rise
Cold night skies

Hold close
Won’t forget
Before it sinks
It isn't happening yet
But yesterday has come
And now it's went

Breathe

Grown deep
Sink and wave
Dancing today
Free falling tomorrow
Now smiles
No end...

Circular motions
Closing ceremonies
Yule tide greetings
New Moons
Creations create
Intentions, ready- set
Let's begin again

Radishes all there are radishes
Remembering...
Up rooting from the decaying earth
Dirt fluttering like snowflakes to the ground
As picked rows of radishes becoming piles
Smile...Remembering the feeling of satisifcation
Hard-work and ***** hands
Remembering... heart-shaped radishes
Piles of heart- shaped radish
Dripping of Mother's earth
Remembering... All, all the madness
Consumed by madness
Pick by pick- row by row all the heart-shapped radishes
Remembering, Smiling -desiring
All the hurt melting- slowly melting
Unseen- becoming one with earth
Transforming into rows and rows of heart-shaped radishes
Healing parts of all the madness, wholeness
Remembering... and smiling... ***** hands and radishes

Child’s Laughter
Is like sprinkling pixie dust
Igniting the mind
Allowing us to take the helm
Steering the ship
To travel among the stars
Discovering uninhabited worlds
Grabbing our wooden swords
Charging forth
On a top secret mission
To release our contained souls
For that second
Our imaginations escape free

The magic
Glowing, Shining
Being absorbed inside of me
Dancing
Twirling, Spinning
Faster, Slower
My soul breaking free
It flows and sways
Giving soft kisses
Liberating me

Moments are often made of firsts
Times you never realize will eventually end
In the moments you can't stop them
Or even start them
They are just there, being lived
And as you look back you wished that moment never ended
But in the moment you never thought it would
I remember that first time we took a picture
It was one of our first times of a lot of firsts
We disagreed
I said it was our first date and you said it was around our fourth
In that moment I was just happy to be by your side
Smiling and enjoying our time
However, I knew this too would eventually end
Because moments are just pictures in time
That break your heart and steal your mind
But isn't it wonderful, in the moment we never knew
We just live it
Because in moments there is no time to think about the ends.

The simple truth is, there are no truths
There are just opinions in our minds
The simple truth is, what we think matters
Our thoughts form our "truths", that become our lives
Have you ever wished what you thought would come true
Well, here's the simple truth, your wishes have all come true
Take a gander at your life and try to remember what you've thought
The simple truth will be revealed that you thought your entire life

Small moments are brief but the sweetest~

Hello dear friend,
She takes a sip to the beginning of the end.

She doesn't want to be like them, but she is scared to not.
So she pretends.

All the words begin to blend,
She feels empty because she is starting to want to be like them.
She holds up her drink, and pretends again.

Life feels surreal.
Like she isn't really real, yet what she does will remain forever.
So she takes a shot, so she can play pretend again.

Now she is like them.
Dancing all over the men, later she sleeps with one of them.
Waking up, regretting once again, she insists on pretending to be one of them.

Let's just play pretend she says to him
And they f*ck again.

She whispers to herself, "I don't want to pretend, yet here I am again."
"I am just like everyone else, playing pretend."

Here I am in front of you, exposing all my truths
And I don't know why
You're not that special or important
But when I see you I feel so naked
And I just can't figure out why
Why is it you?
Like you can see me, really see me
See me more then I have ever been seen before
And that makes me uncomfortable
So I ramble on and on, about this and that
Trying to fabricate a wall of lies between us
But I still feel naked, so naked
Like you can see right through the *******- to my core
And I just can't figure out why
Why is it you?
So, here I am naked, right in front of you
Feeling so revealed and unprotected
Raw and exposed
But I still want to be around you
Maybe even need
Because I've never felt so naked before...

I’m not sure where I belong
Is this world crazy or just me
Sometimes I feel like I’m doing everything so wrong
But then there’s the other me
The person I strive to be
She is courageous and strong
Determine to do all that is assumed wrong  
And sometimes I see her
And all I want is to be her
I tell myself why can’t I break free
Be who I want to be
Do what I want to do
But at the end of the day
I must awake from this fantasy
Because no one is ready for me
No one is ready to truly accept people who are different  
So I’ll put on smile
And compose myself
I’m out of the box
That is easy to see
But I stay within guidelines
Because society would never accept me
And when the world is ready to open their minds
To accept and recognize that we are beautiful and unique

To embrace each individual’s originality  
Only then will I get to be me
I will get to shine
Until then, unfortunately, I will stay within the guidelines
Drinking another glass of wine
Throwing up a peace sign
Smiling and laughing on all the cue times
But never saying what is truly on my mind

We live on a freakin' planet
It seems so obvious...
But do we ever really take the time to think about it
As we are waiting to get our Large Coffees
Or beeping at each other during rush hour times
Do we ever stop and think, just pause for one second and realize
We live on a freakin ' planet
All together
All one
Living, breathing, being apart of this one organism
Think about it...
Just for one second,  stop and think
We ALL live on ONE freakin' planet!

I know the secret the grass whispered to the stems who told the leaves who told the flowers, that told the bees.
The bees then whispered it to the trees who told the wind who told the sky that told the sun and later that night the moon.
The moon then whispered to the stars that twinkled in unison, as I looked at the night sky,  I whispered, "What is the secret of life, dear Universe."
And then I heard, with my heart, "I am you." <3
Which I whispered to the rich earth.

The search, the search
I go on once again
Told it's found within your heart and not your head
So hard,so hard to find some truth
When I am scared to look within
This machine we've created seems to have no end
And then in the quiet I find it
Just like before
The bliss, the magic, the love
Oh, joy
But fear, then fear, consumes once again
Begins the search, the search
To look within

There are words that haven't left their lips
Dark red oozing from their tongues
Waiting to exhale
To let all go
Reputing like volcanoes in ever lusting passion
Collapsing-swirling red ashes upon the living floor

The words that have been kept
Afraid to reek the havoc they've made
But lust consumes the sweet evergreens of earth
Wanting to explode and become the madness

A floating a red dream
Part of their firey density
Here they gleam in magnificent
Feeling so **** in the dark red dress
Exploring all their desires
Colors- twirling and whirling dancing in the fire

Oh beautiful red earth
Brush upon the skin now
Release from the finger tips
Spreading across the million red skies
Joining All to One time

Crying isn't just crying its waterfalls and oceans colliding creating massive thunderstorms

Getting angry isn't just getting angry it's eruptions and explosions wiping out buildings and burning down towns

But laughing isn't just laughing its full on bursts of happiness and joy
loud and echoing down hall ways

And being happy is never just being happy its the feeling of dancing on clouds or seeing the most perfect sunset

Feeling is never just feeling it can't be described by one word- one emotion, it's deeper, it's uglier, it's prettier~

Voice
Softer then it's coarse
Project louder
Streak
Left all alone
But at least it speaks

That other half, so dark and deep
The shadow that often creeps
Filled with laughter and promiscuity
It slithers and it scorns
Often holding judgments and lies
It is the shady part of the tree
The sky without a moon or a foggy night
That other half
Dare not speak it's name
For it'll venture out
Perhaps it will put hot red lipstick on
And dance among those who have lost their hearts
Practically naked with lusting eyes
Tempting all the darker sides
That oth half, that desperately scares
Painted red and staring
Often tempting me throughout the night
Have another drink it whispers so sweetly
Sip, drink, chug
And I'm lost among the clouds
It feels so good to be consumed

Why can't I just allow you to overtake me
Why do I put you in a box
with all the shoulds and would haves
and responsibilities
Sometimes when I quiet my mind you escape briefly
Twirling in the snowflakes
laughing in the rain
and whispering to the trees
Suddenly worry overtakes
and I lock you back in the box
For this is a material world and there is no time for "fantasy"
Only time for making money and doing "grown- up" things
The funny thing is all these things make more sense
when I am allowing you to be free~

I've walk the horror lines
I've had shadows take and break me
Bending me to their will for years to follow

I've told horrid lies
I've been deeply hurt and hurt others deeply
I've been consumed by the darkest of hell's madness
And I've been spit out- only to plunder further

But I thank God for all these moments
Sometimes even praise Her

For I have seen the prettiest of sunny skies
And felt the richest of earths
I have been brought to my knees in absolute joy, on several occasions
No pill- only real life ecstasy
I've sobbed in absolute love to the Heavens with my arms thrown high
Being consumed by how perfectly-imperfectly e truly is

I've laughed and danced with Angels
Racing them down mountains
Feeling their soft kisses tickle me while I pass them

I've sat whiling eating pancakes- chatting with Buddha about Jesus
I've held the wise hand of Pallas Athena
And feel her tall- glorious form continuously by me

I've felt the intoxicating- purifying of Divine love
Of All That Is and Greater
I've felt Her arms sweep around me and through me-
Hugging me to sleep
I've given Her a million kisses while she continues to give me a million and one

And,

I could ponder over and over again about the agony- the anguish
Stay **** in the unbearably horrifying moments
The ones that seem to rip my heart into a thousand unmendable pieces

Or,

I could smile at them
Release them
And let them go

I choose to wake-up and continuously swim in Heaven's pool of absolute magic  
Welcoming all that is humanly unknown to persist and exist

For -I- know, in All that is true and holy
I'll meet the laughter and feel the Greatest of love
Beyond forever and forever more ~~

Words do not escape like warm honey
They gather up like black molasses
Entrapped for all of time

Dare not speak them
Too prideful
To name would be to admit
To confess
Love fallen and no regret
To love without promise of  love
To fall in the infinite
Knowing not if one will be caught
Or bathed in pure bliss

Unspoken words are bottle up deep inside
Causing pain, anguish and sadness
An unfathomable hole of darkness
Awaiting recognition of it's true nature  

So lost in the illusion of what once was or could have happened
Too busy avoiding and hiding to pause and let the darkness unveil
To let it name itself for what it is
Only moving day through day with the undeniable need to unleash the madness

With the vial pulled over
The search for unknowable answers persist
Falling victim to loving others who do not love themselves
Lost in delusions
Constantly trying to escape truth
That will only be revealed when paused and left to be undefined

There's  a gentle softness
And it all seems to melt away
Oozing bliss in the cauldron *** of love

I tried to fix it all
but there was nothing to fix
I tried to be it all
but there was nothing to be

Then I looked into your eyes
And I saw the light
there it just was
there it just is

It scared me
to know a love like that
to meet it

So I ran
I ran so far away
Into the shadows

There I lost myself
There I found myself
But I still kept running

But you cant run from Love
Because love IS

Wise Sage Woman
Won't you tell me your secrets
Why do you smile like that
When you have seen it all go
Wise Sage Woman
Will you tell me your secrets
Of why you stand here
With your loving eyes
When you have seen loved ones die
Wise Sage Woman
Will you tell me secrets
Of where we all go before we die
Wise Sage Woman
Sitting there smiling at me
Please tell me your secrets
So I may finally be
She says young woman
Yes, Woman
Sit next to me
I'll tell you tale
Of witches and warlocks
Of fights, blood, and demise
Of true love, of love
Of conquer of pride
I've seen it all
Lived it all
And when it is time for me to go
I will bring it ALL with me
Because life's lessons are the biggest gifts I have ever recieved

Alive, the living
The human form composed
Blank spots
Pain and knots
Aging and disgrace
Little unknowns
Mixed with memories of love with conditions
Never knowing if being seen is real or unreal
Blank spots
Blocked spots
Deep anger, deep fear and regret
Deep, so deep
It stinks, it hurts
It's cold nothingness, mixed with blankness
It's hidden from existence
The darkness, the scar, the burn
From never being heard
Dark spots
Really dark, blank spots
The demise, the suffering, the lies
Uplift, don't drown
Mustn't go too deep
Deep down
Now
Lift up, submerge
Lift and lift and lift
Until sunshine pours in
Glittering gold
Soft spots, warm spots
Longing, needing spots
Of sunshine and happy days
Of feelings of love
Of Uncondition-love
Love that only exist in true form
The need to be, the need to slow
The need to feel not so alone
Soft spots, warm spots
Loving spots
Spots that love and love and love
Love that always seems be and never dies
But grows infinitely and internally, externally
Always
Mix them up
Black spots blank spots and gold spots
Steaks of glitter atop a dark canvas with miles in between
Painted like a twinkling night sky
Or moment held in time
That is some truth of the inside

The white snake sleathers up
while the red blood sleathers down
and the hour glass shows
the time has come of decisions
decisions needing to be made
but which way
when both roads are painted both ways
down would be too painful
up is so unknown
safety in the inbetween lines
blank spaces
with no sounds of ticking time
demise or insanity
sanity or enjoyment
there is no clear name for the space inbetween decisions
only the parallel lines of both red and white meeting

You wanna moon dance you wanna witch prance under the naked stars what time to be alive lets moon dance lets have a feminine romance **** out **** out its a moon dance lets wake up the kings who have been a sleep call them to our coven for a moon dance to make love like a dolphin ******* its a moon dance for the queeenssss to awaken to the their kingggg time to make our ***** sing and sway under this moon danceee

crimson black roses
and the kiss of death
been avoiding you for most of my life
how did we get here
I see a blank canvas
But no paints to color with
the void has widen
and black nothingness consumes me
the truth
the lies
all the same to me
you wanted me to get here
I am convinced
to feel the nothingness
and the crimson kiss of death
so now I lie
floating in the abyss
no longer able to lie to myself
you can't fool or convince a bullshitter
all the lies and truths combine
there is no right
no wrong
to exist
is to be
and to be is to know
there is nothing left
the end is death.
And, I'll forever question whyyyy?
You needed me to feel this

I have known always how to be the desirable one
I have never known until now to be Desired by myself.

The vast unknown has for me been a very difficult place to be
or so I assumed
However, it was the knowingness that consumed me
If I knew what to expect and it didn't happen, wasn't as successful or precise than I lived in despair and demise

I don't know what is happening I told my lover
I don't know where this path leads us
In the unknowing I have found my happiness
And, when I try to know is when despair happens

The vast infinite unknown waits for all of us
It consumes us
But when we free fall into it
Look around and enjoy it
Something that felt so scary before now feels like infinite glory

Will you step into the unknown with me
Will you take my hand
I cannot lead for I do not where we are going
You cannot lead because you do not know as well
But together we can hold hands, be right beside each other

Discovering
Journeying
Being
Exploring


In the VAST UNKNOWN

Together

hey there molly
how are you doing tonight
im wild and free just being me
lets get lost in the night
the thing is you cant tame a ****
you gotta let it be
hey there molly
can we dance and stay up all night
maybe kiss the stars
and lie in the grass
oh this feels so right
me and you here tonight
hey there molly
i wish you could see the flowers in your hair
and how much I care
let's sway back and forth
hearts to hearts
you can love free and i'll love me
together forever
soul, spirit and the wind
hey there molly

Sparks flash
Zap
And I can breathe
The pain hurts so pleasurably

I used to think it was wrong
But how can pure ecstasy be a sin

Maybe I'll bleed
Maybe I'll bruise
Maybe I'll fear

But this time it will be my choice
And not just anyone's

Everyone tells me I have *** eyes
That stare straight into their soul

They turn away from me
Or use me and leave me

But I am just me
Can you see me

Do you want to know me...

Can you hear me

Am I here
Or, am I my stare

ZAP ZAP ZAP
it all fades
into joy
and I am just me
here lying
receiving
being

remembering I am more then *** eyes
and what you want me to be

I may choose to be your puppet
But remember I am also the pulling the strings

Take me as I am

Come and play with me

Dress me up and mess me up

Come and dare to see

I may just be more than *** eyes

that will surely stare into awakening your soul.

Who knows...

I. AM.

Fire and freeeeeee
Sparks and rain
Lust and love
Take me for me

I have never met you
but if I could tell you
It sounds like you were lovely

I get this world is hard
Often times I have been consumed by the darkness

In the pain I see the pleasure
I get you could only feel the pain

I hear the birds chirp
New life begins to emerge

I know you could not see these things
But I want you to know they saw you

If there was ever love
It's love for another who is lost

The love is unconditional and without expectation

In your hurt
There was a world of people
Who loved you

I know some have cried
Some have been angered
Some are frozen
Some will heal
Some may take time

These feelings will not be forgotten

And, the truth is sometimes to be a human is to be lost

Dear one, know you were a friend
Know you were loved
Know the hurt is because you were loved
Know I know you were lost

In the flames I met you
And, we were too afraid to turn all we loved into ashes

So we let go

But baby I bleed
And, I seek
And, I need

Is it just me
Or, was I only a muse for you

Just a girl to use for you

Glitter dust

You come to me in my dreams

You tell me this isn't what I think
But have you asked me?

Do you really want to know...
Who you are

Or, will you run before your told

I bleed, I seek, I need

The wounds run deep

But bonds forever untold
You'll always feel me...

Feel meeeee

Sweet precious sky
Teardrops at dawn

Smeared colored eyes
Are gifts you give to me

Look what you've done to us

You called me here
So here I come

Two flames ever burning, ever more

We will always beeeee

You will always feeeel meeeee forevermore

Skies at dawn is what we'll look for

I do not want to be your Rose
Or your Aphrodite
Don't call me your Muse
Or baby girl
I want you to see me
For the scar on my neck
The wrinkles on my legs
The flab upon belly
I want you to love me when I am depressed
When I am sick, snot overflowing
Perfectly imperfect and a real fcking mess
Buy me flowers when I do not give you ***
I want you to know me to know me
Not because you want or need something from me
I want you to feel with you heart
And, speak with your chest
Because you to know yourself
I want you to love me to love me
Not to know what love is or to have someone to love you
I am so tired of being the girl that enchants a man
Simply because she is a woman
Don't speak to me unless you want to actually listen
Don't say you understand if you do not care to
Don't ask me my dreams, hopes, fears, desires and more if simply for a second you want to escape this madhouse we are all in
I am a woman
Hear me roar
Hear me be reborn
I am not here for you
I am not yours
I am here for my delight
I am here for my amusement
I am here for my joy
My pleasure
My happy ending
You simply get to be a part of my story
But not my whole story
Learn to love because you are love
Learn to grow because you want to evolve
Learn to listen because you want to also be heard
Learn to be in partnership with a woman because you are a man worthy of her

Purrrfect
whisper these words and you will find them to be your best friend
Purrfect
The most inticing words of the english language
Words that control our culture and our society seems to be secretly based on
Plastered pictures of perfection
Skinny models that eat burgers
That's perfection
She can eat and be skinny
Why can't we all?
Purrfect is a seductirist
She seduces you into believing that if you are "good enough"
Do everything and all things "right"
You'll be loved forever and nothing bad will ever happen
Purrfectttt, just be purrrfecttt
Always so, always do, always look your best
Perfect is the goal
That is forever unachievable, yet everywhere we see the desire to be perfect
Well if you dress with brand labels, you play multiple instruments, you're trending on twitter, and have a million insta followers plus a banging bond, and you eat what the ******* want while rocking a size zero, and you date the hottest guy that worships you but you don't worship him and you have zero negative emotions and are always smiling, and have the job you've always wanted or you get to travel because money just floats out the air and you got nothing to worry about because you're on the cover of all the magazines
You're purrrfecttt