I once wanted to know how I was viewed through your eyes
yet
could only imagine a transient apparition
in
clouded visions of denial.

and when you save yourself from the waters
and are filling your lungs with air
all that you knew before you dove in;
grew, died, or changed
while you were patiently waiting to survive

ever stop to see
how the day can be
painted an estranged shade
like obscure fractal divisions
composed of lost pieces
of Akashic data
and somehow everything changes
because nothing ever changes
and how much astute piety can be retained
when the entirety has been scrutinized
will it put the demons to rest
or guilt to the test
as you pass through the veil
appearing
ever so frail
in the eyes of
the macrocosm

You opened your mouth, and the words came out
Came right out from the heart, in the heart
Of the desert, and your heart was a desert
Deserted arid, you alone, never alone, forever
Lonely, only because the words came out
Out there, where they were
They were deaf, and blind, blinded from
The blinders they wore, deafened at war
With lies, lying to you, you... lied to, mute
Mutated, saying nothing, with
Nothing talking, speaking nothing so
No thing is spoken, to you, broken because
You opened your mouth, and the words came out

it matters not
who stand in judgement
who may possess the
highest powers of righteousness
turn away from the
jeweled grail that dazzles

for it will not charm deteriorated flesh
beneath the soil

go stand among
the field grasses
at the edge tracks
of the mountain
the guide that awaits
is free of covert motivations

sometimes
it doesn’t matter enough
sometimes
it matters but not enough to change it
sometimes
it matters but not enough to admit it
sometimes
it matters but it’s too difficult to change it
sometimes
pride and shame stand in the way
sometimes
fear stops change
sometimes
nothing is done and the paralysis of denial takes over
sometimes
the people you hurt forgive you and move on
sometimes
they want you to do the same

i peer outward
on down and around
out into the street
under spiders’ feet
the spot on the fence
where they touched
brings my reflection
back to me
i listen closely
to the sounds they make
passers by talking ****
and the hum of
where i sit
the molecular spaces
between my back
and wood slats
songs they sing
to dust in plaster cracks
and you are gone
rid from these places
running around
the divots and wide
corridors of the
farthest shores

It’s beneath daydreams You have heard it
The faint sound of wind chimes Not belonging to a tangible source
You blindly own it  When your left thigh tingles
It’s the shape-shift powers

So please

Come down from your towers
It no longer makes sense An apparent pretense
Come down from your towers
Where the air whispers doubt Each time your heart shouts
Come down from your towers
Endemic eternal internal  The cyclic encounters
Come down from your towers

It’s the unknown driver That wakes you when
Her hand is waving as The waters’ abating

Like a still frame / Not knowing why  As you read through the lines

You belong In a parallel world
Where the sky’s painted  By a gentle sun
The rock is beveled and smooth  So that tumbled stones
Joined with dark cord  Can roll and move

The victim and the perpetrator  Hold interchangeable hands
Where you sleep  Where you keep  The spaces
Where the walk  Steps heavy  Voice distorts  Breath ready
Here you stay  Seized by false compartments
Buying into ulterior motives  That choke your flowers

So please

Come down from your towers

It’s in the linear plane
The one that buzzes
Directly above the brow
It’s heavy and foul
Sludge like and slow
Dense with no flow
It is unappealing in color
With a dull toxic glow
It must be rid of
By placing an amulet
Made of Amethyst stone
Upon the glabella
For many days in a row
Until a duplex conduit
Is understood between
Cosmos and soul

Take this infestation
and
Lay it out upon the table
you
Must tidy the maggots
as
I walk away
i
Will not take care
of
That which has
been
Placed heavy on
my
Burdens; it is
your
Troubled dark soul
that
Hovered atop my
head

Pondering ways you've been persecuted
Is
< OR =
Time spent in self judgement

could you fathom the
cavernous entangled
facets of all that has
passed my scope

those whom
are seemingly debilitated

would inquire

those that hold an
intrinsic capacity
to metastasis the
venom of the
human condition

would not

I’d like to love again
Days gone by in a
Conceptual state of mind
Realism my best friend
And worst enemy

I’d like to love again
Evenings pass by in a
Manic state of mind
Memories a close treasure
And haunting burden

I’d like to love again
Years pass by in a
Callous state of mind
Ethos my arduous procurement
And grossly arduous to sustain

All of those things
That people said
That planted rotten seeds in your mind…
You know, the ones that grew
Tall like a mutant ****
The ones that
Choked out all of your flowers
There are many
But it is a lovely day
In an infant May
You can go to your shed
Get your shovel
Go to where your garden grows
Dig each one up by its roots

Just

Like

That

i look at all of the pieces of nothing
laying around
i walk by them each day
and wonder if i should throw them away

was
on the evening
of the harvest moon
neurotic tensions
whirling
everything just
stirring  
dreams as visions
come without sleep
and i fall deep
into a cesspool of
cerebration
and the grisly truth
that accompanies
thankful that only
the coyotes may hear
the loud cries
of a broken woman

It was dark in your house
It felt dark, and it was dark
You scuttled about everywhere
No one could hear
No one would wake
There is a common walkway
There is a light
It is dim yet lively like fireflies
You ease up to the light
Ever so wistfully
You stand with a confident posture
Once satisfied with the distance
A sedge of paper cranes
Fly out from the light
And dissolve into the night

you stood against your old battered car
it’s summer in Northern CA
you’re dressed in all black
lipstick perfectly applied
and black hat appropriately tied
lost in a thick conspiracy
did you know it was me
you had your suitcase
gloves on and pen ready
a tape recorder for evidence
each detail is prevalent
you wrote down the license plate
of my rental car
to provide to your lawyer
but never gave his name
i feared you may punch me
square in the face
and wished you would have
for your sake
a trip to the psych ward
was what i wanted for you
just one 5150
my last hope for clarity

it was on a hill of a clever neighborhood
the errant flow well guised beneath the clay
upon reach of the summit
she is all that can be held
her pull far too magnetic
her skin, akin to milk poured by Luna
her hair is the black of midnight
on the eve of the new moon
she sits facing inquiry with her injured one facing her
on a rounded copper colored chair
placed curbside
Sophia speaks then
a monotone misgiving
that pours out
as a sly pompous
indifference

I walk into the prime RF wave
Where the space is thick with fraudulent motives
I see him there
Sorting out the wreckage that remains
He sits upon a white couch
Window dressed with precedent navy blue drapes
While his anguish takes egress
He greets me with open arms
And takes my hand to dance
He whispers to me as we sway
His message is quite clear
“The apocryphal is a high castle wall
The infallible fathers the fall”

i went to the marketplace
i and my girl child
who is me and i her
we were drawn
drawn in
there stand a medicine man
he taught the speak
and the spoken
that which is innate
that which was known
all intent is tone

walk with me
turn off your sorrow
let your bones roll away
don’t let your residue go astray
you will see them
when you get there
to the place
you left in despair
it’s dark and dusty
poorly lit
a wide case of stairs are there
do you remember it
a man in a camel colored linen suit awaits
he hands you a hand crafted wooden box
you open the box
it is velvet lined
it is full of needles
among the needles is a folded letter
you wrote it the day you left
you left in despair
it contains your answers but you already know
you ascend the burgundy stairs
to the place above
you stand suspended in nothingness
stillness
there is a corner of a window pane
through it the skies are blue
they call to you
for if and when
you ever decide
you’re ready for
the other side

actions speak louder than words

and

Lack

there of screams louder than the myriad goblins inhabiting the locked space-less caverns that dwell within the house of pain

baffled at ** hum
yawn snore boredom
what a conundrum
this viral life infarction
unnecessary creation
boring old pity party hum drum
cry me a river; don’t want none
get off your *** ***
enjoy the sun some
be a person
impaired some?
take your **** meds ***!
walk the woe is me to the dump slum
debbie downer 24 sev 365 clusterfucktion
sad lil’ emo infection
overdone depression queen incursion
misery loves company seduction

It tears at you
Eats away and corrodes the very life of you

It is unequivocally the most obscene shock show of your life
But it haunts and torments you

It’s like a train wreck
The one that is so profoundly gruesome

It makes you want to jump out of your skin
But you just can’t stop watching

There is peace and solace in the damage
Comfort in the decay
Affirmation in the aftermath

It tears at you
And you hold your darkness so dearly
As an opportunist would

For embracing anything other
May launch you into waxing abound

In the back alley of a lost borough
A jet black wildcat adorned with silver and gems
Meets with a company of wolves

The aroma of chamomile and lavender
Lay heavy in the air

The north winds arrive
Questioning their summons
But remain in an army of dust devils

A shaman reveals himself

The group proceeds out into a ground cloud
Chanting archaic languages
To the banshee’s of dying beliefs

multi directional flux
between minds eyes
and source form energy
bridged synergy
constant visceral graze
the throat sacral route
monochrome skim
internal skin
unidentified yet discerned
subterranean tremor
cataclysmic shimmer

fearless flame
dance entrance me
jump on the bullet train
fairy dust torrid
gutsy love
whirl around me
telepathic, high speed
multiplied by multiples
from underground, all over town
punch drunk carpet ride
organized, cartel sized
cat got your tongue
caramelized, cinnamon slide

It was dark like dusk
And the old oak wept
Wept white sap like milk
Onto the ground
Up into my gown
She was there, yet invisible
Her possessions on the table
Dense with anger
Someone thinks of my youth
I wonder who it may be
A departed child so very angry
Lunges at my neck
My lovely sister calls out
To call her
We ease the others pains
She prays over us all
Of the light, of the white
We all go forth
No answers tonight

where to begin
when the task is so mountainous
when all that can be seen is the unmovable
when the need to wretch comes as result of thought
when a heart may fail from silent screams turned inward
the beginning must begin
when there is no way out
when there is nothing left to give
when love seems an unrequited absurdity
when one more day will surely enable the morgue or sanitarium
the mountain is moved

tangled are you
tangled up in it
in it you fell, lost your footing
before you knew what was looming
and that you bought a ticket
straight to hell

tormented are you
like it was yesterday
in it you were, left standing
didn't know there was no landing
all alone on your own
profoundly obscure

twisted are you
twisted conflicted
in it you are, still afflicted
inter-wrought with captivity
another victim
of "The Bell Jar"

terrified are you
terrified solidified
in it you live, afraid to give
mortified paralyzed as horizons materialize
that shape-shift and betwixt
shattered emotive

There is a feeling in the air
It’s dense but harmless
Kind of like Betty Crocker frosting
It just sits there in a thick lump
Smell the sugar from 15 feet away
It makes me want to walk up to it
And put my bare hands to the bottom
Fling the **** out of it
Sticky clumps of pink
All over every thaaanng

It’s that feeling
It’s in the air

I breathe it in
Exhale it everywhere I go
Spread it to people
Like a contagion
Like a I don’t care if you don’t like it crazy sensation
Oh wow - just try and get in the way
Get drunk for days off this swirly freaky rampage

It’s that feeling
It’s in the air