Sense of self-worth is something,
yet I don't know who I am
supposed to be,
Say something I could understand
and promise me to leave
me alone,
I don't understand why I have
no money and I am obsessed
with an image of someone
that I can never be,
I really want to write the
things I could never say and
I am affraid to say what I
want to write,
This is out of my dictionary
and the right words never
come and I lose the meaning
of it all,
I am an imitator and a
parrot,
my feelings frustrate me to no
end and precisely everyting
bothers me, to be honest,
what do I need to do when
I smile and grin at the
same time?
Something is horribly wrong
with me and I cannot make
sense of my surroundings,
this... this is what I
wanted to do! Yeah!! Oh, and
ontop of that, I'm somehow
consuming more than I
could chew;
there is nothing wrong with
me in a way and I
care about what happens when
I die,
Yes, I'm angry all the time
and it all starts from one simple
word that I did not understand
and it goes out to show that
I'm scared to be alone and
I do want to say so to someone
who cares,
life itself confuses me so there's
no point to even trying,
I lie and scream all the
time for no reason except when
I want to say something .. then
I keep quiet,
my mind is way too confusing
for people to understand so
there's no point in even trying
to speak,
the end is where I begin and
in the void I shall end!

I know things I shouldn't know,
I did things I should have not,
I know I can be better than
the past version of myself..
but my anger frustrates me,
Laugh and confuse me,
spit and frustrate me,
pull my hair and beat me
up for I am chocking on
my own words,
The meal is served and I
deserve a serving of the best,
but what if there is a chance
I could make sense for once
in my life?
Is that really an option for me?
No! It's funny to ramble and
make no sense 'cause everything
goes when it makes you feel
a certain way,
And I intend to be this way.

I don't have much to offer
in terms of a steady thought
process or strong memory...
quite honestly, I don't think
much to begin with so if you
would ask me
how my day went, I would
just shrug it off and keep
mumbling under my breath
whilst wondering why no one
listens to me.... hmm, maybe it
could be because I don't
stop talking but maybe I'm
just daydreaming, self-loathing
and complaining all the time;
I am very pissy,
I have the attention span of a
goldfish and I get sad very easily
and I can't figure out why.....
oh, maybe It's because of all
of the above mentioned shenanigans;
yeah, and ontop of that I
repeat myself quite often...
very often, to be exact,
I need a breath of  fresh air,
a shoulder to cry on and
I simply go insane from
the pain  in my left eye,
I need to stop and think for
one moment about what
I am about to do and if
the powers that be allow it,
I will fill the void inside my
heart and I will try to find out
why I feel like I am being
watched. The end.

Words that mean something,
tears that sometimes end up
in the ocean,
trash I like to eat,
or maybe I need food?!
Hmm, it's hard to choose....
What am I even talking 'bout,
I know what got me here
and for your information..
I know how to go back to the
start,
Why do you even follow me?
Are you blind to the truth or
something made you confuse
me with someone else?
Ugh, you're still here... ... .
You're cute but something
is horribly wrong with you,
cry, my love.. it will make
you feel better,
and then you will realise it made
me feel good aswell,
then we can all sigh again
and make things right.

Deserters are near,
I'm filling with fear,
I am never right
but when I am it's just luck,
Something is bothering me..
holding my throat,
It could be the words
that I've never thought,
but if I don't think..
why do I feel
the need to express
this feeling of stress,
caress; embrace him,
I could care less,
But remember I'll never be
right where you need me to be.

If I had a strong oppinion,
If I ever got my way,
If I ever said I'm sorry..
nevermind these things I say
'cause all these thoughts - they
make me go around the block
inside my head,
the truth I like to swallow up,
never see the light of day,
Symmetry and structure I don't
have to aid me in my life
so maybe when I open up
just shut the door and
throw the key.

No thoughts to call my own,
I have no place that feels like home,
Some days I feel like I'm a clone
of someone great who is long gone,
And if the struggle turns to gold
and if at last I hold my own,
These chains that bind I will shake
and watch the skies and surface break.

A million miles from home;
smoke and dust in the air,
the buzz from incoming rounds
and the sounds of artillery
prevailed over what used to be
a calm, quiet and very sedated
environment,
Two silhouettes could be seen
in the distance making their way
towards a compound in the
middle of a field,
One of them was carrying what
seemed to be an RPG,
the other - two rockets,
Come to think of it... if I didn't
take that shot, our advance
could have been hauted,
which is an understatement,
so I did it anyway,
One to the chest, one to the
head and guy number two went down,
All I had to think about now was
the RPG,
I aimed down my sights and....
he wasn't there,
I peaked to my right and tried
to see if he could be hiding behind
cover, though there wasn't any;
just sand and loads more,
I could hear over the radio that
our squad had a visual on a
target with an RPG so I asked
if they could confirm his position,
the seconds seemed to pass like days,
I felt sick all of a sudden when
I heard a loud explosion
and then silence... ... .
I could hear my heart pounding,
no one was responding on the
coms and I thought for sure
I was the last one standing,
I was just hoping the guy with the RPG
didn't make his way to the
other two rockets.

Sad is the way to unstabilize
the way,
when the earthquake hits
you'd wish you were dead,
so absurd is this play
that you spin around like
clay,
this statue in your way - it
is the symbol of vague....
sympathy,
And you really want the end
but it's somewhere else,
so pay respects to 'nay and
look over there,
Yes, there, it's not that fair
but yet oh well, might be a
lovely stay,
Where oh where, I might just
stare when angels cry,
the monster's me,
What it meant is really bent
and what you said is what it
might,
well... send a letter to the
brother and decide to call
the one and only mother,
It is really hard to wonder
when you swim inside a
pond.. eh?
There was more to this than
random ramble,
Time to cast myself with
Rambo,
in a random indian film
with the hoast of Dr. Phill,
who is.. actually called Dr. Phill.

Fear no evil,
What you say is good, though you
sound like the Devil himself,
Speak no evil,
What I wanted to say was...
nevermind it, you'll always
see it your way,
We're all evil,
You're capable of so much, yet
choose harms way,
Was it always this way?
Were you always this bitter?
I doubt it, you don't need it,
some things are meant to break
and when they do... we follow,
Oh how we follow....
Or, maybe, we could step
into the light,
It cancells the dark....
And we are light again..
So light we could
            hover forever.

Steve, no!..
that pill is not the way,
Steve, wait!
that ***** will alter state,
Oh, no!...
time to go back to work,
back to the cutting board,
where thoughts fight for resolution,
a painful endeavour,
"It's all fun and games
'till someone gets hurt",
"Won't be me, won't be me,
this time it's your hands,
your blood!",
"Isn't it beautiful? How the
blade dances and moves...
it looks just like an angel's hair!",
"Shut up, no! Just look
over there... yes, that's it,
now.... no no no, this is not
happening!!!"
And so, a minor distraction
caused a catastrophic reaction,
In an instant, ten fingers
were reduced to two...
So much blood....
It shoots like rain....
Such a shame.....
A young man's life became
a world of pain.

You play a groove
inside my heart,
Time kept so nicely
yet we're apart,
You've never met me
but I know you,
I'll remember your name
whatever you do,
The cars and the stars
will keep moving
to the rhythm we play,
From close observations
it seems that
we don't have much to say,
It's nothing that bothers me,
Memory   still    follows me,
It serves me, yes.. really,
So play - play - play!

These few days spent on
the rails next to our
house brought me to the
conclusion that if you
could not think,
you wouldn't be able to sleep
'cause you would need to
yell "I'm dead, I'm so dead",
and it's nothing against you,
It's just a form of
exercise for the mental
capacity,
"Wow, now I'm feeling it!"
- you yell in disbelief,
and you laugh in japanese,
and you look up to the
gods in the sky and
you think...
"Wow, I'm dumb",
It's alright. I wouldn't mind.

Wait for me, I'm only around
the corner,
Wait for me, It's only a block
away from you,
Fight for me, the surface here is
getting hotter with every
passing minute,
Dive for me, swim to the
other side,
Dive for me, bless your
wonderful soul,
Surface... wipe the water off
your face and look around,
You are now in either a
wasteland or a mirage,
The mirage holds the Tree of life
and the wasteland has a
passageway in the mountains
that holds the way out,
But where it goes I cannot say,
It might be time for you
to find out, If you are in the
Wasteland.

Throughout the entire course of life
we try and try, time
and time again to
harvest the wind and
swallow the sun, and still...
the waters of the deep
somehow are not important
to us.... Isn't it interesting
that we of all species
know how water is vital
for all living organisms?
It is the one thing that
makes up
about 90% of us. Don't
quote me on that but look
it up for yourselves, I don't
want to be responsible for
mis-information. It is well
know fact that I don't
state the fact, I do the
other thing... You know, to ramble?

Blues is not a style... blues
is a feeling,
Heartbreak, lonesomness,
sadness or depression,
God is not a man, God is
the will within you,
ambition, determination,
intuition and good judgement,
Grass doesn't die in winter,
it's merely beneath the snow,
and so... there are many
a way of connecting these
three but only one to
understand it in it's
full form,
that one is you.... the creator
of your reality,
You could, perhaps, choose to
slave away for the
remainder of your life
or you could reach within
where the fountain of emotion
runs strong,
Don't be affraid of trying
new things for that is how
you learn and raise you
vibration,
The goal of your life is not
going to go anywhere,
Don't run towards it... sneak
your way to it!
Everything that needed to be
said has been said in the
past so all you'd have to do is
try to remember.... what
it was before this life.

Hazardous environments and
a bucket of chicken wings,
thinking about when would
the weather man decide
to quit on the air or when
a dancing squirrel
would appear from some
random bush,
Everything makes sense and
Oh my god! Yes, this
is the point of this
rant... I know, I know,
you're probably wondering...
how the F.. did
that guy on the street
dodge an incoming vehicle
and, oh... that dolphin
ate that poor girl's
friggin' hand....
Anyway, I was going to say
something vital, but I...
forgot how to speak,
Many miles ago we passed a small
town that looked very deserted,
It was all torn to pieces and
It looked like it was bombed,
... The cruelties that humans
do to eachother!
The visit was short though I felt
a few hundred souls were
screaming out to me,
They were asking what year
it was and none of them
knew how they got to be
that way,
The pressure was on,
the race to all-knowing was as well,
the similarities in our experiences
were amazing,
Nothing could compare and
yet... something was missing,
A boat or two had to go astray,
The horizon may well be where
we are headed though...
There was something that we
had to do first....
We had to bury the hatchet
and ride Aladin's
carpet to visit Valhalla,
... there's nothing to it,
it's only simple geometry
in your head.

This is a call, I would like to know,
When and how I'll ****
this hunger,
This is my shield, what do you feel,
when I lay it down upon the ground?
No matter, I'm careless,
I need my shield to keep my feathers,
You're sadder, yet fearless,
so find a meaning to this near-miss,
We'll swirl around in a
coffee cup and face another day,
I've adopted this here little pup,
he's got some things to say,
"Bark, bark, Romeo".

Under the light of the moon,
beneath the sheets or
someplace new, remember this,
No matter how you got there,
treasure the moment,
One day you will wake up
and the wind on your
cheeks will remind you of
that and nothing can take
away the way you felt,
for there are a million
books that you have read
and there is only one 'You',
Collect what you feel and
write the things you
would like to read... the book
that describes you, in all
your glory.

Sirens sing as an old man
raises the sails,
A new day means a new adventure
at sea,
For every song the sirens sing,
a cloud disappears from
the horizon,
With every passing moment the
old man grew more and more
curious of what this
trip had in store for him,
He may not see the sirens
by his side but sung their
song under his breath,
He may not have known this
would be his final trip but
felt so content,
He may not know many things
but caught himself thinking...
Oh what a wonderful day
this would be...
And he sailed away.

"No one knew me" - said the boy,
the sounds of traffic almost
drowned out that responce,
"But did you know anyone?" - said
his mother,
"No, mom, I wanted to find out
how people would react...",
"Well, you could have picked
better ways to check, and
besides, your scar hasn't fully
healed yet, you shouldn't be
outside right now",
"But it was the right time...",
For a brief moment mother
and son both stood and looked
at eachother with demanding
looks on their faces when a
man in a checkered suit walked
down the sidewalk and stopped
right infront of them,
"May I give you an advice?"
- said the man, who looked
to be in his 50's,
The mother, looking rather
confused, responded - "Of what
do you speak of?",
"Well, ma'am, you do look very
stressed and I was thinking
of giving you this here stress ball
and your son... well, he
does look like a talented one,
I can spot these, so he can
have my harmonica",
Not knowing whether to lash
out or be intrigued, the
mother said with grinding teeth
- "And the advice?",
"Ah yes, of course, I digress.
Now, I don't want to sound
like an old fool, but... I
shall say to you these few
words: Water is eternal,
there's no life on Mars,
we are living in a simulated
world and our next
president will be an alien
from another dimension",
With that off his chest,
the man walked away,
leaving the mother and son
to feel the confusion...
You really did expect a
meaningful ending, didn't you?

Quit, this is not for you,
hurry and do the other thing,
Oh? That didn't go so well?
Well, quit... while you still can,
I can't remember the number
of times this has been said to me,
Quit, quit, quit!
But why, though....

I want to see the end,
but I'm affraid to walk the road,
I feel like something is missing
from within me to keep me afloat,
Disturbances in the air are the
breeze of despair,
This song is stuck in my head - it
cannot be fair,
Have I been judging people by what they
have known and should have I
been judging by what they do not?
The meaning I'm losing, it's hard
to resist,
this simple temptation to merely
exist.

Nothing else matters,
you cry in your sleep,
the tears I've collected
I bury them deep,
I haven't denied it's the
feeling I chase,
I feel pins and needles - tomorrow
I'll waste,
Who cares if the sun is a
light year away,
or hovering over too close -
you could say,
I mustn't aspire to every desire,
sarcastic reaction to
self-satisfaction.

I need time to see,
I've got places to be,
to split is to die
and to die is to split,
I need time for me,
I've got nothing to see,
to bleed is to share
and to share is to bleed,
Focus,
      you've been here before,
        do not resist...
Taste it,
      you've agreed to it already,
        no recess....

Let go of the hate,
in hours so late,
it's evil to know and
pretend it's not so,
The grave has been dug,
the coffin composed,
you don't want to rush
to conclusions just yet,
I bet, I bet, you know
it is wet,
keep eyes on the road
for you are in debt,
The snow will be melted
with a roll of the dice,
keep eyes on the road
and       obey the advice.

How does it feel, how does it feel,
I'd really want to know
   the reasons to kneel,
Is it because you know my fate,
or is it late for second date?
However you answer, I'd want
you to know,
I'm ready to sing you "I told
you so",
'cuz pain is elusive when you
press on the keys,
but it's time to let go
and to sleep with the weeds.

I've come to conclusion - the
knot I must tie,
It's times like these when I
wonder oh why,
The meaning eludes me,
my hands they do shake,
my thoughts they are racing,
    the       chair I must take,
position it gently in the middle
of the room,
take one more breath for there
is none in the tomb,
a single desire to rest is a go,
the rest I do leave for the
vulture   and     crow.

Take one second to look around,
what do you see?
Is it anything worth admiring or
something you need?
Don't take for granted the things
you have said,
for they are merely words,
can't bring back the dead,
The soul of the desert is
crying out loud - surrender,
surrender,
no water to be found,
You've fought it for days,
now's the time to be true,
admit your wrong doings ....
The     sacrifice        is    you.

Message in a bottle made of
holy water,
opera of pleasure, imagine
holy treasure,
staring at you for so long
I endured a second coming,
speaking of the devil - up
another level.

The closer to the source we go,
the more questions arise,
vitamins for the soul we need if
ever we are to advise,
someone in need of attention or
someone in the making,
send my thoughts to detention,
my soul is ready for taking.

Busy people, happy faces,
you're the one who gets me places,
Anywhere I wanna be,
Anytime I'd have to be,
Looking over at things I've said,
Gets the tension off my head,
Proud to have a moment with,
You of all, they walk instead of
        Staying in the moment pretty,
      Dancing or be singing maybe,
Gathering a thousand looks,
   We of all are simple dukes.

Swim, my tired brain,
run up that hill with full throttle,
or walk in figures of eight,
it's alright to think, it doesn't hurt,
But sometimes you will wonder ...
does the face express the thought
from a distance ... in an instant,
Does the limb bleed if there is
no one there to witness it ...
I wonder, you'll wonder,
mentally bandage and move on,
it's alright, you're alright.