I've ******,
My friends make love

What about me
Attracts boys
Who only ****?

I've never made love.
Is it just bad luck?

What about me
Attracts boys
Who don't love?

I just want to have
A natural relationship
Not a business deal,
Where I'd use my body,
To buy love that isn't quite real.

Just someone care.
Just someone see.
I am not just a piece of meat.
I need warm arms around me,
And words so sweet.

Where are you
Boy,
Who can stand loving me?

That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks you take
And stupidity

The anxiety,
And unwelcome mentality
That's what it's about
With BPD

Three shots of whiskey
And a glass of wine
Throw back a couple pills
I'm sure I'll be fine.

That's what it's about
With BPD
The risks, stupidity,
And anxiety.

I still take a ***
Every now and again
......
More like whenever
I possibly can.

Anxiety is up
Depression in such a down
I am such a joke,
Circling around and around.

Nicotine
You little fiend
You calm me down,
And rot my teeth
I know I regret it,
But every time we meet,
The twitches stop
And my mind stops it's rot

I'll still take a ***
Every now and again
I'll smoke them slow
I'll smoke them fast
Until my body is smoke and ash.

Was it worth 2 minutes of lustless ignominy
A misogynist practising polygamy
Years were hacked
Walls that were built with purpose
Everything said was fallacious and deluding
Pure gratification
Eating to feel full and drinking to get drunk

Heaven forbid I say you're just like the rest. The rest are just like you.

Half empty
Half full
Half dirt
Half blood
Clean shoes
No mud.

Dreaming of your demise
Your pitifully starved body.
You begging for your life,
How funny.

You took mine,
I take yours.
Eye for an eye.
Sores for sores.

Is it bad to want to be dependent?
I don't want to be able to stand on my own.
Is it wrong to be socially ignorant?
I would really just rather be alone.

Would I?
No, that can't be.
I want to be alone with you.
And you with me.

To be completely alone,
Scares me.
To be cared for too much,
Petrifies me.

I want to be alone,
Yet scared to be so.
I want to be liked,
Never loved.

I never think I'm good enough,
Yet I am better than her.

What a contradiction,
I must be.

How sweet it was,
To be at your feet.
How beautiful it was,
Nothing could compete.

How long I've waited,
To be at your mercy.
Oh, to be your sweet pet.
To be in your arms,
Wrapped in warmth,
Like the very first night we met.

Love, sweet love.
Fruitful and kind.
Love has made me,
Lose my mind.
Why would I even want to find,
My lost and lonely
Troubled mind?

Love has made me so blind,
To the trials and troubles,
Of my life.
So I thank you love.
So sweet and kind,
For chasing away,
My troubled mind.

I remember when I would cry
Thinking of my life.
How I wouldn't make it
To sixteen.
How I'd more than likely
Die.

Now I'm almost there
Only five months
To go.
How have I survived?
How has "god" let
The devil roam?

Maybe I'm just as nonexistent
As he.

What if I was tired?
Too tired to try?
What If I lost my mind?
Too crazy to even find?

Would you love me in my cold sweat state?
Could you love me when I saw something that wasn't there,
Something utterly fake?

How will you react when,
I wake up in the middle of the night,
And ask you to check under the bed spread?
The bed spread covering that mirror.

You will get sick of it.
You will call me a child.
You'll call it *******.

You will get tired.
Too tired to try
Because I've lost my mind,
And I'm too crazy,
To even try to find.