I miss talking to him
I miss asking him how his day was.
I miss him
I miss David.

I wish I would have kept my mouth shut
About the childhood secrets but,
You had to know,
To understand,
That this was not all because,
Of one pig of a man.

I was beaten before.
I was much more broken
All the heart strings
Torn.
My life was,
Nearing its end.

I know I hurt you,
So badly too.
And I wish I could
Fix me.
So I could fix you.
And we can be together,
Just us two.

I miss my David.
David, I miss you

I am to blame,
For your shattered, broken heart.
The way I ****** with you,
Must have been an art.

I'm not boasting or bragging,
Though I am quite proud,
That through all of this,
I've not been around.

So disturbed,
So vile,
So disgusting,
And wrong.
But I lured you right in,
With ******* and a thong.

Maybe I don't have feelings,
That I'm imagining all of this.
Maybe I'm already dead,
And this is the hell I am bound in.

If only I could fix,
A broken heart,
With a warm mouth.
I'd be living without all the fault,
All the doubt.

Am I a girl?
A boy?
Am I a lover?
A toy?

What am I?

A *****?
A ****?
A disturbed girl but,
Stitched together with good intentions.

I wanted to love,
I wanted to die.
I wanted to be truthful.
To you, I couldn't lie.
I tried,
Oh I tried,
But I'm still a disturbed girl inside.

Another cigarette gone.
Right down to the filter.
My pain now is strong,
Are you wanting to **** her?

That girl you love,
And said you'd never abandon.
That's what this is.
That's what you've done.
I'm alone.
I'm abandoned.
You've lost my trust
and killed my love.

A carton down,
Am I trying to die?
I'm going to have a smokers cough.
For the rest of my life.
I'm nauseous,
I hate,
I'm abandoned.
And you're to blame.

I miss you
I love you
I want to know you're here.
But you're gone
You've left
And I'm stuck drowning in my tears.

That itch in your arm.
That twitch in your hand.
This time I,
Must take a stand.

I will not be controlled by a small blade.
I will not be pushed around by hollowed out shame.
**** that stained steel.
That malicious little fiend.
All he wants is the blood,
But release is what I need.

How comforting it is,
To feel the pain go.
To watch all my worries spill out.
The memories of this,
Etched on my vessel,
I just couldn't live without.

They start to fade,
I feel the need.
To make a brand new friend.
For weeks it will heal,
Months it will fade,
And then the whole process again.

Moving on.
I hate the phrase.
You just don't understand,
That my mind is a maze.

I'm alone and I'm scared.
I need someone to be there.
To tell me it will be okay,
After I've dreamt of you.

Do you not yet realize,
How bad it hurts
To have to get out of bed?

I don't have the luxury of wallowing in these sorrows.
I have to spend 7 hours thinking about you,
And normal high school things.
Then go home, just to think of you more.
  
You just don't understand.