the comfort of her personality
sofly rocked me to sleep
to be honest, in all actuality
I was dumbly fooled by this dream
I hung off of a rock face
and right when I started to fall
I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call
I lied motionless, but content on the bed
my mind is cluttered land
and there's a forest in my head
growing with memory of every kind word she says
I was riding a bicycle in a cul-de-sac
wearing myself out
until I was in the grass lying on my back
staring at the clouds
and there were plenty around
I stood up and noticed my shadow
it was long, making me look tall
a feeling I felt but never acted on
the sound of thunder carried on
then I heard the door close behind her
and that was my wake up call

You slipped your tongue past my lips,
clawed your way down my throat,
and buried yourself in my stomach.
You ripped the humanity from my skin, tore it off with your teeth.
Your fingers burned roads across my chest, and immolated my earlobes.
Every inch of my body was yours, and you plunged your way into it as
deeply as you could.
Between my legs, you grunted, and pushed further into me,
ignoring my face, imagining someone else. I let you paint a picture over me,
and I let you kiss her instead. Tears soaked your pillows, as you had me face down,
taking all you wanted to give. Blood dripped quietly onto your black sheets,
as ignorant to the stain, as you to any true feelings.
You made me your destructive portrait,
pouring your self disgust all over my back and face.
There was nothing left for you to hate.
You purged yourself endlessly, taking another chunk of my humanity with each bite.
All I wanted was a sense of wholeness, a sense that my body was used for your self discovery,
not a shack where you could throw away your hate.
I'd stare at the rain through your window,
and will it to wash away the mess you'd left on me. It never did,
and I would have to settle for the rhythmic breaths from you,
floating over the empty space between us.

I truly thought
I had found myself
in a wondrous place
where you could truly see me,
and that all my words
were forever immortalized.
Held close.......
inside of your everything,
soft......as a breeze.

I laughed as you stared
into my eyes, asking my name.
With my heart in your hands
and the moonlight
at your beck and call.
Then......watching you walk away,
I smiled.......
even though I realized
you never knew me
at all.

Moments full of thoughts
live inside
the spiderwebs running through my mind
they are colder than the brick
of my will.  
Like the gates of a carnival
never tell the answer
to their riddles
so my thoughts
walk.........
with no favor of you still.

Vast lengths of my attention
have been ringing through time
and unraveling
into problems with every second
passing by.
Yet,
the silence
I write across these pages
says more about how I feel
than you know
or care........
to recognize.
.
.
.
.

I don't remember, any more,
The exact shape of your hands
As I held them in mine,
Caressed them,
Memorized the length of your fingers,
The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

As I placed the kiln dried wood upon the altar , I thought of the One who I was to bury here. She who was so unlike the others.. A Woman of principal and morals , yet of the wilderness in her heart. She who fought and taught and learned the ways ...of the cultures of many and few. She who spoke the language of the people but not of the country, where government of the people and by the people did not exist..NOW I LAY HER DOWN TO SLEEP...I PRAY HER SOUL BUDHA TO KEEP....I TRUST HER BODY TO THE GREAT DEEP...WHOLE OF DHARMA...KHARMICLY KEPT FOR REASONS DEAR.

You delight in the presence of a moment in heaven
where you are invincible
within your colorful memories.
It is here you dance to sounds that move in reply
from hills you drove to the sea.

Do you realize that your laughter can melt hearts
but that it is no crime
to not sit alone in your pain?
That your mystique points a finger at your smile
and the frown in your eyes the same.

Many hearts have spaces where the world has lit candles
as a sacrificial move of their own heartbeat.
Yet, our own desire
to hold on tight to skeletons of discontent
readily admits defeat.

In days long past you filled two cups with ease.
Yet, when given the choice of filling three,
you set a trail ablaze
remembering the hidden reasons
why your hands should be set free.

Yes, you delight in the presence of a moment in heaven
where you are invincible
within your colorful memories.
I only hope you will not be forever snared
in the reality of your fantasy.

You have chilled the spaces in your heart by blocking
out the rays of life
when you sit alone in your rain.
None can claim to know your heart yet;
many are willing to share your pain.