Upon the day of my death, my last wishes are inscribed here.
I wish for Tyler Roth my closest friend, to hand down this will to whomever he sees fit, by chance I outlive him. Please had this to the next legal recipient.


They have granted me strength, enduring support, and became the mold from which I sprang from.

You, unknown to me who you are, yet it is to you that I entrust my bones and the flesh that expressed my wishes upon this world of which I can no longer call my own.

It is to you that I grant the strength of all my merits, and mistakes.
A dead mans wish, is the easiest to ignore, but with hope whatever sense of honor, respect, and pride you had in me you will not hesitate to bind yourself to the completion of this will.

To my people I give my wealth, my friends my property, my family my soul along with all its works, and to you my utmost important final desire, do not bury me!

For the love of all that is I.
Take my bones from my flesh, grind them down to powder and have them forged in a heat no lesser then the inferno in my soul!

Forge with it a tool, a weapon of the onward marching spirit!
Keep it close to you don't dare allow its blade to grow dull, its gleam to fade.
It is the embodiment of how you see not only my legacy but of what yours will become and of that to whom you will depart it upon.

Secondly take the remainder of what was once I and reduce it to a mixture of ash and dust.
Have it crystallized transmogrified in holy remembrance of what is unholy, because neither can exist Without the other.

Take it too the land of those who see value in nothing and yet still love everything.
Frame it high above covered by trees of beauty and grotesqueness so that you can only catch the light through this sprite of I on the entrances to my unnamed monument.
It will be my only way of saying hello and goodbye again.

Due this so that with the will and honor you've proven you have that you will not sit idly by saying he was a great man, or lesser things.

But that you will have no other choice but to say what have I left to accomplish of my own volition that blesses me with such honor, will, and pride as this old mans request to scatter his form.

Where is it you've gone I can't follow?

Can't tell you how many times I've been looking for something new.
Something better than this shade of blue I see through.

But you've got me pictured all wrong.
I'm more than just the chipping paint on the brush scraping the canvas.
I guess I'm in no rush to clean up.

Where is it you've gone I can't follow?

She said to me: "I've got the sun in my eyes."


I know what she meant, but what I heard was;

I got the sun in my eyes, the same sun that lights my world.
warms my soul.
Nurtures this Earth with its radiance.
The same sun I'm often afraid to look directly at.
The same sun that seems so god dam spectacular as it rises and falls.
Just as her eyelids rise and gently set.
Clasping those delicate eyelashes together,
like the first and last rays of light streaking the sky.

The same sun, that burns and burns with a passion for life.
Life it alone seems to give,
to spark into creation like the solar flares of color through her irises.

Of course I didn't say any of this, I just laughed like some loon who was some how beside himself with the idea of being momentarily blinded by the sun and its glory.
After all, it wasn't so long ago many revered the sun in the likeness of a god.

She chewed my ear off the rest of the day for finding her discomfort so amusing.

Which I only found all the more charming.

If I thought that by being that role in your life I could lift you up on my shoulders high enough to reach the apple of your eye on the tree of dreams you're reaching for, I would.

But I'm too busy digging for gold, and at best I'll bury us both.
At worst I'll dig up the tree and muddy the family well.

So please, when you ask, know I couldn't love you more.

Even after the match is burned up.

The fires it lit still rage on.

Feel the breeze, the sway of the trees

The gentle kiss of the crisp snowflakes

The howl of the cold as it takes hold

The arrows of light keep pouring from the stars
As ours flees from fright of fight

Wolfs sound, the signal is strong and clear

They'll tear me apart, but I'm already torn

No tears are shed, no feeling passes by

I'd cry, but then again why?
If only to die with a sigh.

The law man, he’s a comin.
A comin, ta go on get ya gone.
You better best be, goin.
Go on, get ya gone. Go on, get ya gone.

O he aight no low man,
He’s high high above the law.

Go on, get ya gone, go on get ya gone.
O that law man! He’s a comin,
Ta go on get ya gone.

O hoh, don’t feel so low,
That lowly law man!
Just sees a wild dog.

All my dreams...

Here they are painted on the halls.
The reflections of my life, and I could not be more satisfied.

The dreams they change a new color each day.
The walls they rearrange, doors close each moment.

And windows grow smaller, but I couldn't be taller.

To keep things simple, I'll stay outside of my mind and its overwhelming idealism that consumes everything I touch.
I'll simply dissect my vocabulary and boil my raw possibly misguided passion down for this last straw on my breaking back.

I've always thought how magnificent it would be to reveal everything that’s been drowning in my sea of anger slowly being picked apart by the sharks of alcoholism and other excuses.
But then I remember how much sweeter it is to say nothing every time you call me on the phone to say you’re sorry, and that you love me. Because it took you 20 years to realize you weren't really there, but I'm dam glad about that.
I'm dreaming of when I'm not the black sheep in the family anymore because by then I've turned every drop of sweat, blood, and whatever other ****** fluids there may be into pure gold!

If only to throw it at your feet and buy my ******* pride, dignity, respect, honor, and freedom from you and everything you represent and cram down others’ throats.
But I know I KNOW you won’t accept it... you wouldn't dare offer me that luxury.
So I thought I'd burn it right in front of you.
But the boy in me says no, find a better use or way, there is still a father in him, and the lessons he taught, you were blinded too due to your own stupidity.

He showed you respect, how to keep your spine straight when he spat in your face.
He left you plenty of space to become entirely your own being.
He taught you, that you should never turn down a man’s pure hearted generosity, it’s the easiest way to say *******.
He showed you that no matter how little you talk to someone, they will figure you out by filling in the spaces.
They will come to know a distant reflection of you.

And I watched you, collected finger prints off your unintentional ****** plans for your own soul.
All I can say that I really found out about you was that you were obsessed with a hate for your dead father and blinded by a rage to out due and condemn him in every way you could, even in the way you distanced yourself from your own wife.
I never could figure out why you two got married... was it just another business plan?
You know the sad thing is the men I respect the most in this world look up to you in some way or another.

And after all the silence I still haven't found a way to appropriately **** you off yet.
I am not worthless, I've spent an eternity trying to prove to no one that I'm not, don't you dare look at me that way either... I do it enough myself.
I've unwittingly fallen into the apparent family trap.
I just hope That the oath I swore to the devil and everyone that had more than a handful of conversations with me that I wouldn't...
That when I inevitably fail,  this ends with me.

Song lyrics:
It’s just how things are.
Things keep changing,
Things keep rearranging
I hardly recognize this place.
Or your face.

It’s just how things are, O it’s just how things are
And you see I got my faith in Foxholes.

Just as your boommbs come crashin down.
We’ll see
Just how
Fast I can dig.

It’s just how things are.
Things keep changing,
Things keep rearranging
I hardly recognize this place.
Or your face.

Covered in dirt and ash,
Smothered by something brash.