My life has changed direction
Which way I do not know
Who can tell what happens
What tomorrows seeds will sow

My mind is playing tricks now
The changes I see unkind
She sees things no differently
The things I want too blind

She wastes away her final days
Sat rocking in her chair
Always fumbling with her hands
Her mind just doesn't care

Insanity strikes my thoughts
As each day comes and goes
The blank expression on her face
Is the only world she knows

My life has changed direction
Which way I do not know
Who can tell what happens
What tomorrows seeds will sow....

My mother has dementia. I will never leave her X

A mother’s love will last forever
Sweet children fill her with pride
As a child you know so well
In your mother you can confide

She is always there and loves you
In the good times and the worse
And will always listen to your needs
Pick you up when your hurt

Sometimes things may seem unfair
You have to withstand this test
She is not doing this to hurt you
With love she only wants the best

A mother’s love is meant forever
And it shows with all her tears
You will always be her baby
She will wash away all your fears

David Swinden © 1/7/2016

Last week we went on holiday to Denbigh
And just for a few days my mother came back to me
Not leaving any food everything on the plate was gone
With my two friends she even said “look that’s my son”
She couldn’t stop talking although she didn’t make sense
It brought my mother back to my heart I felt less tense
I have never seen her like this for so many years
Rekindled many memories almost brought me to tears
She was answering simple questions clearly to my friends
It was a week to rejoice and enjoy I never wanted an end
But where back home now just the two of us in solitude
And even in one day I have noticed the changes in her moods
The week in Denbigh is where she was evacuated as a young girl
Now I can see her drifting away again into her dementia world
It was a great time that we had but this still breaks my heart
But there is nothing I can do as once again we drift apart

David Swinden © 23/10/2016

With it just being the two of us she misses the benefit of a group of people.

“**** yourself” you *****
From the drivel in your mind
It's in your human nature
Apart of your design

Showing a side never seen
From the venom you spouted
A character that's truly evil
From the words that you shouted

It's perfectly clear for all to see
With my brother like a puppet
You pull the strings, he dances
And you really truly love it

His selective hearing now kicks in
With a blank expression on his face
And his verbal lack of words
Only to diarrhoea he can't relate

Your both a waste of space and time
I cannot see the point any more
I speak but nobody can hear me
I'm banging my head against a wall

Your a son to be ashamed off
And the saddest thing is my mother
You show no compassion or love
And your supposed to be my brother

10/11/015

The clock it ticks but time never moves
I live each day writing my darkest poetry
And when I sit and pen my muse
I ask in life, what has happened to me?  

I long to write something beautiful
But loneliness keeps my heart in prison
The darker nights they will soon arrive
I ask what kind of life am I living?

My body is worn and deeply scarred
With each day I feel more drained
With my heart ripped from my chest
How long in this life will I remain?  

I wish the cards could be re-dealt
I just don’t want to be by myself

David Swinden©1/10/2016

Somewhere over a rainbow another place to be
Beautiful golden beaches, blue waves of foaming sea
Evergreen trees and roses red vibrant colors beautiful
Starfish drift in with the tide apples trees spawn fruitful
Unspoiled by mankind’s destructive industrious ways
Seals live in peace in winters cold, not being sleighed
Forests remain intact not butchered and turned to paper
Natures life survives in a world that’s much safer
Butterflies dance birds sing in springtime breeze
Somewhere over a rainbow another place to be

David Swinden © 3/3/2016

Remnants of life scattered afar
Heart broken, burnt and charred
Fragmented thoughts, emptiness
Desolated by others sinfulness

Mole hills turn to mountains
As light turns to night
No one hears me shouting
As I slowly lose the fight

Desolation is my name
Betrayed in stormy rain
Wrapped in the devils chains
It always ends the same

Only for now will I remain
In someone else’s game
Slowly my life begins to drain
I can't take this emotional pain

Desolation remains my name

Forever...........

5/11/2015

I have waited for so long
Its been a long time coming
Same old day and routines
That arrive with each morning

Same old typical weather
Nothing ever seems to change
Life still goes on around me
And in my heart you still remain

Everything seems to have stopped
But people keep running around
Who is left to pick me up
When I fall and hit the ground

Naked is my soul bared
Fragile is the hearts desires
But the devil is making my rules
And everyday he breathes fire

With poetry deep in hibernation
Poetry has been my lost in me
My outlet has seen barren times
Like a ship that’s lost at sea

David Swinden © 13/8/2017

If you ever had the choice
From two rainbows in the sky
One was filled with money
Treasures of such delight
But in the second rainbow
Is where you'd surely go
A rainbow filled with so much love
You could surely not say no
Now take a look over there
There surely is no need
The people in the first rainbow
Driven by selfish greed
But now that I have chosen
The gift that I bestow
Now make your choice and tell me
Where you chose to go?

He played his Eko Ranger twelve string guitar
As he puffed away on his capstan cigars
Finger tips stained a colour of yellow
This placid man always remained mellow
Bob Dylan hits he would often play
All through the night and into the day

~~Bob Dylan Songs~~

“Don't think twice it's aright”
“I'll be your baby tonight”
“Subterranean homesick blues”
“Tonight I'll be staying here with you”

Often he would travel from Harwich to Liverpool
His mother lovingly prepared vegetarian food
Dedication to his family in so many ways
Committed forever, till his final day

But now in silence his guitar remains
No longer caressed in heaven he plays
In peace with god his songs he will choose
We didn't know it was you we would lose

It was so sudden, over all these years
We never knew we could lose someone so dear
The pain amplifies into the stars above
Our hearts will always be filled with your love

Always endearing memories will never leave
I hear your songs from within my heart I retrieve
One last goodbye sent to above and beyond
For one last time we play the goodnight song

Dedicated to my brother John who passed away 11th September 2008
Written 2009

Forlorn and ashen faced he sits on the bench
Tears in his eyes and a personal hygiene stench
From his bottle of whiskey he gulps and swigs
Eyes bloodshot hands shaken for another fix
Shoes with gaping holes and shirt sleeves stained
Memories dissipated in a constant haze he remains
A coat with buttons missing and his collar is tattered
Yesterdays young dreams utterly shattered
His hand shakes as he reaches into his pocket
To reveal a bottle of tablets, one last suicidal rocket

But help is at hand with a police station over the road
No more darkness like a dreary song by Depeche Mode
We need to fill in some paperwork the officer says
Ask you some questions, some more pen pushing delays
Listen this man is going to **** himself I said
His blood will be on your hands if he ends up dead
I walked out and sure enough an officer was deployed
This needless pen pushing paper work makes me annoyed
Overpaid political dinosaurs out of touch with reality
Another number brush it under the carpet, just another fatality

Paradise that lives in the heart of a poet
Verses that spill forth don’t you know it
It’s a mystical beauty changing all day
From morning till night on this peaceful bay
From scent of the waters and the cry of a gull
The far distant ship the grayness of it’s hull
Cloud painted patterns from an artists brush
The words of a poet with sweet words of love
Home by the sea brings all kinds of emotions
Like the flow waves a rhythmical motion
From the seashells on the gold patterned sands
Two lovers strolling the beach holding hands
With pen and paper it’s my only place to be
My perfect place to write is home by the sea

David Swinden © 23/3/2016

Mum please will you forgive me
Sometimes I really want to scream
I often wish I could walk away
And live my perfect dream

Your dementia can be testing
Some days are worse than others
You behavior routines are erratic
And they really make me shudder

Please mum I really love you
I only want to care
It’s not your fault it’s my mind
Some days I’m going nowhere

Some days I often wonder
How much more I can carry on
With all my heart I don’t give up
To be your loving caring son

The many nights of sun-downers
Are breaking down my health
I know that if you had a clear mind
You would change the cards dealt

We will live each day at a time
I Consider words I don’t dare
If one day and it breaks my heart
If your final journey is in care

David Swinden 4/4/2016

Do you always lock yourself away
When people try to talk
With the pain that always stays
Don't turn away and walk

Please tell me why your hurting
Don't live your life in silent pain
When I try to talk don't draw the curtain
Don't live your life in refrain

Oh please will you talk to me
Tell me why you suffer deep inside
Just let me in so I can see
So I can heal your wounds
And give you back your pride

Oh please cry for me let it all go
Share all your pain with me
Then you will see I care for you so
Just trust me please and you will see

This friendship and trust I give you is all you ever need

2001 David Swinden©

No words of wisdom spoken the silence said it all
I knew it was coming when I took your call
My heart broke in two, I always loved you
No more warming embrace, emptiness in it's place
I will never love anyone like you again
For now in mourning the poets pen remains

David Swinden©

The funeral took place on a beautiful sun kissed day
As the mourners gathered, in pain with nothing to say
The coffin was draped in flowers in words of mum
Many tears rained but in blue skies remained the sun
The priest paid tributes of past days in her life
And spoke of her marriage sixty years a loving wife
It was so painful as alzheimer's slowly crumbled her
Slowly her thoughts turned to clay, going nowhere
A prisoner in her own brain she sat with a vacant stare

How can there be a god when someone’s life ends like this
On that night she slowly faded her children gave her a kiss
In the final moments it was goodbye to the mum they miss
In the arms of angels for her final sleep in peace and bliss
The children she gave birth too where five boys and a girl
She has now made her final journey and left this world
But her memories remain intact by those left behind
Her love still lives on although it’s painful in all there minds…...

Fictional for now.

David Swinden© 14/2/2016

Last night when I went to bed
I had the most wonderful dream
I dreamt we both fell in love
I was King and you where Queen
I could lavish you with so many gifts
Playing my loving caring part
But the biggest gift of them all
Came from my loving heart
I could give you my whole kingdom
But that's not what love should be
For you already carry my gift
To my heart you hold the key

6/10/2015

I find it hard to write these words down
My world is empty now your not around
I only wish to continue with my life
But it’s difficult with the pain and strife
This house is a cold and lonely place
All your past memories I constantly retrace
I turn and look at your empty armchair
My world is broken now your no longer their
In the good times we would talk and confide
But now your gone my heart has finally died

David Swinden © 9/3/2017

This poem is for my dearest trusted friend
For when my life finally comes to an end
Over the years we had times good and bad
Your always there in times when I felt sad

In recent times I've been losing all my hope
Let down by my brothers I just cannot cope
It's not your fault you always did your best
Through everyday life we both had our tests

I keep on trying and I think I have more to give
But some days I feel I have lost the will to live
It's painful and I don't wish to make life hell
I just cannot find the words to you I can tell

You had times as well my dearest trusted friend
To stand by you as you felt life had reached it's end
Over the years we had times good and bad
But I was always there in times you felt sad

My dearest mum I can't even look you in the eye
I see Dementia tare you apart, and it makes me cry
I see you slowly moving towards another place
And that will be the day that I cannot face

My dearest sister over the years we had difficult times
Other family betrayed me, drinking alcohol was my crimes
But these last few years you always been around
With your visits to put my feet back on the ground

It's everyday life and who knows what will come next
If we can face any more of this and life’s daily tests?

A prisoner through my eyes I see
In darkest black says it all to me
Like a lonely ship on the open sea
With nobody around no longer free

An open heart that remains hollow
Is the bitterest pill for one to swallow
An empty soul will always wallow
No soul mate around no path to follow

Loneliness in the depths of despair
In need of love somebody to care
For those looking in my world I bare
Lonely am I, with nobody to share


David Swinden © 2/7/2016

When I reflect on what I see in me
I see a person trapped as low as can be
A prisoner like a bird in a cage
On the outside peaceful, inside a rage
It’s hard to put into words and explain
I can’t find words to describe the pain
I’m lost, my world is an empty place
I look in the mirror and see no face
I live in the past with my childhood days
Remembering yesterdays smiles lasting always
I was going to be an astronaut with the stars
Not a failed life with no destiny to chart
A single person was this really meant to be
Is my only true love to be writing poetry
What I see in me is dark for those who read
These words are true and from my heart they bleed

David Swinden© 29/2/2015

He sat alone in life for the most part
Writing verses from a poets true heart
Along the paths he had chosen and taken
But all of the time his soul was forsaken
Anger built up and was never released
Rarely in life did he ever find peace

Feelings below in a silent volcano
Eruptions awaiting a violent crescendo
Walls crumbling beneath darkened skies
He kept it hidden so nobody knew why
Inside his body he just wanted to die
He wrote of his pain in a note of suicide

He felt only if somewhere existed peace
Beyond heavens gates for some release
This cherished path he would now take
His destiny of peace his chosen fate
Rainbows and angels of beauty float
It was his final wish in his suicide note

4/10/2015

The smile and pain you show outside hides the pain within
It hides the drink and smoking till you commit another sin
Cancer is your many demons it invades your soul and heart
An invasion of your world and it rips your life till you depart
The demons never leave and each day it will surely change
But deep inside your hopes fade and the demons still remain
With every new day that starts a new hope will now begin
But before the new day has ended you commit another sin

David Swinden © 19/9/2016
Fictional I don't smoke.

She listened to the Saturday afternoon rain
Dreading her broken heart would remain
Her love was cast into the darkest of nights
Like a flower starved of nourishment with no light
The pain was true you could see it in her eyes
Trying to hide emotions her face couldn't disguise

Into her life walked a man with a different personality
Wanting to show her how true love should be
But she needed sometime she was scared it would be the same
Dreading her past emotional turmoil, herself she blamed
But his hands soothed her bringing her peace and serenity
And slowly with time, maybe true love she could see

She remembers her previous partner beat her with his fists
Now a real lover soothes her with the tenderest kiss
And all the scars and tears her previous had left behind
Now immersed in true love she thought she would never find
And after all the cheating and lies her previous partner would do
Now all she hears are words of undying love “I will always love you”

She needed his love and he cared honestly and sincerely
He could see the pain in her eyes and that she suffered deeply
He only wanted true love and to heal the pain she felt
And that eventually in his arms her heart would finally melt
He would wait forever healing the scars that remain
Together lovingly watching the Saturday afternoon rain

Happy endings do happen
24/11/14 David Swinden

Please will you smile
I'm in heaven with my feelings
Is this just a dream
Cos seeing is believing

Please I want to hold your hand
Lets dream as we run across the sand
All I want is to look into your eyes
With beauty as deep as dark as night
My hands will caress your Dark hair
I will love you and show I care

For one little kiss
I will give you all this
For you it's my duty
My so perfect beauty

I hear the rain when it falls
I feel the sun when it shines
I will be there when you call
I will always dream you'll be mine

Rewrite of a very old poem. 7/10/2015

Glistening in the radiant display
Are memories of the man she lusts?
In the shop where eternity was bought
Her memories now turn to dust

Tears swell up in her eyes
Heartfelt pain echoes in her life
A love that once blossomed
Of being his loving wife

Fate can wear so many disguises
And fate has many twists and turns
But in the end her true love was lost
And in the end her heart got burnt

Heartfelt pain echoes through my soul
Lonely am I, sadness is my name
Colours combine to blur my life
Darkness surrounds me black is my colour

Reflecting in my prose my wounds I bare
The cross that I carry too heavy to share
Naked is my soul for those who stare
Blood seeps from my flesh no one to care

Shackled and bound imprisoned with pain
As death creeps upon me my fears remain
I am a faceless man with a nameless name
Covered in mist shrouded in shame

Only placed here through another man’s madness
I am a true depiction of life the ultimate sadness

Open your heart
Like a wall chart
Let me read you
Am I getting through
Words are hard to find
Difficult to define
Champagne on ice
Cuts my heart with a knife
Until my love flows for you
Fall into my arms
I will just say
With you I stay
Till my final day
Our favourite songs we will play
All through the night into the day
Memories of the past
No longer last
This is the start
Open your heart

1990 one of my first poems

He always said I love you
On each and every day
She wore it in her heart
Till one sunny day in May

She received a bunch of roses
From her loved one they came
He always bought her flowers
But she loved them all the same

She always loved him dearly
She could not live without
His trust and honesty
He was always so devout

But her phone began to ring
She then listened to the call
Her face turned an ashen white
As her world began to fall

Tears flowed from her eyes
She always loved him dearly
But now her lover had died
Emotions could be seen clearly

On this day he wore a jacket
His loved one bought him this
In the pocket there was a note
He had written with such bliss

I love you my sweetheart
You should always know this
I could not live without you
Or the sweetness of your kiss

But if one day I pass away
And leave my life behind
Just promise me you will live on
Sweet love you will surely find

I always want your happiness
To live through darker days
And in my prayers to our Lord
These words I always say

Look after my most precious
She has a heart of gold
But if one day we are apart
Don’t leave her feeling cold

Bring her warmth and care
Please don’t let her suffer
Find her someone once again
An honest trusting lover.

Inspired by George Michael song of the same name.