This poem is for my dearest trusted friend
For when my life finally comes to an end
Over the years we had times good and bad
Your always there in times when I felt sad

In recent times I've been losing all my hope
Let down by my brothers I just cannot cope
It's not your fault you always did your best
Through everyday life we both had our tests

I keep on trying and I think I have more to give
But some days I feel I have lost the will to live
It's painful and I don't wish to make life hell
I just cannot find the words to you I can tell

You had times as well my dearest trusted friend
To stand by you as you felt life had reached it's end
Over the years we had times good and bad
But I was always there in times you felt sad

My dearest mum I can't even look you in the eye
I see Dementia tare you apart, and it makes me cry
I see you slowly moving towards another place
And that will be the day that I cannot face

My dearest sister over the years we had difficult times
Other family betrayed me, drinking alcohol was my crimes
But these last few years you always been around
With your visits to put my feet back on the ground

It's everyday life and who knows what will come next
If we can face any more of this and life’s daily tests?

When we meet again
It will never be the same
In the arms of Lord Jesus
From the moment you leave us
Life can be so unkind
When dementia takes your mind
Slowly dismantles your world
Mother to five boys and a girl
But now in silence most days
When I speak you have little to say
You struggle more to take medication
Memories of dad you no longer mention
With food you now eat much less
Carers now help you each day to dress
It pains me each day with what I see
As I can see, I'm slowly losing you and me
Nothing will mend my broken heart
You are my world that's falling apart
When you leave it's to a better place
Our Lord will give you a warm embrace
Just remember when you look down up above
I always cared and gave you a sons true love
There is nothing I can do about floods of tears
For in my heart forever I hold you dear
Just remember mum through good and bad
The happiness as well as times when sad
For now by your side forever I will stay
Until your starlight fades away
Till one day all life comes to an end
Poetry I will write till we meet again
And until we meet again
Life will never be the same

8/11/2015

Remnants of life scattered afar
Heart broken, burnt and charred
Fragmented thoughts, emptiness
Desolated by others sinfulness

Mole hills turn to mountains
As light turns to night
No one hears me shouting
As I slowly lose the fight

Desolation is my name
Betrayed in stormy rain
Wrapped in the devils chains
It always ends the same

Only for now will I remain
In someone else’s game
Slowly my life begins to drain
I can't take this emotional pain

Desolation remains my name

Forever...........

5/11/2015

There is a sail boat in my heart
With a sail that's heart shaped
You are it's compass on it's journeys
Beneath darkened skies it's draped

It's now lost in stormy waters
Where you left me at sea
The ropes to the sail fall apart
Your slowly the breaking of me

The sail is strewn across the deck
My boat is lost as it's hull breaks
It's wood is rotting it's mast falls
Drifting into more heartache

I’m broken in ravaged waters
As once again my love departs
Leaving my wreckage behind
Oh broken sail boat in my heart

Inspired by Arlo Disarray's poem Little Sailboat in my Heart. Arlo write's some great verses.

I used to know this guy called big Sam Bellamy
Made many mistakes in life, his own worse enemy
Not a true friend in the world to share his lonely life
Has no children to speak of not even a girlfriend or a wife
People in the streets would laugh and point there finger at him
Always behind his back they where laughing and bickering
But then one Saturday evening he bought a ticket for the lottery
And as the numbers came out, what happened he couldn't believe
Big Sam had all the numbers his ticket was a massive jackpot
Not bad for someone who was treated like a loner or a crackpot
Now all the sad people with two faces want him as a friend
They say 'Sam you are my true friend' in disguise they pretend
And poor old Sam thinks these people are so honest and true
When they say 'Hey big Sam we have always loved you'
Needing love and so open for warmth, Big Sam Bellamy
Made many mistakes in life, his own worse enemy

Forlorn and ashen faced he sits on the bench
Tears in his eyes and a personal hygiene stench
From his bottle of whiskey he gulps and swigs
Eyes bloodshot hands shaken for another fix
Shoes with gaping holes and shirt sleeves stained
Memories dissipated in a constant haze he remains
A coat with buttons missing and his collar is tattered
Yesterdays young dreams utterly shattered
His hand shakes as he reaches into his pocket
To reveal a bottle of tablets, one last suicidal rocket

But help is at hand with a police station over the road
No more darkness like a dreary song by Depeche Mode
We need to fill in some paperwork the officer says
Ask you some questions, some more pen pushing delays
Listen this man is going to **** himself I said
His blood will be on your hands if he ends up dead
I walked out and sure enough an officer was deployed
This needless pen pushing paper work makes me annoyed
Overpaid political dinosaurs out of touch with reality
Another number brush it under the carpet, just another fatality

Please will you smile
I'm in heaven with my feelings
Is this just a dream
Cos seeing is believing

Please I want to hold your hand
Lets dream as we run across the sand
All I want is to look into your eyes
With beauty as deep as dark as night
My hands will caress your Dark hair
I will love you and show I care

For one little kiss
I will give you all this
For you it's my duty
My so perfect beauty

I hear the rain when it falls
I feel the sun when it shines
I will be there when you call
I will always dream you'll be mine

Rewrite of a very old poem. 7/10/2015

Glistening in the radiant display
Are memories of the man she lusts?
In the shop where eternity was bought
Her memories now turn to dust

Tears swell up in her eyes
Heartfelt pain echoes in her life
A love that once blossomed
Of being his loving wife

Fate can wear so many disguises
And fate has many twists and turns
But in the end her true love was lost
And in the end her heart got burnt

Last night when I went to bed
I had the most wonderful dream
I dreamt we both fell in love
I was King and you where Queen
I could lavish you with so many gifts
Playing my loving caring part
But the biggest gift of them all
Came from my loving heart
I could give you my whole kingdom
But that's not what love should be
For you already carry my gift
To my heart you hold the key

6/10/2015

He sat alone in life for the most part
Writing verses from a poets true heart
Along the paths he had chosen and taken
But all of the time his soul was forsaken
Anger built up and was never released
Rarely in life did he ever find peace

Feelings below in a silent volcano
Eruptions awaiting a violent crescendo
Walls crumbling beneath darkened skies
He kept it hidden so nobody knew why
Inside his body he just wanted to die
He wrote of his pain in a note of suicide

He felt only if somewhere existed peace
Beyond heavens gates for some release
This cherished path he would now take
His destiny of peace his chosen fate
Rainbows and angels of beauty float
It was his final wish in his suicide note

4/10/2015

I remember on a visit back in 1983
Incredible beauty I had never seen
Reddish dusty land, nature everywhere
Every teenagers perfect little dream to share

Crystal clear night-time, universal skies
Perfection to behold upon your very eyes
Astronomical dreams for all to feast
All my imaginations where finally released

Coyotes back then howling in the night
Till early night and of first morning light
Mount Lemmon snow kissed on the top
Never seen such beauty, as my jaw dropped

Visits to the Mountains, Kitt Peak Observatory
This was always the perfect place for me
Memories I keep in pictures over thirty years ago
Always cherished more than any words could show

5/10/2015
My heaven on Earth Arizona so beautiful.

Every night that I pass you by
I just let out a heartfelt sigh
I want you to feel my pain
That you left inside my brain

I took your pain I want it all
But like a fool I want some more

With all the pain and hatred
That you instigated
Leaves me feeling capitulated
With my heart you infiltrated

I took your pain I want it all
But like a fool I want some more

You knew which buttons to press
You had nice touches to impress
But I could never understand or digress
That you would not confess your evilness

I took your pain I want it all
But like a fool I want some more

You have your ways to tie me up
You just cut me up and spill my blood
In your evil ways there is no love
I suffer in pain of tears that flood

I took your pain I want it all
But like a fool I want some more



Sometimes a song title inspires me to write a verse only sometimes...

Open your heart
Like a wall chart
Let me read you
Am I getting through
Words are hard to find
Difficult to define
Champagne on ice
Cuts my heart with a knife
Until my love flows for you
Fall into my arms
I will just say
With you I stay
Till my final day
Our favourite songs we will play
All through the night into the day
Memories of the past
No longer last
This is the start
Open your heart

1990 one of my first poems

Through the passage of time we live in another world
In another dream we believe our plans are now unfurled
We cannot touch what's not there for us to hold
Changing water into wine.. turning silver into gold..
Life can be so confusing.. and with no answers inaudible..
Emotions then take over for all to see uncontrollable..
When there are no words there are feelings that show
Private to us.. it's a part of us we don't want nobody to know

Yet when we lose someone close and we feel the pain
All the voices of condolences we hear bring more tears of rain
And life still becomes more confusing as every second ticks
And there is no way to reverse time and fix the things to fix
Clouded and blurred my words may seem to all that read
But for me it starts to heal the pain and scars.. 'it's what I need'
Just for now I will live in another world alone a place so serene
Till I feel the time is right for me.. to live another dream..


3/8/2005
Emotional Man is my poetry pen name on another website.

If love was like the wind
Always changing directions
Mysterious and unexplored
Adventures into new realms
Held captive in your heart
Your imagination explodes
Hand in hand shared thoughts
Love's an adventure for both
Often rocked by storms
To test faithfulness to extremes
To see who is true with love
And who will weather the storms
Staying together the prize
Of true eternal love from the soul

But alas not all survive the test
And true love is not always meant to be
Sometimes the damage is done
And nature takes its own cause
Separation and heartache is the recipe
That brings to an end, broken love
Bitter is the taste and hard to swallow
These changes bring new adventures
And new lives and relationships
But new adventures bring new challenges
Always changing direction
If love was like the wind

He played his Eko Ranger twelve string guitar
As he puffed away on his capstan cigars
Finger tips stained a colour of yellow
This placid man always remained mellow
Bob Dylan hits he would often play
All through the night and into the day

~~Bob Dylan Songs~~

“Don't think twice it's aright”
“I'll be your baby tonight”
“Subterranean homesick blues”
“Tonight I'll be staying here with you”

Often he would travel from Harwich to Liverpool
His mother lovingly prepared vegetarian food
Dedication to his family in so many ways
Committed forever, till his final day

But now in silence his guitar remains
No longer caressed in heaven he plays
In peace with god his songs he will choose
We didn't know it was you we would lose

It was so sudden, over all these years
We never knew we could lose someone so dear
The pain amplifies into the stars above
Our hearts will always be filled with your love

Always endearing memories will never leave
I hear your songs from within my heart I retrieve
One last goodbye sent to above and beyond
For one last time we play the goodnight song

Dedicated to my brother John who passed away 11th September 2008
Written 2009

In a childlike state of mind
Slowly my mother drifts
Her thoughts are hard to find
As the sands of time sift

With the loving mother that I once knew
In the hard times she saw me through
But now her mind drifts to something new
To a place where I can’t find “you”

I see a lost “you” with your childlike eyes
As you drift towards a dementia side
Not realising the pain you left behind
Soon the mother I will no longer find

In a childlike state of mind
Slowly my mother drifts
Her thoughts are hard to find
As the sands of time sift


Slowly losing you to dementia Mum I will always love you X

Freshly ground coffee beans scented in the air
Drilled workers wait for the train without a care
A clock ticks towards the nine o’clock start, the essence is time
Regimented to the days work everyone is primed
On the London underground, the rat race crushes on the train
Nobody utters a single word, in silence coldness remains
Ignorance is blind; society has made peoples visions blurred
And on each week day blinkered people live on undeterred

When I have visited London I really hated the place.

Always and forever you change just like the wind
Lost in your world with feelings I have sinned
Whispers of your love tease through the night
Awake in the morning you live in my daylight
Yearning to find the place where you might be
Solitude in this world I live, forever empty
Agonising emotions are with me all day
No tablet for relieve never going away
Drained emotionally my life on my own
Freezing winter winds chill to the bone
Only you can fulfil my true love’s destiny
Rekindle my soul’s love for an eternity
Enriching my heart with love to be filled
Visions in the past my hearts blood you spilled
Endless games with the feelings I have sinned
Realizing always you are invisible just like the wind


Title of the poem spelt down the spine of the verse.

At the graveside the grieving man knelt
Remembering the feelings that he felt
And in all the grief and all the pain
In this painful time on his knees he remained
Face to face they had never even met
But for a year they chatted on the internet

The tears flowed down from his eyes
Some would never understand or be surprised
How can this poor man have a broken heart
When in his life she has played no part
Although face to face they never even met
But for a year they chatted on the internet

Friendships blossom relationships grow
Where will they lead? Nobody knows
But this poor man's grief that's in his soul
Has opened up a gaping hole
Even though face to face they had never met
Once upon a time they chatted on the internet

2003

The darkness in her eyes
Hides fire that burns within
Tears will not prevail
Her anger is her sins

Festering in her thoughts
Gripped with bitterness
It hides her true identity
Of sensitive tenderness

Until she opens up her heart
And the tears begin to flow
She hides all her feelings
In a world no one knows

3/9/2015

My life has changed direction
Which way I do not know
Who can tell what happens
What tomorrows seeds will sow

My mind is playing tricks now
The changes I see unkind
She sees things no differently
The things I want too blind

She wastes away her final days
Sat rocking in her chair
Always fumbling with her hands
Her mind just doesn't care

Insanity strikes my thoughts
As each day comes and goes
The blank expression on her face
Is the only world she knows

My life has changed direction
Which way I do not know
Who can tell what happens
What tomorrows seeds will sow....

My mother has dementia. I will never leave her X

In a peaceful place to stay
Pen and paper in hand
Many hours would pass away
Sat on the golden sand

Random thoughts would often pass
Etched from mind to verse
A poem never finished
Writers block his dreaded curse

In a place of perfect beauty
Where symphonies of ideas are born
In the scent of foaming seas
In writers block he mourns

In a peaceful place to stay
Poetry his true love scorned
But still he seeks to find his way
Till a new love verse is born

~The poets pen ebbs and flows~
~Singing tender words of love that grows~

15th June 2011

Ground-hog Day has arrived once more
To breakdown my dreams scattered on the floor
Same old feelings into poetry I pour
Days when I sink like a stone

Chasing lost dreams till four in the morning
In pictures I keep memories, my souls does the hoarding
I walk in the daylight with my heart still in mourning
Days when I sink like a stone

I live my life to the same old tune
To the sun and rain and the midnight moon
I keep on smiling and repel the gloom
Days when I sink like a stone

Well after midnight my feelings in writing
Putting down words, in life I keep striving
Head above water just barely surviving
Days when I sink like a stone

Dear loved ones move on to another life
To begin again in a different light
Out of my reach and out of sight
My heart now sinks like a stone

Inspired by a Tears for Fears track called Ladybird
13/10/2012 last edit. Written 2007

He always said I love you
On each and every day
She wore it in her heart
Till one sunny day in May

She received a bunch of roses
From her loved one they came
He always bought her flowers
But she loved them all the same

She always loved him dearly
She could not live without
His trust and honesty
He was always so devout

But her phone began to ring
She then listened to the call
Her face turned an ashen white
As her world began to fall

Tears flowed from her eyes
She always loved him dearly
But now her lover had died
Emotions could be seen clearly

On this day he wore a jacket
His loved one bought him this
In the pocket there was a note
He had written with such bliss

I love you my sweetheart
You should always know this
I could not live without you
Or the sweetness of your kiss

But if one day I pass away
And leave my life behind
Just promise me you will live on
Sweet love you will surely find

I always want your happiness
To live through darker days
And in my prayers to our Lord
These words I always say

Look after my most precious
She has a heart of gold
But if one day we are apart
Don’t leave her feeling cold

Bring her warmth and care
Please don’t let her suffer
Find her someone once again
An honest trusting lover.

Inspired by George Michael song of the same name.

Heartfelt pain echoes through my soul
Lonely am I, sadness is my name
Colours combine to blur my life
Darkness surrounds me black is my colour

Reflecting in my prose my wounds I bare
The cross that I carry too heavy to share
Naked is my soul for those who stare
Blood seeps from my flesh no one to care

Shackled and bound imprisoned with pain
As death creeps upon me my fears remain
I am a faceless man with a nameless name
Covered in mist shrouded in shame

Only placed here through another man’s madness
I am a true depiction of life the ultimate sadness

The child inside has nowhere to hide
Blasts from the past and fairground rides
My only escape is to years gone by
Knee scrapes in school grounds tears I cried
In the past my heart lives where smiles are found
New romantics music are clearly my sound

The child inside are my only way
To escape from the life in this present day
Dreams of my childhood where memories exist
Sun kissed days and today no longer persists
Playing children games in the January snow
It's another world and nobody will know

The child inside where I slowly grew older
Till I reach today and everything's colder
Building den's in the past with close friends
For the love of a childhood I wished never ends
If only I could return forever, live in the past
The child inside where I remember I laughed

I wish I could return and leave today behind
All the scars would be gone from the child inside...

She dreams happier days may come her way
And prays that painful times will stay away
Her heart has been broken so many times
With her thoughts written in so many rhymes
To heal the pain her words are so real
But still the pain is there and it never heals

There’s a pain in her heart that never leaves
Cos the men in her past that she oh so grief’s
She only wanted to find the true love in her life
To have three children and be the loving wife
Play happy families and feel his love each day
And live in her dreams that love is always this way

But still her heart aches for her three wishes
That her lover takes her and drowns her in kisses
Makes her feel the most special girl there could be
Commits to her the rest of his life down on one knee

Cos she is dreaming her life without any lies
Wishing for a time with tomorrow in her eyes    
With no more pain and that she lives from the start
Committed to a future with no pain in her heart

Cos she is dreaming her life without any lies
Wishing for a time with tomorrow in her eyes
Where love lives forever and dreams never die
Wishing for a time with tomorrow in her eyes

~Past~
I remember the times when we first met
I couldn’t understand your childhood threats
Jekyll and Hyde your understanding was a mystery
Sometimes left me in tears with feelings of misery
Then I remember my darkest times in teenage years
I felt so lost in a world I never knew, tears for fears
You where there my friend as we slowly grew older
Always there when I carried burdens, with your shoulder

~Past~
In the later years of the past you had many different contrasts
Like the typical British weather the sunshine it never lasts
And tears where cried with a love that became broken
Always with your heart you laid your feelings open
And if it only happened once then that would be all
But twice in a lifetime caused more tears to fall
Life brings many twists and turns lots unexpected
But that's everyday life and nothing is perfect

~Present~
I suffered the lowest point in my life, you know well
My world took a different turn to the very edge of hell
But with each and everyday you where always there
In the hospital by my bedside you sat in the chair
Never leaving my side before this and after
When my whole life was completely shattered
So glad to have a friend like you for forty three years
So many ups and downs with laughter and tears

~Future~
I feel a lump in my throat with what's coming next
And I know it will break my heart to take this test
Saying goodbye to mum I feel the tears begin to swell
This time I will need you more than any words can tell
I have to let go a care home will be her final resting place
The guilt and pain I will feel for one last embrace
In the emptiness and silence of this three bedroom house
I will sit and pour my heart out in poetry quiet as a mouse
Writing and remembering my verse about my brother John
This one will be for my Mother another goodnight song
I can rest assured that you will be there my dear friend
As life continues it's turmoil that seems to never end.....

David Swinden 12/12/2014

She listened to the Saturday afternoon rain
Dreading her broken heart would remain
Her love was cast into the darkest of nights
Like a flower starved of nourishment with no light
The pain was true you could see it in her eyes
Trying to hide emotions her face couldn't disguise

Into her life walked a man with a different personality
Wanting to show her how true love should be
But she needed sometime she was scared it would be the same
Dreading her past emotional turmoil, herself she blamed
But his hands soothed her bringing her peace and serenity
And slowly with time, maybe true love she could see

She remembers her previous partner beat her with his fists
Now a real lover soothes her with the tenderest kiss
And all the scars and tears her previous had left behind
Now immersed in true love she thought she would never find
And after all the cheating and lies her previous partner would do
Now all she hears are words of undying love “I will always love you”

She needed his love and he cared honestly and sincerely
He could see the pain in her eyes and that she suffered deeply
He only wanted true love and to heal the pain she felt
And that eventually in his arms her heart would finally melt
He would wait forever healing the scars that remain
Together lovingly watching the Saturday afternoon rain

Happy endings do happen
24/11/14 David Swinden